It reads 1:33 pm on my clock and I've just woken up about half an hour ago because I went to bed at an unearthly hour of 6am.
Why I would stumble to bed, half-conscious, half-asleep, at that hour is beyond my comprehension; other than the fact that I was an insomniac the whole night, flitting in and out of my thoughts and feeling that frustration creep up round my neck, wanting very much for my brain to be like that of my computer: one click and it'll shut down.

So having lay in bed for two hours doing absolutely nothing other than willing my tired brain and bleary eyes to sleep, I got out of bed, fixed myself a bowl of instant mac&cheese and two bars of Twix, sat down and watched Fight Club.
Which was probably a big mistake because it's one of those movies that's of such subtle disturbing quality that it has the capability to crawl beneath my skin without my realisation and leave me awake and pondering.
Plus, the movie had all these half-baked symbols and allegories and themes of which I never fully caught on and I felt the need to grind it up and chew on it til I'd fully ingested it; and in case you're wondering, I still don't fully understand it so now I feel the need to read the book.

By the time I'd finished thinking and shutting down my laptop, I looked outside and saw faint rays of sunshine filtering through the window blinds and the early morning sounds of the birds and critters marked the start of daybreak.
Heading to bed at that hour has a very surreal quality and my eyes ached with that grainy pinch where my body was so tired but my mind was still ticking with a blunt muted flurry.

-

I haven't spoken to anyone from home in days and I miss everyone greatly.
Especially when Tom asked me when I'd be flying back and I was thinking about everyone and the little snippets of daily activity that I'd engage in, chucking in my favourite places and food, food and more food.
And being the little foodie, meal-planner that I am, I was thinking about all the great places to take people out to eat!
Talk about bad timing because after that I lay in bed feeling so damn hungry and missing all the delightful, (relatively) cheap(er) food.

But I figured, if my mouth can't taste it, my eyes can certainly feast :)

Bakchormee, chwee kueh, hokkien mee, ice kachang, katong laksa, kway chap (omgomgomg)



meesiam, prata (omgomgomg!!)


Hainanese chicken rice (omggggggggg!)


Prawn noodles (ohhhmygosh!)


MILO DINOSAUR!!



And there's still bak kut teh and wonton noodles and fried carrot cake and beef noodles and fish noodles and fishball noodles and teochew porridge and sugar cane and stingray and horfun and.... ... ..
I AM HUNGRY.

A hungry (wo)man is an angry (wo)man!!

So I've been a little MIA lately, but on a quick (picture-filled) update, the last few days have been pretty fab.

Saturday was Angie and Chi's 19th birthday party and a great night of food, fun, laughter and mad karaoke.
Especially when there was a sing-out between the girls, boys, and the next table full of cute adolescent kids which remind me sadly how we grow out of cute stages into gangly awkward ones, looking in between ages, all pimply and confused.

It was over to Angie's for the after-party where we rolled in rounds of mahjong (I won! I won!) and random piano playing before most people left.
Then it was up to those sleeping over (Tiff, Geewai and I) to burn the night away; and burn the night away we did with more rounds of mahjong, Geewai's supremely annoying rule-making game of Bartok (or however you spell it), 99 and Mario Party which I really suck at.
After hours of glory wins, Thank you, Too slow and False accusations, number-counting, stars-and-coins-hogger (Geewai) and that evil laughing Bowser, we finally gained some shuteye at 7.30 in the morning.

Angelaaaaaaa.. and me :)



Tiff, Angie and me


I WON BEST RANDOM PHOTO OF THE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!














Birthday girls Angie and Chi :)















Good times, good times



My PW Angie and I :)


Monday was spent doing part of my assignment before we headed for KK.
It was a good night save for the sticky, sweaty crowd because I could feel waves of heat emanating from the dancefloor; plus, being vertically challenged, you tend to inhale recycled breaths of carbon dioxide and be in close proximity to sweaty armpits.
Not cool, not cool.

But it was still a good night, especially when we headed to the less claustrophobic techno floor, where we all went a little crazy with retarded hand movements, bobbing up and down and waving those little glow sticks in the air.
I honestly think techno is an excuse for people to do stupid things without looking obviously stupid.
I'm never a fan of techno, but I'm always a fan of doing retarded things, so it was all good.

