I am quite glad this week is over, although it was stuffed full of Happy Times and colourful festivity. I spent the last two days uploading pictures of facebook and they make me happy. The festive period each year grows and changes; but it's always washed over with dejavu, because despite time and situations changing, the people and place are always the same. It feels funny dealing with the same people in the same place, but yet everything else that matters isn't quite the same anymore. I don't think I can look at everything straight in the eye and not feel estranged and confused because everything seems so surreal; the same picture shimmering like a mirage but yet it's a complete new year and Christmas to live through.

Disconnected thoughts aside, the past two weeks have been very encouraging. God's been steadily reminding me to put aside my own effort but to leave it all up to Him as I act in obedience. And this Christmas has reminded me that again, it is not by my own effort, but by His grace. And because of the greatest gift Christmas has bestowed, I ought to be overflowing with joy, faith, hope and love!

Anyway, time for some severely overdue pictures:

The handsomeeeest boy in the world has to be at the top!
And next comes some kissing fish! Pucker up.
And Christmas at Kismis with the arts people which always calls for an abundance of food, laughter and hilarious antics (boys).



And Christmas Eve came with turkey and the works at my Aunt Judy's house.
But this is Aunt Jen. Not Aunt Judy.
Then it's Christmas at Gab's; a yearly affair with the prettiest Christmas tree, champagne and his very own compositions! That's me borrowing his dad's super expensive Ovation.

And Christmas day came with morning at church, lunch with Cel the Belle, singing at Island Creamery (good job Sean!) and dinner at Uncle Rodney's house. But I ended up with only three photos on Christmas day because my camera promptly decided it was a good time to shut down and collapse temporarily.

Boxing Day arrived with work (ugh) and Kren's birthday dinner at the screening room!

Happy Birthday Kren!!! (right)
Then the 28th rolled around with the yearly Christmas dinner with the girls! This time held at Sarah Chan's house where we slurped up delicious prawn mee (not very Christmassy but I am rather sick of turkey and mash), chicken wings and satay! That's her handsome dog :)

Playing either Time's Up or Kings! Both of which I suck terribly at.


And then the 29th came! Happy Birthday to.... me :)

Okay, this is the END.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I'm looking forward to running the race in 2008 with Christ leading the way!

(edit below)

It's 10 am and my former indulgent and sour mood is now cushioned by helpful textbooks, time, and an immensely comforting breakfast of hashbrowns, sausage croissant and iced milo. Helloooooo Research!

Yesterday, I was sitting at the bottom of my sister's office building waiting for her so we could go home together and I decided in those 20 minutes that her building really is quite the ideal CBD building: tall glass windows, marble floors, strong pillars. There was even a little cluster of marble seats outside, surrounded by tiny spindly trees which reminded me of small skinny children. I sat there, idly listening to my ipod, the strong breeze ruffling my hair and clothes. With nothing to do, I came up with songs which best depicted the CBD! Very unoriginally entitled: CBD Songs. Haha.

Okay, here goes:

1. Beautiful Day by U2

Maybe cause it was the first song that came up on my ipod, maybe cause it was a beautiful day, but it really was quite a fitting song. It's the type of song which you want to plug in your ears while you're walking through the throng of busy, everyday people. Bolstered by confidence, everything around you is moving and blurring fast, but there you are striding along at your own pace. Okay, somehow this sounds oddly familiar and unoriginal, so I'm pretty sure this song was used for some movie with similar settings and I'm merely ripping off the idea, haha!


2. Days go By, Jason Wade (Lifehouse)

This one is for days where work is draining you out, but you're still holding on to a faint spark of optimism as you trundle through the days, walking to and from the CBD. Can't you imagine some lone fella, tired from the day's work, got yelled at by his boss, getting scolded by his girlfriend for not calling her, but still shrugging his shoulders with a little smile on his face, before striding home with a determined gust of breath, with this song playing in the background?


