korea tonight.
and i still have to sign up for my jc online.
but i am very lazy.
i haven't finished packing.
i'm also very lazy.
i dont wanna go tonight.
i'm lazy.

i am very tired.
i slept at four yesterday in a futile attempt to finish watching my new set of vcds.
sadly, if my attempt had been successful, i'd be sleeping at 8 am in the morning.

right woke up at 1130 to find my mother GONE!
and i had to meet lyd at 12 for lunch and squash at sicc with jacob lyd claire and roachie.
so ended up late and ate some lousy spaghetti which had a TON of pasta but measly amount of sauce. and some fried carrot cake that cant compete with those at the hawker centre but yet costs three to four times more.

right. then we played pingpong.
and i was pretty happy paddling the ball back and forth in a weak attempt to look pro, or perhaps, lobbing the ball back and forth would be a better word until i looked at the next table and there was this primary school girl smashing the ball across the table in that pro swinging-like manner that most pingpong players possess.
right. how pathetic.

so anyway i squashed.
i am SQUASHED. argh whatever.
slight improvement, not much.
gotta get myself into shape SOON, got to get my skills into shape SOON so i can squeeze my way into top7 next year.
unfortunately, i'll be leaving for korea AND church camp, and whatever meagre improvement i've made will go to naught.
so when i come back, i'll be as lousy as ever and i'll have to start all over again.
this is so sad.

and i shouldnt complain so much.
my mother lectured me just now on complaining too much.
right.
so now i'll stop complaining, go pack and complete my new set of vcds!

blogging is really blaah now.
and my english is deteriorating.

and my day did not go according to plan.
firstly, by the time i got to acjc, training was OVER! stella didnt tell us training would end so early! but ta, liz and i spent over an hour in court playing around and it felt good.
then we trooped over to holland v, had lunch then went to stella's house to stone.

her house is really HOT. or maybe i was just dirty and sweaty and ickkky so urgh it was hot.
argh whatever im not making sense.
right had steamboat.
then it was pretty cool just sitting around and talking with mr koh and pq and ta and the sc girls and stuff.

yeap. anyway.. im incredibly tired.
this is my plan for tmr.
i'll meet lyd at 12 for lunch, then we'll meet everyone else at 130 and play squash at sicc.
then i'll shower and go home for dinner.
and pack.
sounds good? okay sounds good to me.

just when i've recovered from my aches, i played squash at the club and felt the strain at muscles i never even knew i had.
anyway it was fun hanging out with sicc squash gang again man :) hahaa.

right. anyway watched wishing stairs yesterday.
i was freaked outta my mind. spent half the movie with my face behind my hands.
and i was really sleepy. i mean the whole day i was really sleepy.

anyway tomorrow, after i collect my report book, i will be officially out of mgs.
i think i'll miss it loads. and i know my class will wanna take photos and stuff and i REALLY want to.. but i gotta troop down to acjc for training. so i dont know if they'll mind the fact that i'm missing.
though i think they will cause what kinda class photo is it if someone's missing??

hMm. pq may be coming down for acjc training and i'm HAPPY! cause yaaaaay it means he's most likely gonna be going ac and pq if you read this i will be so happy if you come acjc and you better come acjc cause stupid rj treats you SO DAMN BADLY just come ac maan!

right. so here's my plan for tomorrow.. i hope it goes according to plan.
go to school, collect report book then go down to acjc for training.
then go down to sicc with pq and hopefully i can get lydia and jeremy and chris and whoever can come and play and hang around.
then make my way to stella's place for steaaamboaaat yum.

and i realised my blog is becoming very BLOGGY.
like you know, say what i did today, what i'm gonna do tomorrow and basically has no real substance.
i guess my brain must have died out after the o's.
ohwell.
and for some strange reason, i'm not keen on shopping anymore.
something must have gone wrong in my body. i dont even feel like watching movies or whatever.
all i wanna do is hang. like eat, watch tv and basically bum.
what kinda after o's holiday plan is THAT?!
urgh.
and i dont wanna go korea anymore.
i wanna stay right here.
in singapore.