There were also all those moments hanging outside 7/11 downing bottles of water, eating my sandwich and of course, how can I forget NUMBER2!!
The suss moment which I completely did not catch on til it was long over and Jimmy, May and Angie To would go Number 2! Number 2! everytime Number 2 passed.

Me, Tiff, Angie, Ann, May and Chi














groooooooupie.















Angie bunked over at my place after and we stayed up til the wee hours of 6.30am talking before falling asleeping and me pouring instant mac&cheese, cookies and shapes down her throat.
We bummed around all day, her on my laptop and me rolling around in bed, talking til the sun came down (literally).
Then feeling a little bored and lonely at night, I headed over to Wanping's where she very kindly offered me her mooncake (snowskin!!!!!!) and we watched The Joy Luck Club which I really loved.

-

So today was spent doing my assignment where I managed to not render much help but succeed in feeling a little like a useless fool :(
It was David's family's last night so I spent the night talking to Ben who used to go to ACJC but whom I never actually talked to.
And it was great reliving the good old days in ACJC and spilling a little goss here and there and cracking up over lousy maths grades and lousy GPAs.
Gave Mambo (yessss, they organised Mambo here!) a miss tonight, choosing to work on my (brain/life-sucking, torturous, annoying as hell) assignment and wishing everything was back in the place it should be.

Ohwell, I can't wait for the weekend.

Weekend, hurry up!

"see, this is why mints is one of my bestest pals.
it's like we feed off the same mind.
her thoughts are my thoughts and her feelings are my feelings."
- Laura

Sometimes, at the end of the day, when the hustle and bustle and mad scurrying is over, and the activities of the day have swept past you leaving you reeling in its wake and feeling all alone, it's nice knowing that there's someone you can always come home to and lean on.
Someone who's going to sit there, listen to you, understand you and make you feel all better.
And similarly, when they're in holes and ditches, you're gonna dig them out of it, sit there, listen to them, understand them and make them feel all better.

Pms pangs were at an all time emotional high yesterday and for the longest time, nobody was online and I'd run out of phone credit.
So for the longest time, I was feeling like a stretched-out, ostracised GAH!!
But thankfully Laura came online and together we had an OMG ME TOOOOOOOOOO me too me too me too rant and just knowing there's someone who completely understands makes it all that much better.

"everything in moderation mints, everything in moderation.
(it's the new 'just treat yourself' heehee. we're too fat for that motto now man. time to move on to slimmer pastures)"
Ha ha yessss Laura, time for new mottos and slimmer pastures!

So now that yesterday is long gone and I've had sufficient sleep, today is gonna be a good day!

I can feel it in my bones...

It's been a long day and I feel stretched thin.
The constant incessant chatter, blinking city lights and car fumes have a way of blurring my senses and making me feel alone inside; like sitting in an empty car while it's raining outside.
I can feel my theories kicking in and it's knocking me off balance, unnerving and so terribly insecure.
It's that time of the month and my emotions are on a rocky ride.

I don't know why; I feel really sad and lonely tonight.

-

Who is the girl at the window pane, watching the rain falling down?

Melody, life isn't like the rain, it's just like a merry-go-round

I woke up this morning (or afternoon) and decided that this bright shining glowing day will be the day that I start researching for my torts assignment.
And feeling very optimistic and driven, I scuttled around looking for my course profile, found it and read the question, highlighting all the key points.
I even logged onto the Legal Research Guide, all hyped and pumped up to actually start moving on this assignment of mine.
Then once I'd clicked on to the website, I paused.

Sitting there like a prime idiot, it suddenly dawned on me that I don't have the slightest clue how to start researching, what to research on.
And that's a huge problem isn't it?

So now, all I have done is highlighted my problem sheet in pink (I don't even like pink and that flimsy sheet of paper is glaring at me in all its lurid pink veneer of innocence, making me feel like shredding it into millions of pieces), logged on to the Legal Research Guide website (which is honestly a really cool website if you know what to do with it) and typed in a case name which I thought would be a key case but it turned out to be not quite related at all.

Such a situation is depressing.
Especially since I also woke up this morning deciding that today would be Laundry Day because I have a very heavy basket of unwashed clothes dating two weeks back, but found to my dismay that we have run out of detergent!!!!
Which is very horrifying and alarming indeed, because it is a rarity for me to decide that a day should be a laundry day and the idea of all those germs settling into the fibres of my clothes is not very appealing, to say the least.