3. Fix You, Coldplay

Now, this, is when you've lost your job, your girlfriend dumped you, you've got no money, everything is going wrong..... you're unshaven and dishevelled, and you take the elevator up to the rooftop of the highest building in the CBD..... and..... contemplate........ death.................. .. . . .. .... When you try your best but you don't succeed....

Alternatively, this would also be great if you're a super-successful businessman who is backstabbed by your business partner and due to your unceasing pursuit for success, ignores your wife and family who eventually leave you. And at the end of the day, you are penniless, without a family, without friends. And as you think through the past, you painfully regret being enamoured by money and power and success and wish that you could turn back time..... but you can't. AND so you take the elevator up to the rooftop of your building in the CBD..... and ... contemplate..... death......... When you get what you want, but not what you need.....

P.S. THIS IS STRICTLY BORNE OUT OF MY IMAGINATION, SO IF YOU'RE ANY OF THESE, DO NOT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY.


4. Winds of Change, Scorpion

Haha, okay now thiiiiiis, is totally out of point and irrelevant, but it's the kind of song that you sing at karaoke along to a dodgy homemade music video where the camera is idly scanning through the CBD, zooming in on a man shaking his shaggy cap of hair, picking up his briefcase......... yeh okay you get the idea. I know it doesn't exactly classify as a CBD Song, but when it came up on my ipod, it was like
KARAOKE!
DODGY VIDEO!
CBD!


Yeh, okay I really think I was bored out of my mind while waiting for my sister. And so now it's time to click my heels and get back to work :)

-

Is it so hard to be polite, or even take a few brief seconds to push your lips into a warm smile? Is it so hard to be nice? Why do people have to be so mean? It's funny because today is full of little stabs of inadequacy. And maybe it's affecting me so much because of the perilous P but somehow, the fact that most of this is hormonally-induced and I'm not exactly my most lucid right now, isn't helping me feel any better.

Sometimes I get so sick of all these little things that I feel like telling everyone exactly how I feel instead of cushioning everything with understanding tones. But I won't because it will end up being something I'll regret doing as I get over trifles and irritation very easily. And also because this week seems to be full of little moments where frustration is swelling over, and I've been praying so desperately to God to help me be Christ-like in my behaviour, to react in a Christ-like manner, that I refuse to let Satan bait me into anger or unhealthy relations with anyone.

HELP ME GOD.

Just a few things to say:

(belated)

MERRY

CHRISTMAS

and

(on time)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

KREN :)

I have visions of me being surrounded by plump fluffy pillows, wrapped up in a white waffle duvet, warm and toasty in bed............ .. . . . . . . . . .

Okay, stop torturing yourself. Two more days til the weekend, yay!

And on a brief update, I've eaten enough to feed a horse this Christmas weekend++, I still haven't lost any weight, I look unnaturally large in my pictures (compared to past Christmases), I am perpetually tired and I can't wait for this week to be over even though its meant to be chockful of Happy Times. Work renders me socially inept.

This is the list of things I must get before I head back to Brissy:
1. New battery pack for my laptop (It has a current lifespan of half an hour)
2. Four spanking new sets of cheesy drama serials with english subtitles (I'm thinking of liuxinghuayuan 1 and 2 and whatever else that grabs my attention)
3. _ _ _ _
4. Hairties and socks

Okay, that's about it. I hope my suitcase can fit everything and I won't have overweight luggage. I'll need to do some major luggage pruning before I even arrive at the airport. Just wondering, does your guitar weight go towards your hand carry weight? Because if it does, I am quite officially... upset.

Okay, I really want to tell someone this but since there's no one to tell I'm writing it on my blog. I really want a chocolate tart. Preferably one from The Chocolate Factory but I just really want a chocolate tart right now.

It's so cccccold! I've been wrapping my fingers round my heat-is-slowly-dissipating mug of hot water in a bid to thaw my fingers and hopefully an ember of toasty warmth will find its way into my chilled chest because I am absolutely ffffffreeeeezing.

