ok im feeling pretty pissed.
my stupid hosted pictures worked for say.. ONE day and its now rotting on me.
i change the template.. insert another hosted pic and it totally JAMS UP ON ME!!!
arghhhhhhhhh!
villagephotos is NOT a good hoster!
or maybe its blogger. or maybe its ME! ugh whatever!

ARGHHH! of course its stella! whoever uhh is.. which i think sounds like ta.. yes that HAHAHAH person has to be stella. of course its stella! who else can it be?!!? and stella.. yes play for acjc.. win for acjc.. how can i play and win if im fat and lousy?? how can i eat all i want and end up a blob of lard and be fit and healthy and stella yes im trying to be comfortable in my own skin.. but well i can make healthy improvements right?! grr.. im confused.

its two weeks to prelims and its making me wonder what i've been doing with life and what am i GOING to do with my life. when i was young i used to have all these crazy notions and ambitions and i still keep some of them with me. of course my dreams and ambitions change as i grow older but most of them are around the same if u get what i mean.

when i was in primary1 i had all these crazy ideas of being a docter/lawyer and well those were practically the only jobs we knew when we were that young right? but because i started writing these poems since i was 7 (dont mock me) i decided when i was in primary3 i wanted to be a writer or a poet or something along those lines. and when i went up to primary6, i started thinking a little more widely into this field and decided perhaps journalism was my dream. and of course down (or should i say up?) into secondary school, i began thinking of other job options, for example going into advertising, PR, media or journalism. and at this age, where money, grades, looks, image blahblahblah is so important i have to consider wages, passion for the job and obviously what my forte is. and although i'd still love to be a writer, i'm starting to come to terms that perhaps my english isn't adequate enough, the singapore market is TINY and the pay is pittance. then there's journalism.. i still dont think my english is up to standard (just read the newspapers for goodness sake! they're so.. hmm chim) and am i really up to it? my mother says i'm too unobservant and disorganised to be one.. and my friends say i'm not serious enough to be a newspaper journalist or work in channelnewsasia (yes i did consider that). so am i supposed to envision myself working in a tabloid magazine or some entertainment magazine.. which i can say is pretty fun from the looks of it but is that what i want myself to be? and the pay is probably peanuts too. and the market for advertising and PR is so tiny in singapore i'll probably be jobless for a long long time..

its so hard to keep up with your dreams as you grow older. circumstances change and as you grow older, you grow imperceptibly wiser, and all these things like money status and job markets which didnt mean a thing when you were young and two feet tall suddenly matter so much.

its two weeks to prelims. i'd better do something about my life. so at least when i get out into society, i have more options. dear dear prelims. GRR. and olevels of course.

i am very sad.

because a number of my friends were looking a picture of me last year and they all said "i didn't think you'd put on that much weight til i saw this picture!" i am very sad. to know i've put on weight is one thing. to have people telling you you've put on weight is another. so while waiting for commendation awards to begin, me lyd and lesley were having a discussion on how i can cut down on my appalling eating habits. plus im not training anymore.. so all the more i should cut down right? right. so i've decided. i should just have ONE piece of bread. yeah with cheese or something or tuna.. sounds healthy to me. then i'll have normal recess. normal recess means.. no big bowl of noodles with biscuits and crackers and extra chicken after that. normal recess is an average bowl of noodles and.. that's it. and then they said dont take lunch if i take recess and i was thinking gosh help me how can i NOT have lunch?!!? but i guess when 2 something rolls around.. im really not that hungry i'm just.. greedy. okay so i think i can manage that. and well normal dinner to last me the whole night. ok so like my self help book says.. i should write it down. so here goes.

breakfast: ONE piece of bread with something healthy on it
recess: one normal bowl of noodles or healthier still.. bring my own sandwich or cereal :) or just take fruit.
lunch: NOTHING. hmm okay perhaps a fruit to last me til dinner.
dinner: whatever normal stuff i have for dinner

oh and lyd says i should run three times a week. i am appalled. i have no energy or time to shove on running shoes and open the door, step out and actually run. so i suggested skipping. cause thats not very time consuming and i dont have to step out of the house to do it and plus i quite like skipping. BUT i just found out skipping gives you chunky thighs. and i already have chunky thighs, thanks to being a squash player so what am i to dooo!! al;ksjdf;ladl;dl;ka! im pissed. so anyway maybe i wont exercise but i have to cut down on my food.

why oh why cant i be like my sister? who eats but never puts on weight? why do i have to be short, fat and ugly??? gRr. i wish i could turn back time and magically be thin again. unfortunately thats not possible.. so im gonna start now. God.. give me strength to sustain and be disciplined!!

anyway my efforts at being disciplined through writing all that crap were futile. i'd say i did fairly well in the day.. with the physics and skipping and whathaveyou.. but after dinner i decided to read a little.. and once i started i couldn't stop. so wasted the whole damn night. i shall have another timetable written down when i go offline which is after this.

1. nap til 7 or 7.30 (i am very very tired)
2. dinner (eat less.. i had lunch PLUS food at the reception just now)
3. shower
4. AMATH! i've been neglecting amath for the last four days!!
5. physics tys mcq.. i'll do two topics. I WILL.
6. if i have the time.. go through some chem.
7. SLEEP!

ok that should be good. retro revolution's tmr. my dress is dead awful. sigh. hope tomorrow goes well.

can someone teach me how to host my pictures? cause they never come out and its getting kinda annoying..
i have all these great pictures and no one can see them!
im using the MGS picture now.. the cool squash one.. in memory of my squash days :)

self help books are quite effective! i'm reading one called EAT THAT FROG! and i havent quite finished it, but i tried applying some of its methods and i must say it does produce rather interesting results. one thing they emphasise greatly on is to write down your goals, be it daily or yearly and plan on it. and it does work! because like the book says, writing down your plans and goals give your ideas tangible form. A goal or objective that is not in writing is merely a wish or a fantasy. hmm how right.

so i created a daily timetable kinda thing. yeaps.. and another point i was reading about is taking one step at a time. cause recently i've been so overwhelmed by all the work i dont know and have to do and whatnot. and this morning, i woke up early to skip (in efforts of clearing my head and losing some weight.. i did 1500 haha!) and i was thinking how right it was. cause i remembered when mr koh used to tell us to skip 2000 we would be like whaaaat! and i used to get so tired and lazy while skipping cause i was counting to 2000 and it seemed like a daunting job. but sometime in sec3 i shifted my skipping plans and i started to skip 200 at a time. and i finished my skips pretty quickly and i didnt feel very tired at all! so.. yup.

but the bottom line is.. all these self help books can only help you discover and realise your weaknesses and introduce or suggest methods to you but the real test, the mountain to overcome is really yourself. yeah.. like i can start writing down my daily goals and plans.. but what good is it to start if i can't sustain? yeaps.. so one step at a time. i can do it. i am a disciplined athlete!! (ok very unfit and lousy at squash now.. but still)

tmr's commendation awards. hope my mother can come.. so i dont hafta take bus home.. haha. and besides its nice having my mother there while i take my award. hope she's not too appalled by my very unflattering picture. i showed my sis and she collapsed in giggles. yes its a VERY retarded picture. i was gonna say smth but i forgot.. oh oh yes.. the video they're gonna show tomorrow has really meaningful words.. haha. it does really.