haha right im still around!
and im aching like shit.
went back to mg for training yesterday and boyyyy was it too vigorous for poor me who hasnt exercised since.. well a long time.
so now i've got aching thighs, aching stomach, aching back, aching arms and aching shoulders.
i blame that on the volleys and the stupid lunges and mini-but-ultra-painful-step-ups.

right. and i planned to have a very light dinner.
but i was damn hungry when i came home!! fwah.
instant noodles and chicken chop with fries. not a very healthy dinner but tomorrow, i shall starve.
i am very inspired by talitha's oh-my-goodness-you-lost-SOO-much-weight slim body and.. yes. tomorrow i shall starve.

mMm. shopped yesterday. and today.
got BASKETBALL shoes! haha though i dont play any basketball. haha and no they dont really look like bball shoes but they are anyway.
got pants.. a top ohwell.
gonna go raiding the shops with pq tmr but not for ME obviously. for him.
hope my poor legs can take it.

im getting a little full. and a little sluggish.
and.. i wanna watch tv.
yes. i SHALL :)

amath was just horrible.
nothing else to say really.
cause it was just awful shitty.
grr.

okay fine so the bitch one wasnt a very good example.
but i mean it can be anything.
like say oh popular, smart or whatever.
i dont believe anyone can actually be fitted into a category and be packaged like that but sometimes its reassuring and..
arghhh whatever CASE CLOSED.

i hate replying to controversial comments in my guestbook because it gets me all muddled up.

okay anyway. geog was .. ugh.
so ambiguous.
right i thought prelims was waaaay easier. and i didnt even do that well for prelims.
map was like URHGHURGHHHHHH!
i'll be lucky to get 2marks.
but honestly, since this is my second last paper, i really cant be bothered.
amath tomorrow and wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i can go out, shop and watch tv all day.

i'm all prepared already. tomorrow night is marathon session with my new Into The Sun vcd package :)
20vcds. i hope i can finish it within three days without getting bleary eyes and headaches.

oh right. and fiona.. thanks for the testimonial but uhhh what exactly does "whatever i think sometimes.. shumin's a good friend" mean? haha like.. you dont think so sometimes? haha i dunno explain please cause errr.. i dont really get it and ur right. i cant wait for this week to end. YOU and ME are going shopping on friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiday.

aagggh whatever.
this is laaamo.

it is almost 3am and i am still awake and geog is in many hours time.
but i still need sleep.

after reading all my friendster testimonials, i think lesley is the only one who wrote a real honest and true one. and its really comforting to know that at least one of my friends can see through me without me having to err well, expose myself.

everyone else's testimonials reflected what i appear to be.
im not saying i'm some real deep person with all her ideals and perceptions deep within just waiting to be discovered, but i guess people see what i want and try to believe i am.
yes i am always happy and bubbly (fwaah everyone used that word so many million times on me i hate it already) but lesley's testimonials have truly, in that sense of the word, broken all perceptions that YES i do have an inferiority complex.

i think most people end up deluding themselves, believing they are what they want to be and not who they really are.
i mean no one actually says "oh yes, i am scheming and manipulative" or stuff like "i make use of people" "i'm a follower" etcetc.
everyone likes to think they're capable, confident and even if they don't think they're perfect or talented or whatever, i believe inside they do want to believe they are a unique individual.
i used to think i was confident, i was friendly, i was funny and everything i could possibly delude myself to be.
but i think i'm starting to understand myself a little better, although ironically, its made me unsure of what i am.

but most people, although they deny it, like to be boxed and packaged into a particular category.
because its somewhat assuring, or at least some form of security.
someone can be a bitch , but being labelled one, although not necessarily a good thing, is a form of security. because it carves out a perception for the person her/himself of what they are.
because when one is boxed, they can at least pinpoint who they are and what they are.
but truly, i dont think anyone can be boxed.

its easy to say "this is what i am" and delude ourselves that we are truly like that and show the world what they want to see.
but to actually see what you really are, for all the weaknesses and strengths, i think it makes us unsure and uncertain of who and what we are.
because i think people are human beings with such a complex mix of the good and bad that its made us incredibly unique.
cause i believe no one is completely bad, nor is anyone completely good.


