i've been seesawing from plain okay to disastrously not okay to peace of mind to a messy heart.
it's not making me feel very stable.

and personally, i hate instability, uncertainty.
blurred lines, questionable results, thoughts to disentangle, minds to read, whatever it is, i don't like them very much.
which is probably why i loathe swimming (other than the fact that i can't) because i don't like bobbing around without anything concrete beneath my feet.

but i'd reckon hating instability and uncertainty is a losing battle because they are everywhere.
:(

and i find immense comfort in e4 lessons nowadays.
everything we learn feels like it can be packaged, transported and applied right into my very own life.

so right now i'm circling around in loops, revising and imagining and reliving and redoing.
but revising, although an extreme comfort, seems like my outlet for escapism which is something i need to break out of.
i need hope to cope, but of a different kind.

i think i'm a bundle of conflicting thoughts who is walking in the light.
and that although oxymoronic does make some inkling of sense.

anyway photos are up click HERE!