"I am an athlete not because i know what it's like to win; but because i know what's like to lose." how right is that! and so far i've never ever gotten first for anything. and i mean ANYTHING. in squash.. cdiv we got bronze (first time in four years?? how disappointing!) and last year we got bronze again (bdiv that is) and this year i was sooo determined we wouldn't get bronze again.. but cause scgs was too good for us i was targeting a silver which we did get.. but it was hard earned. yeah those awful rgs games where the WHOLE team was suffering from muscle pulls cause mr koh made us do hill sprints couple of days ago! it was horrible horrible. lydia won by ONE point.. 5setter. so did alison. and ta won easily. and mine.. mine was a total washout. with two injured legs.. i lost 3-2 and i was really really upset cause i knew i could have beaten her 3-0 if not for those awful cramped legs. okay haha sounds like sour grapes. and the ny game as well.. but ohwell that's all in the past. for grades.. i 've never been first for anything either. ohwell. i really wanna know what its like to be a gold medallist. to know that your team is THE BEST..to know that you beat everyone else.. you knocked down all hurdles in your way, you fought like a fighter, gave it your best to emerge the BEST of the lot.. i really wanna know what its like. hopefully when i go acjc, we'll get a gold.. well provided i actually make it into acjc and if i do.. provided i make it into top7 which means after o's i gotta train like hell. but.. yes.. if not for all these failures.. dont think it makes up who i am. to win, you have to lose.

commendation awards rehearsal today. for once its in the comfy audi and they even had this really cool video which i just know mr ong compiled cause of the words. but there's a VERY unflattering picture of me in one of the slides so.. err nevermind. i shan't even bother describing it.

gotta do school magazine report and pictures for squash.. whoopeedoo. i selected a whole bunch of really cool photos and i was gonna do this "when we first met.." kinda photo essay using various pictures which just fit those little captions and at the bottom i'd have our prize presentation photos, seperate b and c div pics.. flying pics and a really really awesome MGS one.. and anyway after resizing.. picking and planning.. i reread the paper and it said "To arrange photographs, photostat the photos, cut up the photostats and arrange the photostats on the page. DIGITAL PHOTOS NOT ACCEPTED so after planning and resizing.. a whole afternoon's work has gone to waste.

yup.. and anyway my printer is going crazy. all my pictures came out BLUE. but thats besides the point. now gonna hafta write everything into a cd and develop it. and gonna ask miss gan whether i can resize some but i doubt she'll go to all the trouble just to let me resize to everything will look pretty in the magazine. but uGhh. whatever.

oh yes. after reading michelle's (goh) blog.. i realised i forgot to add one teeeeensy bit that haha i have to add!
i think michelle loh's bro is coool! haha yesyes.. he's sectwo and hes all grown up from that nerdy skinny fair boy in sec one who dripped apple pie down his shirt. hes now taller, tan, buffed and well he plays the drums pretty well! though he lost the beat around four times but haha! all i can say is.. if im a sec2girl.. i'd go for john. hehheh. JUST KIDDING!!!!! cause im sec4. yup :)

i am hungry and tired.. was super damn high during tuition..
must be pms.. post menstrual syndrome.. haha.

people are getting superficial and image conscious and basically fake inside and out. even those that appear all goody and righteous.. to a certain extent, they are image conscious because they just seem to portray this hey-look-at-me-i'm-so-honest image and after a while it gets tiresome and in my eyes a little hypocritical. and then there are those who worry so much about being cool and stuff.. and well yes maybe they are cool.. but dont they feel false? and then there are those people who are drifting in between and i dont think anyone can confidently say that hey this is me and thats the way i am. the people in between probably suffer a sort of identity crisis. they dont think they're goody and over righteous but at the same time they dont think they're cool and stuff. so they're just greyish.

i cant say im totally blameless.. cause i know i can be rather false. but it gets tiring. i think im rather greyish, but it sucks being greyish cause u never really know where u stand. but at the same time.. i dont think im gonna enjoy being black or white.

i dont really like my class. its too full of extremes. personally, i think everyone in my class is nice as an individual, but together, its horrific. perhaps its cause my class is too extreme. we have so many cliques and bunches and both have very staunch beliefs. for example, some go oh i hate her she annoys me like shit and they're so adamant about it they bitch like hell. and some just believe they are so right, so smart, it makes everyone around them feel stupid and degraded. its too extreme. and me being rather grey.. is caught in between this hell.

ok maybe its too harsh to call it hell.. but i constantly feel as though im watching myself in class. i feel like two selves. with some im overly chatty.. cracking lame jokes knowing they'll laugh.. with some.. i let them make me laugh. and with some i just dont know what to say. or with some i jes complain or whatever. i dont like feeling as though i have to conform to some kind of social mould. i dont like seeing what people's needs and wants are and adjusting mine to fit theirs. and i can really stand amazed looking at people who change so drastically from one group to another. is this what u call adaptability? i guess inside it is something i'd like to possess, to be like a shapeshifter, able to fit in with everybody and be so versatile. but yet there's something i really despise about it. where's the sense of individuality? where's the sense of the being? at the same time, i'd really like to be someone who's so confident in my own skin, i can boldly say to everyone, this is me take it or leave it. but thats not the way life goes does it?

i remember writing an essay once, comparing people to drinks. some people are like water. neutral, clear, and wanted only when needed, good for you but no ones sees it. and then there are people who are like wine. intoxicating, worldly and people desire it, some because they truly appreciate it, but largely because it is a sophisticated thing to do. and there are people like fizzy drinks. people love them, but they're not neccessarily good for you, and most people are around them during a fun time. and they are those sweet drinks like ribena or lemon barley which aren't good, but aren't bad. people like them, but most prefer the fizzle and sizzle of carbonated drinks. and then there's the herbal tea. good for you only when you need it, but most people hate it. (that would be the teachers or something along those lines).

ok im getting way out of depth here.. but my point is looking at all these different 'drinks', is how most people act truly. i havent met a huge bunch of people who truly appreciated wine. most of them drink it cause its cool or whatever and arent there people like that? so cool and seemingly self assured, we feel so unsure of ourselves and we have to follow? and there are those like water. neither good nor bad. they dont get into trouble.. but they're not overly self righteous. most people use them.. why? because they fit into people's needs at appropriate times. but not everyone thinks they're that great.. and not everyone appreciates their goodness.
and then there are the fizzy drinks.. they're oodles of fun but they're not bad.. people just love being around them, but u dont expect to stick around them when things get tough. they're like party drinks. and then there's another in between drink like the ribena people.. they're not as unhealthy as fizzy drinks.. but they're sweeter and more delicious than water. people like them, but they dont love them. and of course the icky herbal tea.. which is good for you but u still HATE IT. like of course.. teachers and stuff. they're good for you.. but no matter what you dislike them.

