ok i have about 3 minutes to blog so I'll make it real quick and snappy because i hate leaving my poor blog to rot.

so to sum up my week in these 3 precious minutes

• uni apps are a complete drag
• I have studied and slept and breathed and ate and studied breathed and ate somemore; severely lacking in sleep.
• saw weikong during Honours Night and he's doing so much better! guat took awful photos of me. :/
• I repeat, in serious need of sleep.
• rosalind tan's pasta dinners and many hours in the hubba hubba which has become noisy because of the invasion..
• I am still sick :(

anyway, after abit more extensive research, I realised it's too expensive for me to go to Berkeley and even if I can get in (like I can, but a girl can hope) I won't be able to afford it :(
there goes my dream school.

but it's okay because I guess I've made up my mind and I'm very happy to get into my second choice!
which I'd better get into or else I'll be quite unhappy, feeling rather school-less.
but still I must say, getting into my second choice means losing a whole load of dreams I used to have.

but as they say, as long as the peace of God is with you, it's okay :)
and I feel rather peaceful..

on the doggy update: he's getting fatter, a little smellier and he growls at michelle. I think he likes boys only. he seemed rather taken with her brothers.

everyone is right.
I have gone off my rocker.

oh dear, I think I need to find my way back to earth.
and reclaim my sanity.

(even though I like being crazy, it's just you know, not appropriate)

ok, so I tried blogging the other day and it didn't come out.
how annoying is that.

anyway, school is taking its toll on me.
MY SICKNESS is taking its toll on me.
but i'm feeling alot more optimistic.
for some reason.

honours night rehearsal today was so long and dreary.
wearing stockings has to be the weirdest sensation ever.
anyway, my court shoes were slightly too big for me and they almost came off on my way to the stage!
so when i was onstage I made a concerted effort to keep my shoes on and i clunked down on the heel to make sure they didnt slide of my feet and when I reached mrmarkng, he said Don't walk so loudly..
ohdear.

ok, I seriously cannot think of anything decently substantial to say.
my dog is getting fat.
and I discovered today that my tastebuds are infected.
eee-ouch.

over-saturation and unwinding of the mind

probably why I can't think of anything to say.

haha thanks jin, I knew I got it right over there ;)

anyway, my throat is burning, my nose is clogging, my voice is crackling and I feel very very terribly sick.
like wanna-stick-a-tube-down-my-throat-to-suck-out-all-the-phlegm and sleep in all day kinda sick.

and may I add that I am very pissed at a supremely irresponsible Mr. P

ohwell,
I don't foresee myself getting any better within the next week or so because my mother hasn't been feeding me any nutritional meant-for-sick-people food.
she bought me maccers for lunch (throat killer!) and for dinner we had a barbeque.
in an attempt to quench the unhealthiness of all that food, I ordered mango juice thinking some fruit would make my meal healthier but I forgot that mango juice is heaty!!
anyway, the salad bar was really good so I kept eating salad.

it's time to mug mug mug and mug some more,
and lead a boring dreary existence.

and I can't spell anymore.
I keep botching up my

• tendancy/tendency (the latter is correct, as I found out through my prelims)
• attendence/attendance (again, the latter is correct as I found out from the attendance book)
• existence/existance (this one I'm not even sure, I'm assuming the former is correct..?)

ohdearyme, I hate not being able to spell.

okay, anyway down with a scratchy throat and dry cough.
I blame those horrid, oily, scrumptious cheese puffs that they keep selling and I keep eating.
talk about prophetic irony!
the day when I started on my cheese puff rampage, tan cc came up to me and said Don't eat so much oily things okay! Very heaty! Must drink lots of water, you don't want to get sick! It's the last lap of the exams..
and I nodded offhandedly at her scoffing at her doubts of my immunity system which proved not so great after all..

nowadays, I keep thinking about my future which seems the slightest bit bleak and dismal.
I want to experience a new life and see new things and buy new things and live it up
BUT how on earth do I do that if I'm gonna attain dismal grades?
well, I can't so it's back to the books.

