my day today abided Murphy's Law; weeell, to a certain extent.
and it was enough to turn me into a certified grump for the rest of the day.

- forgot to bring my wallet AND phone to school :( i felt crippled and lost.
- was late for school
- forgot to bring my forex notes for econs
- ABANDONMENT by my favseatbuddy soozie..
- i lost my freeagggggggin water bottle. it wasn't even 3 months old.

so anyway, based on the series of unfortunate events in the morning, i was bracing myself all day to get picked on either in prince's class or tancc's class.
because it's the only natural way for a bad day to go!
but then.. i didn't :)
hurhurhur.

it must be the weather or something, because i cannot stop eating.
even when i'm not hungry, i feel compelled to pour something warm down my throat because i'm freezing.
and throughout the course of the day, i cannot stop snacking.
it doesn't help that my kitchen is currently very well-stocked and the canteen has started selling kitkats these past few weeks.
there's nothing a kitkat can't cheer up!

there seems to be a loss of direction lately.
i'm usually pretty sure of where i want to go and why is it i do the things i do, but lately, i've been feeling just a little aimless.
and empty.

and i wonder if my life is more than this.
sometimes i think i've forgotten what it's like to smile a real smile and laugh a real laugh and live a real life.
i'm just breathing, walking and talking everyday, but i don't feel as though i'm living.
it's almost as if i'm biding my time, waiting and waiting.
for what?
good question, i'm not too sure myself; maybe for life to turn around.
clinging on to shreds of hope and the subconscious optimism that there are better things out there.

as we grow older, we become just that little bit more cynical.
and the irony of growing older is that as we step out into the big world, our lives shrink and close up.
when we were young, life was full of possibilities.
but the older we get, it seems as though time is slowly maxing out the possibilities of our lives.

lately, there seems to be no outlet for release.
and i always did.
i always had a medium of some sort, a friend to pour an insignificantly significant woe to, something or someone to make me feel like it'd be all right.
but now, i feel choked.
there's so much i don't end up saying, there's so much i'm ignoring, there's so much i choose not to think, but it's in there, rotting and festering and choking me up.

you know how when you don't think about things, they remain a crumpled jumbled mess, so there's nothing glaring at you?
well, that's exactly what i'm doing.

and it's gotten too murky for me to find my way through.