well.. my only conclusion is.. life is complicated. c o m p l i c a t e d.

i hate packing! went church.. word of exhortation was forgiveness vs bitterness.. enjoyed it pretty much as well..
then after that my parents started ranting on and on about how i was so disorganised and everything.. ugh! my dad made me pack and file and sort everything in my room. he said if i didnt get it done.. he'll kick me out of the house. and knowing my dad.. he WILL.
yup. packing is waaay tougher than studying. thats why i've decided. im going to study real hard.. so i can get a good job and i wont be stuck being a maid or smth of that sort and beat my brains out sorting and packing and cleaning.. cause well im not a very good packer or cleaner.. well basically im highly disorganised. so even if im in a cleaning or a maid job i'll probably get sacked. so why not study now and get a good job and NOT get sacked. haha!

yup.. i found out i had six huge thick coloured folders full of crumpled worksheets of various subjects.. and i found two very messy aprime files.. oh make that three.. plus my physics.. and well my chem stuff (which is obviously in good order) and i threw away tons of math worksheets because i dont think i've done them and PLUS mrs lim probably cant remember that i havent handed them up. and i threw out my chinese stuff.. and so anyway i still dont think i have EVERYTHING.. but at least its neater and more organised now..

now.. i have three thick math files (all my aprime stuff).. two physics.. one for school (which i dont have everything) and my aprime one (which doesnt have everything either) and ive got a lit/english file thats full of random stuff.. my geog elect file which im going to protect with my life! well thats cause i dont listen during geog but mrs yy lim's notes are hell good.. i can study them and not listen and do well.. haha.. il protect them with my lifee!! jes kidding.. and i dunno some random school stuff.. oh whatever larr! everything's just in FILES FILES FILES.. whoopeydoo.. files. yup. files.

i hate that dusty feeling on your hands after you've been packing for too long. its dirty and dusty and.. dirty and dusty. thats right! hmm i WANNA WATCH MY TUTOR FRIEND! that makes a grand total of THREE people who told me its a movie i HAVE to watch.. its even better than my sassy girl and i luuurrrrved my sassy girl! i watched it four times! ohdearr.. im itching to watch my tutor friend!! but it totally sucks having friends who dont give a hoot about korean/jap/chinese movies.. or well actually those who just bother watching hollywood movies.. i mean hey.. where's the variety man! the only one who appreciates these things like i do is joan.. so she shall watch it with mee! ohwell.. lyd's pretty high on such stuff too.. haha shes my anime buddy but ughugh shes watched it already.. i digress.. im dying to watch my tutor friendd!

ohoh! advertising timee! on 26th september at 8pm on vventertainment channel 56 on cable.. they're showing PUBLIC TOILET! dont know whats it about.. but its a hongkong/korean collaboration starring jang hyuk!!!!! so watchwatchwatch!
ahhhh ok im going mad here.. i'd better shutup now..

hmm ohwell in line with today's word of exhortation of forgiveness vs bitterness.. i remember vaguely some oldie with this line
i can forgive but i don't wanna forget you. thats sweet dont u think.. and how forgiving and forgetting doesnt come hand in hand.. find it in your heart to forgive.. but dont expect an instant hit of amnesia.. but sometimes why do we want to forget.. painful or happy.. i think everyone should keep their precious memories alive..

yesyes cheesy i know.. butbut..
well.. i said it then and i'll say it again! i can forgive but i don't wanna forget you.

im so tired. had so little sleep yesterday.. and still had to survive miss goh's super sixhour chem remedials!! yeah came home.. watched tv then went to meet meatmeat for her birthdayy! ate like a pig tonight.. shall not go into it.. tmr im starving myself. i cant go on living like that!! being all greedy and fat and everything..

ohdear im really tired. and im in the mood for a new layout cept im too lazy to make one.. so until i make a new one.. yeah im stuck with this school blues thing..

hmm something interesting i learnt today..
"you know ah.. my friend was squeezing her pimple.. then she fainted! she was squeezing squeezing then piak! her pimple hit the mirror then she fainted!" amusing huh. i didnt know u could faint from pimplesqueezing. gotta watch all that zit squeezing next time..

sister went for zpop.. sounds good.. she GOT TO MEET PARK YONG HAAAA! okay id ont really like him all that much but still.. if ONLY jang hyuk would come to singaporee.. :( haha laaame.

oh STELLA! hah.. how did i know u were stella.. i mean u signed off as SORRY.. and it sure as hell didnt sound like you!! haha okay thanks for that erm.. halfwit thing.. i get what ur saying.. yesyes.. i am a halfwit.. dimwit.. blahblah.. thanks :D oh.. and whats wrong with serving with my BANKHAND.. err.. BACKHAND from the service box!! at least i bother to experiment riight! ohwell.. OHWELL. thanks for signing anyway! haha sorry acjc capt!! :)

ohwell shuttup abt the witty thing. ive decided il jes be normal.. yes.. if that means lousy bland unwitty english. so be it. who cares. certainly not me. yup. whats that thing.. be comfortable in your own skin.. so now i shall be comfortable in my own writing.. BUTBUT.. i think i'll still carry on with the word of the day thing.. i really like it u know.. cept i dont have a dictionary anywhere near me now so gotta skip it for today..

ohhwell.. i think i did something really rash and irrational.. and perhaps it was done in a fit of anger and frustration. plus being influenced by the people around me im starting to have regrets.. but well some said that my gut instinct is mostly always right and whatever i do i have to bear the consequences and never look back.. but right now im pretty unsure..

ohwell. doldrums. i like that word.. my life is in the doldrums. in class today.. i told michelle loh she shouldnt be so sarcastic all the time and it was very unbecoming. that really amused becky.. she said "how can something be becoming or unbecoming? i thought you are becoming something.." then she got really happy and amused and started saying how it shall become her new word.. you are so unbecoming! or whatever .. but anyway i wasnt very amused.

and for cme.. we watched a video called perfect hero. gosh its so inspiring and sad and touching all at the same time.. i couldnt stop crying!! it really made me reflect on my life.. on how lucky we actually are.. and how God has blessed me in so many ways.. and i realised how selfish im being and.. okay im not really making sense but.. i dunno. nevermind.

im not in the mood to speak in fluid writing and ugh whatever. i think il go now. bye.

i suck at frisbee. we had it for pe and those netballers were just too good with their weird passes and catches. and i am so used to holding a racket in my hand, i always reach for the frisbee too early. so anyway me and racheal the lazy ones just walked around, pretending to be part of the game when we weren't.
did my cme project. anything to raise my grade. i failed the stupid reflections part of cme just because i wrote two lines. so i actually DID my cme project :) hoho hoho.. i did it. wrote some dumb story. i was an old lady living in a home.. bahh.

ohweeell. prelims in two weeks. heelp hellp heeeeeellpP!

