You know, I'm actually feeling quite disgusted.
Like a til-I-wanna-throw-up kind of disgusted.
It's even giving me nightmares and I'm absolutely recoiling at the fact that... it is a fact and I only wish it were fiction and can relegate it into oblivious non-existence.
I feel like shooting my mouth off and speaking my mind and letting it all tumble out in verbal wastage, OUT OF MY SYSTEM.
YUCK YUCK YUCK.

YUCK.
In Jesus' name, AWAY FROM ME.

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(edit)

Was praying and reading the bible earlier, feeling absolutely crap with the bile rising to my throat, and God showed me in the book of John the death of Jesus:


"Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."
- John 19:28-30

And then reading on to Jesus' resurrection and when He appeared to His disciples, he told them, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you... Receive the Holy Spirit."


And reading further on in John 21:15-17, it says:

"When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes Lord, you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my sheep."


I really thank God for revealing His word and His forgiveness to me.
It was a reminder that sometimes, even though we know that our sins have been forgiven through the blood of Jesus Christ, we let unworthiness and fear and uncertainty seep into us.
Especially when we come into the presence of God, we feel fear and rejection and we need His encouragement: PEACE BE WITH YOU!

And I just thank God for his revelation of His forgiveness and grace also through Peter, the one who rejected Jesus three times, but Jesus reinstated in the end.
Many times, we reject Jesus through our actions and we feel such remorse and come before Him to repent and we desperately cry out to Him that we love Him over and over feeling the need to cry out because we're afraid He wouldn't forgive us, forgetting that "It is finished"!
That not only are our sins forgiven and we can come to God in repentance, but that we can move on in our new lives and carry out the work and plan that God has prepared.

I was praying earnestly the last few days for new convictions of His love, because I felt like I was drying out and I wanted to be convicted of His love again because God is love and our continual source of strength.
And I thank God for this because truly, this is the LOVE OF GOD!
That He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross, that our sins may be forgiven and we always come to Him in repentance as He cleans up our lives and builds us up and showers us with His love and blessings.

CHRISTMAS - to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the greatest gift of love.