For many things, it's a state of mind; a perspective, a choice.

So, I have decided to make the choice of being happy within myself.
That my state of mind will not be dependent on anyone or anything but my peace with God.
When elation comes my way, I'll embrace it with my not-so-long but very loving arms.
When ugly things ram their way into my life and knock me back on the wall of despair, I will bounce off the walls, karate kick them into oblivion and stand in triumph and say Hah, so there.

I will try my very best to not let anything get me down.
I will, like Summer Roberts very cutely said, be vibrating at a higher frequency!

I will be the Shumin I know and love.
I will be strong.
I will be optimistic.
I will see and believe the best in everything.

So even though my water heater has broken and I had to take a shower shivering and chattering (and possibly so for the next few days till the water heater man comes), I will say, it's okay!

Because many times, it really is okay.
We just choose to believe it isn't; because it's alot easier to kick and yell than to actually live it through.

(I am one of the hugest complain queens I know, so this is a rarity. But something I hope is for keeps)

So yes, the new me trying (very hard) to see the world with my new (hopefully for keeps) rose-tinted glasses

today, I

- ate laksa
- drank bubble tea
- ate some more
- shared some
- spent alot of money on food
- had meesiam and black rice dessert at Uncle Gim Choon's and Aunty Gladys'
- watched

which was good stuff

and there are some days when there is so much to say, but words are bereft of me.
a million words passes through my lips, but never is it what I want to say.
that is why, for days like these, I think words are plain useless.
because it won't mean a thing, won't explain a thing and won't change a thing.
today is such a day.

Lately I've been having these blockbuster dreams and I must have worked out heaps during the dreams because every morning I wake up with aching arms and shoulders (??!) which puzzles me.
Today saw my entrance into nerd-dom as I carried a hee-uge backpack, laptop bag and borrowed my first book from the law library to study with Angie! YES!
But there must be something terribly wrong with my efficiency because I only managed to cover one week worth of notes today.

Yes, but the point of this post is to announce that I have the sweetest friend ever! Here's to Cel the Belle who has totally made my day:)

airmail from my future doctor Celene Ng Wei Qi














to cheer me up














and remind me that God is always there:)














also to tell me how much she misses me!














aww, thanks sweetie:) I miss you too

and on a sidenote, my housemates told me that the second batch of sauce I made was really good!
hooray!!

"I have learned in whatsoever state I am, there with to be content." Philippians 4:11

Today was my first attempt at making chicken mushroom noodles. You know the type you can get at Holland Village laden with chicken and mushrooms and vege and noodles all drenched in a delish dark sauce with an unknown recipe.

And like they say, a picture speaks a thousand words.



Well, in this case it doesn't.

Because it looks quite delectable, if I could say so myself, but note the key word, looks.
The noodles had that noodley (I honestly can't think of any other word to describe it) uncooked taste and it just tasted like raw, cooked noodles.
And silly me did not follow any tried-and-tested recipe, but decided to concoct her own sauce using oyster sauce, sesame oil, dark soy sauce and WATER.
say hello to a MISTAKE!
Since poor David and I started eating first, we were the sad, dimmed little guinea pigs who had to eat my extremely unappetising sauce.
I smartened up and made a new batch using oyster sauce, sesame oil, dark soy sauce and SOUP STOCK which tasted much much better; and according to my mom is zee correct way.

Nevermind.
To salvage my poor saucy attempt (ha ha excuse my bad pun), I must say the chicken and soup tasted preeetty good! (I have no humility, I know)
And props to frozen seafood dumplings that taste awesome defrosted and fried!

On a more.. serious note, they say to-do lists are always effective in getting things done right on schedule in an efficient way.
So, this is my benchmark for my to-do list.