ugh i miss training with the team. i miss the warm camaradarie of the bdiv girls in the cosy squash court, eating, training, joking. even when there were unresolved and bitter issues within the team, we were still together purely because we were a team. i miss it so damn much. i miss sweating and panting, i miss mr koh and his lame jokes, i miss the drills.. most of all i think i miss the security. the security that u will always be a team no matter what. ohwell now im teamless. haha. okaaay not exactly.. like mr ong would say, mgsquashies past and present are all part of the mg squash family. but it is now not tangible.. that im part of the 'past'. i miss the realness of it all. the adrenaline.. the fight.. the determination.

but do they miss meeee? NO! grr.

think il go now do something more substantial. like STUDY. haha..

word of the day: ignominy n disgrace, humiliation. ignominious adj
use of word of the day: what ignominy to have been insulted and spat on like that.

another bad sentence, i know. forgive me.
losers see what they fear might happen; winners see what they want to happen.

had english olevel oral today.. i knew the examiner! gosh its weird when you're going for an important exam and you see someone you know.. when i was walking to the desks and i thought she looked real familiar. realised she was the scgs squash teacher in charge. the one with the cute baby. and so she took my entry proof and ic and didnt see me and went alright shumin you may sit.. then she looked up and said oh its you! hello! so i went oh hello back in this bright cheery voice which is so obviously fake and belies my FEEEAR! gosh i was never so afraid!! i think i read worse than usual. dont think il be getting by 12 there.. picture was alright i think and conversation was awful.. well the topic was just borrrrring.
tell me about a speech you heard recently and my mind was racing so i crapped about the speech we heard during founders day and i confessed i fall asleep sometimes during boring speeches and i swear the way i gushed on and on about the speech u might have thought it was the best speech i ever heard (which is isnt.. but it was pretty good). and she totally threw me when she said "oh but did any part of the speech not meet up to your expectations?" and like what the hell. so i made something up. i said the speaker was disorganised. whichh weell.. i made up my reasons for saying so. bAhh!
enough about that.

today's a bad day. im jes not having a good day. i havent been having good days lately. partly the pms i think but melancholy is in the aiiir! i dont think i'll delve into all the wishywashy things about why im feeling melancholy but im currently at a confidence and self esteem ZERO and jes disappointed in everything.
yup and jes thinking of all the little things.. and argh CHRISTINE! WHAT AN AWFUL WAY TO SIGN MY GUESTBOOK! say something nice pleeeease! resign. GRr. maybe i wont post those stupid word of the day things anymore. no one seems to appreciate them. gosh no one seems to appreciate this blog!! first someone says its boring.. then someone thinks my attempts at being witty are lacking. i must really be some whackedup pretentious.. thiiiing! no seriously.

maybe i wont discuss issues anymore. but isnt it frustrating how people are shaped by their surroundings. i guess its natural and only part and parcel of life.. but somehow i really hate it. i hate the way people allow themselves to be moulded by people around them. to allow themselves to so easily be swayed and changed. but at the same time.. i hate people who are so rigid and inflexible i feel like snapping them into two. weell.. i think i shud stop taking people's comments/criticisms whatever u wanna call it so hard. i mean this is MY blog. i will do whatever i want with it.. and if i want to discuss issues. i SHALL. and if i want to post dumb word of the days.. i WILL. well its jes my fault isn't it... that im so damn friggen stupid. stupid. cant even do well for exams despite tuition. cant even speak and write english despite being in mgs for ten years which is supposed to be highly conducive for learning english.

haaii. maybe i'll go read my Bible laterr.. i need comfort. and i hate the way i always read my Bible when things seem dim. WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! ohweell.

Nobody knows how weak i am, better than You
Nobody sees all of my needs, better than You
And nobody has the power to change me
to what i was born to be
Jesus be strong in my weakness
Empower me

nothing more to say. to all those people who's confidence level is matching mine.. this song is the song :) hmm .. yup.
no word of the day today. im not feeling up to it. i shall eat now. byee..

SOMEONE said my blog is BORING. actual phrase of words.. "DAMN BORING".
haaarruuumphh!
looks like my endeavour to cultivate witty and smooth writing through this blog has failed miserably. its BORING! ugh. fine i will TRY to be funnier. but i'm an egghead, i strive to post things of greater value. i mean.. do u want me to post dumb blonde jokes all the time?!?! maybe SOMEONE jes cannot appreciate intellectual wit. hAH. ok.. SOMEONE.. if ur reading this.. please learn!!

geograph geography geography. okay wrong. i mean elective geography elective geography elective geography. i find the word geography pretty hard to type. okay spent ONE hour studying three pages of elective geography. trying to absorb the meaning of subsistance farming.. collective management.. agribusiness. wow. hmm and the IPO* Inputs Processes and Outputs. gosh i HATE geography. studying it is a terror. thanks to my so-called intellectual reasoning in sec2 "social studies is like history right.. so i'll take full lit and half geog then technically i'll have done all three subjects!" can u tell i thought i was smart??! i was deluded.

steeewpid. after reading stella's entry on The Remedy.. she's right. u do get lost in the rhymes and honestly.. really.. i dont have much clue to what his lyrics mean. but well its a good song. yesyes. and shes right about the grammar. i never noticed it. gots. hahahaha. GOTS. i gots this. gosh.. better not get in the habit.. olevel oral is in erMm.. two days for meee!

okay SOMEONE will probably think my blog's STILL boring. because all i've talked about is elective geography and stella's insights to bad grammar. but well.. POOH POOH!
this is what i've realised. funny blogs are either people who post spastic jokes..
or they whine and bitch and grouse and complain in such an effective manner its funny. but well.. i'm TRYING to avoid whining bitching grousing and complaining (unless its completely necessary) because gosh.. i dont wanna get into sucha habit so i sound like a whacked up deranged catty beeet-ch when i write or speak. and also unfortunately.. i dont whine bitch grouse and complain in a very effective manner.. so obviously im not very funny at all. unlike someone i know.. (fifi) haha.. jes kidding fifz.. luuuurrrrrve ur bitching. its very uhh.. entertaining :D

so thats shumin's five cents (sorry lahh! no more one cent coin!) worth of insight into funny blogs. its only five cents cause today's one is pretty short. and this short train of thought is contributed by SOMEONE who triggered it off plainly because my blog is boring. B-O-R-I-N-G. boring. borrrrrrring.

by the way.. did u know that i've been spelling necessary wrong for the past dunno how many donkey years? i spelt it with a double c. only realised it because ann was asking me how to spell necessary and i told her double c and she said her handphone dictionary didnt have it. HAHA. im dumb. told u i was stupid. BARRRGHH. i will get smarter.

word of the day: necessary
use of word of the day: it is necessary that everybody be able to spell 'necessary' correctly, because it is a common mistake to spell it with a double c.

incase some people do not appreciate my word of the day today because unlike stupid me, they're smart and are able to spell necessary, this is for you.

word of the day for people more intellectual than me: prosaic adj plain and ordinary, unimaginative
use of word of the day for people more intellectual than me: shumin is only capable of such prosaic thoughts, lacking wit and awesome brain power.

thats all folks.

haha my new layout. i drew that ugly thing myself.
yes.. must be because of stress.

cant get my pic to actually STAY on that side of the table.. so when i scroll my words the picture will stay.
hmm i think i wont draw my own pics.. or take my own pics but actually go gettyimages to get cool pics. will go check them out now.

happy looking at ugly girls with straw hair and pink dresses surrounded by disgusting things.

p.s. the girl is not me.

had sixhour chem remedial today.. hohoho. answered question wrongly. got scolded.. for answering it wrongly AND not coming to school yesterday. but after that she said smth nice so nevermind.

