i know i shouldn't be blogging more than once a day, but i just finished reading through my econs and it's made me wanna blog.
perhaps because i don't feel like talking online and i've had enough of blog surfing for one night, so it's time to put my fingers into exercise.

there's always the nostalgic, whimsical part of us that wishes we could go back to the past, or perhaps bring the feeling of the past into the future. and it's that unspoken longing, the conviction that those days were definitely better than today, and it's had us wishing and hoping and basically waiting like useless fools without actually feeling the real raw emotions.
of course there certainly are better days in the past, but certainly there are better days now or the future, and speaking or thinking like that is just the mindset of where the grass is greener on the other side, or simply us clamouring for the "good 'ol days".

its almost as though being in the present now and thinking about the future, has us thinking of the past without the inconveniences.
when we wish we are babies again because everything was simpler, did we stop to consider that as babies we had lost our freedom of choice?
when we wish we are in kindergarten surrounded by happy playmates without the politics of current friendships, did we stop to think that we did not have actual sense of judgement and analysis?
or simply when we wish we were back in secondary school where the work was easier, did we pause to consider that in actual fact, at that point of time work to us was hard, but it merely seems easier now cause we've been through it?

its a push pull for everything, a win some you lose some scenario.
and we've always had this secret longing for some aspect of the past that made us so happy that we failed to consider the pain it made us feel.
the fact that we've moved on, seems to erase the harsh pain that we'd actually felt, so much so that we only remember how happy it made us feel and how much we want it back.
and its only when we have it back, that the plain rude realities of it all slap us in the face and punch us in the gut, twisting our hearts and minds, and reminds us that however happy it made us feel in the past, it probably will never be the same now, or ever, and the pain that comes along with it will always be harsh.

happiness in its own form can never metamorphasize into an exact replica so that we feel exactly the same way.
each drop of happiness exists in its very own bubble.
for example, if you'd won a gold medal three years ago, and you win it again, is the feeling the same?
if you'd been with someone you loved dearly in the past, and now you've found someone new, is the feeling of euphoria the same?
it certainly isn't.

so much as we'd like to live in the isolated happiness of our past, it's impossible, because i've come to know that happiness is never the same.
because for ever ray of sunshine we get, a drop of water is being evaporated only to fall on our heads someday.