I've spent the last two hours reading a blog that brought tears to my eyes because someone so lost, so broken, has been living in my life for the last sixteen years and I never did anything about it. It's so easy to wrap yourself up in your comfort zone, arranging and rearranging the little things in your life with the people you want to be around with, forgetting about those in the fringes because deceit has deluded you into thinking that it takes too much time and effort to venture your way to them, or even to pray for them. And that's what I've been like. And I've been praying to God that He will change me, stepping out in faith to pray more for others, asking God to supply me with love for others through His love for me.

I don't really know what to do now other than pray. I don't want my heart to splinter now for a fraction and then fix itself up over night, forgetting about the people who need Jesus.

Someone said that he heard them talking about the little things in their lives, and he didn't like their arrogance, but he envied them. And that's like me. I've been arrogant. I've joyously proclaimed His goodness, I've fervently asked Jesus to change me to be more like Him, but for what? His Spirit has shown me that subconsciously, I've been doing it for me. So I could feel better about myself. So I could say, I'm becoming a better, stronger, more mature Christian.

I was reading Matthew 7:24-27 today:
"Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on a rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

For a long time now, He has been urging me to pray more, more, more for other people and I struggled a lot with doing it from the heart rather than out of obligation. I've been reading His word and praying, but not doing anything about it. I've been like the man who built his house on sand; hearing Jesus' word but not putting it into practice. How many times have I prayed to God to ask Him to help me love others more? And how many times have I hardened my heart after, made myself blind to see and deaf to hear the people who need Him? How many times have we been like that, centering Christianity around us (change me, help me, give me, bless me, me, me, ME), when the chief end is to glorify God by being obedient to His will. (I'm not saying that changing us to be more like Christ and blessing us is not part of His will, it's just that we are self-centred creatures and sometimes start shifting the focus to us, rather than God)

And it says in
1 John 5:2
"This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out His commands."

And He has commanded us in 1 John 4:11-12
"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us."

1 Corinthians 13:1
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."

This is one of His commandments: to love others because He first loved us! And lately, God has been thrusting all these people in front of me, forcing my spiritual eyes open, and softening my heart to ache for them. And while I'm doing so, I'm itching to do something, but yet I don't know what to do right now except to pray and ask for the power of His Holy Spirit to draw them to Him, to continue to help me to love others, and to give me His wisdom and guidance in what I say and what I do.