it's quite comforting and depressing both at the same time when you retract into yourself and observe the things around you or in retrospect and get in tune with your feelings.
because of the certain level of insulation and protectiveness that you get from the inner wall that you rear up BUT with all that comes (usually) the horrid bite of reality.

such as, when I realise I don't have very much fun when I go out anymore.
I don't enjoy company very much and prefer to hang out on my own or with a select few.
and to me that is something worth pondering about: like is it just them, or is it just me, or what?
I think my connection level with most people has died down by considerable amounts.
again, it's another thing worth pondering about.

I think my happiest moments to date are those spent at bible study.
having fellowship with good friends; I guess that's what it means to feel 'edified'.

christmas shopping has a way of taking the thrill out of christmas during the arduous process of it.
but when I lug home all the gifts and wrap them up and give them away and hear my friends say thank you I really liked it! it somehow makes all those sore legs and frustration worth it.

yesterday was spent moping (thinking about it makes me half mad half sad) and then a food fest and entertainment from the adults at my dad's friend's birthday party.
I spent the whole night silently eating and enjoying the old conversation.

feeling a little melancholy.
listening to moon river always has that effect on me.
possibly reflective of how I'm feeling right now.
(I think I should stop feeling melancholy, it's a very bad thing to feel)

oh, dream-maker, you heartbreaker

wherever you're going I'm going your way