After I finish

1. SNEAKY SMITHS (evil one, hiding under a sparky, attractive packaging that even says 25% lower in saturated fat)


2. CUNNING COTTAGE COOKIES (this one, self explanatory)


and

3. G.. G.. GRAPES (can't think of a name and oops, I've only the empty bowl as testimony to their bloody addictiveness)


I will not

• buy another bag of Sneaky Smiths or Cunning Cottage Cookies (I'll still buy grapes. I love grapes and they're fruits)
• watch anymore episodes of OC (I just finished two at one shot even though I only told myself one)
• sleep so much or so late
• eat anymore late-night suppers
• waste my time online

and I will

• eat my meals only at proper times and no more extras
• study and save myself from idiot-dom as I am currently residing
• sleep early
• study
• study
• study
• study
• Study
• STUDY

mm yes, that's the way to go

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASSANDRA LEONG SHUYI Y



















for years of heart to hearts, being little screamy girls in comfy sailor moon uniforms to proper (??) ladies in good ol' junior college, to bible studies, to the fact that we both eat gargantuan copious amounts of food and most of all, for you being that special friend always, always.

I'll never forget the endless times we've spent as friends, from those two times you've seen me break down and cry, to the times we made each other perfect friends for our imperfections (remember the hawker centre at 2am!!), to being lit buddies, to being food buddies, to being church buddies, and how I realised you're in almost every area of my life.

Happy 19th sweetie, me heart you :)

-

and on another note, I soooo need to start studying.
especially after an extremely rude wake-up call.
I hate rude wake-up calls.
they're so... rude. and hurtful:(

ohwell, say hello to the new me... soon.



except maybe a less skinny version thanks to my exam pals cookies, crisps, ham, grapes and the ever trusty hair-dropping instant noodles

-

anonymous: I'm studying in the University of Queensland in Brisbane. There are only 9 unis in Aussie where law is applicable in Singapore. I think they are University of Melbourne, University of Sydney, University of NSW, Australian National University, University of Queensland, Flinders University, University of Western Australia.. and err oh no I can't remember anymore. Yea, but you need to get top 30% of the cohort to qualify for the bar exam in Singapore and you have to do an extra year in NUS when you come back or something like that. Hope that helps!

The washing machine made these awfully strange thumping sounds and rumbled low and guttery before making two clicks and swerving (I swear it did) to the side and hitting the wall.
Then it came to a silent standstill.

I lifted the lid and closed it and the whole process repeated itself three times before I frantically said to Derek I think our washing machine is spoilt!!
(I said it with waaaay more fervour because I haven't done two weeks worth of laundry and am currently running out of clothes and more importantly underwear and if it's spoilt then. ... ... .??)
Thankfully, it wasn't spoilt.
Apparently, it's something to do with uneven weightage... or.. actually I have no clue but I just hope the towels are done so I can dump my massive amount of laundry in and hopefully they'll dry by tonight and I'll actually have clothes to wear!

On a less boring update (I find it somewhat pathetic that a thumping and growling washing machine has induced me to blog and not something more... interesting), we went to Sunnybank yesterday for brekkie.

for delish congee and eggtarts!!


err, yes, early mornings does strange things to my brain














normalcy returns! except I've no idea what Michelle is doing














and look what I saw on the way home!















And at the stroke of midnight I was feeling oddly restless and had this sudden urge to cook (??).
So I got out the pasta, the garlic, the onions, the mushrooms, the olive oil and the generously donated prawns (prawns!!!) from Derek and cooked up a steaming pan of spaghetti aglio olio for the three boys and myself which was very satisfying indeed:)

and this is for nights where my heart ticks and my old-time favourite Elvis Presley is on replay.

Wise men say, only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

I've always been a self-professed blog-hopper/blog-stalkarella (whichever floats your boat) and have enjoyed reading most of them. Recently, I've been reading certain blogs which discuss politics and spew thoughts and opinions on current affairs or the like and generate what most would call intellectual stimulation. Reading them has, fortunately or unfortunately I've still yet to decide, heightened my awareness of my inadequacies and sparked a pinch of envy that I am not as 'intellectual' or perhaps I do not have the mental curiosity to constantly read and update myself and spin theories and opinions.

But despite me not being fluent on politics and current affairs, reading about them has transpired a new train of thought about people and their psychological and personal make-up.

