when the birds are squacking and the sun is casting a dim glow through the curtains of your room, you're supposed to be completely oblivious to it because you're meant to be fast asleep under the covers.
but how do I know that the birds were squacking and the sun was casting a dim glow through the curtains of my room?
because at 6.30am, I was still wide awake, completely exhausted and had done absolutely nothing for the last four hours.

so seven hours of sleep later, my eyes still feel bleary and tired, but my mind is restlessly awake.

and I came across something during those four restless hours.
it was something I wrote quite some time ago in an email.

ohwell yeah, it seems so weird to grow up and i just can't imagine myself grown up.
i'm not talking bout ten, twenty years but much closer like say five.
being in my early twenties.
i can't even imagine that.
and it's really not that faraway.
and i start to wonder will all my friends still be my closest buddies or will i feel as though i'm drifting somewhere between?

somehow i can't help but feel that as we enter the new phase of our lives we're gonna drift.
and as we enter yet another new phase, where we work and stuff, you and i will really drift.
because now, it's so easy to still communicate and feel in touch with each other cause our lives still centre around school and sport and friends.
but in the future, our centre focus will change, plus distances apart, work schedules, EVERYTHING is a liability.

when I wrote that at that point of time, it was me merely voicing out fears that had no grounds.
but now when I look back at what I wrote, I find that it is scarily true.
and what scares me even more is that when I wrote that, I had the new phase of working life in mind; and right now, we are quite some years away from that, but it is happening already.

sometimes I feel as though I need to do all I can to strengthen all the bonds with my family and friends because even as I make new friends, I don't want to lose my oldest, bestest friends who have known me for all my peculiar complexities and seen me change and grow up.

when I'm old and greying with half a leg in the grave, I want to know that during all those years of my life, I have spent it with my closest friends sharing their ups and downs and watching them change and mature and grow up some more, together.

cause that's what friends are for