"why do we need good friends when we have good friends like air all around us?" thats what miss goh said. totally random if u ask me.. but something we can all think about :) are our good friends really that good? hmm.. makes u appreciate the family more i guess..

word of the day: effrontery n bold insolence
use of word of the day: such effrontery cannot be tolerated in our school, get out now!

bad sentence i know. but gets my point across. bold insolence.

oh by the way.. do u know pooh-pooh is an ACTUAL word? poohpooh! to dismiss.

yes bored ol me blogging twice a day. haha but anyway here's a little something. was thinking about all the teachers that made me laugh.. and well.. :D

mrs quek: OH NO GIRLS! this is sooo dee-vasting!
hmm she was my english teacher in p6.

and during class when i drew my chem prac graph wrongly..
miss goh: SHUMIN! you are like a frog that goes patpatpat in the water! patpatpat patpatpat. dont care about your schoolwork. *stares witheringly at me* i bet osama and saddam hussein look sweeter than you!
riight. im a cross between saddam and osama's uglier twin.

during physics with old mr lim
*some loud cheena hp ringtone rings..*
old mr lim: *glares at the class* WHO'S? WHO'S?!
class: err mr lim.. its yours.
old mr lim: *digs into pocket* oh yahyah.. hello?

physics with old mr lim continued..
old mr lim: yes girls.. its the ereaaction ereeacction.
right. reaction erection. how nice.

maths with mrs lim..
me: mrs lim.. basic angle has to be less than 90 degrees right?
mrs lim: noooo!!! basic angle HAS be less than 90 degrees!
....

maths continued..
mrs lim: lets do saaxx (sets)!
ann: yes mrs lim! lets do se(x)ts! my favourite subject is see(x)ts!!! *grinning*

tuition with mr kok
mr kok: so if you want to find the median.. oh dear so many 4s! hello i am mr. four and im the median.. nono i'm mr.four and I'M the median! nono.. me! its me! ok lets take you to be the median. HAH! i told you i was the median!
:D

tuition continued..
mr kok: dont you love the name rosemary? oh no? you dont like it? how about hyacinth? lily? or narcissus?? you dont like any? then what do you like?!

teachers are so sweet :) they brighten up our day. haha.. if any teacher.. God forbid.. reads this.. hope no offense is taken! i meant no harm..

didnt go to school today.. cause i slept at 3 and i dreaded the thought of having to survive school. i had a real hard time falling asleep last night. i think it all started because of my bloody nightmare. when i woke up i had this unsettling feeling. and although i was dog tired i couldnt fall asleep because i felt really unsettled. i cant describe the feeling but its this weird uneasy feeling in ur chest. yeah it constricts sometimes and i jes feel scared and i cant relax and well i jes couldnt fall asleep. so when i finally fell asleep, it was 3am. and i was due to wake up in three hours. i jes couldnt.

until now.. im still feeling rather unsettled. but i did have a rather good nap jes now. i guess its cause im tired. woke up at 11.. finished up my aprime hmwk, lunched and snoozed for a good 3andahalf hours after that. woke up to my handphone ringing. yeah.. it was eric on his oral exam. oral exams are starting to sound pretty hard. im getting worried.

okay so tried studying organic chem cause i totally suck at that.. i keep forgetting how to name and identify those weird structures and the various reactions and catalysts and whathaveyou. hmm got amath tuition later. i kinda like math tuition.. i dont know. weird huh.. i jes feel veryvery accomplished after that. well partly cause mr kok is a really good teacher and he made me like math (GET THIS.) well i dont love it to bits but i dont mind doing it.. i dont loathe it like i used to. finished the rgs paper. thought paper 1 was pretty hard. paper 2 was better.

i think ive lost weight.. i feel lighter.. less fat.. blahblah but the weighing scales dont say so. it doesnt matter. as long as i think i look like i've lost weight. haha. its so unfair. my sister is taller and lighter than me. she's much taller, and much lighter than me. well some people have seen her and they say she's so skinny.. but shes not bone thin.. u know the kind of skinny slim that actually looks good? yeah.. inferiority complex coming in here.. haha yeah shes prettier.. thinner.. smarter.. more considerate than me. i am the one that my parents have so much trouble bringing up. actually i dont think i turned out so bad but compared to my sis im like some mouthswearing inconsiderate fat stupid creature. ohweell.. i do like to think that i am better than her in some aspects.. but its not like im that much better.. or it jes doesnt matter. i am not going to discuss sensitive or personal issues on my blog. its so exposing. haha.

i am pmsing. i can feel my emotions going up and down.. up and down. yeah.. this afternoon i was feeling angry, pissed, angsty whatever u want to call it and ugh. after i woke up from my nap.. i was (actually still am) feeling maudlin and weell when i heard the opening notes of i believe (my sassy girl) from my computer speakers i thought i was gonna start crying. so to help me get back to normalcy.. im listening to my way by limpbizkit. gosh it helps.

havent watched anime in a long time. i miss it. or read manga. i dont dare start cause its such a bad time with prelims and the o's coming up. but i really really miss it but i jes KNOW that once i start i'll never stop. and il jes go crazy reading/watching it day and night, losing my sense of time and space.

i need release!!! ugh. i feel like ive got tons cooped up inside of me except i dont know what it is.. bloody pms. hope i get it over and done with for the month. sick of feeling like a deranged teenager with no control over her stupid emotions. blaaarrghhhh.

word of the day: egghead n (colloquial) an intellectual person
use of word of the day: i'm an egghead *beams*

looks like we cant go round carelessly calling people egghead anymore :D ohoh! i know i said only one word per day.. but haha this word is so cute.

extra word of the day: canoodle v (colloquial) kiss and cuddle
use of extra word of the day: i havent figured out how to form my sentence without adding -ed or -ing to the word so nevermind. help me think of one :)

i forgot to add word of the day yesterday! oh no.. ok nevermind.

used chinese free period to do math today. thats good. first time the entire class was so silent and hushed. it must be the coming prelims that egging us all on. BUT im not complaining. its a good environment to do work. see everyone else studying and we must study too! haha peer pressure :) one do .. all do! well in this context.. its a good thing.

chem remedial was allright. miss goh being funnier than usual. but she must really hate children. "good thing ah.. i am not married or have children. if not.. you will see my garden full of buried children!!" hmm.. ponder on that.. shes a teacher.. hmm.

been having migraines. uHGUGH. i must be stressed. why? maybe because ive been blithely unconcerned for the last 3andahalf years so now that i have woken up and know i must study.. the pangs of stress must be hitting me hard because its unfamiliar to the brain.

