the usual dose of self-reflection has been fighting its way amidst the whirlwind of events, and i find myself whizzing from project to project with barely time for a moment of thought.
quite ironic since i'm here blogging, penning down my thoughts.

you know how when the hour of extreme hunger has passed without and you don't feel hungry anymore?
i think i have settled into that obliging state of mind, where any inkling of self-reflection is ignored simply because there are more tangible matters to attend to. and those fleeting thoughts are discarded away, only to come up again when a suitable occasion arises.
but the thought comes back fragmented and a little blurry.

bits and pieces of what i'm supposed to do with my present life and future has been flashing intermittenly through out the course of post-promo period.
perhaps not just the all important make-or-break jc grades and future career, but also my spiritual and social life.

before i went for camp, i was doing my QT and it was probably a period of lukewarm indirection.
i wasn't particularly anguished by any tidal problem but neither did i feel all was peachy and happy and the whole problem-free philosophy.
a few niggling problems i wanted to work my way around, a lack of confidence in myself, and doubt and confusion in God's plans.
so yes..

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods:
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
to Him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who by his understanding made the heavens
His love endures forever.
to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies,
His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

it was a much longer chunk, but the basis is HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!
and thinking about giving thanks to the Lord, i was reminded of Job. He never faltered even though almost his entire family and fortune was wiped out and he was plagued by diseases and sores and he continued to give thanks to God.
and that's probably how we're supposed to be designed, praising Him every minute and trusting in Him because He loves us so.

sometimes i don't understand why do some things work the way they do and i don't know how to trust completely, but HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER.
it was by his understanding that he made the heavens, and similarly, it is by His understanding that we see problems arising and we cannot comprehend why they are that way.

i was reading something about sheep and the shepherd and God has made references to us being sheep over two hundred times in the Bible!
and sheep are probably one of the dumbest animals on earth, and as unflattering a reference as it is to us, we are actually THAT dumb.
it's the abhorrence of our own vulnerability that we elevate ourselves to a status of self-presumed intelligence, sovereignty and control, but in fact what do we know?
we cannot see the future.
we cannot control external elements.
we look back on past events and berate our foolishness.
like sheep, we think we know where we're going, but do we?
we always inadvertantly fall into ravines and get ourselves into sticky situations. and it's then that we feel so vulnerable and can only bleat helplessly.

but He's always there. He's our shepherd.
by occupation, a shepherd always checks out the areas of possible greenery and drinking water before leading his sheep to them.
he KNOWS the place.
but we don't.

sometimes i think this whole idea of trusting and following leads to a misconception about blind acceptance.
if we made that mistake, OH, it was God's will. God is sovereign and He planned for that to happen, so we must be on the right track.
i think that's what many of us tend to think. this blind acceptance of circumstances.
but we forget God gave us the freedom of choice.
He gives us the freedom to decide what we want.
He has a perfect plan for us, but it's up to us if we choose the long route or the short route.
mistakes are mirrors to our folly, and through mistakes, we're supposed to realise and repent.

i can go on indefinitely because i think i am branching out on many ideas and so on and so forth and i am running out of words.
basically, all i want to say is that we should all learn to trust in Him, for His love endures forever.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.