i was thinking about a whole bunch of things today in no particular order.
hurhur, maybe that's what they call stream of consciousness.

so i was thinking about the decisions that have been made for us.
for the sake of strong sentiments, shall not mention what.
must admit, was abit disappointed.
such a stark change from my former self.
active, and err.. basically active. and i always prided myself on determination and zest.
anyway i'm on a low for all three.

and then i was thinking about the changes that have happened in a short span of a couple of weeks.
it seems so long, but yet i know in real physical time, it's short.
it didn't seem too long ago that things were sort of okay.
and now i'm on the edge of a precipice.
was flipping through my organiser today.
and watched how the chain of events have turned quite fluidly.
i'm still fairly amazed at how short the time span actually is.

and then i was reading something earlier and i was instantly reminded of someone.
someone i think about now and then.
quite unfrequently, but with a pinch of nostalgia and the usual what ifs.
and i wonder if there have been any changes.
actually, i don't wonder, i know.
but just wonder what they are.
and how it used to feel like it revolved around me but now there's another centre of revolution.
it's always nice to know it's you.
but then if it's not, it's still all good.

and then somehow in between the chain of random thoughts, all three kind of weaved themselves together.
because thinking about it, they are all linked in some sense.
not directly, but indirect association.

and even though i expected myself to feel sad (heh heh self-indulgence), i didn't at all.
it was just a drawn back perspective and a tad wistful.

and i saw kasster today!
i seriously wondered where he died to.
but it's good to know he's alive and kicking.

i have a sudden urge to see all the people i haven't seen in ages.
primary school friends like annabelle
the squashies cheryl liz drea stella (even though i've seen stella but i better put her name down just in case)
MR LOH! i know this sounds crazy but i suddenly miss having a squashteacherincharge like him. he was funny.
and erm mr kok? i wonder if he remembers me. i'm nostalgic for aprime.
joan. but i know she's coming back real soon.
and pq whom i haven't spoken to in a really long time.

i think there's always this regret that you didn't try hard enough or things simply didn't work out.
and subconsciously, even though you know it's not within your control, you sometimes wonder what you could have done to prevent it.

growing older is a very scary thing.