i am feeling inconceivably shitty.

busy weekends are nice because you have heaps to do and you feel so useful.
busy weekends suck because you have no time to do important things like HOMEWORK.

had og dinner on friday again!
although mich andrew shaun and i were terribly late so only cheryl hawyi adi and our honorary member alvin was left.
the food at glutton square is actually quite good! but SEVERLY overpriced.
shared og gossip including the other welcomed intruders like shah and daryl and so good food and good conversation with good people was a briliant way to end a tiring friday.

weights on saturday was HORRIBLE.
i've never done anything so exertive in my whole life.
urgh, i am suffering from terrible aches in my thighs and arms and i can only hobble down the stairs.
the thought of repeating the whole process (with heavier weights!) next week is making me a very miserable girl indeed.

ktv after cheered me up immensely.
we weren't on a singing high but the highlight of the session was when matt sportsboy shaunkok and ryan sang dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai to jamie mich and i!
they huddled in a row, swayed from side to side in unison, bobbed their heads up and down and did all the actions to the lyrics and it was really superduper funny!
especially since they were sitting on the other end of the ktv couch and the girls were on the other side so they were going "dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai, kan guo lai, kan guo lai!" and beckoning us over on the other end it was really damndamn funny and i think words doesn't do it justice.
and of course the 80s ahbeng song that we all sang for the first time after all our ktv sessions.
ah la ma wa sa pa pi li pa la ai bu pa!
erm, that's how the song goes.

becky's birthday party after and the food was GORRRRGEOUS.
i think i spent most of my time eating rather than doing anything else.

so the weekend is almost over and i still have plenty of undone homework and a couple of tests next week.
and i realised i'm blogging in a way i never particularly liked to blog.
writing out whatever i did in detail.
BUT.. for people with goldfish memory like me, its the only way to go.

ohwell TEAM, 11 weeks, one down, 10 more to go!

triple free periods were wasted doing.. nothing.
absolutely nothing.
i didn't even engage in exciting conversation.
i wasn't even THINKING.
i sat down with nigel's ipod, plugged the earphones in my ears, mindlessly and tunelessly sang a few songs and.. oh yes i ATE.
two LONG and immensely free hours, filled with the possibility of doing something productive (i brought my numerical methods notes and macro economics notes to review), and i did NOTHING!!!!!!!

i am so ashamed of myself :(

i am feeling increasingly stupid during lit lessons.
i feel like i dont deserve to be in the arts faculty.
everytime the teacher goes, have you read the book called ____ (insert title of book)? have you heard of this poem? all i can do is shake my head dumbly.
and when he asks these questions on poems or narratives, i simply cannot think of a decent answer.
and all my answers sound so grossly inadequate.
i need a reading list ASAP.
i need to update myself on current affairs ASAP.
i need to absorb knowledge AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

gp today had to be the best lesson ever.
i was preparing myself for a two period nap during gp because we were going to watch videos and i most often than not always fall asleep.
AND gp was the last two periods.

anyway so we were watching these videos on reality tv and the Wonderland Club (which i think is horrific and downright perverted).
and i am so intrigued but yet appalled at how reality tv works.
i always had a rough idea, but when we're seated down in front of the television, watching what we call reality tv and soaking up the entertainment, we never really consider how it is crafted.
and thinking about all the shows we watch, Temptation Island, Joe Millionaire and even the seemingly harmless Amazing Race, is all that entertainment worth how it affects the lives of those put on national tv?
i admit i do like watching them, because of the raw excitement, the idea of the unedited and reactions that aren't pre-written (which is quite ironic really), but when i think about the lives that have been turned upside down, all that isn't necessary is it?

the concept of Temptation Island is to throw a whole bunch of couples together surrounded by hot singles perpetually clad in bikinis and beach shorts most of the time to see if their relationship can withstand the temptation.
the basic message they're telling you is: look at these people, we throw them together, and it is their choice, their infidelity.
it's not really the case is it?
the trips and dates they offer the taken man/woman and their single date are massages where both are stripped down to nothing wrapped in nothing but a towel or holidays for two complete with a single bouncy bed and jacuzzi tubs.
in a sense, they're pushing them into such a circumstance.
and when couples break up, the underlying message is, oh they simply couldn't take it. they are such a weak couple.
and the blame is pushed on the unfaithful one and relationships are broken.

