pms pangs have a very strange way of making my brain click on and off and my emotions tumble about like a rolling dice.
which probably accounts for why i'm having two blog entries in a night.
blog entry #1 for all the lovely or not so lovely happenings of the day.
and blog entry #2 for the time of reflection when the hustle and bustle of the day is over and i can actually listen to my brain speak.

jealousy's one powerful emotion. i think it has the capability to switch off and cancel out all preconceived perceptions of others and myself and change radically into something mean and nasty. of course perhaps it isn't a change, but more of something lying dormant in our hearts just waiting for jealousy to let loose its green eyed monsters and let them erupt.

and perhaps jealousy is closely linked to two contradicting factors: insecurity and arrogance.

insecurity.
we never feel good enough.
someone is always prettier, smarter, wittier, funnier, slimmer, sweeter and all the worldly gifts we'd like to possess.
but we can't.
there's a sense of self-hate revolving around in us, where we constantly berate ourselves for not being better, or for possessing characteristics that we feel is not up to standard or society cannot appreciate.
and this self-hate really eats into us, so much so we even start to envy good friends, wishing that their good fortune did not fall upon them.
its got alot to do with the entire if-i-can't-have-it-she/he-can't-have-it mentality.
and thats so self-centred.
which again leads to the other side or arrogance.
why are we jealous?
because we feel as though we're capable too? so why don't others see it in us, but see it in others?
its bitter resentment, because we don't feel as though we're lacking, but why is it others have it better than us?

humans are a walking mass of conflicts and i am no exception.
i don't like to myself as jealous, petty, possessive, competitive or any of these not nasty, but just unbecoming traits.
but it becomes evident when the prick in the heart starts to bleed all these clouded thoughts and sullen moods.
i don't know what's wrong with me really.
it's so easy to blame it on pms.
and that i will do :)