So now I am sitting in the midst of my little chaotic room which I can only describe as a hurricane-swept disaster, worrying about my basket full of unwashed clothing, staring at my pink-highlighted problem sheet and thinking about how this is not going to help up my pitiful GPA of ___ (insert pitiful sounding numbers).
And inspiration had better hit me quick, or else I can see myself spiralling down into the doomsville of failed subjects and even more pitiful GPAs.

:(
:(
:(

I am sad.

It's funny how certain things just simply remind you of someone even if the correlation is vague or completely irrelevant.

Like today, I had a steak sandwich for lunch, and the moment I saw it on the menu I was instantly reminded of Jame; because Jame always orders a steak sandwich (or almost always anyway ha ha).
And more significantly than Jame ordering the steak sandwich, it'd be watching the process of Jame eat it.
That's because Jame has to be the most ladylike eater I've met in my life, daintily cutting her sandwich into little pieces and picking at it as we all watched her eat her meal.
And even more significant than the process of Jame eating her meal, would be the unspoken rule of how we could never, never ask Jame if she was done, because after eating about half her meal, she'd chatter on before pushing her plate and going Ugh, I'm full.

And that would be our cue.
Because all of us would automatically start attacking her leftovers like starving vultures and basically polish off her food, on top of our meals.
Ha ha, Jame is one of my favourite people to eat with, because I always get more food at the end of the day.
Hee hee!

(anyway Jamie Chee Hoi Yen, if you're reading this, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I never see you online and you seemed to have disappeared off the face of this earth! I miss you, I think about you even when I'm having lunch ha ha.)

Another completely random thought that came to mind while I was baking brownies today was how did the first cake surface on this earth?
I mean, how did someone decide to throw in flour, eggs, a shocking amount of butter and sugar into a bowl, mix it, shove it in the oven and call it 'cake'?
Because as I was mindlessly stirring the mix, it occurred to me that a cake before it's been baked looks really disgusting in all its yellow, sloshy, splotchy.. splendour.
How did that someone who baked the very first cake know that this horrendous disgusting looking mixture would firm up in the oven and taste simply divine?

And I realised brownie mix actually tastes better than the actual brownie itself.
After I'd chucked the pan into the oven, I spooned a little leftover brownie dough (?? what do you call it..?) into my mouth and I think it tastes simply lovely, although the thought of the flour, cocoa powder, (raw) eggs, butter and sugar inside made me think Eww.
But mind over matter cause I think it tastes simply gorgeous.

:)

This entry is dedicated to Laura Elizabeth Chia Wen Yi because apparently I don't blog about her when I talk to her on the phone.
So this is for my dearest darling Lols who makes my world go round! Hee, I even have a song for you.

Remember I'll always be true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home everyday
And I'll send all my loving to you
All my loving, I will send to you
All my loving, darling, I'll be true
All my loving, I will send to yooooouuu...


Laura, even though you spent half the phone conversation babytalking Ranger instead and hung up on me for ______, I still love you.
Here's to our exciting plans of me visiting you in NZ in 2007 and you coming to Brisbane in 2008 and then we'll be rocking up to London in 2009 to visit Soozie!
And in between we'll be traipsing to Bangkok and Hongkong for some good old retail therapy and most importantly, in a few more months, we'll all be reunited and then it's time for us to be rollin' with the homies!!!


-

I'm becoming such a major bum it's disgraceful and my brain is slowly turning to mush.
I don't feel like doing or thinking about anything uni-related and my days are becoming a grey-scaled blur.

All I've done today is have a bad dream, wake up with a start for my 8am class, yawn through the mind-numbing two hour lecture and stare at some imaginary black dot on the seat in front of me, copy Angie's notes, drink mocha, yawn some more, meet Michelle, David and his friend Peter for lunch, listen to David's ipod, ramble on to Marilyn about all my must-read books and skip my afternoon class for the second time in a row.
I also played the guitar after the longest time, sang The Beatles songs loudly and unabashedly in front of my laptop, picked a stray eyelash from my face and made a wish.

And I know tonight I will be cooking, trying to start on my research for my torts assignment, _______________ for ___________ (it's a secret you see, and who knows who reads this thing) and then thinking about the important decisions in life like food and what song I feel like listening to.