There's always been a social stigma on those who are less smart, or to be perfectly blunt, stupid. Most admire the clever and successful because they exude a certain aura of knowingness and on a more objective plane, tend to make more good sense. I, for one, detest being labelled as stupid or bimbotic or shallow or any of the like, but at the same time I recognise that I possess no extraordinary intellectual abilities. I probably own the same brain with the same mental capacity as the next average person, but certainly (I REALLY HOPE NOT!!!) not stupid.

However, I've always believed that every person is built with the same biological ingredients, except doled out in different proportions. For example, I have can warble a tune somewhat decently but I'm not great and I have an inclination towards the arts and I'm utterly crap t science (but I can grasp the idea that water molecules are made from two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom during a reaction) and I am generally a nice person and a little bitchy sometimes. Then there's say Person A next to me whom I'll loosely call Mary who sings fantastically and is great at chemistry and physics and can string a sentence together somewhat decently and is generally bitchy but can be nice at times. I believe everyone has polarities embedded within them, mixed and bake together in different proportions to produce different cakes.

Perhaps, it is this belief that has always led me to ponder and grapple with the action of stereotyping. I, personally, hate being stereotyped because I believe everyone is a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional human being. Who and what are we, in our capacity, to label someone as intelligent or stupid, or deep or shallow?

From blog-hopping, most people garner a perception of the bloggers by reading their blogs. A fancy schmancy blog full of philosophical terms can lead to perceptions that a person is deep or in some cases (ha ha) pretentious. A blog littered with celebrity gossip and endless narcissistic photos of one's self can lead to a perception that the person is shallow, bimbotic or whatever. But then I reckon it is good to keep in mind that blogs are one if not two-dimensional. We see certain aspects of a person, but we don't see the rest.

For example, I know I'm not some high-flying intellect, but neither am I some shallow, meaningless person. I'm not a super optimistic person bubbling over with never-ending vapours of happiness, but neither am I a melancholic freak. Like any other normal person, there are some days where I feel reflective and pensive, there are some days when I just feel like gushing on and on about my absolutely new and fabulous pair of jeans. There are some days when I'm screaming with excitement and some days where senseless tears spring to my eyes and I feel like hiding under my covers all day.

Perhaps, it's this argument that helps me to justify my own feelings of inadequacy. Because after I read some more intellectually stimulating blogs, I felt ant-sized and not at all very clever or mature. But, my down-the-middle-road tendencies came through and perhaps helped me to understand that just because I don't spin political theories, it doesn't make me any less of a person, it doesn't make me any less mature. So just because I am currently feeling very reflective and more pensive than usual, it doesn't mean that I don't feel like blogging about the OMG-thissuperfunnythinghappenedtome-ANDIGOTNEWJEANS thing that happened to me yesterday (LOOK BELOW).

And also, it doesn't mean that right now I am feeling terribly shallow and superficial about how I've put on weight.
And how I absolutely hate it.
And I want to lose it.
And how... Okay, I guess you get the picture:)

There is a first time for everything.

Well, today was the first sometime my bottom got slapped by a salesman.
Actually, make that the first time ANYONE has slapped my bottom (parents and when you were a lil kid don't count) !!
It makes it sound as though I got somewhat violated today, but it really wasn't like that, at least in my opinion.

Anyway this is how it goes.
I made my way down to Indro today to settle more insurance stuff (it's still not settled by the way) and I popped by some of the shops while waiting for Reubs to finish his medical appointment.
And there's been a pair of jeans I'd been eyeing on for a while and since part of my insurance money came in, I decided to buy it.