that's why i think (ok quite random..) a truly good and sensitive writer, is one that is able to capture all facets of a person, good and bad, but yet project them as a wonderful individual without casting them as good or evil.

and you know that horrible secret sharer story that we all hate?
"..but i wondered how far i should turn out faithful to that ideal conception of one's own personality every man sets up for himself secretly".
well i think its right.

i hate geog too fiona.. oh and he's in squash AND soccer. some people are just too talented..

right.
im getting sick of microwave pizza.
i'm really starting to detest it.
the smell is enough to make me sick.

uRgh. stupid geog.
oh and i realised environmental degradation isn't that bad.
cause its alot like the Air and Water chapters in chem except its in greater detail and of course leaning towards the human geographical side of it.

and i really doubt i'll be able to understand or master tourism.
whoever said it was easy is talking rubbish.
because it has hell lot of complicated tourist attractions and whatsoever that i dont understand.

riight. agriculture isnt that good either.
geog just isn't good..
and i feel sick.
stupid microwave pizza.

haha okay michelle i changed it back :)
ohhhwell.. i've posted like a million times today.

and anyway so far i've covered one chapter of geog but feels pretty good.
did manufacturing.
just havent finished the case studies yet.
singapore's case study should be set but arghh i just CANNOT remember the bangalore one!
its so.. hard.

right. so after this short post, i'm gonna do development.
then agriculture.
hopefully i can finish three tonight.
its the case studies that are reaaal buggers.

right anyway i know pq never reads this, but just wanna say I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!
whoaaaaaaa.
okay let me announce to everyone that this superduper sixteen year old friend made it to under21 soccer national team!!!!
whoaa. i would die to be.. scouted for anything.

okay heres another one..
pink.
sorry lesley.. didnt know yours was pink too! and i did use tables but i dont know how to make my links stop moving and im awfully tiiired and.. i dunno.
i think the other design was cooler.. but it was kinda bare?

hmm.. anyway. comments please.
on my current one.

ahhh so happy i can make it look better nowww!

okay i dont think i'm skilled enough to post designs up.. but its okay.
i'm slowly designing with whatever meagre skills i have.
and ahhhwell :)

i'm improoooooving!
i wanna know how to make scrollbars.

okay this blog layout is a little rough around the edges but at least i know how to do more stuff now :)

THANKYOU MICHELLE LOH FOR TEACHING ME!!
at least the darn thing doesnt move now.

i scroooooooooooed chem up but screw that.
just gotta blame my careless eyes for not reading that one experiment had no reaction.
URGH.
and miss goh will just murder me. hydrogen ATOMS.
oh dear she'll slap me upside down but nevermind about that.

anyway i really dont feel like doing ANYTHING today much less go for amath tuition but well two more papers to go!!!!!
hai.
and cause of tuition i'll miss huanzhuguege tonight. :(

oh and everyone, you cant see it cause i exceeded my transfer limit at villagephotos. so after that, you'll be able to see it!

ohright. my aunt finally got the Into The Sun vcd set and i am HAPPY :)
once i get huanzhugege i'll be verrrry happy.

this is so unproductive. urgh.

oh right
today is chemistry day.

this is my plan.
study chem, eat, study chem, watch tv ONLY at 630 to 8.
eat, study chem.

hopefully i can stick to it.
yesss.
i think i should stop watching all those chinese shows.
i dreamt my family and i were at some performance where these guys were showing us their magic arts of ghostly tricks and they made my dad come up as a volunteer.
however my dad was some super magic cum martial arts guy and he was more powerful than them or dunno what.
so those people were angry and they captured me and my mother.
and suddenly my mother transformed into this woman wearing an olden chinese costume and she produced some golden token and yelled "EMPEROR's AMNESTY TOKEN! RELEASE!"
and then my dream ended.

i swear its too much huanzhugege going through my head.
plus, yesterday night, i watched nezha. and all those demons and monsters and magic arts must have contributed to that magic arts thingamajig in my dream.

