Why am I online blogging when I should be working on my assignment?
Maybe because the perilous Ps have hit and I am in need of a little... Purge.
Okay so let's move on to Purge number 1.

#1 I finished reading How to Be Good (Nick Hornby) yesterday.

And despite it being very well-written and a book I enjoyed reading and would enjoy reading again, I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed at how inconclusive it was.
I know the whole point of a lack of conclusion was to show how... okay for lack of a better description, fundamentally inconclusive it (being the plot, storyline, whatever) actually is, but in my tremulous emotional state, I couldn't help but wish there was some concrete end, some form of... resolution.

#2 To a certain extent, I now understand why people become so-called more independent after they go overseas. It's because when they've been thrown around, fighting and struggling to find some place and sense of an identity, they get so tired of it but yet tenaciously refuse to break, so they become indifferent.

Sometimes I'm so afraid to be out there, that when I am, I rear a wall of indifference around me and within these invisible pads I can numb out all sorts of feelings.
Very individualistic, very cold, but very... safe.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I loathe being indifferent because it takes so much effort.
The worst of it being that my wall of indifference isn't very strong because I rarely am indifferent and the little nuances of an insecure situation start creeping in through the cracks and jumbles my insides into a mini turmoil.

#3 Confidence is relative.
I used to think I was confident; I knew my strengths, I knew my weaknesses, I knew what made me unhappy, I knew what made me happy, and I was all right with everything.
I knew who I was, that was me, I was me.

But lately, new people view me differently. I've become... shy. I've become... quiet.
I'm not as good with words as I used to be, I'm not as socially adroit as I used to think I was, and this is my very weak wall of indifference.
Keep quiet, no one knows, no one can say anything, no one can judge you on anything, you don't need to think or care about anything.
Yay, very... safe.

But you know what? NO.

#4 I want to be who God made me out to be again.

#5 I am only pmsing. And I take extreme comfort in the fact that this is merely a biological, chemical and hormonal make up that doesn't have anything to do with my original state of mind :)

We went to Singapura for dinner tonight and I was rather excited to find a copy of Singapore's Her World strewn idly on a table, glossy, shiny and surprisingly unmarked.
Made me think for a stray moment how sometimes I feel like two different people there and here but yet feel very much the same person.

I think I'm in a crabby mood.
The kind triggered by nothing very much, emerging with the latent effort of one trying to juggle two buckets of water, making sense of everything but yet coming up with nothing at the same time.
That kind of crabbiness.

The kind that makes me want to lose myself in a book, consumed by Mary's pain or Peter rejection, rendering the trifles of real life completely irrelevant in a world of fiction.
So tonight I'll just curl up with my new Nick Hornby book and let the problems of Katie and David Carr take over.
Then I'll fall asleep and wake up to a brand new day, rejuvenated and .. uncrabby.

David's plucking on his guitar a soft wistful tune and music like that always calms my frazzled nerves and lulls me into a quiet mental retreat.
I wish I could play the guitar well; maybe it's time to start practising in earnest again!

Before I slept last night I prayed a very short and simple prayer asking God what did He want me to do.
I was resting very comfortably in the silence of God and I felt the words impress themselves clearly in my heart I want you to love others more than you love yourself.
I prayed on it for a short while before falling asleep quickly after.

This morning I attended CCCB St Lucia and the message of Jesus sending out the twelve apostles and His compassion on them brought me straight back to the beginning of the year when I prayed that I might grow in love and allow His love to manifest more greatly so that I may love others.
Then afternoon service at Hope, was on Nehemiah's compassion for the people of God.
I remembered how the verse 2 Timothy 1:7 was my verse for the year: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidty, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Realised today that my fear of rejection and my inability to overcome initial shyness is a form of selfishness because through that, I cannot effectively love others like how God has loved me.
Realised that my pride and insecurities have been inhibiting me to fully love others, and in that way, I fail to love God properly because I fail to love His people properly!

I was very glad for today because it jerked me back to that new year's eve where I prayed for 2007 and asked God to show me more about love.
And where God very lovingly showed me how He has equipped those whom He's called.

Funny how when I'm starting to forget, God pops a reminder right back at me :)

My accounting exam is in approximately two hours and I don't feel like touching my notes any longer because my brain has as much retention power as a wooden plank and all I've seen this morning are the words and numbers disintegrating in poofs of smoke.
I know I ought to be a lot more anxious than this, but I'm not because such utter loathing has metamorphasized into sheer indifference and now I really don't care and I just want to get this over and done with!

