been reading a few things, thinking abit, seeing a little more, and struggling to put things into perspective.

being entrenched in such solid and unwavering culture does produce some adverse effects although i must say i am very grateful for the benefits.
it breeds self-absorption, superiority (the subtle, unconscious kind) and oblivion.

i'd reckon i never saw myself as entirely self-absorbed or superior or oblivious, but that's because man's the measure and it's all about the relative space around you.
i derived such assumptions about myself based on context and current circumstances.

so having read a few things, thought a bit more, saw a bit more, i have bred a certain level of conceitedness, superiority and oblivion that's buried in my subconsciousness.
because all my life i've been insulated by a culture, a culture that those around me have breathed and lived as well.
and it sets intangible standards and expectations right from the start.
so having spent a good ten years breathing and soaking in such culture, i've invariably subjected others to such standards and expectations.
and it didn't seem wrong, basically because everyone i'd talked, ate, worked with lived the same culture, met up with expectations, and have set these standards themselves!

so at the very back of my head, i knew there were other cultures. but it is very similar to knowing there is no oxygen in space, but yet it doesn't affect you because you're living on an earth full of oxygen and as those thoughts run through you, you are still living and breathing.

but now i'm beginning to realise that perhaps i've been so entrenched and absorbed in my own culture, encased in my own little bubble, that i've failed to notice the others.
and even if i do notice them, they've been alienated.
simply because i've been subjected to standards and expectations on social behaviour, and i've subjected others to these standards, that i unconsciously pass judgement and remarks on others.
and being so enclosed in my own comfort zone, it's going to take more than a huge shove to get me out.

but it's not completely extreme here.
i do realise that there are some people i don't know how to click and communicate with because of this difference, but i do perceive them to be nice people with really good hearts, and there are some which i think are universally annoying.
to a certain extent that is passing judgement, but all i'm saying is that this judgement is not guided by just the standards i've set up, but overall universal standards.
which means those that universally annoy, don't just annoy me, they annoy MANY OTHER PEOPLE.
but i digress.

the point i wanted to make is that, i want to shift out of my comfort zone. i want to try and make an effort.
i don't want to be some oblivious retard living in her own little world.

and first and foremost, it's got to start with my class.
being in 1AA1 brings out some really unnerving senses of deja vu periodically.
but in 1AA1, there's so much less grey area, and it's a little more distinct. which serves to be better somewhat, because i don't feel like i'm drifting in between.
yeah so having attempted to be abit more perceptive and understanding, i do think i can relate to some people in class.
of course there is evident mutual distrust, wariness, and preconceived notions of people, which hinders the getting-to-know.
but when it really boils down to the individual, i don't think we're that much different.

so although my brains are pw fried, having stayed up til 1.30 for four consecutive nights cramming hmwk and pw, i am grateful for pw.
like i said earlier, it has a keen and subtle way of linking people together.
forced by circumstances to produce willing friendships.

moving on to more trivial things, i have to say i love pe AGAIN.
floorball is getting increasingly better.
although everytime i play floorball, i've injured someone.
today it was mus. SORRY mus.

and the highlight of my day was when we were changing in the washroom. seeing the mep teacher leave the washroom made me think of something which i had to ask rage.

me: rage, how come you didn't take mep in JC?
rage (in the cubicle): (vehemently) because if i did, i'd have NO LIFE!
*mep teacher leaving the washroom looks stunned and her jaw drops*
me: erm rage, i think you'd better not say it so loud. the mep teacher is still here.
rage (rushing out of the cubicle): sorry sorry!
*mep teacher shakes her head and walks out chuckling*

so we walk out to see valerie wilson coming out of the room.
she gives us a sidelong glance and starts laughing.
rage: SHE KNOWS!

i thought it REALLY was quite funny.

mood went down after math lect and stayed down.
blaaaaaaah.
i need sleep terribly.