Still been trying to acclimatise back to Brisbane life and had one heck of a day today.
Adjusting back to the change in scenery, change in company, larger food portions, unproportionately higher prices and having to do everything myself. Grumble grumble :(
Okay, so today we coughed up a huge wad of cash on groceries and I managed to procure myself a new fan, yay; although my arms felt ten times longer after carrying a huge load of groceries up three stories.
But I was so immensely happy with my new fan that I had to put it to use straightaway and I treated myself to a delicious afternoon nap.
Then it was all typical Friday stuff from then on and I realised I'm not very nifty at contract bridge and that Ostrichris is really one very good strategic card player.
The usual drill aside, I'm actually feeling it again.
The little wave of insecurity, always feeling a little exposed and unsure, and that odd pinch of loneliness; I don't quite know how to expressly mention all these fears, honestly.
I was thinking earlier that maybe I really am just one of those emo over-sensitive kids and whatever introspection that I'm spouting is merely unfounded hogwash and I'm really just being too damn emooooo.
But then I thought about it again and, okay, admittedly granting that I am quite an emo person, maybe I'm just grumbling and rehashing and purging it all out because I like preparing myself for the worst.
I like to let those feelings churn within me so that should it actually come, I'm prepared, I know and it won't hit me straight in the chest.
But then again, I suppose, no matter how well prepared you are, when it comes, it always feels fresh and raw somehow, so maaaaybe all I'm doing is just needless whinging and verbal diarrhoea.
Harharrrr, in some ways I can't wait for uni to start so I can get my proper footing down and start walking surer, steadier steps.
Hold my hand, God, hold it tight.
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
Adjusting back to the change in scenery, change in company, larger food portions, unproportionately higher prices and having to do everything myself. Grumble grumble :(
Okay, so today we coughed up a huge wad of cash on groceries and I managed to procure myself a new fan, yay; although my arms felt ten times longer after carrying a huge load of groceries up three stories.
But I was so immensely happy with my new fan that I had to put it to use straightaway and I treated myself to a delicious afternoon nap.
Then it was all typical Friday stuff from then on and I realised I'm not very nifty at contract bridge and that Ostrichris is really one very good strategic card player.
The usual drill aside, I'm actually feeling it again.
The little wave of insecurity, always feeling a little exposed and unsure, and that odd pinch of loneliness; I don't quite know how to expressly mention all these fears, honestly.
I was thinking earlier that maybe I really am just one of those emo over-sensitive kids and whatever introspection that I'm spouting is merely unfounded hogwash and I'm really just being too damn emooooo.
But then I thought about it again and, okay, admittedly granting that I am quite an emo person, maybe I'm just grumbling and rehashing and purging it all out because I like preparing myself for the worst.
I like to let those feelings churn within me so that should it actually come, I'm prepared, I know and it won't hit me straight in the chest.
But then again, I suppose, no matter how well prepared you are, when it comes, it always feels fresh and raw somehow, so maaaaybe all I'm doing is just needless whinging and verbal diarrhoea.
Harharrrr, in some ways I can't wait for uni to start so I can get my proper footing down and start walking surer, steadier steps.
Hold my hand, God, hold it tight.
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
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