I was happily making my way to the counter, jeans in hand, and this was how it went.

salesman: (glances at the size of my jeans) so you're buying the 8?
me: oh yes please
salesman: (looks at me up and down) do you normally wear an 8?
me: oh no, I'm usually a size 6 but I can't wear the 6 for these
salesman: oh but these stretch heaps! go try on the 6!! (scrambles for the 6 and practically shoves them into my hands and pushes me to the fitting rooms)

(me in the dressing room trying desperately to get those damned jeans up my legs and trying even more desperately to zip them up)

salesman: how are you in there?
me: err.. I can't zip them up!
salesman: try harder! they stretch heaps!
me: (tries abit more) but I swear I can't!
salesman: cmon out and show me

(very thankful that I wore a longer top today to cover my unzipped pants came out)

salesman: oh they fit beautifully at the legs!
me: yeh, but I can't zip them!
salesman: but they stretch heaps! you've just got to try! there was this one girl she couldn't get the top button on, so we did stretching exercises with her. up and down, up and down and she finally managed to get it on! 10 minutes!
me: uhh.. how about I'll try on the 8 and you tell me how much it'll stretch?

(goes back into the fitting room and pulls on the already pretty tight 8 and comes out)

salesman: oh! see right there (tugs at the knee area) THAT is gonna stretch heaps. and there (points) and there (points).. ok turn around. yeh, see how well it fits over the bum now? (SLAPS MY BOTTOM) It won't fit like that after a few wears. It'll stretch heaps and gape open and it's ugly!

(he pauses and thinks)

salesman: I know! I'll get you to try on the other 6. More people have tried that on and it's more stretched, I reckon. (scrabbles around for a 6 and passes it to me)

(I go back into the fitting room and try it on)

salesman: so how is it?
me: it's better! I've got the zip on but I can't button it.
salesman: just squeeeeze it a little bit there. just do it the best you can! cmon, I know you can!
me: (tugs and tugs and tugs and gets the button on!) ohoh! I've got it!

(I come out of the fitting room)

salesman: there you go! I knew you could do it! fits so nicely now! it's a little bit tight but it'll stretch and look beautiful on you.

(at the cash register)

salesman: don't look so embarrassed. it happens to almost every girl who tries on those jeans and we tell them the same thing.
me: oh heh right..
salesman: yknow for those kind of jeans that stretches alot, I used to work at mambo and they'd tell people to sleep with their jeans and they'll look awesome the next day.
me: ... sleep with their jeans??!
salesman: (rolls eyes) I know.. I wouldn't tell you to do that. But I'm really glad you managed to do up those jeans because I knew you were a size 6! Have a good weekend, cheers!

so my supposed quick browse and quick purchase had me spending a looooong time in there just cause I was trying desperately and embarrassingly to pull up those jeans.
but, it was good:)
thanks to all that effort and good advice, I don't waste money buying jeans that will stretch awfully on me.

so today was a pretty good day.
lunch at toowong with Chris, Michelle and Reubs followed by project meeting and care group tonight was full of yummy (I cannot emphasize how much) food.
okay, anyway, that's the whole point of me blogging right now.

about my virgin slap on the bottom.

Sometimes the simplest of things triggers the most awful sensations in the pit of your stomach and your chest is whipped into a flurry by guilt.
It seems completely strange and useless for me to be feeling this way over something extreeeemely tiny (I forgot my keys and had to bang on Joey's window to wake him up) but I honestly feel very very bad.
Needing copious amounts of sleep myself, I know what it feels like to have someone force you out of slumber because of carelessness (ie, forgetting to bring your keys out).

so now, I feel very bad.

IfeelsobadIfeelsobadIfeelsobadIfeelsobadIfeelsobad :(
I think he's pissed.

IfeelsobadIfeelsobad
I
feel
so
bad :(
I hope he's not angry...

(this is a very silly post, I know:( sorry about the wheedling)

Today I attempted to concoct my own sauce instead of following a recipe or using instant mixes because I wanted to prove to myself that I was a reasonably decent chef.

So...

My Recipe

1. Chicken stock leftover from cooked chicken (this is gross already I know)
2. Beaten eggs 2
3. Oyster sauce
4. Soy sauce
5. Liberal amount of tomato ketchup
6. Sprinkling of sugar
7. A bit of hua tiao jiu
8. Pepper


The result was responses such as Oh it's good or Oh it's not bad.
But after I told everyone what I put in the sauce for the chicken, there was a slight pause in chewing and forks and spoons frozen in midair followed by silence.