tv is invading my sleep.
urghh.

very uninspired blog layout.

im bored.
i shall blog.

had chem with miss goh today.
izzy's questions were pretty good i thought:)

i cant stand the feeling of holding back.
and most people say why should you care about what people think
but you know what.
i think it counts alot.
you shouldnt do and say anything you like cause there are people's feelings to consider.
but at the same time, most of us probably do nasty things unconsciously.
i dunno.
everything's so superficial.
i have no friends.
this is boring.

waiting for ayashinoceres and huanzhugege to start.
then i'll be happy.
sometimes i wished i lived in a television show.
it certainly beats living in real life.

i hate zhihua.
i hate zhihua.
i hate zhihua.

she should just die seriously.
how can anyone be SO scheming.
i mean yongqi doesnt love you dammit stop tryyyying!
graaaaawr! i really wanted to beat her up today man.
stupid schemer who acts like she's so weak and pitiful.

i hate zhihua.

physics was hard but i've never come across a physics paper i considered easy.
on a good note, that is the last physics paper i'll ever come across :)

im hungry.
but cause i had a glimpse of the hideous excess lard on my body when i was in the bathroom this morning, i shall starve today.
will be nice and slim for post exams.
hurr.

had my first strenuous exercise today.
i ran down the hill at my school and across the bridge with my HEAVY physicsbook-filled backpack under the scorching sun to catch bert's car.
i was exhausted.
i still am.
i can feel my legs quivering and my heart beating.

thats how bloody unfit i am.
gosh. imagine what i'll be like when i start training again.
i'll probably collapse in half an hour.

right.. was craving thai express tomyam noodles today. and yesterday.
so was supposed to meet eric for lunch but urghh he's sucha cool and funky person so must have tuition in town and i was waay too tired to traipse into town so.. hitched a ride home from bertha :)
with alot alot of pain may i add.
all that running.
urghhh.

anyway C H E M I S T R Y.

stupid retaaaarded components came out for relative velocity!!!!!!! arghhh!!!!!!!!!!
anyway i got that wrong.
naturally.

got my FIRST integration of areas question right :)
checked with pq and he said it was right so.. should be right.. right?
overall it was okay.
but again, i shan't go too much into it lest i jinx up my grades.

hurhur. made new specs. mine broke.
rather happy they broke.
they were bent all out of shape and they were hideous.

anyway tomorrow's physics.
argh. hope i can do allright.

lesley: haha i know.. i dont think hes good looking at all. anywaay you can go watch My Love Patzzi at 11 on saturday nights on channel u. he's one of the leads. apparantly.

this is really horrible.
i cant get any studying done.
my parents are piss mad at me cause i cant get anything done.
and the thing is.. im not even worried.

i've got a headache.
i want to watch tv.
im sick of tv.
i wanna stay online.
but i'm sick of going online.
i want to sleep
but i cant.

this is piss annoying. grrrrrrawr.
i'm blaming this on the time of the month.

hmm lesley.. its kim jae WON not woo and are you sure he's the one you likee?
ohwell maybe he is. i do know plenty of girls like him cause he's so smiley and everything, but he's too blaaah maan. haha anyway this is his pic.
confirm if hes the one you like :)


and sorry steph :)
hurhur sucks right sara buuuuut the thing is, its real easy to heap on the pounds but kinda HARD to get rid of all the excess lard?? sigh. im not even so ambitious about going back to my 43 kg. i'll have a more realistic target of.. well if isay it, my current weight will be obvious right :) so shhh.

riiiight. had amath tuition today.
was a total hurrrumph cause i made a mistake and came at 1030 when it was supposed to be 145!
what a far cry. so i sat in for the next lesson.
i feel as though i dont know much but strangely, i still feel okay.
although its a bad thing.

