my inner auntie-ness again was brought out in full bloom yesterday but let's just say i am proud to be an inner-auntie.
usual weekly coffeclub/nydc lunch with the AAgirls was very good although after that when i was going to meet my mom something very strange happened.

man: you're from acjc right?
me: err yah
man: is there a lecturer called miss tan?
me: huh which miss tan?
man: oh haha i'm just joking. okay if you look over there, you'll see a camera and if you look over there, you'll see another camera. haha you're on Gotcha!
me: huh what?!
man: oh i'm just joking again. so sorry actually i wanted to tell you about a fundraising project for those who've been in jail before and are struggling to stand on their own two feet. (takes out paper, leaflets whatever)
me: ohh.. i'd really love to donate but i dont have enough money (one of those things cost 10bucks)
man: oh thats okay. (peering at my badge) hey squash captain! hello squash captain i used to be rugby captain!
me: err..
man: haha okay bye squash captain!

it was the strangest exchange i've had with a stranger and i honestly wanted to donate but i only had 25cents in my pocket.
lately, i've been having strong urges to do my bit for society and feeling like a caring, sharing individual.
because recently, i've been feeling so ashamed for always putting myself above others, not sparing a thought for the less-fortunate, not loving enough, and not moving out of my comfort zone to do good for God.
the last one is really hard for me.
you know how thoughts which are never put into action merely stay as insubstantial fantasies?
well my desire to WANT to move out of my comfort zone is hanging like an insubstantial fantasy.
i don't even have a desire to move out of my comfort zone.
it's a desire to WANT to move out of my comfort zone.
how pathetic is that really?
:(

anyway there's quite abit of animosity and hypocrisy i've been oblivious to and now i feel as though my eyes have been opened a little bit more.
i'd still like to keep by the old stance of giving people the benefit of the doubt, becuase most of the time i think people are misunderstood except for the unfortunate few who are very clearly understood to be mean people.
but then again that's an unfair judgement because everyone possesses a mean streak in them, just some in greater portions.
just makes me abit wary of some people and the consequences of what i may potentially say.

but nevertheless a little hypocrisy and animosity makes the world go round.
if we extract the good bits from there.
like learning how to discern sincerity and insincerity.
knowing who the true friends are.
building ourselves up from criticism (by this i don't mean numbing to criticism but actually taking the truth from the meaness and moulding it to make us a better person. at the same time, i don't encourage over-sensitivity)
but despite scrabbling desperately to find the silver lining in the clouds of animosity and hypocrisy, i still say LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.

love for the family
love for friends
love for partners
love for enemies
love for brothers and sisters in Christ.
love for non-believers.
and most of all love for God.