Reflecting back on my cooking, I think my sauce tasted pretty good (excuse the lack of humility here!).
Except, I am a puppet of my own perceptions, so thinking about the really disgusting mixture of ingredients I'm not so sure it was as delicious as I thought it might have been.

That's why they say
Ignorance is bliss; Knowledge is piss

Okay, check back on more recipes by Shumin next time!

Yesterday was meant to be a catch-up with everybody day but I ended up talking to Laura for over three hours which didn't leave me much time or phone credit to call anyone else.
But it was a very good chat indeed and I felt like I poured out everything in my heart and.. and.. shit I miss everyone:(

anyway I got locked out of my house today and for the first time in my life, I had to climb through a small narrow window to get in.

ohwell,

ndafiuyootnw'ttoehbrutbaomeinowtbtorheutabouyo.

Friday was spent shopping with Ruth where we idled copious amounts of time in the kids section trying on their little (or not so little ha ha) clothes and spent.. money.
We concluded that being able to fit into kids clothes is the only benefit of being small.

kids wannabes!



















then we headed off for some church event and all I can say is I don't remember being quite so terrible at games.

on Saturday, it was a great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CONNIE!!!!
and past the stroke of midnight towards 14th of May, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAVID!!!!

the birthday twosome



















and of course birthdays are never complete with yummy, scrumptious, absolutely delish cakes:)

MUD CAKE!


STRAWBERRY SPONGE CAKE!


46 Dell














Dell






























with Eunice who also happens to be Laura's cousin! and Jasmine


so it was a pretty good night filled with cake, party poppers, some good convos and watching Liverpool win.

and the cycle of not being able to fall asleep and not being able to wake up easily continues.
the strange dreams that leave me oddly disoriented upon awakening have intensified and I'm not quite so sure I like it.

anyway, my brain is currently existing as one straight line so,

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

I was sitting at the Great Court today in between classes with Angie and her friend Andy and Andy's friend Louise and during the little lapses of fairly comfortable silences I was speculating on the different ways we can be happy in life.
Or at least during certain periods of life because it's fairly impossible to be eternally happy.

This led me to think of a group of personality types which I name Shapeshifters because of their innate ability to integrate with different groups of people in accordance to what is socially expected of them. Simply put, socially adroit.
I'd always felt a mixture of admiration and disdain for this group of people because their fluid ability to change, adapt and fit in is, in my opinion, a fascinating and undoubtedly useful quality but at the same time, all that shapeshifting makes me think that they don't possess any skeleton of fixed character and has me wondering half the time what is the true them.
Perhaps, it doesn't help that I've always wanted that quality to be manifested within me but yet I'm afraid of losing who I really am and what I stand for.

So along that line of thought, I figured maybe the key to happiness or at least cockeyed opitimism is being an emotional Shapeshifter.
Having the ability to change our emotions to fit the occasion and separating them from the recesses of the past to settle comfortably at a stage of being happy.
Or simply put, contentment.

Many a time, we find it impossible to be fully and truly happy because of two things.
1. Comparison
2. The past

Comparison has always been good in the areas of competition, where simple physical tangible effort will push us up the rungs.
But comparison in life's circumstances never did anyone any good.
We inevitably get jealous or envious when we look at other people or compare new things with old things, etc.
That old little green-eyed monster fixed in the ways of precedence-defined happiness has a way of not allowing new experiences that fall short of expected marks to make us happy.

The past is possibly quite inextricably linked to comparison because of precedence-defined happiness.
Recesses of the past has a way of holding us suspended in time that we can't quite rise up to the potential of new experiences.
Furthermore, the glorious past always looks rosy because we've been there, done that and there's no uncertainty in past.
Everything looks clear and steadfast in retrospect and in our little minds, that certainly beats the treacherous and uncertain future.