Anyway,
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!
It's the day before Christ's birthday, so rejoice everyone because it's time to celebrate the birth of a Saviour and King!

Yesterday was the last sunday of advent and I really enjoyed the sermon because it was yet another reminder to cast aside the distraction of Christmas packaging but truly be thankful for the gift of love that God the Father has given us: His son, Jesus. Not only to be thankful, but to let Christmas be a reminder of who we are in Christ, to be obedient and worship Him with our lives.

This Christmas hasn't felt very hyped up or 'Christmassy', as people would put it, despite the sparkling display of ivory and lilac chandelier Christmas lights, the repetitive chorus of Christmas carols and the works. I think work plays a part in fizzling out the frisson of delight I'd usually feel whenever Christmas draws near. Because my mental schedule now runs in a series of five-day week blocks punctuated by too-brief weekends which I methodically slash off, counting down to the week I FINISH WORK! And before I know it, it's the Christmas week which includes another verrreeeeeee special day (:P) and that means another full set of plans heaved right on top of work.

But I am very grateful to God for this week! In brief:

- He has opened up the way for me to share about His love to one of the interns and she was very open and receptive! Praise God :)

- I hung out with the Beeeeeeean :) And we went shopping!

- Went to Rens' farewell party and got to see lots of people I haven't seen since school ended. I also ate these fabulously saliva-inducing garlic&lemon marinated prawns wrapped in bacon.

- I finally watched Enchanted which was a bunch of laughs. Most people find it silly, but I honestly think it warrants loud, unabashed peals of laughter because I really could not stop laughing. Ahhhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhh......... I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss, And a prince I'm hoping comes with this..... I woke up this morning with the song still stuck in my head.
It's one of those movies where I want, in the worst way possible, to recount every hilarious scene to anyone who is willing to listen and subject them to the torture of sitting through incoherent anecdotal hilarity that they wouldn't even understand.


- It was the AA3 + others/guests Christmas party at Hy's on Saturday! Which was filled with lots of good food and good company and people whom I haven't seen for ages.

- Met up with the cell group and I felt so encouraged by their growth and how God is slowly but surely changing them!! Praise Him :)

- Had a good albeit too short (half an hour) catch up session with Laura which highlighted some important things to me.

- Saw Chris, Reubs and Sean for pokes! A looooong time since the last time.

It was truly a blessed week because of how He continuously encouraged me by opening up opportunities and showing me the power of His love and Spirit. It showed me that it is not by my own effort, and there's nothing I can do except sow the seeds and pray, because the Author and Perfector of our faith is the one who is in control and only He can change the lives of others.

Merry Christmas once again, everyone :)
Pictures up another time.

Ever since I found out that blogger works at ______, I've been taking the liberty to blog whenever I can because it offers a brief respite from the daily grind. And it becomes quite cathartic to spill out superfluous thoughts after being stuffed in rigid formality for several hours. Oops, someone just walked in. I hope no one noticed that I am blogging and not typing feverishly at an email or memo or whatever working people are meant to be doing.

I think this is the first time all morning that I've had time to sit in front of the computer and check my emails. Since the stroke of 9, I've been working on the simulation exercise with my team members non-stop until lunch. I was absolutely ravenous so I ate two meals for lunch (one burger and one plate of spicy stingray with rice) and now I'm bursting the seams of my skirt. My mum was waxing lyrical about her 3kg loss of weight because we were having a competition to see who could lose the requisite amount of weight first and I have lost none. Sighhhh.

Tomorrow's the company's annual dinner and dance and the theme is Back to The 70's. I was initially planning to go in a half-hearted 70's hippy outfit (shaggy hair, oversized aviators, baggy shirt) because I've barely got time to plan. But after talking to ____ (who's one of my favourite people here because she's so nice and friendly) and her exuberant insistance that I come in a "miniskirt" with "high boots" and "big big earrings", I'm somewhat pumped to primp up in shiny, gaudy 70's glamour! Hopefully I'll have time after work to shop for an outfit.

