training is consuming my life.
squash is consuming my life.

i'm not complaining.
BUT.. i am not exalting in it.

i think i'm getting fitter.
but
i
still
hate
running.

i just needed to get that out of my system :)

i really like not having classes but i think the inactivity in the brain department has left me with a hee-uge gap i need to close up.
like the numerous econs tutorials i have missed (speaking of econs there's a test on thursday argh!!)
and the math tuitions i haven't been having (speaking of math there's a test on friday argh!!)

so once again, all i brought to school today were my squash stuff and my e4 notebook and The Things They Carried.
and a little section we did today really struck a chord with me.

"Lying in bed at night, I made up elaborate stories to bring Linda alive in my sleep. I invented my own dreams. It sounds impossible, I know, but I did it. I'd picture somebody's birthday party - a crowded room, I'd think, and a big chocolate cake with pink candles - and then soon I'd be dreaming it, and after a while Linda would show up, as I knew she would, and in the dream we'd look at each other and not talk much, because we were shy, but then later I'd walk her home and we'd sit on her front steps and stare at the dark and just be together."

"But back then it felt like a miracle. My dreams had become a secret meeting place, and in the weeks after she died I couldn't wait to fall asleep at night. I began going to bed earlier and earlier, sometimes even in bright daylight. My mother, I remember, finally asked about it at breakfast one morning. 'Timmy, what's wrong?' she said, but all I could do was shurg and say, 'Nothing. I just need sleep, that's all.' I didn't dare tell the truth. It was embarrassing, I suppose, but it was also a precious secret, like a magic trick, where if I tried to explain it, or even talk about it, the thrill and mystery would be gone. I didn't want to lose Linda."

although nobody has died, i think i do this alot.
in your dreams, no one hurts you and things go the way you want them to go.
you meet the people you want to meet and they say the things you want them to say and you say the things you want to say and it seems so real sometimes you just don't want to let it go.

after i'd read that section, it meant so much to me i read it over and over again, despite feeling abit like an emotional idiot.
hmm, but it's true isn't it?

anyway did i mention i got band 1 for project work?!?!
:)
:)

:)