There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I konw that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil - this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
- Ecclesiates 3:1-17

Slowly settling into the insouciant lifestyle of home has dangled me along the halfway mark.
Not just in any particular area, but almost every aspect of my life seems to suspend on a thread.
So much so that I feel as though I'm merely slipping in and out consciousness, spacing out and struggling to survive the emotions as I wade through the motions.
I've always gone through phases where
1) I struggle and I can actually feel the taut lines stringing across my chest and shooting through every inch of my body,
2) feel very blessed and float through my life in a beaming glowing bubble, or
3) I've reached some form of jaded equilibrium where my conscious body doesn't struggle but the subconscious does and I plod through the days, suddenly finding myself feeling tired, confused, heavy and well... a numbing ache. And all this is followed by sudden inspired epiphanies before dipping into an inert dissatisfaction and then climbing up and the whole cycle repeats itself in a very jaded fashion.

So for the past half year and first six (seven?) days of this year, I think I've trudged through phase 3 in various forms of renewed perspectives, displeasure, confusion and the like.
And today, as I was thinking of everything I know, realised, wished, didn't wish, wanted, needed, I felt caught in between, smack in the middle of no man's land.
I felt very yucky indeed :(

But then just at that moment God laid His very comforting hand on me and reminded me about how there is a time for everything.
It was a brief moment of respite, but then it didn't actually hit me right smack in the head until I decided to open my bible and read that whole chunk and another thing that blew me away right again was that of eternity!
For most of the time, I'd always seen how God had answered some specific questions or related to a specific situation in my life at that particular point in time but never at a grander level, but then I realised today maybe I'd just been blind.
Ha ha, because I was reading through the entries of my journal and I could practically see a weaving guiding path in the way of His encouragement and it was such an Ohmygosh, OF COURSE! moment.

And so maybe now is the time to search and to give up, a time to keep and throw away.

A time to claim on His promises, a time to trust, a time to obey because everything He does will endure :)