:)

The older I get, the less certain I am of what I want or aim to pursue. It's like mindless drifting, grabbing shreds of whatever I can as I move along, with nothing very much or substantial on my hands at the end of the day. I used to be so sure of what I was good at and what I wanted, but now I don't think I am very good at anything, but neither am I bad at anything. It tires and disappoints me, knowing that I lack the fervant concentration of intensity which people who are very good in one area possess, because it renders me unable to do anything spectacularly. Maybe if I threw myself at full-force into one particular hobby when I was younger, I wouldn't find myself scattered and dabbling across a range of things, but instead have honed a skill I could be immensely proud of. I could launch into a tirade of things that I can do, albeit merely lukewarm and tepid in nature, but I won't because it is unnecessary and boring and not very edifying at all........... Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God! (Colossians 3)

I seem to go through work seized by random clutches of fear; that everytime I fail to reply an email or deliver substandard work due to ignorance and inexperience, I would be costing them thousands of dollars. Although it is silly and foolish arrogance to think that my paltry contribution as a lowly intern is worth that much, heehee. But... the word of God is keeping me going everyday! You are my light and salvation, whom shall I fear? (Psalm 27)

I spend my free workless hours poring through desiringgod.org and reading online books at literature.org. I think it is quite a marvel how John Piper translates complicated matters into a clear, concise and comprehensible sermon or article. Sometimes when people ask me questions and I've got half-baked answers in a coagulated jumble in my head, I can only say to them at the end of an exasperated garble, "Go to this website! It explains exactly what I'm trying to tell you!"

I'm currently reading The Captain's Doll by DH Lawrence on literature.org. Everytime the name DH Lawrence pops up, I am reminded of the fistful of pink chrysanthemums in the short story we read in sec4, and the seemingly innocent poem we read in j1 about a boy on a rocking horse, until told otherwise that it contained sexual imagery. I was kind of perturbed and decided that DH Lawrence writes disturbing stories. But I am enjoying the story I'm reading nonetheless. I think whatever literary critical thinking or analytical skills I possessed before has gone out of the window because when I read books, I am unable to identify broad and over-arching themes. Which is quite a pain because I'd hate to think I'm an inert and unthinking reader.

I want to sleeeeeeep~

A week of work has passed and I'm relatively unscathed. Other than the fact that working is like what I imagined drowning to be like - trepidacious, constricting and a blind claw for breath - it's passed by relatively smoothly.

I suppose this being my first job ever, working feels like I've been thrown into the throes of real life, which ironically, feels like a dream. I keep thinking this is merely an extended dream of stuffy work clothes and flurried deals and transactions, and a month later I will wake up and resume my real life. And then it hit me that this is no dream because surreal as it feels, once I graduate, this will be my life for the rest of my life and I felt sick to my stomach. Because ever since I started work, I've felt woefully inadequate and substandard, and it doesn't even seem distinctly plausible that in five years, I'd be fully equipped to be a knowledgeable and practicing lawyer.

Despite all my childish fears, I'm having a good time learning. Getting my hands on real work makes our tutorials and my crappy grades look puerile and irrelevant. I've tried amending and drafting things, read through deals which sounded like gibberish to me, and truthfully, I do feel awed running my fingers over and through the pages of the files because it just seems so beyond me that someday, I would be flipping through those pages, knowing exactly what I need to do.

Praise God because I've met some really lovely people there! My fellow interns are all international (two from China, two from Indonesia and one from India, plus one pre-law Singaporean) and they're such down-to-earth and funny people, it makes work more bearable. I've also met some really nice lawyers/legal consultants and struck up a really good conversation with one of them about God and prayer and it reaffirmed how much God has blessed me with and how He is working in my life and those around me. Soooo, lots to pray about for work and the people at work!