And that's when I want to be an emotional shapeshifter.
To let my emotions rise to the potential of the new occasion and free itself from the claws of the past and the clutches of comparison.
I want my emotions to change and isolate itself from past joys and sadness and simply be content.

I've always had a strong gut feeling and even though I might be wrong on the specifics, I'm rarely wrong on the big picture.
And right now, I've got a gut feeling on something that may drag me down into melancholia.

Which is why, I badly want my emotions to shapeshift, right now.

(I am attempting to type properly today. Meaning capital letters at the beginning of every sentence and so on and so forth.)

So I was planning to blog yesterday because I felt as though I actually had something to blog about but then yknow how life loves to work like a road block and so blogger was down.
It always seems as though the day you decide to do something in particular, that something in particular never seems to let you do it, no matter how well or hard you've decided.
Abit like when your pockets are full of moolah and you've got grand plans of buying this and that but when you actually do go shopping you either not find anything remotely nice, or everything you like has run out of your size (I HATE THIS A LOT, A LOT, A LOT.. )

This turns out to be very similar to my day yesterday.
I planned to go to Indro to settle the housing insurance claims because it was something I'd been delaying for ages and ages due to exams and assignments.
But when I finally got there and produced all the documents and papers I had, the lady at the counter told me it didn't suffice!
Which means a wasted trip!
And I sat there groaning very, very silently because it meant another huge hassle of getting price valuations for my watch and handbag and having to make that other trip to Indro to settle it.

But still on the topic of my insurance, it seems as though they are really bent on replacing my Gucci hangbag and watch.
I told them my Gucci handbag was an older model and they probably don't carry it in the shops anymore but the lady at the counter said to find a similar model and get a retail price valuation and send it to her so she can fax it to the head office.
And the last I checked, my watch is retailing online at US$1700 and my father bought it for me for S$2000, which means they rather pay more money to replace my stolen items rather than reimburse me in cash!
For a while I was a little crestfallen because I thought with the reimbursed cash I'd be able to buy a new bag and a new watch (new watch meaning new design).
But then it's their policy so if they wanna pay more to replace my stolen items then I guess I'm not complaining

Anyways, exams are in exactly a month.
4weeks to scare myself and 31 days if I don't feel like being scared.
And skipping lectures have become increasingly addictive which is very, very bad.

On another completely random note, I found a new hilarious blogger!
Except, it seems as though all my new found well-written bloggers seem to blog on an average of once per month which is totally not... good.
But then I figured maybe that's why their blogs are so interesting because if you only decide to blog once a month, it certainly has to be blog-worthy and imagine that waterfall of inspiration rushing to burst forth.

I realised I don't really take pictures here.
Maybe it's time for that to change!
So one day I'll whip out my camera and go on a photo-taking frenzy and picture-fy this wordy blog of mine.

(I am trying out new styles of blogging. Somehow capitalising my letters seem to produce a more wordy effect in my sentences.)

And I'm still really, really bummed about my flight..

I seem to have alot of trouble falling asleep and when I actually do, alot of trouble waking up.
very perplexing indeed.

anyways, yesterday was a day of moodswings because one moment I was feeling good and the next I felt insufferably overwhelmed by sadness that a little tear peeked out of the corner of my eye.

then my mobile started buzzing and who else was it but ONG CHEN TAT!! (it was 3plus am mind you. oh and this pic was the photo gab took, thats tat looking at marc and me ride the elephant ha ha)















okay, so we were talking about the stage of being not happy but not sad either (feeling happy one moment and sad the next can be categorized here as well! because if you take the average of happiness and sadness, you sorta get that kinda effect)

me: okay, fine, so when will be the next time you're happy?
tat: oh, the next time I'll be happy is when you come back

awwwwhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay THEN.. a slight pause

tat: hurhur, that's like the most ideal answer to give.. hurhur

PSST FIZZLE SIZZLEE...

tat: ha ha but seriously, I really mean it !!

but nonetheless, thanks tat for calling when I didn't ask you to or anything :)

ielenfg olsyu.