Ha ha, how... exciting.

So I got to talk to Soozie and Cel last night over the phone and it was such a comfort to hear their voices, especially with Sue being 9 hours behind starting from about... now.

Soozie, if you're reading this, remember to take care of yourself and all your gazillion bags, don't shop too much and learn to cook please. And TEXT ME YOUR UK MOBILE NUMBER!
Heh and I hope your pretty face hasn't shrivelled and dried up on that 14 hour plane ride without your beloved moisturiser. OH, and you owe me a nice long lengthy email. And be good.
Love you and miss you muchly seeecksy tall bean Sooziegirl!



















-

After yakking on the phone, I was lying in bed thinking of all the good and bad times and maybe it was the engulfing darkness and deathly echoing of memories, but I suddenly began to feel so small.
You look back, you look at the present, you're somewhat proud at how far you've come along, but yet there's that tiny little bit of self-doubt that creeps up on you once in a while and as you huddle beneath the covers, you feel so small and so insignificant.

It's just one of those days where you feel as though you're not good enough, weren't ever good enough and nothing you do will make you good enough.
You think about all the people that don't think about you, the people you've let down, the people that let you down and all those times you tried so hard but nothing ever worked.
It was just one of those nights where I felt I wasn't pretty enough, wasn't smart enough, wasn't capable enough, wasn't sweet enough, wasn't understanding enough, wasn't determined enough, wasn't lovable enough; I felt like I hadn't been a good enough daughter, good enough sister, good enough friend.

And as I was lying there feeling small, insignificant and terribly irritated (because I don't feel like that normally, but when I do... I do), two little verses popped into my mind and God reminded me in Psalms 139:13-14
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
and in Hebrews 13:5-6
" 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?' "

And it made me feel a lot better because I may be small, but I've got a God who's bigger than anything and who's got my entire life in His hands and never fails to forgive :)
And like it says in Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

And so I might have made a lot of mistakes and be lacking in many areas, but when I look back, He has seen me through every dark and low period and I've come out of it stronger and tougher than before because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And I know He'll see me through the days to come.

-

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me

I know You love me.

omagad.
I am exhausted.

I woke up at a very unearthly hour of 6am (something I haven't done since... since a long time ago) and trudged to Han's house bleary with sleep and my brain existing as one very straight line, thinking bed, bed, bed, bed... ..
Anyway for Renewalk (or ReneRUN in my case), I came in with a very glorious position of (120/5 + 6) x 6 - 100 + 24 (HAHA, okay if you're bored enough you can go figure, but think BIG anyway)
And I seriously thought I was going to asphyxiate and die when I reached the first uphill.

When I was crawling at snail's pace I was reminded about the speeding ghost of my past; the fit and fast squash days where we'd skip 2000 times and then run 8 rounds on the track and then go back into the courts for more drills and I could feel my lungs expanding with a whoooosh and I'd think That was gooooood.
But anyways, ghost is right.
Because those days are long gone.

Since Cheryl (hi Cheryl, I know you're reading this) reckons that my blog is too emo and too reflective, I shall charge back to typical blog style about the little ups and downs of my days.

Yesterday was lunch with the churchies followed by Ultimate which didn't really materialise due to the lack of number of people.
So the time was spent tossing a frisbee around and shooting the breeze (I've always liked this phrase although I've never figured out why having a yak outside is called shooting the breeze) before I tried my first hand at badminton.
Hitting a shuttlecock back and forth over your front gate is one thing, learning the rules and playing a real proper game if another because I honestly haven't felt so freaked out about a game since I was 13 and played my first squash friendly against SCGS and got trashed so badly.
But I had a good time anyhow, thinking BIG and learning to serve, stick my racket out and all the other baddy stuff which I get the gist of, but don't quite get the hang of.

And, on another note, I don't think I'll be able to move tomorrow.

I can feel it in my muscles.

I was just just mindlessly clicking on stuff online and reading things and I came across an old blog archive of someone's which triggered a little jolt in my chest and made me feel the slightest bit funny.

And it made me realise that a lot of times our emotions are linked on the thread of possession.
So much so that the littlest things like seeing someone carry the same purse of wearing the same t-shirt as us gets us ticked off, or another person ranting and raving about how they absolutely love a particular cookie when you were the one who tried it out and loved it first.
It's a very I-was-here-first kind of hierachal emotion and evident in every single one of us.