had a nightmare when i came home and napped. screw my issue on napping being sweeter than all times of sleep. today's nap was far from sweet. i dreamt that i was posed some horrifically difficult question for english olevel oral and i completely froze, clammed up. and well.. ofcourse it being a dream, i knew i got a b3 without even seeing my paper. my mother says it probably means subconsciously im worried. which is true. i think the activation enery (too much chem here..) which started my dream was in the car today when i was arguing with my mother about my chinese grades and it on to some other people and she snapped "but she got a1 for her english!" and me retaliating "what makes you think i cant get a1 for english!" scathingly. but well despite my err .. scathing tones.. i know i may not even get a1 for english! worrryworryworrryy.. hai :(

so to mark the end of my entry and round things up.. heres..
word of the day: mainstream n the dominant trend of opinion or style etc.
use of word of the day: in today's modern society, the use of handphones is the mainstream in verbal communications.

uhmm.. im prettysure thats wrong. verbal communications?! HELPME. does "in today's modern society, the use of the Internet is the mainstream in communications" sound better?!

ok to make up for yesterday..
word of yesterday: meretricious adj. showily attractive but cheap or insincere
use of word of yesterday: clad in skimpy clothes and cooing compliments down "(fill in man's name here)" ear, it was evident the meretricious"(fill in girl's name here)" was only after his money.
i like this word. it sounds like a shhhing version of matrices. haha :) anyway please correct me if im wrong thankyou!

oh to sorry: i dont know who u are and im really sorry for saying acjc is unproductive and all but it is :( but thanks for the soundbite, i'll try to get the energy back! thankks! oh mind revealing who u are? haha..

ohwell chinese o's came out today. was really hoping for an a2 partly cos i wanted an a2 and also cos my mother insisted i'd have to retake if i got b3 and below. but weell.. jes as i'd expected (not hoped), i got a b3. i shouldnt have been surprised cos truthfully that was what i was expecting, but when i saw that 3 and the M in a bracket beside it my heart jes collapsed. i felt a wave of disappointment hit me and i spent quite a while asking myself why i felt like crying (which i did.. ugh!!) and why did i feel so disappointed when i knew in my heart that was my standard. tsktsk awaay with disappointments.

so talked to my mother jes now and she's agreed to me not retaking the chinese exam but it jes made me realise i have to work doubly hard for my other subjects. there's no way i can count physics into my L1R5 because i have absolutely no apt for it. and i started to feel terrified because when i really got down to thinking about my subjects, i realised i dont really have anything to count on! not because i suck at all my subjects but because i'm not good at all my subjects. get my drift? im not bad at any of my subjects, but im not excellent in any of them.

my english is pretty allright but im really terrified that something might happen and i wont get my a1 and if i get anything lower than an a1 i'll cry.. i'll really cry. and there's lit which i have to get an a1 for. but lately my lit's been rather shaky so its quite worrying if im gonna get an a2 for o's/prelims and God forbid, a b3 and below. and there's my emath which used to SUCK big time but it's been coming up so well.. for math jes gotta PRACTISE PRACTISE PRACTISE. mmhmm. and there's err chem. im not a very science-apt student but considering i've got miss goh and if i mug reaaal hard i'll hopefully scrape an a1?? and uhh i've covered the four main subs.. then there's ss/halfgeog which i've got to hit an a1 too. and finally amath. im hoping for a1 but amath has all these tricky questions and so far i've managed an a2. so counting my hypothetical points.. i've got 7 points which is the lowest i can go. highest i can go will range from anything. even until 30 pts im sure of it. and judging by the kind of person i am.. who's okay at all my subs but not excellent.. i wont be surprised if i get 6a2s. which i will cry i tell you. i'll SOB.

talking about this is depressing. but im gonna treat it as motivation to work. gosh .. i mean its my future man. scary thinking of it this way. ohweell.. but il treat this b3 as a push factor to work harder.

if you never lose, you never learn to want to win. how true huh? bear that in mind..

ughh i hate math. esp emath. its so tedious with all the fractions and decimal pts and use of common sense without the aid of a calculator! major drainage of brain power. i've only done 19 questions in emath and my brain is ready to bust. how weak is that. no wonder i always do so badly for exams. cause i jes dont have that sustaining ability. i NEED NEED NEEEEED to have a greater concentration span.

i need to link my archives. but thing is.. i dont even KNOW if i have an archive page? i have no energy to discuss issues today. i know i said one issue a day. and yesterday i forgot and well today.. lets not even think about it. my brain is in shutdown mode.

came home after school today. realised its been a long long time since i came home straight after school. usually i go for tuition after school or there's training or whatever but ever since training stopped i seem to have more go-home-after-school days to spare. well.. thats obvious right so why did i even bother mentioning it.

so i ate, came home, and napped. i love napping. there's a greater feeling of fulfillment in napping as compared to sleeping at night. i suppose that feeling derives from both a subconscious and physical level. physical because most of us stay up late to read/study/talk/go online etcetc so the next day we're so zonked we jes have to succumb to a good nap and it feels great cause we feed our tiredness and fall asleep almost immediately. subconscious because we are defying the rules. well sorta.. u know sleep when its night, wake when its day. and its jes that rebellious, wild streak in us. we know biologically that we shouldnt be sleeping in the day, but derive so much pleasure in doing so because its forbidden. which also explains why there are so many nightbirds that stay up in the wee hours of the night/early hours of the day(?!?). its that subconscious level of our mentality.

and yesyes.. u might say "oh but i feel tired in the day so i nap so i sleep late whaaat!" but well.. its a vicious cyle (ps why's it called vicious? unless im spelling it wrong.. ermm? clue me in please thanks). but have u ever had that feeling.. u've had a long day.. ur tired.. but u cant sleep at night? or u take some time to fall asleep? like i said its that rebellious streak. and have u noticed when u nap u fall asleep almost immediately and ur even oblivious to the humming of the radio/tv/construction next door etcetc! so u see.. the reason why derive so much more pleasure from napping is both physical tiredness and the urge to defy the biological clock in you at SUBCONSCIOUS level (thats to explain why u dont even notice it.. but being lame old me.. i do :D)

haha i know i said i wouldnt discuss issues but well i did. on napping. how useless. but well hope u enjoyed that haha! chinese olevel results are most likely tmr. heard a1 is pushed to an 80. im screwed. if i dont get an a2 my genius mother will make me retake cause she believes i have some hidden talent in chinese jes waiting to emerge. which is crap i tell u. in p6 3 ppl in the cohorde got pass for higher chinese and i was one of them. pathetiic. but she thinks as a primary sch higher chinese student my chinese HAS to be good. someone please tell her that was in primary school!!!! and i was in mgs primary. our chinese wasnt that fantastic.

ok last bit of the day.. i've decided my english totally, absolutely suckkks. i have no idea what a gazillion words mean, i lack vocab, i lack spice i lack wit i lack.. well ok to tell the truth the only reason why i got a blog was so i could smoothen my writing. which is why i dicuss all these useless issues. so to get me started, in preparation for the olevels and my self-improvement, i shall learn a new word each day and learn how to use it.