200%!!

we were talking over recess that day about friends that come and go and she said something that really struck me.
There's no point trying to remain best friends just because you've been bestest of best friends for so many years, but you're best friends because you're really best friends. There's always good friends.
and I couldn't help feeling she was so right yet so wrong all at the same time.
when I thought about it I'd veer to one extreme and then to the other, and even when I found a sparse middle road, it'd disintegrate before me.
anyway, it's just one of those tidbits for thought when your mind is empty and somewhat reflective and you look at those who come and go, remain, or look as thought they're remaining.

friendship is a very queer thing.
you'll never find one that has remained right by your side through every moment but yet many of them never really leave.
it's just this cord between the two that stretches and retracts, some stretching further than others, but still bound by a thin cord; and some close, connected by a thick rope of trust and love.

the older I grow, the more people I meet, but the less friends I have.
the irony of it all.
but those that I have, I really want to keep more than ever.

ohwell.
moving rapidly along..

today's the second day of school and I am draining out.
only one set of econs notes, math revision set (not many questions) and a lit essay and I'm ready to throw down the books and..
rest.

anyway school today was littered with quite a few funny moments.
the AAboys were playing hangman and it was a showdown between leslie and lucas so they were yelling and screaming at the void deck, lucas trying to figure out the answer.

me: agus, do you know the answer? tell me!
jame: ok play broken telephone!
agus: (whispering in my ear) Paycheck..
me: ohhh..
sue: okay tell me tell me!
me: (whispering) Paycheck..
sue: ohhh..
rage: okay tell me tell me!
sue: (whispering) Paycheck..
rage: ohhh..
jame: okay tell me tell me!
rage: (whispering) Paycheck..
jame: ohhh..
mich: okay tell me tell me!
jame: (whispering) Paycheck..
mich: ohhh..

ok, it seriously happened like that.

anyway, this is what I read in the puppy handbook for miniature schnauzers.

Some dogs challenge your authority every chance they get. So just what should you do to prove that you're really the"top dog" in the pack? First of all, don't be too affectionate. That's right, don't go overboard on the petting and coddling.

In the canine world, the dominant member is aloof and displays little affection for subordinates. Instead the subordinate members approach the dominant member and display affection. So don't just pick up your miniature schnauzer and start petting him. Don't let your mini schnauzer put his paws or head in your lap when you sit down.

Sometimes a dog readily accepts the husband as the dominant one of the pack and views the wife and especially children as subordinates. In this case, the husband has little difficulty with the dog but the wife and children encounter varying degrees of resistance to their requests.

MY DOG TREATS ME AS ITS SLAVE!
omg, no wonder it doesn't listen to me at all!
it thinks I'm it's slave..
:(

after reading that, I felt a little miffed.
how can a puppy be so.. I'm suddenly at a loss for words to describe such behaviour.

I am going to stop carrying it and kissing it.
steeewpid.
I refuse to be its slave; the slave of a dog!

what's the world coming to seriously..

before today I was feeling worried about not feeling worried and wowee worry no more because,
I am feeling worried :(

first day was abiiit too much for me though.
first day of school and we do a timed piece!
too much activity for my brain.

and tomorrow, it's full turbo powered concentration.
plus many many more timed pieces.

you know, if I see these last 8 weeks as a straight, routine, monotonous road, I actually feel better about studying.
keeping your eyes down the road on the finish line, and knowing you can ignore the pretty flowers and dog poo on the side.
it's quite a safe ground, albeit terribly uninteresting.

ok, 8 weeks of grueling nonstop studying.
I hope I'm ready for it.

oh yes, I forgot to add, results this friday...

:/

loook! it's smokey! (they named it without me.. but it's okay)


cutest, sweetest dog alive!