and when you ship the entire thing back into real life (when you're not a beach resort with feathery palm trees and aromatic oils and treated like royalty but BACK TO REAL LIFE. lousy job, bills to pay, REAL LIFE basically), everything changes.

and there's always the unspoken, the nitty gritty that the viewers don't know.
i once read a book on a woman who created her own fly-on-the-wall programme and basically how they coaxed people on their show was to lie to them.
tell them they were on the show for this reason, when the real aim was to embarrass and humiliate.

i admit i do watch reality tv shows and i enjoy them, but i can honestly live quite happily without watching them.
i don't think all that pain and humiliation inflicted is worth it.

and on to the Wonderland Club, I AM SIMPLY DISGUSTED AND APPALLED AND HORRIFIED AND I HAVE NO MORE WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL.
there's always that article i read in the newspaper some years back about a man who raped a 9 month old baby and the poor innocent baby died because the man's penis crushed all her internal organs.
and i think that is absolutely sick.
it is downright perverted and sick and..
i feel sick thinking about how sick it is.

okay enough rantings about gp videos.

the first of 77 days.
i am feeling strong about it.

the only thing that's weighing me down is the hideous amount of homework i have due tomorrow.
and looking at the clock i have about three hours to complete it, inclusive of short trips to the kitchen and mini stoning sessions.
but all i want to do is lie on my bed and listen to cheesy sappy love songs.

school passes by with no real significance.
i can't remember doing anything distinctly productive.
i really ought to have better time management.
then i wouldn't be sitting here in front of the computer fretting about homework i could have spread out through the weekend.

the first of 77 is almost over.
I AM GOING STRRRRRONG :)

i've been bad to my blog.
it's time to revive it.

i can't remember anything that happened about school except i have a TON of homework that i haven't done.
like..
GP READING PACKAGE!
and LIT ESSAY FOR PRINCE!
and MATH! (which we don't have to hand up so it doesn't count but i ought to be doing it regularly)
and.. oh yes GP COMPREHENSION!
oh.. ECONS MCQ.

that's quite alot to squeeze into one sunday.
and maybe abit of monday.

anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL YAP LINGFANG! :)
you're honestly one of my closest pals and we've only met this year but yeaaah we're like soul sisters aren't we :) anyway i'm glad i've got you and i think we came out of all the shizzos we constantly talked about in 2004 pretty well. love you babe have a great 18th!

so yesterday was quite a day well spent although i don't remember doing anything significant except fusion and rachel yap's surprise birthday.
but a day well spent indeed because of the company :)

anyway it's amazing how God put me through so much emotional turmoil in 2004, things that i thought i couldn't handle (stupid things at that), but yet the day i decided to surrender it all to Him for good, He answered my every prayer and blessed me so much.
and now looking back, i understand why i went through all that, because now i feel stronger and more ready to handle whatever it was that i wanted so much.
and He's transformed my life and the the lives of the people around me.
even though those around me may not believe, i can see His hand working within them and day by day i can see the change in them and it makes me so happy that God is bigger than anything and everything.

and 11 weeks.
chicken feet lah!
heh :)

first things first, everyone please pray for Mrs. Creffield.
her husband passed away in a rock climbing accident, please pray for strength that she may go through this trying period.
please pray for weikong too.

life is so frail really.
in just a matter of a month, i've heard of three accidents happening to those i know.
just as God breathed life into us, He can take it away.
so let's treasure whatever we have here - family, friends, blessings - and spread His word because life is short.

days at school have been going along nicely.
i quite like my lessons and the brain stimulation i'm getting is a rather nice change from the sedentary lifestyle i've been leading for two months.

it was matt's birthday yesterday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW WAN WEI WEN :)
hope you liked the presents from us, we put alot of thought into it :)
so it was a crowded night at marche for matt's birthday and reminded me abit of the void deck minus the AAgirls.