I haven't done very much this week other than work and trying to squeeze meeting people in. I feel very pressed for time and sometimes all I want to do is hide under the covers and sleep because I've never felt more sleep-deprived in my life. Sometimes I wonder if people enjoy the conversations that they have with me; have I been too pushy, have I been too boring, have I been neglecting the salt and grace that the Bible commands be in my conversation... have I been practising gentleness and love of the fruit of the Spirit?

Anyway, I think I'm getting used to the sound of my guitar. And I bought two packs of strings today: one light strings and one custom light. And they were so much more expensive than the extra light ones I bought. Somehow, alot of money flowed out of my pocket today and I didn't even really buy anything.

I DISLIKE STRINGING GUITARS. A lot.
If anyone would like to volunteer their services and help me restring my guitar (I'll provide the strings!) please, please, pleeeeease contact me. I will be very grateful to you!

My guitar sounds terrible. I feel terrible. Why must the guitar be such a complicated instrument and whyyyy is it I like playing it but dislike servicing it (like changing the strings). I am so tired. I spent the entire afternoon spring cleaning and I have thrown out more than 10 black bin bags worth of stuff and my room is still spilling over with... stuff. And tomorrow is my first day of work and I am so scared and I have no work clothes and I have no work shoes and I need to shower and sleep early and................................... GOD PLEASE HELP ME! Only You can.

The first week and a half has swept by and I can only conclude that I don't have very good time management because I sort of trundled through this first week with plenty of half-baked plans made concrete only out of convenience and sheer chance. I'm feeling pretty bad about how passive and irresponsible I've been and I can quite safely say through this muddled trundling that whatever upbeat energy I once possessed has dissipated and I need sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! All the time. Anyway, to those I haven't met yet, to those I've neglected, for the times I keep forgetting, for the times I let fatigue take over, I'm really really sorry. Okkkk, I'm feeling pretty crap now :(

Anyway, when I got home, this was the first picture I took. Smokey in his adorable new haircut :) I've missed this smelly furball.



And at 12 midnight, we surprised Laura! Michelle and I were furtively trying not to be noticed while Laura had a complete full view of us darting around the pillars. But that silly girl wasn't wearing her glasses and thought we were her drunk neighbours!




Saturday was spent with Laura because it was her actual birthday. We met Celene at Island Creamery after her shift and trooped down to Marmalade Pantry at Holland V for dinner after renting two chick flicks. Cel knew the chef so we had FREE DESSERT!!! I've eaten at Marmalade a grand total of twice within a span of three days. And like Cel says, it's quite cool to have the chef come out and talk to you because it makes you feel like you've got VIP status ha ha.




I went to the IT Fair with my dad and aunt on Sunday and I am never going to an IT fair ever again no matter how cheap the prices. I spent close to two hours standing in line to collect my aunt's camera and this is bearing in mind that while I spent those two fruitless hours in the snaking collection line, my aunt was queuing for payment simultaneously. Imagine if I wasn't around to help her.

My sister and I had a sister's night out on Monday where we ate at Marmalade, AGAIN, before trying out the new-ish 2am Dessert Bar which was opened by my squash senior back in MGS! We had the bittersweet hot chocolate served with cinnamon churros and Twix which is made up of some sort of caramel chocolate mousse and peanut brittle served with a side of homemade chocolate chip ice cream and I love, love, lovedddddd it.

On Tuesday, it was lunch with part of the AAgirls whom I've missed! Too bad Sue wasn't around and Mich and Cass were busy or it would have been complete. We spent the first hour discussing who-has-put-on-more-weight and the general consensus is Huiying has lost weight, Jame has gained weight but quite a negligible difference, Laura looks the same but maybe has gained some weight, and I have gained weight and my once skinny arms are skinny no more. Afterwards, I bought my new guitar which I am now regretting and let's not go into that because the more I think about it the sadder I feel. Sigh, twooooooo years. I can hold on.