It's been a frustrating week.
Was praying and God has shown me so many areas which needs to be cleaned up, so many issues I'm grappling with and I really pray for His peace to guard my mind and my heart.
Somehow I think I'd let the hustle and bustle get to me and the voices are buzzing noisily in my head and I really pray that I can hear Him clearly, and that I may come to Him with a clean and open heart :(
I finished Is That Really You, God and it really blew me away by His amazing hand and it also made me realise how prideful I'm becoming and I really need to humble myself and learn to surrender and obey.

Been toying with the idea of changing courses of late.
Struggling with commerce subjects (especially, accounting!) in and out of semesters is taking its toll on me; I'm rather sick of gritting my teeth and ploughing through what seems indecipherable and quite incomprehensible to me.
I've been thinking of changing to Business/Law or Business Management/Law because I don't need to do so many accounting subjects and I can easily transfer most of my credits although what I really want to do is Arts/Law.
Show me the way, God, I pray :(

Sometimes I don't know why I do the things I do. The clumsy things.
Like cleverly spilling a whole glass of apple juice all over my laptop and sending myself into a possibly avoidable mini panic attack while frantically trying to mop up the mess.
Laptop's fine (thank You God!), mouse is fine (thanks God again!), but there's now a sickly sweetness lingering in the air and sticky residue on my stuff.

I'm so restless today, my fingers are actually prickly with numbness.
I think this is what people call the fall after the high.
I feel like surrounding myself with worthwhile conversation, good music and beautiful things.
The walls of my room are caving in and my eyes are bleeding with boredom for some aesthetic beauty; nice clothes, good views, a pretty picture, ANYTHING. I don't even mind being surprised by a whole new slew of those cutesy animated emoticons!
Mundane monotony has hit yet again! And mid-sems don't make it any better :(

TAKE ME BACK TO THE HOLIDAYS :(

"You complete me.."

Kissed Laura goodbye at the airport today, hugged each other to death, and I felt the faint and almost wistful stirrings that her holiday has come to an end. But it was a fantastic five days and I'm sooo glad she came!
And don't worry slimbean, don't feel left out because we talked about you a lot! We miss you!
Anyway, photo overload. Beware!

-

Day 1

So Laura arrived on Friday the 13th. There was none of that spooky business, superstition or whatnot, because it was the day that the Lord has made and rejoice we will in it! And we did because Laura arrived!
A rather nondescript day made wholly magic by the best company and engaging in our favourite activity (hurhur): S H O P P I N G.














Chek was in Brisbane too! So we all had a spiffing time hanging out.
















Day 2

Woke up bright and early because we were headed for Dreamworld!
Sean picked us and we trundled on our way with bellyaches, road-trip worthy sing-a-long music and very merry spirits!
Dreamworld was absolutely lovely :)
The sky that perfect shade of pale cerulean, the sun warming our backs and wind tousling our hair; it's that perfect weather which somehow makes everything sunnier, shinier and simply better!
Harhar, and there's that something about doing erm well, for lack of descriptive words, dare-devil things with your friends that bolsters your friendship and spirit of things.

After Laura's virgin double-loop roller coaster ride!





















We took ages to get the perfect jumping shot, up and down like crazy monkeys. And even so it still looks a little... lacking. But it's okay, because we still love jump shots!



















At night we headed for YF social night which was a real ball, because I love taboo and I love table tennis and we got to play both!
No pictures of that because my poor camera died even before the sky got dark.


Day 3

CHURCH DAY! And I have no pictures :( I don't know why.
We spent most of the night rolling around in bed and we watched Happy Feet which wasn't very good.


Day 4

Another day of our favourite activity! Yum :)
When we're together we do a lot of damage because I have missed one of my favourite shopping buddies. Did I tell any of you that Laura and I bonded a lot at the beginning because we both shopped best together?
We were musing about how we started becoming close because our befuddled goldfish memories eluded us and somehow we decided it was this (seemingly) frivolous activity we call shopping.
Well amongst other things of course!

















At night we headed to Sean's place to play tennis! Yay, I love sport :)
Shame it turned dark so soon and the tennis courts lights were faulty or something so we couldn't play after a while.
Was fed a fantastic dinner cooked by Sean's mum and found out that our parents know each other. I like discovering things like that, it makes the world look so small and familiar; where comfort and friends are within arm's reach. Or a phonecall at least :)





Day 5

Brought Laura around uni and she managed to meet the bulk of my uni friends. It was also Viv's BIRTHDAY! Happy 18th :)
And it was more walk-walk-walking in the city, eating, and of course being trigger happy!

My favourite photo of... the day!














And say hello to PIMP shumin.




































