my save money plan hasn't been progressing very well because i seem to find myself perpetually broke and hungry all the time.
and my coin fund is depleting at an alarming rate.
it used to be full.
now it's.. barely full.
and because i'm starving most of the time, i have been reduced to a leftovers scavenger.
even for my standards (i'm normally a scavenger, not a leftovers scavenger), i think that's pretty low.
sopping up laura and mich's leftover noodle's and tearing at raj's leftover prata is NOT a pretty sight.
i must have abit more self-respect!
after having not blogged for ages i feel blog-reticient.
but i guess what i wanna say is a very integral part of my life, and more so this week, is God.
i was having a pretty damn awful week (and last week) and running a short fuse.
i was very, and i mean, very frustrated.
and tired.
and earlier in the last week i'd come across this really brilliant verse and i really felt God speaking to me.
"Now, the Lord be with you, and may you have success and build the hosue of the Lord your God, as he said you would. May the Lord give you discretion and understanding when He puts you in command, so that you may keep the law of the Lord your God. Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the Lord gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged." 1 Chronicles 22:11-13
and i felt empowered for like.. a day.
or maybe two.
and then the exhaustion poured in all over again coupled with external things to set me off and i truly felt like throwing in the towel and hibernating in bed.
anyway sunday's small group session was learning how to hear God and i admit i am VERY bad at this.
and i get very frustrated when i can't seem to get direct advice from Him.
i feel like i'm talking to nobody.
and even though a relationship with God is supposed to be spiritual, i realised it actually is quite technical in a sense.
and i guess most people have the misconception that a relationship with God is supposed to be a universal friendship with universal methods.
i mean because to most people technique makes them feel like they're cramping their style.
but i learnt that to listen to God, you have to be really quiet.
there's so much emphasis on prayer i.e. talking.
and so sometimes when we pray to Him we just talk and talk and talk and pray and pray and pray and say see! i am having a relationship with God. i prayed. what am i doing wrong? i prayed! but why doesn't God answer my prayer?
you know how before mass prayer, someone always tells you to quieten your heart?
well i've heard it so often it kind of became a catch phrase, the right thing to say before a prayer.
sort of like oh let's bow our heads and pray, or in Jesus most precious name we pray Amen.
and after years of being a Christian, i finally know what quieten your heart really means.
and it literally means that.
quieten your heart.
when i blanked out (well not really blanked out, but you get what i mean clearing my head of niggling problems) and just kept really quiet at the end of my prayer i felt this sudden peace.
and i didn't get any answers from God.
except the words "Rest, shumin, rest" reverberating in my head.
and, i kid you not, it didn't sound like my voice.
and i felt really good, like i was going to doze off.
well not doze off, as in slip into slumber, but the feeling you get when you're relaxed.
you know, just before you really fall asleep and you're all snuggled up in bed?
and i kept wondering am i supposed to end my prayer now?
because i couldn't possibly just sit there with my head hanging low and 'rest' the whole while right?
and everytime those thoughts entered my head, the same old voice went "no it's okay. JUST REST."
and okay so i did.
and when i said Amen, i really felt rejuvenated!
and so yasmine later told me that in her own quiet time with God (she was praying for me before that), she felt God telling her that i should obey.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"
Isaiah 30:21
and for a moment i was a little confused because obedience never really pushed itself into the picture.
and so at the beginning of the week, i felt the strain of external events and my own frustrations taking its toll on me.
and, ahah!
i was doing my quiet time and look what i came across.
"Is not the Lord your God with you? And has he not granted you rest on every side?... Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord your God."
1 Chronicles 22:18-19
and guess what my devotional book was on?
OBEDIENCE TO THE TRUTH OF THE WORDDDDD!
and everything started to fall into place.
i thought i was seeking God.
i wasn't.
i was seeking a solution, an escape to my problems.
but then i realised there is no solution, no escape, to my problems because that was the postion, the role, the place that God put me in.
i didn't like it because it went against my way and i wanted out.
which was why even though i felt empowered by little snippets of verses that i read, it only lasted for that teensy little bit of time because i saw it as a way out.
and i finally saw where obedience came in.
i had to obey Him, the role that He put me in.
anyway i accepted it and i tried pushing myself and you know what?
it actually wasn't that bad!
i felt pretty good actually :)
and because i sought Him before i embarked on my quest of obedience (it was really quite hard, trust me, i wanted to just give up and it was so easy because.. well i was practically on the verge of) and in the end, it turned out pretty well.
and thinking about it, yes, God has granted me rest!
but because of my stupidity and disobedience (i just kept fighting God you see, that wore me out), i found no rest.
and so what i wanna say is basically, after your prayer, before you say Amen, just be quiet before God and just enjoy being in His presence!
i mean imagine if God was a friend in flesh and you just kept talking and never kept quiet to hear what they had to say, it would be pretty annoying.
so yes, just be quiet before Him and enjoy his presence!
and after you've heard Him (be it His voice in your head, verses in the Bible, advice from friends who have sought Him, etc), remember to obey!
because..
to be happy in Jesus..
is to trust and obey!
