i am stressed, overwhelmed, grumpy, lazy, bored, ZZZZZZ, tired, sad, pmsey, sian, mad, loopy, as;dlkfj;askldjf;alksdjf;lkadj and very very stressed.
to the point where i just want to...

sit down.

and stay online.

and eat.

and use my colour pencils.

and wait for something exciting to enter my life.


been feeling quite useful of late; a different, odd sort of useful.
i've been ushered into the position of aunt agony yet again, and albeit it feels nice to know you're trusted and give sound advice, it's quite unnerving.

but, i love helping people.

and it's amazing the way God has been using me to help people!
the way He's pulled back his lovely babies into His arms!
and it's so exhilarating knowing that the words that came out of your mouth were God-spoken and God-breathed and He actually used you to say all those words to help someone!

on friday, i'd meant to study after school, but i ended up playing squash (and i lost! micheeto and i lost to the SAboyz!) and going for Festival of Praise after.
indeed, it was so so amazing and wonderful to see thouusands of people worshipping and praising God!
and you know, i was thinking to myself, no singer or band could draw that many people and many more queuing outside.

I woke up at an unearthly 7am on saturday to go for an econs mock exam.
study camp at sooz's after and even though i spent two hours napping, i didn't feel like i'd wasted my time because i was so exhaaausted.
a four-hour sleep is not healthy at all.

i'm starting to love our weekly saturday studycamps.
productivity, being surrounded by girlfriends, neverending supply of good food; two thumbs and big toes up!
plus, we always exercise because after the huge dinner we go for long walks.
and sue is superb and concocting drinks.
her juices, milkshakes are all F to the AB!

and i was talking to my mom and the girlfriends as well, and looking back, i think i've made a few mistakes in my life.
some mistakes are irrevocable, some worse than others, some i regret and some i don't.

i regret not treasuring the things that i thought wouldn't give me happiness but could.
i regret being misguided and entering into things that have only burnt me.
i regret being a blind fool.
i regret being too idealistic.
and sometimes i wonder if i regret knowing the people i know.

when we're younger, we carve out dreams for our future.
a dream partner, a dream job, a dream self, a dream life.
and we set ourselves up for those expectations, constantly waiting and seeking for those dreams to be fulfilled.

certain people and things enter our lives at different points in time, some we eagerly take up and some we brush aside, simply because of what we think we need and want at that moment.
but as we grow through our disappointments and joys, and our expectations change and dreams wilt just that little bit, we look back and regret the things we let go of and regret that things couldn't have been the way we wanted them to be.

i look back and i look back two ways.
i regret the things i didn't pick up.
and i regret the things i didn't do when i picked it up.
two very different choices and routes that contradict each other, but both i wish had materialised.

ohwell, but we live and we learn..

:)