i think i need to put a little more effort in being punctual.
thanks to my lousy time approximation, i was 20 minutes late, which meant eric and i couldn't watch My Brother.
so we settled for A Ton Image which was french and unamusing and basically the kind of movie which leaves you confused during the process of watching it, then at the end of it you think oh it wasn't too bad but you definitely wouldn't watch it again.

it wasn't a bad saturday.
left me confused but clear at the same time.
nevermind in God i trust :)

i think i need a new brain.
yesterday, i very conveniently misplaced ALL MY LIT BOOKS (think 2004's notes, quotes. and the new lit books weren't mine they were weikong's. and the massive amount of money i'd have to fork out for new ones) and sent myself in a flurry.
thank goodness someone found them and deposited them in the lost and found counter.
so today, i spent $4 on foolscap and notebooks and LOST THEM! without even flipping a page.
and wasting $4 on something i haven't even used makes my heart ache.
so that led me to think of the numerous items i have lost in acjc and never recovered.
1. my favourite school skirt
2. my sweaty nike shorts after pe (why would anyone steal a sweaty pair of shorts I HAVE NO IDEA. i couldn't find them in the lost and found)
3. four pairs of spectacles.

and what seriously puzzles me is WHY NOBODY WOULD PUT THE SPECS IN THE LOST AND FOUND!
i need to be less scatter-brained.

anyway school feels very strange when its swarming with j1s (now i know how the j3s feel) and the teachers treating you differently.
and the thought of the short and incredibly packed year looming ahead of me, it is very unnerving indeed.
especially when i am one math tutorial behind and one econs lecture behind.
and i'm not exactly the quickest learner around; my math is horribly slow and i have to read the econs notes manyMANYmany times before i actually understand, and even after reading it on my own, i don't necessarily understand it.

and the teachers just seem so foreign.
i miss jamie tan so baaaadly.
i think 1AA1 '04 was given a lot of freedom with the incessant noise, late mcs and parent's letters, and relaxed classroom atmosphere.
now in 2AA1, i feel as though i'm given a reality check everytime i talk or am relaxed.
i am on my TOES.

the only thing that seems vaguely the same is pe (this I LIKEE) and econs and perhaps math.
and i miss NL 13.
NL 3 is small, cramped, cold, distracting and rickety.
sometimes i think if i stomp too hard, the whole thing will collapse.
and our class doesn't have the air-con remote control so we're stuck in that freezing room.
and the windows are SO BIG.
the only thing that cheers me up is the massive spongebob left behind by the previous class and the mirrors which say "U R BEAUTIFUL" on them heh heh.

this is one post filled with complaints.
URGH.
i want to join recreational pingpong.

things i did today
- WAS EXCUSED FROM SCHOOOOOOL! i was so so so happy :) perks of being an ogl
- i dota-ed for the first time ever. it's not a lifechanging experience like they say. but i had fun :) even though i am SUPER lousy.
- i had training. quite a slack one but somehow i felt it set the tone right.
- ate yami yogurt (it seems like such an ogl thing to do)
- arts fac meeting (nothing much to say about this one)

somehow i can't figure if things are going well or not.
by right i know it should be, but there's something i can't quite put my finger on. or maybe i'm just not facing up to it.
anyway, it's rather bittersweet and the perimeters of my life just seem to be rearranging themselves.

anyway the zaogeng staircase is VERY VERY scary.
going up is a chore because i keep having to hold my skirt down.
going down is a chore because i have to cling onto the railings with both hands and walk down sideways (the stairs are very steep).
thoughts of falling down, unglamorous spreadeagle positions, broken legs/arms/back keep running through my head whenever i troop up and down the steps.

ohwell school officially begins tomorrow.

og outing yesterday was quite fun cause they're such a united hilarious bunch of j1s :)
i like them VERY VERY much.
despite plans to meet at 1pm, andrew mich and i were horribly late and i felt so bad when hawyi messaged at 1 saying he was there!
so we had lunch at macs and the new twister fries are very good.
makes me miss a&w.
curly fries, coney dog, waffles, rootbeer float.

meet the fockers was quite okay.
funny but not worth the $8.50 i thought and i was freeeeezing inside the theatre.
ohh and shaun from my og saved up $2000 to watch a Lakers game!
i was so shocked that there are actually such ardent fans around and he wears basketball shoes, wears Kobe Bryant tees, etc etc well you get the idea.
so to end the day with my lovely OG we had ice cream and fries at swensons then all the OGLs had to go and the rest of them went to play pool.