And me and my bright idea because I decided it would be great to walk to Three Monkeys from the Citycat station. We walked enough to burn off all our calories for the night and we were so exhausted by the time we reached Monkeys that we couldn't haul our behinds to order food.
After that Sean picked us up (yay for cars!) and we watched Stomp the Yard and despite a lot of people telling me that it sucked, my very amateur eyes thought it was rather.. good.


















Day 6

I spent the day at uni due to classes while Sean brought Laura around. And she flew away tonight :(
Florabelle, miss you already :(














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Me: I love salad
Laura: Me too!
Me: My favourite are rocket leaves!
Laura: Oh the peppery ones? I don't really like them.
Me: Really? I like the purple lettuce too
Laura: Oh... I don't really like them either. They're a little tasteless. I loooove tomatoes and capsicums!
Me: Oh.. I don't like them the most in salad.
Laura: Oh. Ha ha we can be salad buddies! YOU COMPLETE ME!

Me: I realised I drink iced coffee mostly for the whipped cream
Laura: I don't like whipped cream
Me: Yea I know. When my whipped cream's gone, I feel quite sad and want to throw my coffee away.
Laura: Hahaha! We can be coffee buddies too! YOU COMPLETE ME!

Anyway, photos of Laura's trip HERE!

Last night I was finishing up my assignment and told Laura she could go to bed first.
When I headed back to my room so I could sleep, I found Laura sprawled right across the centre of my bed!
Ha ha, feeling bad, I slept on the couch that night before Laura woke me up at 7 and dragged me back to bed.
Heh, it's okay Laura, I still love you :)

It's been a hectic weekend and I really thank God for giving me the strength to finish the assignment despite tight schedules and the like.
Anyway, Laura and I are having a ball!
More updates when I've got the time.

Everyday Lord I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me
In every single step I take
That everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

You draw near to those who draw near to You :)

hi friends!! guess who is guest blogging today?
none other than our darling LAURAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
hehehehe suprise suprise :)
I'M IN BRISBANE!! :)

since i have two weeks break and mints only has one, i decided to fly up to visit hurhur.
so exciting right?? i knowww!!
today we already started our major shopping mission and tomorrow we're going to gold coast and Dream World!! can't wait man.

i can't believe our whimsical suggestion for me to fly up actually materialized.
three weeks ago i told her i wanted to visit so the next day i booked a flight and here i am!!

see la. since you guys had so many gathering without us, we just HAD to have one of our own.
although both of us can't wait to see you guys in july!!

okay well i guess that's all i have to say.
i'm sure mints will be updating over the next few days so till then! miss you all!































Aww! SO HAPPY :) :) SHUMIN IS HAPPY :D :D
Everyone, let the good times roll !

So the last few days have filed a very nice mix of work and play. Ha ha, but there are only visuals of the PLAY! Because who wants to take pictures of work...

There was CC's easter egghunt and trivia party. And also...
Happy 20th Angie To on the 10th of April :)















TEAM WAR.


And alot of time this holiday has been spent on board games and cards


And Angie and I worked on our assignment! There's no visible proof so you just have to trust us


And there was Taiki's housewarming!































Then there was Rumpus Room with Sean















AND not forgetting Chek who's here from Adelaide



Okay I really don't have anything substantial to say. Tomorrow is blocked off solely for assignments. I neeeeeeed to finish it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENNNNZIE!
















Happy Birthday to yoooou! My FPB, I still remember the very first day we met and how you ignored me. Ha ha, but funnily enough, we became such good friends after :)
I know sometimes it's been a bumpy ride of a friendship, but when I think back to those two years, you've really seen me through some of my toughest times and was always there with your comfort and encouragement.
Anyway, you're now TWENTY; no longer a teen! Ha ha, hope you'll continue to grow in Him and make many God-centred decisions.
And be a happy boy!

-

Okay, will update more another time because I neeeeeeed to start on my assignment.
And just a little thought that struck me while I was in the shower: the Bible tells us to Do to others what you would have them do to you (Matthew 7:12, Luke 6:31)
This talks about a LOVE FOR OUR ENEMIES. Gasp.

Okay, honestly, I find this terribly hard.
I'm not one of those vengeful types who practise do-unto-others-what-they-have-done-to-you mantras but I turn a shoulder of indifference which is really not what the bible tells us to do.
It tells us to Do unto others what you would have them do to you.
What do we want people to do to us? DO IT TO THEM!

I was listening to a conversation and even having one of those myself earlier this week and it travelled down to talking about one of our friends and someone made a careless assumption and in my head I was thinking No, she's not like this at all!
Many times we're so careless with our words that we don't think about what we say and what it could do to others.
Sometimes it doesn't seem like much when we talk about other people; but think about how we would feel if we knew other people were talking about us?

