Late nights have a way of making me feel lonely and shut-in, echoing the thoughts in my head.
Maybe it's the soft lull of Richard Marx playing in the background, maybe it's the incessant re-reading of my blog archives, maybe it's the dead silence of the night, making me feel like I'm the only one in the world.
I've been feeling a lot happier than I've been in a long long while, and I wonder why I sit in my little chair, trying to conjure up memories of when senseless tears sprang to my eyes while my heart shrivelled and cracked.
Maybe it's some weird sordid complex that doesn't allow myself to be fully happy, or maybe I'm just simply looking back and trying to garner some sense of myself and the minute changes with me.
Or maybe I'm just not letting myself forget because embedded in every painful memory is something sweet and poignant which was probably why it hurt us so much in the first place.
Does it sound weird to say that I feel the need to remember all the times I broke down and cried and picked myself up again, all the times I bled inside and all the times I lay in bed thinking myself to sleep, becauase I felt like I was losing myself?
Now that I can sleep easy, eat with uncensored liberation, and trip down the aisle of life with light footsteps, I feel like I lost that essential part of me which helped me grow.
And as much as it pricked me in the heart, it's not something I ever want to let go of, because I look back with a funny little smile on my face at how far I've gone and just how those days were.
I pore through my old blog archives, and remember just how those days went, why I wrote those words, and I remember and remember some more.
And all these memories make me feel funny and twisted up inside because with every little sad thing came along a happy thing.
For everything I gave up, I gained something new; for everything new, I sacrificed something.
I feel confident but yet so lacking at the same time, I feel happy but yet sad at the same time, I'm optimistic but yet so terribly nostalgic.
It makes me feel like my heart is lying everywhere, scattered all over.
But at least, it's good to remember how it once was, and how far I've come along.
It's been a long time coming, but at least it came :)
-
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
Maybe it's the soft lull of Richard Marx playing in the background, maybe it's the incessant re-reading of my blog archives, maybe it's the dead silence of the night, making me feel like I'm the only one in the world.
I've been feeling a lot happier than I've been in a long long while, and I wonder why I sit in my little chair, trying to conjure up memories of when senseless tears sprang to my eyes while my heart shrivelled and cracked.
Maybe it's some weird sordid complex that doesn't allow myself to be fully happy, or maybe I'm just simply looking back and trying to garner some sense of myself and the minute changes with me.
Or maybe I'm just not letting myself forget because embedded in every painful memory is something sweet and poignant which was probably why it hurt us so much in the first place.
Does it sound weird to say that I feel the need to remember all the times I broke down and cried and picked myself up again, all the times I bled inside and all the times I lay in bed thinking myself to sleep, becauase I felt like I was losing myself?
Now that I can sleep easy, eat with uncensored liberation, and trip down the aisle of life with light footsteps, I feel like I lost that essential part of me which helped me grow.
And as much as it pricked me in the heart, it's not something I ever want to let go of, because I look back with a funny little smile on my face at how far I've gone and just how those days were.
I pore through my old blog archives, and remember just how those days went, why I wrote those words, and I remember and remember some more.
And all these memories make me feel funny and twisted up inside because with every little sad thing came along a happy thing.
For everything I gave up, I gained something new; for everything new, I sacrificed something.
I feel confident but yet so lacking at the same time, I feel happy but yet sad at the same time, I'm optimistic but yet so terribly nostalgic.
It makes me feel like my heart is lying everywhere, scattered all over.
But at least, it's good to remember how it once was, and how far I've come along.
It's been a long time coming, but at least it came :)
-
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I'll be right here waiting for you
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