so post major exams have a way of making me feel disconcerted and oddly idle.
like I should be doing something instead of sitting there and twiddling my thumbs.
it must be the copious amounts of studying for manymany months (count: preprelims excluding postprelims break then preAlevels).

to celebrate my semi-freedom, yapper came to my house and we watched korean movies!
and after that I wondered what I should do.
so I decided to talk on the phone.
and after I hung up, I wondered what I should do.
so I decided to go online.
and I talked and window shopped.
the result of all this was awakening the next morning (aka this morning) at SEVENO'CLOCK(!!!) thinking omg do I have a paper?!
like, hoookay.

so today, I felt more like a normal person again.
because I entered civilisation!
and I spent money!
and I watched heaps of tv!
and window shopped online again.

anyway, couple of days ago, I was rummaging through my little drawer which contained all my squash notes.
I've lost some of them (ARGH!) but I've kept most.
and every time I'm needing abit of lovin', I think about those days.

it was a ritual or a tradition, or whatever you want to call it, for us to make presents and notes for every single member of the team the day before the first game.
before we'd head for the bus to kallang, we'd all gather at the squash court and everyone will shower their gifts and encouragement around.
the resulting effect is the very real warmth and camaraderie of the team I'm so proud to call mg squash.

the notes from the sweet mg girls!


and this has to be my favourite of them all! a note from lydia made into the shape and colour of my squash racket! the very same one I'm using now :)


and even pq gave me an encouragement note. it's abit bittersweet looking at this because pq was genuinely one of greatest friends I've had; but we've drifted alot.


and this was their farewell gift to me in sec4 along with a recording which made me tear


the best team I've ever had :)



and along with it came ACsquash that built me up in inexpressible ways.
it could be possibly be the worst period of my life, but also the one that made me the strongest.
I still remember feeling alienated, feeling like the worst captain alive, feeling like all the passion and energy had drained out of me and I was training for the sake of duty.
and before nationals rolled around, the coach quit and we were the underUNDERdogs.
then when nationals came, I felt like I was holding onto sanity and composure with my fingertips.
expecting to perform to our very best when I thought I was rotting up inside from stress and heartache, failing to perform (I still remember that day when we played with hwachong. winning the first set and losing the other three because I had no more energy and breath to fight on) and feeling like I'd let myself and the team down.

it happened so many months ago and it feels good to be leading a squashless life.
then during Alevels, sihua and michleong passed me notes.
and sihua's letter touched me in ways I cannot express, because it was the most sincere letter I'd ever read.

this is from my sweet juniors during my Alevels


this was what they gave me for my farewell present. it has very ugly, unglam and HUGE photos of me in it, but it's okay.


TEAM AC!


okay, I realised, I must have alot of time.
to post such a long and draggy post.
forgive me, nostalgia called and I answered.