SO CUTE! (the dog.. hurhur)


this was it's favourite toy YESTERDAY. today it's something else. what a fickle boy.


anyway i spent the whole of yesterday cleaning up dog poo and pee with my sister, and it was quite horrific in my opinion.
because i absolutely DETEST poo and pee if it's not mine.
but he's such a sweetie, i forgive him :)

and sad to say, i think smokey likes me the least!
because my sister plays with him 24/7 and willingly cleans up it's poop and pee all the time, he loves her to bits and follows her around.
and then he has this amazing connection with my dad.
even though my father sees it the LEAST, he just gravitates towards my father.
and my mother has this other amazing ability to make him do what she wants, like making him stay still while she cleans his paws (or maybe she's just really good at holding him firmly cos she has a whole library of experience in taking care of naughty kids)

as for me, he follows me around sometimes gravitates towards me sometimes and doesn't let me clean his paws!
and i'm quite good to him i reckon, i kiss him and play with him and praise him, just not 24/7.
and he seems to like my toes a hell lot, like they're playthings.
maybe he thinks they're mice or something.
because when he sees my toes he'll start nipping them and when i move them away, he'll think i'm playing some game and starts chasing my poor toes!
but it's okay, i still love him to bits and TODAY I MADE HIM SIT! :)
and he doesn't like to sit.

anyway, the last few days in a nutshell.

Thursday
- went to get the dog :)
- popped over to soozie's for class party which was, well, a flop :(
- went home and read up on house training the pup!

Friday
- smokeeeeytime.
- cleaned up my first pile of dog poop and pee!
- KTV!

i'm very glad ktv cravings have been satiated.
it was the one thing, other than shopping, that i REALLY wanted to do after prelims.

ktv brings out the emo-ness in us


loook! it's JAY!! :):)


"if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends, make it last forever, FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS!"

matt joined the girlfriends club :)

matt: "ba yi fu TUO DIAO TUO DIAO!", the tuodiao song!


i've missed you muchhy jame!


and michelle too!


anyway, we're all act cute and happy KTV kids!

:)

ohwell, ktv never fails to bring out the emo side in me.
and i forgot to sing this song..

If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I will simply fly away.

ohwell.

today (wednesday) we went to see dogs.
and oooomiiigosh i was in dog heaven <3
even though the whole place was smelling of pee and poop and dog chow, seeing all those dogs just made my heart melt/face smile/day good, every single bright and beaming thing you can think of.

and you know,
we
decided
to
get
a
DOG! :) <3

so in less than 24 hours, i'm going to look for my sweet new perfect miniature schnauzer with it's growing, greying white beard!
and my family has even decided what we wanna name the dog without seeing the one we're gonna get.

hrmmm, i say dog fever has hit the house.

i can't seem to stop sleeping.
everytime i see a bed/couch, i feel this compulsive to urge to lie on it and subsequently fall asleep.
not good, because everyday i feel half drugged-out.

anyway in the last two (three?) days i'd been made to take out my snow globe of a holiday and look at it.
conversations and discussions about freezing time and looking back; and the only thing i could think of was my snow globe.
looking at it and shaking it up, a rather bittersweet moment.
watching the little figures frozen in a smile, in a beautiful winter holiday, encased in that little globe, never to be touched again; that's really what it is.
makes me wonder how this year would end.

anyway, i'm ready to hit the books again!
to go for study camps and be surrounded by books, warmth, food and girlfriends.
seriously, there's no better way to mug for the Alevels.
as for colleges, i'll leave that til prelim results are out.

speaking of prelim results..

erm, okay on second thoughts, maybe not heh.

finally met up with SOOZIE! and I was so haaaiiirpeeee :)
seriously, I felt.. elation.
just walking down the streets and talking shit and taking neoprints and we ALMOST went to the arcade.
I really wanted to play air hockey.
:(

(laura&rage, you don't get bold letters and purple font because laura, I saw you the MOST during post prelims and rage, we had a nice chat over the phone. it is soozie, michelle and jamie that I have barely seen. hello, are you reading this? I MISS YOU PALS!)

but in the meantime, I love you soozie and laura and rage (even though you're not inside here!)




ok, excusemeplease while I sink into girlie lovin' mushiness.

it's been a fair week of play and I think I've done most of the post-prelims activities that I've set out to do.
all except...

