My hair is freshly washed and I feel clean, but it feels like there's an awkward little bubble of air lodged uncomfortably in my air passages; I want to belch out loud in the most unbecoming, un-ladylike way but I can't and it's annoying.
My dad's been trying to get me the earlier flight back to Brisbane because uni starts on the 23rd and I am going back at a very overdue date of 25th, but everything's held in limbo: waiting lists, checkbacks and whatnot, and it's making me broil with impatience! Simply because I can't make any concrete plans and I want to make sure I've time to buy myself some lovely shoes and spend time with lovely people.
I've never really liked uncertainty, and lately everything seems caked with this vague, ambiguous word that lends no meaning but yet says everything I cannot possibly carve out in coherence. Yikeees.
I think all this pent up anxiety is stemmed from the very trifle fact that I do not know when I'm flying back and err well.. other things I suppose, the usual humdrum: dismal grades, foggy future, the ephemeral transience ... .. .. ...................... ..
ANYWAY, the best part is, even though I worry a little, I know I don't have to worry at all.
I remember during YM camp last year, Stella was talking about how if we believe the Bible to be the true word of God, and if it says "Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life..." (Matthew 5:25 -), then it means we really have nothing to worry about at all! And it's as simple as that.
When I was younger, I used to translate that as immediate material blessings: lots and lots of good friends, good grades, lots of pocket money, etc.
And maybe even now, I subconsciously do, and without all that physical, tangible things present before my eyes, I start to worry.
I was reading Daniel 3 the other day, the bit where King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold and commanded that all had to bow to this idol, and if anyone didn't, he'd be thrown into the fiery furnace.
What struck my heart the most was when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego said to the king, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
I was simply blown away by those very words, because what great faith and trust they had in our Lord!
That no matter what, they knew God in all his awesome sovereignty was in control and had nothing to fear because they were right before the Lord.
I think one thing I grappled so much with this holiday that I'm back was the certainty of things, or uncertainty of things, more like.
The rearranged parameters, the struggle to die to myself, the fight to cling on to familiarity.
But like it says in Philippians 3: 7-9, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everythign a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of konwing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ, and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
I felt this verse being reaffirmed, and spelt out so eloquently in Desiring God (John Piper) when he'd quoted the works of C.S Lewis:
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
By that great faith that we have in Jesus Christ, I pray that my heart will be changed continually as I learn to lay down my life for Him with joy and gladness!
My dad's been trying to get me the earlier flight back to Brisbane because uni starts on the 23rd and I am going back at a very overdue date of 25th, but everything's held in limbo: waiting lists, checkbacks and whatnot, and it's making me broil with impatience! Simply because I can't make any concrete plans and I want to make sure I've time to buy myself some lovely shoes and spend time with lovely people.
I've never really liked uncertainty, and lately everything seems caked with this vague, ambiguous word that lends no meaning but yet says everything I cannot possibly carve out in coherence. Yikeees.
I think all this pent up anxiety is stemmed from the very trifle fact that I do not know when I'm flying back and err well.. other things I suppose, the usual humdrum: dismal grades, foggy future, the ephemeral transience ... .. .. ...................... ..
ANYWAY, the best part is, even though I worry a little, I know I don't have to worry at all.
I remember during YM camp last year, Stella was talking about how if we believe the Bible to be the true word of God, and if it says "Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life..." (Matthew 5:25 -), then it means we really have nothing to worry about at all! And it's as simple as that.
When I was younger, I used to translate that as immediate material blessings: lots and lots of good friends, good grades, lots of pocket money, etc.
And maybe even now, I subconsciously do, and without all that physical, tangible things present before my eyes, I start to worry.
I was reading Daniel 3 the other day, the bit where King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold and commanded that all had to bow to this idol, and if anyone didn't, he'd be thrown into the fiery furnace.
What struck my heart the most was when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego said to the king, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
I was simply blown away by those very words, because what great faith and trust they had in our Lord!
That no matter what, they knew God in all his awesome sovereignty was in control and had nothing to fear because they were right before the Lord.
I think one thing I grappled so much with this holiday that I'm back was the certainty of things, or uncertainty of things, more like.
The rearranged parameters, the struggle to die to myself, the fight to cling on to familiarity.
But like it says in Philippians 3: 7-9, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everythign a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of konwing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ, and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
I felt this verse being reaffirmed, and spelt out so eloquently in Desiring God (John Piper) when he'd quoted the works of C.S Lewis:
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
By that great faith that we have in Jesus Christ, I pray that my heart will be changed continually as I learn to lay down my life for Him with joy and gladness!
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