slept the whole afternoon away. woke up to the phone ringing (cause my doorbell doesnt work, so my aunt called me from the gate) to find my parents gone.
anyway my genius parents took both gate remote controls with them, and even the house keys when they already have a set themselves!
so i scrabbled around trying to find the spare key which was hooked on a keychain with fifteen other keys!
and spent more time trying to fit the right key into the keyhole.
then it took alot more scrabbling for me to find the small gate key.
so finally got my aunt in the house.

and my aunt just came back from watching the matrix revolutions or is it revolution?
whatever it is, my aunt says its real good.
and so did eric.
so that makes it two good comments from two people which make me wanna watch it but the daaaarned O's.
anyway, my aunt has watched both Matrix 1 2 and 3, and she thought keanu reeves' name was NEON.
ha ha :)

it feels like o's are over.
for some reason.

i know i still have amath physics and chem, but it seems so faraway. and all that matters to me now is food and tv and sleep. perhaps my time of the month accounts for the sudden intake of two lunches and two dinners a day, but im suddenly VERY compelled to watch tv, tv and more tv.

my mother's getting hooked on huanzhugege too. although she denies it.
she used to chide me for watching it, cause she says its annoying. but i've been telling her the story every day during dinner, so she's starting to watch it sneakily.
and when i go "MUMMY, you watched huanzhugege right?! RIGHT?" and she goes "no laah. just the last part." but the strange thing is.. she can tell me everything that happened in the episode. :)

watched some korean show today, medical files. its really good. and My Love, Patzzi is coming on channel u! wanna watch it but i REALLY dont like the lead actor. kim jae won. hes those kinda smiley blaaah kinda guys. kim rae won's inside too.. and he's okay but i dont like his hairdo in that show. untamed mass of curls.. very unbecoming. but still.. i wanna watch it.

once olevels are over, and i obtain my set of huanzhugege III and Into The Sun vcds, life will be just perfect :) oh.. not forgetting shopping too. but im a lil broke now for some reason.

right. gonna go korea again this year.
my mother gave me a choice between london and korea and i said korea cause i dont like travelling, especially LONG plane rides and going to faraway places even though london is a place i HAVE to see but that can wait.
then smth cropped up and my mother said maybe we'll have to settle for just a shopping and food trip to bangkok and i was VERY happy cause i can get heaps of shopping done. plus its a short and quick holiday.
but then, everything turned out okay so she booked for korea.
which is now making me a teenyweeny bit upset since i had the bangkok option.
and it makes more sense for shopping to be better at bangkok since its cheaper and its WARM so the kinda stuff i can get is more suitable for singapore whereas in korea everything's winter clothing.
and i hate WINTER.
i dont even like skiing or snowboarding.
i dont like snow.
i hate cold weather.
the only plus point is MAYBE.. like MAYBE by some chance i'll see some korean actor and and and...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay but thats unrealistic. cause urrrrrgh! i mean where do such things happen!
although the last time i went korea i saw the moffatts at the airport :)
but i didnt do anything, like no autograph no nothing so.. when i came back steph wanted to beat me up but ahhh maybe i'll see kwon sang woo this time.
maybe :)

i know i should stop blogging so many times a day.. but i have to post this up.
really.

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold on to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
When clouds roll by
For you and i

Souls in the wind must learn how to bend
Seek out a star hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
When clouds roll by

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream abou the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts
Everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and i

this was the song i wanted to sing during founders day.
i dont know, i think this song puts alot of things into perspective.
it just means alot to me.

emath was hard..
thats what i thought anyway unlike those smart freaks who thought it was easy
just hope i'll be able to scrape an a1 cause theres no way i can get an a1 for amath or physics although i do hope by some chance i do get one for amath.

anyway how could cambridge do that to us.
setting such a horribly hard paper for olevel standard.
i almost cried when i saw the circular geometry thingum.

anywaay my eye hurts.
got a sty in it. at least thats how i think u spell it.

sighh.. the worst of olevels is yet to come.
chem physics amath..

and i was thinking. in my whole life, i've never actually had GOOD grades.
like perfect grades. like for me.. 6a1s is a perfect grade.
i've never achieved anything like that.
except maybe in primary school. but thats lower primary to be exact.
ever since i was in primary4, i've never had excellent grades.
i hope olevels is the time where i see grades i'm actually REALLY proud of.
although i dont think its actually possible.

