In about an hour or so, the sunlight will come streaming in through my windows and I'd have officially pulled my first all-nighter doing an assignment.
And I don't quite know why I've logged onto blogger, typing out a useless blog entry that will serve no purpose other than unleashing the whole torrent of pointless thoughts and maybe cure your boredom or bore you to death, when I haven't quite finished my assignment.
I'm tired and drained out and there are lumpy shadows hanging beneath my eyes which ache from severe lack of sleep and also because for some funny reason I feel like crying.

I drag in and out of my days in a macro-micro lull where in the day, my perception seems to zoom in and all my little memorable moments are captured and lived to the fullest; but in the night my perceptions retract like camera lens and I see things broadly, garnering the past, present and future and all of a sudden everything doesn't seem quite so picture-perfect or right.
All this inconsistency is flapping on the insides of my head, blinding my mind's eye, and now I don't trust my instincts, don't trust myself and all I want is for everything to be in black and white and ticked out like a mental checklist.

I talk to people I haven't talked to in ages and I feel all that suppressed emotion welling up, soft and liquid, threatening to overflow.
And I feel so lonely knowing that they are far, far away; then I listen to them tell me how they feel so lonely and suspended in time, and I feel even lonelier and melancholy because they're sad and lonely, and this whole emo tirade passes on from one to another in a vicious cycle.
I miss everyone.

I wonder about first impressions and the even more dangerous first phase of getting to know people and I wonder are people really who they seem to be.
I wonder what people think of me and I wonder what they think I think of them and all this thinking is going round and round in my head, like a little computer game character zipping in and out of a maze.
I become doubtful and wary and a little scared inside.

I just want to hop into a bed, be done with my assignment, be done with uni, live a life that revolves around nothing but food, friends, family and fun, the proverbial four Fs (I'm making this up) of quality of life.
I want to kick back on a couch, watch a feel-good chick flick with a kickass soundtrack and happy ending, eat all the food that I feel like eating and then calling my nearest and dearest to be right next to me in the flesh.
I want to be rid of all contemptuous feelings of trepidation and know each step I take is the right one.

And I just want to tell those that are feeling just that little bit low, just that little bit discouraged, just that little bit confused that "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, hwo have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37)