And I realised sometimes this possessive hierachal quality extends even to friends.
There are some people in our lives we don't like sharing, or even if we do, we feel the strong urge to be the number one.
We straighten with pleasure when someone goes Ohh that is so and so's best friend/good friend or when people talk about someone that we're extremely close to we tend to excitedly go Oh that's MY really really good friend! instantly claiming possession and letting others know that this is mine not yours.

And when you start to feel like your position is threatened and you are not as number one as you'd like to be, or when you start to feel as though your grip on things is slipping, the sense of impending change throws you and you feel like the parameters of life are rearranging around you, whipping you around.

I felt like that a lot in the past two years and feel it a lot less now, but I still feel it anyhow.
I guess maybe even though it feels great to stamp our name and markings across all our possessions, sometimes we just have to take it easy, let things go.
I've let plenty of things go, some things I wish I hadn't, some things I had no choice to, but whatever it is, we just have to take change and things in our stride.

A lot easier said than done, indeed, but just a thought.
Ohwell, must be the lack of sleep, torrent of epic dreams and dull grey weather that's muting my senses and dulling my insides.

-

And speaking about epic dreams, I've been having heaps of those lately making me feel like I'd zipped through a real life action movie without getting any rest.
Last night I dreamt it was the thirteenth hour (whatever that is, my dad told me that in my dream) and there were these strange lights blinking and suspicious men loitering around.
And they subsequently nabbed my uncle and tortured him because they wanted to make him the scapegoat for some murder case which my little sister (which happened to be Ruth's head superimposed on a 5 year old's body, sorry Ruth ha ha I had no idea how come you became my little sister in my dream!) had witnessed.
And after all that excitement, the last bit that happened in my dream was me taking a sobbing Ruth into the bedroom and telling her that no matter what happens and whatever people say, she should go ahead and do what she thinks is right (which is to testify against the bastard who tried to make my uncle a scapegoat).

How exciting. Hmm, but I'd rather much sleep well.

Oh well, rain clouds, please go away

"... it is critical but not definitive."

It's something I've been hearing a lot lately in both my law subjects this semester and I don't know why it suddenly popped into my head.
But I realised a lot of things in life are like that, critical but not definitive.

I choose to abide life by a certain code of conduct, critical but not definitive.
This is my favourite food, critical but not definitive.
I am a happy, optimistic person, critical but not definitive.
I am a melancholy, nostalgic person, critical but not definitive.
You get my drift.

No wonder everyone says lawyers can talk their way out of anything.
Cause every bloody thing is critical but not definitive! Pfft.

I'm feeling sorely out of it having just awoken from a night-time nap.
The numbers 11:55pm are steadily staring at me from their insignificant yet prominent spot at the corner of my laptop (ignore my blog time, it's still in Singapore time I'm just too lazy to change it).
I'm still nursing one of those just-woken-up grumpy blues where everything and anything irritates me, I feel like I should be doing when I've nothing to do and I've got that dry furry sensation in my mouth having just woken up which makes me feel like it should be bright and shining and not dark and quiet.

I need to drink a cup of water.
And I should stop blogging so many times a day.
Why do I love having nothing to do but yet hate it all at the same time??!
Because most things are critical but not definitive... .. . . .. . . ... . . .

PFFT.

I haven't known you for very long, but yet you've become one of my closest friends in this short time I've known you.
Thanks for all the good times; the constant mugging for exams (go Team Law!), the numerous shopping trips, all the heart-to-hearts, D&Ms, retarded canto-teaching, old-school-song-singing sessions, pizzas and hot chocolate, ultimate disc and even being my own personal hardcore gaaangztah!
Here's to many many more years of friendship and me hollering Happy Birthday down your ear!
Love you!

-

I realised that everytime I receive a call, after the person says hello, he or she will proceed to say Were you sleeping? or Did you just wake up? or Did I wake you up?
And lately, all the text messages I send out in the day time seem to say Sorry! I'll be late cause I woke up late! or Arg! I overslept!

Is it just me, or do you notice a trend here?
It's either
a) I sound very sleepy when I pick up the phone
b) People think I sleep all the time

And knowing me, it's probably both.
Something I think I ought to fix because.. well.. because!

I've been drowning in old sappy depressing love songs and old school pop in the last two days; both of which aren't exactly doing wonders to my mood.
Because I find myself feeling depressed when I'm honestly, truthfully, (I) solemnly (swear) not sad at all OR all hyper and perky belting out Backstreet Boys in an out of tune warble and finding myself not able to fall asleep because the bloody lyrics are still circling round and round in my head.

And I really miss my family lately, dog included.

agnes says:
got to go now
agnes says:
have to shower and wash my hair
agnes says:
oh yes i permed my hair
agnes says:
will talk to you another time about it
agnes says:
u better not stay up too late or u will be late for class
SHUMIN says:
YOU PERMED YOUR HAIR?!
SHUMIN says:
MUMMY
SHUMIN says:
OMG YOUR HAIR IS SO CURLY ALREADY!!!
agnes says:
yes
SHUMIN says:
is it nice?
agnes says:
now the curls are more symmetrical
agnes says:
of course
agnes says:
your papa likes it

Ha ha, okay I'm off to cook now. Toodles

We were talking about being machiavellian and machiavellian people today during the macroeconomics lecture (no, not the lecturer, it was a private discussion).
A friend said he thinks its necessary to be machiavellian in work and the business world because it's essential in the working world but not in his own private life.

But I for one, don't believe in inheriting any machiavellian qualities because I just simply think it goes beyond a code of conduct I've set up for myself.
I believe in watching your back because not everyone can be trusted and it's a cruel world out there, but I don't believe in stepping on other people's toes to get to where I want.
And I don't believe in a distinct line between the working life and private life because how you conduct yourself outside reflects your core values and principles which will in turn seep into your private life as well.

I believe in honesty and doing good to others because I think that in turn forms a bridge of trust between two people and that's how friendships and relations are formed.
And cruel as the outside world might be, I don't believe in compromising that part of me.
It's just like something someone told me years ago that struck a chord with me, and it's something I've tried to abide by ever since: To have good friends, we must first be a good friend.

And I think it applies to the outside world as well.
Not everyone is a good friend, not everyone is a good person, but just because someone out there is cold and cruel, doesn't mean that I have to apply the same principles as well.
I don't believe you have to be machiavellian to succeed; you certainly can't be a doormat or a pushover, you have to watch your back.
But I certainly believe in a certain set of moral principles.
Maybe it's because my father has always been frank and honest and whatever he's said he's always meant and in turn I've seen how people respect him for that and he has gained his own little success.

Relations in the working world are conducted on a certain basis of trust and risk-taking as well like we learn in Contracts and doesn't that mean that we have a certain responsibility to uphold that trust?
Most machiavells have a tendancy to breach that trust because of protected self-interest and that makes me terribly wary of people like that because I'm constantly harbouring the fear of breach of trust.

Okay, I know I'm not making much sense here.
My brain is feeling slightly fried and my laptop is lagging making me very irritated indeed!
-

Hmm, on another completley random train of thought, Snakes on the Plane has got to be one of the most digusting, horrifying movies I've watched in my life and can only be succintly described as AAAARRRGGGG!
We bought tickets for Kenny yesterday but found that it sucked 10 minutes into the movie so we snuck in and out of several movie theatres before settling on Snakes on the Plane because the movie had just started.

Major mistake.

I spent most of the movie with my jumper clapped over my mouth, I started tearing when the snakes came out, I cried when all the poor innocent people were brutally attacked by those disgusting snakes, I cried when the victims started dying, and when the plane finally landed, I was so relieved I cried all over again.
It's one of those movies where the horror is so intense and explicit, the only form of expression is to cry.

And there were people snickering during the movie when some guy's genitals got bitten by the snake as he thrashed around in pain.
But I really did not find an ounce of humour in that whole situation!
I was thoroughly disgusted and that's when I really started to cry.

Okay, I know I sound like a major cry baby, and I'm NOT.
It was just... horrifying.

-

On another random note (I realised none of my train of thoughts are linked), I really miss Smokey lately.
Was talking to my sister the other night and she was telling me how that silly boy started picking fights with all the dogs he met along the street and when they tried to attack him, he clung on to my sister for his dear life looking like he was about to break into tears.
Ha ha, what a retarded sweetie.