met eric and we spent the night at marc's house watching tv, ponging (actually we only played once cause after that i felt too lazy to play) and both of them playing gin rummy and whatever else it is they play.
a very sloth-like and lazy night but i like :)
bumped my head REALLY REALLY hard that night and it hurts like hell now.

very incoherent post.
i need to learn to start writing better.
must be the lack of school.

sometimes i look at everyone around and i think what on earth is wrong with me.
and then i think about how i don't want to be like everybody else but yet i want to be like everyone.
anyway that was a super retarded comment.

orientation is proceeding along nicely although i was quite zoned out and my poor voice is goooooing.
i was so stoned during massive gaming because the heat and food was making me very sleepy, that i sat in one corner watching but not really watching my group happily play their messy games.

anyway my group is very funny and very sweet!
they LOOOOOVE dirty games.
the dirtier, the better, they say.
is there egg in it? OHOH lets play the egg game FIRST!!!!!!
and they all quite like to dance so it's pretty neat.
because andrew is really awesome when he dances/teaches them how to dance.

and the arts fac has gotten SO BIG now.
there are three extra classes.
when i was skimming the list i was thinking what on earth is 1AA4 and 1AA5.
anyway laura is really lucky, her junior class looks so fun.
i know NO ONE in my junior class except for this girl in my OG.
and 1AA1 isn't in the NLs.
that is really too bad for them.
i repeat.
TOO BAD FOR THEM because the NL is the happy hut!

tomorrow is the last day of orientation.
happy as i am that i don't have to feel like a tired dirty old hag every night, i am going to miss the fun and games dearly.
and dread lessons, teachers and homework.

i am rambling.
anyway continue praying for weikong please!
he now has a lung infection and his brain is swelling again, PLEASE PRAY!
oh oh and try not to visit him until he gets better please, because we bring into the ICU heaps of germs and he gets excited when he sees people so he gets worse.

it has been the most exhausting two days of my life (somehow ccaab didn't even seem that bad).
BUT.. orientation 2005 is very very fun.

- being a station master and yelling out stories and hearing people cheer and do things for you is very FUN. oh, so is making them do forfeits :)
- thinking of cavalon cheers is very FUN! team extreme.
- my og is very FUN. and FUNny and enthusiastic. well not at first but today they were. i am very proud of them.
- dirty games are FUN. especially those with alot alot of water :) those with starch/slime/stickythings NO.
- feeling like an experienced mass dancer is FUN.
- cheering other cavalon cheers are very FUN too!
- seeing the j1s get excited is FUN.

as you can see, i used the word FUN a gabillion times so yes, it is very fun.
i am looking forward to the next three days of orientation then, oops, it's back to the real school.

dinner and yami yogurt with matt and mich after was pleasantly nice and insightful.
alot of stories, plenty of thoughts and lets just say i've changed my perspectives on certain things.
perhaps we value our own experiences and feelings too much, thinking that other people don't understand, when they in fact aren't that much different from us.
it's so easy to judge and form opinions, but i guess there are many facets to a person.

and recently, i've been seeing the power of God working His way into people's lives and its very heartwarming indeed.
and praise the Lord, news that weikong is getting better!
continue praying for him and family, for recovery, strength and courage :)

everyone please PRAY FOR WEIKONG!
he was hit by a taxi this morning and by God's grace the blood clot in his head was successfully removed!
but he has suffered injuries to his spine and chest so please pray that he will be able to recover and be up on his feet soon.
pray that he may be strong during this trying period and pray for his family that they would be able to be strong and see through this accident together.

i'd better blog on the FIRST day of 2005 before the atmosphere was gone.

anyway yesterday was quite allright.
didn't get to go to the sleepover with the girls :(
but it was still okay.
shall blog in point form because im not into details today.
- mahjong
- asshole daidee
- food
- 7up, 369, drinking goggles, one frog
- PARK IT.

ohwell abit of confusion and mixed feelings through out the day.
and ohwell HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE :)