triple free periods were wasted doing.. nothing.
absolutely nothing.
i didn't even engage in exciting conversation.
i wasn't even THINKING.
i sat down with nigel's ipod, plugged the earphones in my ears, mindlessly and tunelessly sang a few songs and.. oh yes i ATE.
two LONG and immensely free hours, filled with the possibility of doing something productive (i brought my numerical methods notes and macro economics notes to review), and i did NOTHING!!!!!!!

i am so ashamed of myself :(

i am feeling increasingly stupid during lit lessons.
i feel like i dont deserve to be in the arts faculty.
everytime the teacher goes, have you read the book called ____ (insert title of book)? have you heard of this poem? all i can do is shake my head dumbly.
and when he asks these questions on poems or narratives, i simply cannot think of a decent answer.
and all my answers sound so grossly inadequate.
i need a reading list ASAP.
i need to update myself on current affairs ASAP.
i need to absorb knowledge AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

gp today had to be the best lesson ever.
i was preparing myself for a two period nap during gp because we were going to watch videos and i most often than not always fall asleep.
AND gp was the last two periods.

anyway so we were watching these videos on reality tv and the Wonderland Club (which i think is horrific and downright perverted).
and i am so intrigued but yet appalled at how reality tv works.
i always had a rough idea, but when we're seated down in front of the television, watching what we call reality tv and soaking up the entertainment, we never really consider how it is crafted.
and thinking about all the shows we watch, Temptation Island, Joe Millionaire and even the seemingly harmless Amazing Race, is all that entertainment worth how it affects the lives of those put on national tv?
i admit i do like watching them, because of the raw excitement, the idea of the unedited and reactions that aren't pre-written (which is quite ironic really), but when i think about the lives that have been turned upside down, all that isn't necessary is it?

the concept of Temptation Island is to throw a whole bunch of couples together surrounded by hot singles perpetually clad in bikinis and beach shorts most of the time to see if their relationship can withstand the temptation.
the basic message they're telling you is: look at these people, we throw them together, and it is their choice, their infidelity.
it's not really the case is it?
the trips and dates they offer the taken man/woman and their single date are massages where both are stripped down to nothing wrapped in nothing but a towel or holidays for two complete with a single bouncy bed and jacuzzi tubs.
in a sense, they're pushing them into such a circumstance.
and when couples break up, the underlying message is, oh they simply couldn't take it. they are such a weak couple.
and the blame is pushed on the unfaithful one and relationships are broken.

and when you ship the entire thing back into real life (when you're not a beach resort with feathery palm trees and aromatic oils and treated like royalty but BACK TO REAL LIFE. lousy job, bills to pay, REAL LIFE basically), everything changes.

and there's always the unspoken, the nitty gritty that the viewers don't know.
i once read a book on a woman who created her own fly-on-the-wall programme and basically how they coaxed people on their show was to lie to them.
tell them they were on the show for this reason, when the real aim was to embarrass and humiliate.

i admit i do watch reality tv shows and i enjoy them, but i can honestly live quite happily without watching them.
i don't think all that pain and humiliation inflicted is worth it.

and on to the Wonderland Club, I AM SIMPLY DISGUSTED AND APPALLED AND HORRIFIED AND I HAVE NO MORE WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL.
there's always that article i read in the newspaper some years back about a man who raped a 9 month old baby and the poor innocent baby died because the man's penis crushed all her internal organs.
and i think that is absolutely sick.
it is downright perverted and sick and..
i feel sick thinking about how sick it is.

okay enough rantings about gp videos.