KTV

which i know will materialize soon.
and it's time to start organizing my time and getting my engine ready for the big A's.

and I think my brain has settled itself very comfortably in holiday mode because, even as I blog, I am finding it increasingly difficult to articulate myself.
like previously, I wanted to write KTV which I know will materialize soon and I couldn't think of the word materialize at first.
so I sat there thinking for the longest time what was the word I wanted to use and I knew it was something-lize and stupidly, I kept thinking of visualize which is so totally.. well, wrong.

anyway, it's time for Initial D yet again!

i don't know why, but i just have this sudden urge to say this.
that i know i've screwed up a lot of things and some things screwed themselves up, but whatever it is, somehow i don't have the energy to fix it.

and it dawned on me that perhaps, similarly, there are many things i want to fix, but others don't have the energy to fix it.

and this aimless mindless chasing around is quite sad, isn't it?

it makes me almost mad and disgusted with myself.

it's post prelims and after three days of activity (not even consecutively!), all i wanna do is hibernate at home.
i couldn't even bring myself to troop to school today.
even though i really really wanted to.

i mean after all, it's the last teacher's day i'll ever celebrate.
it's gonna be my last year as a student decked out in a school uniform, celebrating little holidays like teacher's day, and i really wanted to go and make this last year memorable.
but then, i was up reading this book i bought yesterday by Ray Pritchard called Discovering God's Will for Your Life.

it seems as though two broad areas in my life are very lacking.
or at least for the moment.
it's filled with questions and i-don't-knows and which ever decision i make it's gonna craft my path.

anyway, something that was written in the book really struck me.

"The reason you don't know is because you don't need to know because if you needed to know, you would know, but since you don't know, you must not need to know, because if you had needed to know by now, you would know by now, but since you don't know, you must not need to know because when you need to know, you'll know. If God is God, that must be true."

and for so many of these earth-shattering (to us) questions like Which college should I attend? What should I study in college? Am I ready for a relationship? the answer we can give is I don't know.
and we sit there feeling frustrated because we know we'd need to know in due time but currently, we don't.
furthermore, as humans, we all have this fervent need to know what the future would be like for us.

but then, God doesn't reveal everything to us at one shot.
things are shown to us one step at a time.
and we slowly grow to learn of His will as we grow to know Him more.

and so right now, as i'm being put in a role of a student, my job is to study hard, apply wherever looks good to me and fulfil my duties.
and in due time, God will reveal the answers to my questions to me.
and He can do it in a myriad of ways.
but right now, my job is to study hard and continue to seek and know Him.

and all of a sudden, i felt so much better.
for the last few days i've been thinking about colleges (because i really really want to go overseas) and blowing my brains out.
but then, i realised i don't have to make my decision now.
i don't know what's going to lie ahead of me in the next few months and even tomorrow!
so what's the point of fretting and thinking so much?

ok, just a little something i thought i'd share :)
anyway that's just a small part of the book but something that really struck me.

in the meantime, i really miss my girls.
when we spent time together before prelims, it always revolved around school and work and studying.
and now that prelims are over and we can enjoy ourselves, i've only seen them as a group once and in little bits and pieces after that.
plus, i am suddenly craving my favseatbuddy's oreo and strawberry milkshake :(

i want to go to sue's house where the whole group of us will stay home and watch movies and sue will create her lovely drinks and we'd pig out and go for those lovely after dinner walks and i'm rambling and rambling and shit, girlfriends are the best friends :)

honestly, i don't think i could imagine life without them.
i don't think i could have pulled through the difficult times this year if they weren't around me, cheering me up, consoling me and taking up every itsy bit of my time helping me to forget and smile because life is good!
that God has blessed me with such wonderful, wonderful friends!

it makes going to school worth so much more because i'd sit with them in school and we'd learn and study together.
then we'd spend recess and lunch together eating and talking just about everything and anything.

and outside school, these are the girls you study and mug for the prelims with.
these are the girls you watch movies with and gossip about brad and jennifer and angelina like they're your friends.
these are the girls you have dinners and suppers with.
these are the girls you not only have fun with, you pour out your woes and discuss your uncertain future with.
and these are the girls you want to have a future with!

ok, i'm feeling this rush of emotions and i can't seem to articulate myself very well, but, seriously, all i need in this life of sin is just me and my girlfriends Y





:)