is it contradictory to hold on and let go at the same time?
lately, i've been feeling liberated but attached all at once.
and i've also been feeling _ _ _ _ _ _ for some reason.

stagnation has to be one of the most awful things ever because it's hanging in limbo.
it's never bad enough for you to claw your way out of it but neither is it good enough for you to feel happy about life.

the irony of the frantic mugging is that i seem to have more time to think and muse to myself.
or maybe, my brain juices flow faster.
or maybe my life is reduced to boring nothingness so i've more time to delve into randomness.

i was thinking of all the things i wanted to do/accomplish after A levels.
and i had these huge visions of painting scrap pieces in my room and developing my erm.. more creative side.
then it led me to wonder what it'd be like if i was a designer.
but then, i never did art.
and i'm not brilliant at it, but i don't think i suck too bad..?

this reminds me of the time last year right before promos when i wouldn't stop making friendship bands and sewing.
oh yes, and bashing the piano keys.
i think my piano has improved the most last year during the exam period when i wouldn't stop playing jaychou songs.

and the strangest thing is, when i had plenty to blog about in my study-free months, the words were bereft of me.
but then now, when there is evidently nothing happening in my dreary life, i seem to be able to type endlessly.

ok. time to stop.