I met Ponytail at night for dinner and it was a good catch up with my dear pal. It was all good because Kren and Becky met us after and we sat on a quiet bench eating dessert (I've eaten a lot of dessert since I've gotten back) and catching up. And I've concluded that so much has changed but yet some things simply don't change.


On Wednesday, I woke up at an unearthly hour of 4.30am because I went to pick Hilda up from the airport at 5.30am! Thankfully Laura had to send her dad to the airport at that time so after a very hearty meal of Maccas breakfast, Laura drove us back to her house and we napped. So when we woke up two hours later, we were all ready to take Hilda to the biggest shopping centre in Singapore: VIVOCITY! Such a shame it was raining buckets or we would have driven Hilda round the sunny island showing her the sights in her brief 13 hour transit in Singapore.

Anyway it was quite an eye-opener for me too because we drove past the Marina Bay construction site and I saw the newly erected ferris wheel made to look like the London Eye and I'm full of anticipation and trepidation towards Singapore in five years. I reckon so much is going to change and I wonder if I can keep up.

I slept over at Laura's because her dad wasn't around and we watched Gossip Girl and pigged out. Laura's house is like a hotel. It feels like the a/c is eternally switched on and when the blinds are drawn, it feels like 4am even when the sun is out and shining. So when we woke up, we headed to Vivo, AGAIN, to shop for work clothes and we came home with more shoes. I've been back for a week and I've already bought FOUR pairs of shoes. Shoeeeeeees :)




Anyway, these are my four pairs of shoes! I am trying to break out of my habit of wearing flats so I bought a pair of heels.

I spent all of Friday with my grandma, grandaunt and parents and funnily, I had heaps of fun hanging out with them trawling through the supermarket and helping them carry things. I was so exhasuted when I got home and still had to clear out my room because the painters are coming to paint our house on Monday, so I bailed on Chris' Friday Night Special and I AM SO SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!

On Saturday, I went out with my aunt, sister, mum and cousin and I had a really good catch up with my cousin whom I haven't really spoken properly to in quite a while. My mum was also in a generous shopping mood so I've come home with some lovely spoils! And I didn't know we'd be out til so late (10pm) and my phone batt died so I couldn't call Mich and the rest that I couldn't come and I AM SO SORRRRRY!!

It feels like I've been terribly irresponsible of late and I hate that feeling so... NEXT WEEK IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. But I guess it has to be because I am starting work. And sighhhhhhhh, I am on the waiting list for the 20th of January which totally sucks because if I don't get it, I won't be able to go to BLT! NOoooooOoOO.

God, please give me the strength to work hard, be full of love and grace, and to praise you always no matter what the situation!!!

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
- Colossians 4:2-6

I feel sad and burdened. But I am thankful that He has been opening up the eyes of my heart through this and is encouraging me and strengthening me and challenging me. Really great to see how God has answered prayer and opened the way for me to spread His love and to step up and walk the talk. I can't help but feel this niggle of apprehension and inadequacy but God is greater than anything and it is all His power and I'm merely the instrument. This is my prayer!

Anyway....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!!

You are my best friend, my sister-in-Christ, and everything I could ever wish for in a friend. You complete me, remember that? :) Thank you so much for never judging me, always listening, cheering me up, encouraging me and making me laugh all the time. What makes me the happiest is that our friendship is built upon God's love and I LOVE YOU LOTSSSSS! xx

-

It's 4.30am and I'm still up and blogging. It's officially my first day in Singapore and I have eaten a bowl of authentic Singaporean laksa and a bowl of beef soup, bought a pair of gorgeous satin bejeweled shoes, hung out with my family, went to Jin's party, surprised Laura with a chocolate truffle slice at 12 midnight and hung out with Cel and Laura til 2.30am. Other than a few minor blips, the day ended rather perfectly.