:)
and my coin fund is depleting at an alarming rate.
it used to be full.
now it's.. barely full.
and because i'm starving most of the time, i have been reduced to a leftovers scavenger.
even for my standards (i'm normally a scavenger, not a leftovers scavenger), i think that's pretty low.
sopping up laura and mich's leftover noodle's and tearing at raj's leftover prata is NOT a pretty sight.
i must have abit more self-respect!
after having not blogged for ages i feel blog-reticient.
but i guess what i wanna say is a very integral part of my life, and more so this week, is God.
i was having a pretty damn awful week (and last week) and running a short fuse.
i was very, and i mean, very frustrated.
and tired.
and earlier in the last week i'd come across this really brilliant verse and i really felt God speaking to me.
"Now, the Lord be with you, and may you have success and build the hosue of the Lord your God, as he said you would. May the Lord give you discretion and understanding when He puts you in command, so that you may keep the law of the Lord your God. Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the Lord gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged." 1 Chronicles 22:11-13
and i felt empowered for like.. a day.
or maybe two.
and then the exhaustion poured in all over again coupled with external things to set me off and i truly felt like throwing in the towel and hibernating in bed.
anyway sunday's small group session was learning how to hear God and i admit i am VERY bad at this.
and i get very frustrated when i can't seem to get direct advice from Him.
i feel like i'm talking to nobody.
and even though a relationship with God is supposed to be spiritual, i realised it actually is quite technical in a sense.
and i guess most people have the misconception that a relationship with God is supposed to be a universal friendship with universal methods.
i mean because to most people technique makes them feel like they're cramping their style.
but i learnt that to listen to God, you have to be really quiet.
there's so much emphasis on prayer i.e. talking.
and so sometimes when we pray to Him we just talk and talk and talk and pray and pray and pray and say see! i am having a relationship with God. i prayed. what am i doing wrong? i prayed! but why doesn't God answer my prayer?
you know how before mass prayer, someone always tells you to quieten your heart?
well i've heard it so often it kind of became a catch phrase, the right thing to say before a prayer.
sort of like oh let's bow our heads and pray, or in Jesus most precious name we pray Amen.
and after years of being a Christian, i finally know what quieten your heart really means.
and it literally means that.
quieten your heart.
when i blanked out (well not really blanked out, but you get what i mean clearing my head of niggling problems) and just kept really quiet at the end of my prayer i felt this sudden peace.
and i didn't get any answers from God.
except the words "Rest, shumin, rest" reverberating in my head.
and, i kid you not, it didn't sound like my voice.
and i felt really good, like i was going to doze off.
well not doze off, as in slip into slumber, but the feeling you get when you're relaxed.
you know, just before you really fall asleep and you're all snuggled up in bed?
and i kept wondering am i supposed to end my prayer now?
because i couldn't possibly just sit there with my head hanging low and 'rest' the whole while right?
and everytime those thoughts entered my head, the same old voice went "no it's okay. JUST REST."
and okay so i did.
and when i said Amen, i really felt rejuvenated!
and so yasmine later told me that in her own quiet time with God (she was praying for me before that), she felt God telling her that i should obey.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"
Isaiah 30:21
and for a moment i was a little confused because obedience never really pushed itself into the picture.
and so at the beginning of the week, i felt the strain of external events and my own frustrations taking its toll on me.
and, ahah!
i was doing my quiet time and look what i came across.
"Is not the Lord your God with you? And has he not granted you rest on every side?... Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord your God."
1 Chronicles 22:18-19
and guess what my devotional book was on?
OBEDIENCE TO THE TRUTH OF THE WORDDDDD!
and everything started to fall into place.
i thought i was seeking God.
i wasn't.
i was seeking a solution, an escape to my problems.
but then i realised there is no solution, no escape, to my problems because that was the postion, the role, the place that God put me in.
i didn't like it because it went against my way and i wanted out.
which was why even though i felt empowered by little snippets of verses that i read, it only lasted for that teensy little bit of time because i saw it as a way out.
and i finally saw where obedience came in.
i had to obey Him, the role that He put me in.
anyway i accepted it and i tried pushing myself and you know what?
it actually wasn't that bad!
i felt pretty good actually :)
and because i sought Him before i embarked on my quest of obedience (it was really quite hard, trust me, i wanted to just give up and it was so easy because.. well i was practically on the verge of) and in the end, it turned out pretty well.
and thinking about it, yes, God has granted me rest!
but because of my stupidity and disobedience (i just kept fighting God you see, that wore me out), i found no rest.
and so what i wanna say is basically, after your prayer, before you say Amen, just be quiet before God and just enjoy being in His presence!
i mean imagine if God was a friend in flesh and you just kept talking and never kept quiet to hear what they had to say, it would be pretty annoying.
so yes, just be quiet before Him and enjoy his presence!
and after you've heard Him (be it His voice in your head, verses in the Bible, advice from friends who have sought Him, etc), remember to obey!
because..
to be happy in Jesus..
is to trust and obey!
:)
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