I was reading 1 Samuel chapters 1 and 2 both last night and today, and I really like how it is written in verse 10 "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord" because her womb was closed and her rival was provoking her with her many sons. The bitterness of soul part was ringing out to me because sometimes I can't help feeling like Hannah: losing out, lacking, resentful and bitter.
I dislike the word bitter. It reminds me of maggots and rotten meat; foul, distasteful, and parasitical. I try to avoid using that word to describe myself because I like to think even when I'm sad, it's a soft shade of blue: internalised and soulful, not bred by hungry green-eyed monsters. But avoidance is perhaps nothing but a mere demonstration of escapism from the truth; that sometimes, I am simply, aptly, bitter. So when I was reading 1 Samuel, it was a mini-revelation of truth: oh God, THIS FEELING IS BITTERNESS!
This little cloud of bitterness, the odd speck of anger, the temporary lashes which lie on the tip of my tongue and jolt my heart; He is helping me deal with them every single day. I don't know if it's just pms but lately, it's been coming in waves: irritation, jealousy, resentment... even at the moment where I have this burning desire to spit out every single wrong a person has done to me and hold them accountable for abandoning me. Ha ha perilous pms pangs and unreasonable go hand in hand together.
But it was (AND IS!) so comforting knowing that in her bitterness, "Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord". That even when we're a less than forgiving shade of blue, we can come to the Father's open arms, weeping and praying, and He listens and answers and lifts our spirit. I think so many times I forget that He listens to my pain and sorrow. Is He not the Lord of all comfort? Is He not the Lord of love? Is He not the Lord who holds the world in His palm? "My heart rejoices in the Lord, in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies for I delight in your deliverance." 1 Samuel 2:2 - as Hannah prays to the Lord.
Yup :)
And ohhhhhhhh, completely random but last week was YF St Lucia's Games Night social and it was a barrel of laughs and gabillions of fun with Articulate.
(category was places)
DK: OK! Place sounds like Hungry. There is only one.
Hilda: errr... Hungary?
DK: YES!
And there was poker nights at Chris with the old and new crew:
Ruth: Oh so how old are you?
Daryl: I'm born in '87 so I'm .... err..... err...
Me: 21?
Daryl: YES!
Sean: heehee giggle giggle
I dislike the word bitter. It reminds me of maggots and rotten meat; foul, distasteful, and parasitical. I try to avoid using that word to describe myself because I like to think even when I'm sad, it's a soft shade of blue: internalised and soulful, not bred by hungry green-eyed monsters. But avoidance is perhaps nothing but a mere demonstration of escapism from the truth; that sometimes, I am simply, aptly, bitter. So when I was reading 1 Samuel, it was a mini-revelation of truth: oh God, THIS FEELING IS BITTERNESS!
This little cloud of bitterness, the odd speck of anger, the temporary lashes which lie on the tip of my tongue and jolt my heart; He is helping me deal with them every single day. I don't know if it's just pms but lately, it's been coming in waves: irritation, jealousy, resentment... even at the moment where I have this burning desire to spit out every single wrong a person has done to me and hold them accountable for abandoning me. Ha ha perilous pms pangs and unreasonable go hand in hand together.
But it was (AND IS!) so comforting knowing that in her bitterness, "Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord". That even when we're a less than forgiving shade of blue, we can come to the Father's open arms, weeping and praying, and He listens and answers and lifts our spirit. I think so many times I forget that He listens to my pain and sorrow. Is He not the Lord of all comfort? Is He not the Lord of love? Is He not the Lord who holds the world in His palm? "My heart rejoices in the Lord, in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies for I delight in your deliverance." 1 Samuel 2:2 - as Hannah prays to the Lord.
Yup :)
And ohhhhhhhh, completely random but last week was YF St Lucia's Games Night social and it was a barrel of laughs and gabillions of fun with Articulate.
(category was places)
DK: OK! Place sounds like Hungry. There is only one.
Hilda: errr... Hungary?
DK: YES!
And there was poker nights at Chris with the old and new crew:
Ruth: Oh so how old are you?
Daryl: I'm born in '87 so I'm .... err..... err...
Me: 21?
Daryl: YES!
Sean: heehee giggle giggle
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