today proves that i am dumb.
the only paper that i actually worked for, and i'm going to fail.
perhaps thats why subconsciously i don't work so hard, so i'll have an excuse to fall back on. that if i don't do well, i can blame it on the grounds of having not worked hard.
but having worked hard, and not do well, is a hard pill to swallow.
and there's always the other justification for having not performed - carelessness.
i remember what my dad used to say.
if you're careless once, it's fine.
if you're careless ALL THE TIME, it's stupidity because you're plain oblivious to your mistakes.

it's so easy to put such justifications and solutions to intangible problems in words.
but applying it, that's another matter altogether.
i dont KNOW if i'm being careless. i don't know how to be extra careful.
when i think i'm being careful, i end up being careless.
and there's the other matter of studying hard, putting in your best.
that's rather relative isn't it?
i may think i've worked hard, but perhaps its not hard enough.
i may have worked hard in comparison to how much i've slacked before, but it's simply not the best.
but then again, what's the best?

jeezzers.
i need to shop.
and do the things that numb my mind to pressing issues or not so pressing issues.
and on another note, i think this term exam is a living proof of how i need to turn my life around.

eric: yesyes, nice to catch up today and you're right i almost did say i told you so except i went i knew it, because i wouldnt have said i told you so because i had no idea. but for some reason i had a gut feeling. except not in the way you described it because HELLO wrong chronological order. and other things that i'd say, yes. although some things i didn't say, liiiike, i'm a tad bit disappointed in you but knowing me i'll never say that to your face.