I am feeling frightfully E M O .
Over the past two (maybe?) months I've been churlishly moody, whimsically nostalgic, blithely chipper, fleetingly blue... but never this overwhelming, insecure, absolutely repulsive emo-ness that seems to cave in over my head and crumble my insides.
What's even more frightful is how this emo-ness seems to have taken on a gangrenous and unfamiliar quality, a feeling I must admit I'm terribly unaccustomed to!
I feel like I've been kicked off my chair and I'm now on my knees scrabbling on the gravelled road trying awkwardly to find out what was it I'd lost before I slumped into a semi-conscious snooze.

Being away from home makes you feel so many varying extremes at multiple levels that I can't pinpoint what's the pinnacle of which and everything good and bad seems to have melded together and metamorphasised into a disgustingly indecisive double-edged sword.
I actually feel like I'm living in a parallel universe and suspended somewhere in between while simultaneously browsing through a sheet of pros and cons that doesn't make me feel substantially better and serves no purpose.

I look to the right and it washes over with familiarity but yet I can't quite reach out into it, I look to the left and it seems so familiar yet so vague at the same time and... and... yknow I just feel as though life on both sides of my life have progressed and moved at different speeds, different levels, different directions and I don't know where to go, what to follow, what to do because either way I'm going to lose some essential bit of what has made me, me.
And right now, me, is made up of two lives, multiple directions, venn diagrams, insecurity (ugh!) and... plain old paranoia. I HOPE it's just that.
I feel abit like a distant fading dream, evanescent and ephemeral, LOST IN TRANSIENCE!!!!

I don't want to be apathetic and adopt the (really) annoying that'slife/chillax/takeachillpill mentality and watch things pass me by, because essentially, nothing that's been a part of me is disposable.
But yet within our own finite control, there's only so much I can do, so I know at this crucial (but perhaps, also needlessly emo) point, all I can do is thrust this little matter into His almighty hand because my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's NOTHING my God cannot do!
And it would be wise to empty my head of all this ruminating rubbish and concentrate on the concrete and tangible, which also happens to be (ugh) the exams.

And it's also just hit me with startling (and peevish) clarity that my... whateveryouwanttocallit semblance of an epiphany has just turned around and bit me in the butt.
Talk about... uncanny.

Pfft!!