Sometimes I struggle with the words I say, the thoughts I have and struggle even to show love to those who haven't shown love to me.
But let's learn from the One who loved us all, loved the unworthy, loved and forgave the sinners, the One who even gave up His life so that we could be free from sin.
I love You, Jesus :)
Help me to love others like how You love me.

I've always been labelled a talker of some sort but lately before I speak, I find myself my words and thoughts running through a filter and sometimes facing a complete blockage for fear that what I say might not be completely right, certain inadequacies and also in fear that I may stumble others.

Was reading some stuff online earlier - Christian forums, blogs, articles - and it struck me how there is so much I don't know, so much I need to learn.
Lately, I've truly been feeling humbled but at the same time I don't want humility to slip into pits of lack of confidence, stopping me from doing things for God or asking questions.

I was reading my older blog entries and found snippets of blog posts when I was a younger Christian writing about how I felt about Him.
I found myself cringing at lots of it because I realised how ignorant about some matters I used to be, but more so because people actually READ this blog and I might say/do/portray things in a manner that could potentially stumble others.

And it's little situations like these that make me want to keep my mouth shut and stick to asking questions so I can grow and improve my understanding of God and His word.
But I know that's being very, very selfish which means I won't be growing into Christ-likeness at all because Jesus wasn't a selfish man.
I was reading Chapter 13 and 14 of 1 Corinthians earlier about spiritual gifts and in 14:4, it says, "He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself, but he who prophesies edifies the church."
Was reading an article in relation to the spiritual gifts and in 1 Corinthians, Paul was writing to the church to tell them not to be so caught up in the spiritual gifts only but also to bear in mind that of building up the church and carrying out God's commandments for us to LOVE OTHERS.

Sometimes I feel as though I am so imperfect and sinful and ignorant that I don't want to say too much lest I tell others the wrong thing and I want to keep growing in knowledge and Christ-likeness before anything is actually said.
But then, we as mortals will never know everything in our human capacity, because it says in Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Just like how we can grow into holiness but we can never say we've reached the highest pinnacle of holiness; it's a pursuit, not something we gain.

Was really troubled about this whole matter and still am.
I was reading Paul's letters to Timothy and in 1 Timothy 4:11, Paul, like a father to Timothy, instructs him, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

I really pray that His Spirit will continue to guide me in how I live out my life, what I say, what I do, what I think and how I act unto others.
Because I can extract and pick out all the good parts of scripture and practise selective reading, but it doesn't block out the wholeness and fullness of God.
Yes, His love drives out all fear because it's perfect but it also means that because of that, I need to obey and let Him change my ways; I need to be a good example!
Pray for me friends!

The start of easter break; reality leaves much to be desired, but television excitement is on a roll!

(1) I watched 300 last night.


Madness? THIS IS SPARTA! A lot of blood, raucous chiselled sweaty men (all 8 pacs!), glory growls and a rolling head. Mm, yum.
David thought I'd cry during this movie either from death or gore, but I was completely dry. I find it hard to summon any ounce of sympathy or horror when everyone seems happy to die and a somewhat meaningful label has been plastered across the horror. And I think Spartans are a little too remote for any conjured emotion.
But a good night; a lot of popcorn and peanut butter M&M's!

(2) I watched The Notebook for like the... sixth time.


"Are you a bird too, Noah?"
"If you're a bird, then I'm a bird."

Cheese, cheese, cheeeese. But I like :)
Makes me want to fall in love all over again; laugh and flush and feel beautiful, do the corny cliched things that couples do like hold hands, dance under the stars, scream and talk about everything and anything and nothing at all; somehow it just becomes so crazily sweet it's not cheesy anymore.

(3) I went Prison Break crazy!


Finished episodes 16 to 22 in two days, polishing off Season 2. The ending was blah. It's either they have a Season 3 and over exhaust and excite me to the brink of irritation in the process or not have a Season 3 and leave me with a sickeningly bitter aftertaste of Prison Break.
Not goood :(

(4) I went for a barbeque!
























































HAHA quite possibly my favourite photo of the night




















Yay, other than that I haven't quite started on my crim assignment (gonna start like.. now) and I've been stuffing my face with milo cereal and onion&cheese potato chips. I cooked lamp chops and made my own mashed potatoes tonight. Very full, very satisfied.

And last but certainly and definitely not least,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY REUBEN LOW!
Mr Neon-lights-in-techno-pounding-wannabe-gangstaa-car, you have hit the big TWO ONE!
It's time to be an adult Reuby :) Anyway on this speshh day, just wanna tell you thank you for all the good times: car rides, poker, lunch, econ1020 and I'll never forget that fateful night where you called me rendering your precious help before our econ1020 exam. Such a great pal :) Happy Birthday Reuby Low!