I was just just mindlessly clicking on stuff online and reading things and I came across an old blog archive of someone's which triggered a little jolt in my chest and made me feel the slightest bit funny.
And it made me realise that a lot of times our emotions are linked on the thread of possession.
So much so that the littlest things like seeing someone carry the same purse of wearing the same t-shirt as us gets us ticked off, or another person ranting and raving about how they absolutely love a particular cookie when you were the one who tried it out and loved it first.
It's a very I-was-here-first kind of hierachal emotion and evident in every single one of us.
And I realised sometimes this possessive hierachal quality extends even to friends.
There are some people in our lives we don't like sharing, or even if we do, we feel the strong urge to be the number one.
We straighten with pleasure when someone goes Ohh that is so and so's best friend/good friend or when people talk about someone that we're extremely close to we tend to excitedly go Oh that's MY really really good friend! instantly claiming possession and letting others know that this is mine not yours.
And when you start to feel like your position is threatened and you are not as number one as you'd like to be, or when you start to feel as though your grip on things is slipping, the sense of impending change throws you and you feel like the parameters of life are rearranging around you, whipping you around.
I felt like that a lot in the past two years and feel it a lot less now, but I still feel it anyhow.
I guess maybe even though it feels great to stamp our name and markings across all our possessions, sometimes we just have to take it easy, let things go.
I've let plenty of things go, some things I wish I hadn't, some things I had no choice to, but whatever it is, we just have to take change and things in our stride.
A lot easier said than done, indeed, but just a thought.
Ohwell, must be the lack of sleep, torrent of epic dreams and dull grey weather that's muting my senses and dulling my insides.
-
And speaking about epic dreams, I've been having heaps of those lately making me feel like I'd zipped through a real life action movie without getting any rest.
Last night I dreamt it was the thirteenth hour (whatever that is, my dad told me that in my dream) and there were these strange lights blinking and suspicious men loitering around.
And they subsequently nabbed my uncle and tortured him because they wanted to make him the scapegoat for some murder case which my little sister (which happened to be Ruth's head superimposed on a 5 year old's body, sorry Ruth ha ha I had no idea how come you became my little sister in my dream!) had witnessed.
And after all that excitement, the last bit that happened in my dream was me taking a sobbing Ruth into the bedroom and telling her that no matter what happens and whatever people say, she should go ahead and do what she thinks is right (which is to testify against the bastard who tried to make my uncle a scapegoat).
And it made me realise that a lot of times our emotions are linked on the thread of possession.
So much so that the littlest things like seeing someone carry the same purse of wearing the same t-shirt as us gets us ticked off, or another person ranting and raving about how they absolutely love a particular cookie when you were the one who tried it out and loved it first.
It's a very I-was-here-first kind of hierachal emotion and evident in every single one of us.
And I realised sometimes this possessive hierachal quality extends even to friends.
There are some people in our lives we don't like sharing, or even if we do, we feel the strong urge to be the number one.
We straighten with pleasure when someone goes Ohh that is so and so's best friend/good friend or when people talk about someone that we're extremely close to we tend to excitedly go Oh that's MY really really good friend! instantly claiming possession and letting others know that this is mine not yours.
And when you start to feel like your position is threatened and you are not as number one as you'd like to be, or when you start to feel as though your grip on things is slipping, the sense of impending change throws you and you feel like the parameters of life are rearranging around you, whipping you around.
I felt like that a lot in the past two years and feel it a lot less now, but I still feel it anyhow.
I guess maybe even though it feels great to stamp our name and markings across all our possessions, sometimes we just have to take it easy, let things go.
I've let plenty of things go, some things I wish I hadn't, some things I had no choice to, but whatever it is, we just have to take change and things in our stride.
A lot easier said than done, indeed, but just a thought.
Ohwell, must be the lack of sleep, torrent of epic dreams and dull grey weather that's muting my senses and dulling my insides.
-
And speaking about epic dreams, I've been having heaps of those lately making me feel like I'd zipped through a real life action movie without getting any rest.
Last night I dreamt it was the thirteenth hour (whatever that is, my dad told me that in my dream) and there were these strange lights blinking and suspicious men loitering around.
And they subsequently nabbed my uncle and tortured him because they wanted to make him the scapegoat for some murder case which my little sister (which happened to be Ruth's head superimposed on a 5 year old's body, sorry Ruth ha ha I had no idea how come you became my little sister in my dream!) had witnessed.
And after all that excitement, the last bit that happened in my dream was me taking a sobbing Ruth into the bedroom and telling her that no matter what happens and whatever people say, she should go ahead and do what she thinks is right (which is to testify against the bastard who tried to make my uncle a scapegoat).
How exciting. Hmm, but I'd rather much sleep well.
Oh well, rain clouds, please go away
Oh well, rain clouds, please go away
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