today i thought i'd indulge in a little memory then lock it up again to take out another day.
and so in memory of my memory







sometimes i think i don't know whether i want to cry or not.
when i want to flush all the tears out, they simply don't come.
yet sometimes they come unbidden.

lines are blurred, boundaries are set and no proper closure or conclusion.
which is probably the way it should be because our lives are a mesh of stories where The End never comes.
endings of every story in our lives comes with a sequel, so it never really does end.

and i was reading back to one of my entries last year and i said that maybe i was growing faster and going in a different direction and i'd written it as an afterthought but now looking at it again, i realised how real it is to me now.
hopefully we'll both be ready soon.

so now i'll lock up these memories and bring them out again at a more appropriate time :)

gp lesson today was by far one of the better ones.
i feel sooo lucky that i live in singapore and i don't need a man to escort me even when i have to go out of the house!
we watched osama and towards the end when the Mullah 'saved' her from death and they were riding on a rickety donkey cart..

jamie: what's he going to do with her?
me: marry her?! i dunno maybe he's saving her and he'll set her free!
jamie: oh yea, rescue her!
(in very quick succession)
mus: YEAH RIGHT!
nigel: YEAH RIGHT!
al: YEAH RIGHT!!
jamie: okay okay point taken. was just thinking of a little positivity you know..

but in the end he didn't rescue her or anything like that.
asked her to choose her lock (they must be chained to their rooms, the numerous wives i mean) and then showed his flabby naked body covered with only a loin cloth coming out of the room and performing his after-sex ablutions.

time does zip by pretty fast.
it's almost the end of april.
and soon we'll see the light of may and june would require some serious studying and so would july and half of august.
then comes prelims.
and serious serious mugging for the A's.
and before i know it, november 24th is over and soon everyone will come home and it's time to make new decisions all over again.
for some reason, i want time to zip by really fast because sometimes the present seems too heavy to bear.