word for the day: otiose adj serving no practical purpose.
use of word of the day: this blog of mine is an otiose measure to liven up my boring day.

hope i used that right. correct me if im wrong. thats all for the day :)

shudn have gone sch today. only reason why i even showed up in school today was cos i thought i would be getting back my chinese olevel results which i evidently didnt. gRr! i shud have stayed home! my poor tummy had these sharp pains and quivery sensations the whole day as a result of yesterday's diarrhoea. yesyes it sounds gross i know but ouch! so i suffered through 3 periods of chem, 3 periods of physics, 2 math periods and 2 lit periods for NOTHING!

ohwell. didnt do too well for physics or lit mocks. well im above average in class for physics :D with a b4! haha. due to my excellent guessing skills. bah. but cant count on it for prelims and olevels so i'd better start studying. lit was horrible! a b3! beeeeeethreeeeee! never had a b3 before! bah. see. even before has a b[e] in it! grr. haai. this jes goes to show how terribly inadequate and unprepared i am but well gotta be positive and STUDY. yups.

ooh. i didnt know but they were having club championships yesterday when i went sicc! haha.. i was the only girl. against the guys. gosh.. anyways cos im pretty rusty not having trained properly in a month (i dont count acjc trg as proper trg cos its short and not productive, well not like sec sch trg anyway) so my first match was against james hill (oohlala.) who well.. did trash me very badly. but im pretty sure i could have gotten way more pts if i wasnt so rusty. cos i only hit two good shots and i served out three times and well.. was very very bad. yeah was slow/unfit/badfootwork blahblah.. so anyway played with chris next and had a surprising turnaround.. i was getting my strokes back and my serve and all so haha guess what! i beat chris! well i had five pts handicap n it was american scoring but still! haha. but i felt so bad. i whacked chris pretty badly on his face. it was practically a red strip across his eye from the impact of my racket.. he said he was fine but i felt awfuul! hmm. okay then i beat aditi and lost to kelvin which is TERRIBLE! ok kelvin IS pretty talented but i swear the ONLY reason he won was cause i was so exhausted and kelvin has the energy of an energizer battery and hes so damn fast picking up all my balls till i was too tired of running for them! and he has these funny tennis spin shots so they're so ARGH ANYWAAAAY! i lost to keelllviiiiin. by a FEW (and by few i mean 1 or 2) pts i might add. haha but he is pretty good lar. fast and err has his tennis skills to help him greatly. i probably sound like a sore loser now but okay i do admit kelvin is pretty good. its jes so embarrassing for a squash player to lose to a non squash player. know what i mean?!?!

ok. did i mention that i had diarrhoea yesterday, suffered immense stomach cramps today, expected the loss of weight cos of my err.. release to cheer me up from my pains, and I DIDNT LOSE ANY WEIGHT. in fact.. i put on a kg. how interesting is that. and i didnt even eat all that much today! i shud stop talking abt my weight. its very unbecoming. okk shall eat dinner now.

IT CAME OUT IT CAME OUT IT CAME OUT!
italics
bold
HURHUR! :D:D:D:D:D:D
i think im going crazy. IGNOREME. hmm. i take it back. dont. haha :)
ohhh i have another issue to talk about! but weell.. its gonna end up another long entry which makes it TWO, LONG entries in ONE day which is a very tiring, dumb, stupid whateverwhatever thing to do.
maybe il discuss my issues in my own head. haha one issue a day. that shud be good :)
i feel inspired. haha.
ohwell anyway shall channel my inspiration to math. byeeee!

UGH MY ITALICS AND BOLD AND STUFF DIDNT COME OUT SO YOU PROBABLY DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT AND I SOUND SO STUUUUUUUPIIIIIIIID. grr. hmm. and how do i get my archives thingey to come out?

oh forgot to add. gonna play squash at sicc laaater! whoopee! cause of prelims and olevels i cant go anymore :( thats so awfully sad cos well i have so much fun there and well anyway im going todaaay! but well, ugh after nats my lack of trg will definitely cause chris and mike to trash me upsidedown. GRR. im as unfit as somethings thats not a fiddle. hmm. jes one question. or two.

why is called fit as a fiddle? i mean fiddles arent very sporty. they're instruments. and they do spoil. and why is it called brown as a berry. berries come in different colours like blue, red, black, etc but ive certainly never seen a brown berry. ok thats all i hafta say. feel free to comment in my guestbook. its empty. sadly. oh and if u can someone help me find a guestbk template cos im too lazy to make one or find out how to make one :D thanks.

lemme test my italics one more time. i t a l i c s

jes came back frm church.. sis and aunt went shopping, dad went for golf game my mother's sleeping i'm online. i need release.

today was good at church. i remember when i first came back from church camp last year and somewhere to april or may this year i felt very strong in Christ. i felt myself getting closer to God and as daft as it may sound i really felt strong and faithful and surrounded by His spirit. when we worshipped God at church i felt His spirit filling me, and when i prayed i felt close to God and i read His word and blahblahblah. but as june rolled around, i was on a high. things were good. i dont know i was having ample fun, i wasnt stressed by work, nationals were coming and i was on that adrenaline high and excitement that comes during or before my season. and i jes lost it. i could feel myself weakening, drifting away but i didnt do anything about it. cause i felt so busy and strong that i didnt have time or subconsciously felt that i didnt need God. and after a while, though i had heaps to do and was having fun and stuff, i felt empty. i didnt feel fulfilled. and during nationals, i totally screwed up my sc game and it struck me hard. cos i let my team down so badly and my usually nice and well nice coach said that as a captain i had set a very bad example and that really hit the spot. i was mooning and brooding over it for days and when sunday came and i went to church, i felt it. that i needed God and that God was my strength and i could do all things in His name. so when nygh game came, i didnt play my best game, but i fought to my best. but that feeling of strength and closeness to God was only a brief stint. i lost it again soon after because well post nationals dinner, dinner with coach, some personal stuff and yadayadayada. i felt it slipping from my fingers and i cant say i wasnt upset but i jes didnt know what to do. like that verse, the spirit is willing but the body is weak? that was exactly how i felt. and lately ive kinda slipped back into well, very weak and unchristian-like behaviours. i couldnt control myself, i flared up often, and my emotions were a tumultuous wave and well for lack of a better description, i was very much like a sine curve.

so anyway, i went to church today (didnt go last week) and when we were worshipping, i felt set apart from the rest of the congregation. like i was physically there, but i wasn't there. and then we sang this song, okay i dont really remember the front lines, but some of the key lines were jes resounding in my head. cause Your love is higher than the mountain, deeper than the sea, all i want is You in my life. (im sure there are other words between but im mixing my lines up) No one else could ever make me feel this way and well im sure there are other lines but err i was never really good with songs. but anyway it jes made me realise what i was missing. and i could feel it coming back and i cant describe how i felt, but i guess the closest comes to returning home after a long day and u know u jes feel that relief and comfort and well u get the gist.