okay i have to get back and start blogging LONG things again.

was thinking back about my olevel compo and i think (to my horror..) that i wrote something like "me and my friends" and thats broken english!!!!!!!
to think i used to go on this crusade correcting everyone who said "me and my so and so" and i actually did that for OLEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!! grawr.

sorry just remembered. so i think i'd better get back to blogging longish, insane stuff and get the hang of the language again.

i should stop fantasizing about huanzhugege so much.
i actually dreamt about it.
and i've been crying during the last four or five episodes. ever since zhihua came into scene anyway.
its just so.. sad.
thats bad vocab but no one's marking this.
i.. want to watch the next episode. and the next. and the next. and the next. and wanna watch it NOW.

hmm. and at the same time, i'm juggling watching huanzhugege part one on sundays. and i keep comparing them in my head.
although i prefer the new xiaoyanzi cause shes less annoying and exaggerated, i feel she portrays xiaoyanzi differently from vicki zhao. she's actually softer, gentler, more pitiful and very very endearing :)

the new ziwei is good too.
ALOT less annoying. i feel like strangling ruby lin everytime i see her act.
i noticed, in huanzhugege part one and two, she seems to be overstretching her eyes as if her taiwanese eyes are too small compared to vicki zhao's and she has to streeetch them. and she never blinks. if she does.. its once every.. thirty seconds??
grrr.
and i noticed one other thing too.
erkang had surgery for his eyes. his eyes are much bigger and nicer now. he has double eyelids too. think his acting has improved.

arghhhhhhhhh i liked alec su as yongqi! and i liked the old emperor! and i..
am a retard.

yes. i cant seem to find the "Into The Sun" vcd anywhere!!!
and its infuriating cause i've been dying to watch it for months and i cant seem to find it in any daaarned shop and it has kwon sang woo.. and.. and.. and.. GRRRRR.
i will order it if i dont see it come in after o's.
daaammmit.

im gonna go on a korean drama serial watching frenzy after o's.
gonna make sure i catch Teach Me English or is it Conquer Me English or something like that.
jang hyuk show.. too bad kwon sang woo's not inside.
but dues machina is coming out next year..

and yes im a retard shall end this mindless chatter.
its highly useless.
but i liiiike :)

my hand hurts.
didnt have time to finish unseen.
did the question that mrs choo said was well she said "what?! so you were one of the rare few who did that question!" doesnt bode well does it?
textbased was shit. stupid lumber room.
i think my other one was okay.
bloody lit.
hand hurts.
:(

yup.
wont talk about the paper today lest my grades get jinxed.
ignorance is bliss :)

tomorrow.
it starts.
best of luck everyone.

strangely, it doesnt feel like its starting.
a good sign? perhaps.
or maybe not.
i dont know.

cheers, everyone.

stayed up all night to do this.
so dumb.

the mg fair was great!
i think its a pity the sec4s didnt get to participate actively but yes, the olevels are waaaay more important.

it was reallyyyyy cool!
there were these people from the harley davidson and honda wing club or whatever giving rides and we even had a police car and fire truck!
and of course the lame viking but there were these other rides that would have made me throw up my food and the TIGER slide and im aware i sound rather dumb but nevermind.

had a caricature done.
it doesnt look like me. but i still think its pretty cool that the artist can look at your face and capture something funny he sees in you. anyway he drew me in a bathtub and .. it looked pretty obscene while he was drawing it but after it was done it wasnt.
and he was soooo talented and fantastic with his hands i was a m a z e d. he could draw with two hands and he'd ask you to turn your profile and snip this black piece of paper in two minutes and when hes done, its a side profile of you!!!!

arghh.. the food was okay. typical fair food.
played some of the lame games. haha 3a2's tarzan and jane was cool :)
but it was a terrible advantage to those teensy primary school kids who could crawl through the tangled mess.

haha anywaay.
in one day.. its olevels.
i think i'd better stop crapping around.
and s t u d y.