Then I spent a couple of minutes hollering Hi Smokey!! Smokey come here! over the phone as my mum put me on the speakers and promptly told me that Smokey had come running to the phone and started wagging his tail.

Anyway, I started digging through my photos for pictures of my dearest dearest boy.

Smokey when he was a scraggly lil puppy!













When he was still a puppy.. how cute was he!














And now this little fluffy fatso of a dog!















Ushering in the year of the dog! Smokey at chinese new year looking very well-groomed!

I miss Smokey.

OMG, ARG! I OVERSLEPT!!!!
and I had weird dreams.
(and I should stop blogging so much... it's getting ridiculous)

ok, gotta bounce.

Late nights have a way of making me feel lonely and shut-in, echoing the thoughts in my head.
Maybe it's the soft lull of Richard Marx playing in the background, maybe it's the incessant re-reading of my blog archives, maybe it's the dead silence of the night, making me feel like I'm the only one in the world.

I've been feeling a lot happier than I've been in a long long while, and I wonder why I sit in my little chair, trying to conjure up memories of when senseless tears sprang to my eyes while my heart shrivelled and cracked.
Maybe it's some weird sordid complex that doesn't allow myself to be fully happy, or maybe I'm just simply looking back and trying to garner some sense of myself and the minute changes with me.
Or maybe I'm just not letting myself forget because embedded in every painful memory is something sweet and poignant which was probably why it hurt us so much in the first place.

Does it sound weird to say that I feel the need to remember all the times I broke down and cried and picked myself up again, all the times I bled inside and all the times I lay in bed thinking myself to sleep, becauase I felt like I was losing myself?
Now that I can sleep easy, eat with uncensored liberation, and trip down the aisle of life with light footsteps, I feel like I lost that essential part of me which helped me grow.
And as much as it pricked me in the heart, it's not something I ever want to let go of, because I look back with a funny little smile on my face at how far I've gone and just how those days were.
I pore through my old blog archives, and remember just how those days went, why I wrote those words, and I remember and remember some more.

And all these memories make me feel funny and twisted up inside because with every little sad thing came along a happy thing.
For everything I gave up, I gained something new; for everything new, I sacrificed something.
I feel confident but yet so lacking at the same time, I feel happy but yet sad at the same time, I'm optimistic but yet so terribly nostalgic.
It makes me feel like my heart is lying everywhere, scattered all over.

But at least, it's good to remember how it once was, and how far I've come along.
It's been a long time coming, but at least it came :)

-

Wherever you go
Whatever you do

I'll be right here waiting for you

So contracts mid sem was finally over (hooray!) and despite it not going all too good, I won't dwell on it any longer cause it's over.
But it was a good day out with my newly coined Learned Step-sisters shopping and hauling home a good load of spoils!
Then it was indian take-out for dinner and a smashing good time of mahjong.
So since I don't have much words, I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

my shopping buddy angie :)


And since I don't have a proper mahjong table, we had to make do with a RECTANGULAR (I know, I know) table and lay newspapers and baking paper on it
Talk about makeshift...















my learned-step sisters!


And check out my ALMOST wins before Angie pulled an Angie-Act by beating me to it and winning a really small win. pfft!











































And a whole slew of retarded photos!




1. Normal us
2. Pouty us (Kelly you spoiler! You didn't pout!!)
3. Acting cute like Kim Sam Soon
4. Yup, we think putting our finger to our cheek is cute
5. Land of the living dead
6. L for Learned Lawyers!
7. Snooty serious judge-wannabes
8. KAWAIII!

After walking Tracy and Kelly to the bustop, Angie and I had a very retarded walk back home. Like.. see below.


HAHA my favourite photo of Angie!



















Pfft! Kelly and Angie DO NOT know the meaning of normal...















So it was really a smashing good day after a whole week of constant mugging.
And after that I lay in bed, tired, but yet I couldn't seem to fall asleep.
After a whole week dedicated to the books and spending a whole day in constant company, I felt like I hadn't had any time to myself, so I crawled out of bed, fixed myself a bowl of instant noodles and sat down and read a book.
After that, I felt like I could sleep easy.

So tonight was some more me time as I bought a 2-litre tub of ice cream after church, came home, ate a bowl of noodles and ice cream and watched episodes of The Simpsons.

As much as I love company, sometimes I just love spending all that time alone with a good new book, telly, comfort food and my bed.