and then we had word of exhortation and it was truth vs deception. and again it jes made me so aware that i was living a lie. everything in life is a lie and the only truth is God. society, peer pressure, self-belief is all a lie. the speaker talked about how the world was preaching another sermon. a sermon of living your life the way u want it to be, to go do whatever u like, without restraints without boundaries. and he said that kinda preaching is telling u that Christianity is restrictive, that we would be better off not being Christians. and today i realised that unknowingly, i had fallen to the lies of the world. why do we swear? cause everyone is doing it? why do clothes and hair and money mean so much to us? and why is it we are weak to do certain things, the right things? my thoughts arent very rational right now, but realising how much i've sinned (sinned without even knowing it, like swearing or u know shopping like a shopaholic..etc) jes makes me feel so awful. and to tell the truth, sometimes i dont feel strong enough to get out of the lies, the sins. yeah and he (thespeaker) also said that what we think results in how we feel which ends up in how we act and isnt that true.. during my nygh game, iwas playing pretty badly but i tried really tried holding fast to my faith in God that He would deliver me and He did. the speaker also said he can only think of one reason to why we wake up in the morning feeling depressed. and that is because we dont believe that God loves us that He will give us hope for the day.

oh and he also told us about some prophet that had a very err graphic erm okay i cant remember that word but il use premonition for now which is entirely the wrong word im sure. or prediction. ok whatever anyway he saw - oh i think the word is vision - the army of God going to battle. some were blazing fire ready to fight for God, in the name of God, but some were listless and doubtful. and these vultures (they are demons) were seen sitting on top of their heads vomitting condemnations on them. and thats how many of us are. weak, doubtful.

fiona once told me that she thinks Christian schools are often less aggressive in sports than those who come from non-Christian schs cos theres always that emphasis of love, honesty and humility and whathaveyou and that makes us well, err more docile people. well less hungry and man-eating in the court or lane or whatever your area of game is. u know be self-contented, why compete with other people.. blahblah and at that time it made sense. but after today, i think its all bullshit. i think as Christian sports[wo]men, the more we should succeed and achieve ( i dont jes mean winning, like perhaps, playing/running/swimming/bowling the best u ever had) well plainly because we have the spirit of God with us. Just because God preaches to us to love one another, doesnt mean that in our area of play we're gonna let down. i remember reading some verse about God expecting us to do the very best we can in whatever task we're given because its His gift. and well.. my favourite game verse. haha to all those who hafta face competitions/games/olevels/trials&tribulations.. hope this will be of use :D

Deuteronomy 20:1-4 "When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God will be with you. Do not be faint-hearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory".

ok like my english oral teacher would say, religious topics are very sensitive and touchy subjects but forgive me. i had to express my point of view and like i said earlier, waaay earlier, i need release. i had to voice out all the battle subjects i had within me and see it in print to sort everything out.

hmm pretty long entry. if its pretentious or offensive, sorry. i had absolutely no intention of doing that. besides, dont ihave a right to express my opinon?!?!

someone teach me how to make a guestbook pleeeeaasee! they have different html codes and funny stuff and I HAVE AN UGLY GUESTBOOK. or someone jes help me find a damn template. too lazy to make my own. GRR.

hmm created this new layout today. i kinda like it :) my best one so far. haha. actually i had this really cool silvery flashy looking pic in place of the pink words and lines thingey at the top but argh it wouldnt open. dunno why. even my sano one wouldnt come out. bah! thats so pissing. that means i cant make layouts with piicss! gRr.

ohwell. happy national day. singapore turns 38 whoopee! i think i was quite dumb as a kid. i insisted singapore could not be how many how many years old cause my mother was older than singapore. haha! how stupid is that. okay guess i didnt know all the political stuff then.

didnt do anything today!! its such an unproductive rubbish daay!! well okay i take that back. i did do some proper stuff. for example, i packed my closet :) yes.. it was getting to a state where i couldnt find my clothes. yeah threw out those unwanted stuff as well. realised how much rubbish i have in my closet. there was this huge amount of clothes that i just dont wear anymore. u know those highwaisted jeans that cinch at the ankle that all of us wore as a kid? well we didnt know they cinched at the ankle cos as a kid we all had skinny unshapely legs but anyway i have like a million of those which i threw out. and ugly voluminous tshirts that i threw out too. oh but i kept those that i really liked like my eeyore ones. hahaa. i wasnt very sure about some skirts and tops cos theres always that nagging thought at the back of your head that tells you it might always be back in fashion or u may need it sometime which ulitmately prevents u from a thorough springcleaning. but well to make space for the new you have to throw out the old. so thats what i did. threw out the old. haha jes waiting for the NEW!! :) oh and sifting through some of my clothes were making me really sad too.. like looking at those tops which i bought last year when i was still light and very notheavy and how i looked like a sausage wrapped in cloth in them now. argharghargh! gotta lose weight and stop eating like an uncontrolled piiiig! gRr.

and stupid squash makes ur thighs heavy and ugly and well BAH! annoyying. its so unfair. all the squash guys have stick thin legs and aside from those girls like lydia who never put on weight, all the girls have big bums and heavy thighs. oh did i mention they're short too? squash must stunt growth. all ive grown is a pathetic half a cm in four years. how PATHETIC is that.

ok i think il make a mental note of things i must accomplish by end of this year
1. good prelim grades
2. total preparedness for olevels
3. be back to the weight i was last year
4. err improve at squash? i dunno thats kinda unlikely since im only trg once a week now til prelims. but STILL.
5. oh be computer savvy! yes.. thats right.
6. did i mention i wanna do a cooking course after olevels? hmm yeah. okay cooking course after olevels.

okay very random list above.. i think the only thing im really serious about is the top4. haha! shit im so full of shit i piss myself off. oh by the way i've finally realised how to describe my favourite shade of green. its kiwi green. cause i was eating kiwis today and okay sounds really dumb and all but while eating it i was really fascinated by the colour. haha.. yeah my favourite colour whaat :D okok anyway eating kiwis are really fun. and neat too (double meaning geddiiit??!). you slice them in half and jes grab a spoon and dish it out of their halves. amazing thing is that their fuzzy skins are so tough they dont tear while you are scooping the flesh out. what a fun way to eat fruit :) hahaa ok totally full of shiit here i think il stop crapping.

gonna go cousin's house to take pictures with cuutecute lil boyyyys!! ooooooh! haha k bye.

okay im pissed.
my picture of sano is NOT COMING OUT.
grrr.
whaaatever.
i will redo this thing when i have time.
which is something i dont have much of.
anywaaay ARRGH.

HAHAHAHA! oh gosh i finally did it.
ahh. okay. very unhightech savvy me has managed to make my own layout. gosh. how funny is THAT.
okay i know it sucks but please forgive me. like i said.. im very unhightech savvy.
ooh. isnt the pic of sanosuke great! :D
bah. tuition in an hour.
okay nothing much to say. haha toodles.