Some very, very, very random things I've noticed

1. I don't take very good care of myself, I don't wash my face regularly, I don't moisturize (esp in Australia) when I know I should etc, but then, when I was super stressed and taking a break from my assignment, I started washing my face and moisturizing myself from head to toe.

2. I was freezing my arse off yesterday so I sat next to the toaster-like heater and read my articles and I think I'm starting to get a little tanned from doing that. Like a piece of toast.. is it even possible?!

3. I have a habit of putting imaginary good looking faces on people who have gorgeous voices and speak well. Like today, my mobile buzzed while I was still sleeping and the guy from the Singapore High Commission in Canberra called regarding my stolen passport. He had one of those really nice and strong-sounding voices with the cultivated lilt to it and in my bleary state of mind, I was thinking, man, this guy SOUNDS goodlooking.
okay, like wth, I know.

4. I always have these cravings for toast at different periods of time.
First, it was butter and toast. Then it became nutella and toast. The it became cream cheese and toast. Now, it's butter and maple syrup and toast and its absolutely lovely!!

5. I always wonder if there are people my age here in Aussie who play squash. Because honestly, everyone is so.. old. And I feel so lonely playing with all the old fogies who've known each other for the last, what, ten years? : /

6. I discovered ants have a smell. Especially when you squish them, there's this.. antsy smell. It reminds me of the time I was in the kitchen and my mom said There's a cockroach and I said How do you know? cause I didn't even see one and she replied I can smell it.. and I was thinking ?!??!?!
But then, after a while, I discovered the cockroach smell too

7. I've never hated referencing so much in my life.

8. I adore emoticons and I just deleted one of my favourite ones by accident and its made me really, really upset.

9. I am so upset now I don't even feel like writing this anymore.

10. I think I'm totally weird for writing all this crap out, but really, I need to.. de-stress.

so,
excuse
me

please?

Some very, very, very random things I've noticed

1. I don't take very good care of myself, I don't wash my face regularly, I don't moisturize (esp in Australia) when I know I should etc, but then, when I was super stressed and taking a break from my assignment, I started washing my face and moisturizing myself from head to toe.

2. I was freezing my arse off yesterday so I sat next to the toaster-like heater and read my articles and I think I'm starting to get a little tanned from doing that. Like a piece of toast.. is it even possible?!

3. I have a habit of putting imaginary good looking faces on people who have gorgeous voices and speak well. Like today, my mobile buzzed while I was still sleeping and the guy from the Singapore High Commission in Canberra called regarding my stolen passport. He had one of those really nice and strong-sounding voices with the cultivated lilt to it and in my bleary state of mind, I was thinking, man, this guy SOUNDS goodlooking.
okay, like wth, I know.

4. I always have these cravings for toast at different periods of time.
First, it was butter and toast. Then it became nutella and toast. The it became cream cheese and toast. Now, it's butter and maple syrup and toast and its absolutely lovely!!

5. I always wonder if there are people my age here in Aussie who play squash. Because honestly, everyone is so.. old. And I feel so lonely playing with all the old fogies who've known each other for the last, what, ten years? : /

6. I discovered ants have a smell. Especially when you squish them, there's this.. antsy smell. It reminds me of the time I was in the kitchen and my mom said There's a cockroach and I said How do you know? cause I didn't even see one and she replied I can smell it.. and I was thinking ?!??!?!
But then, after a while, I discovered the cockroach smell too

7. I've never hated referencing so much in my life.

8. I adore emoticons and I just deleted one of my favourite ones by accident and its made me really, really upset.

9. I am so upset now I don't even feel like writing this anymore.

10. I think I'm totally weird for writing all this crap out, but really, I need to.. de-stress.

so,
excuse
me

please?

when the birds are squacking and the sun is casting a dim glow through the curtains of your room, you're supposed to be completely oblivious to it because you're meant to be fast asleep under the covers.
but how do I know that the birds were squacking and the sun was casting a dim glow through the curtains of my room?
because at 6.30am, I was still wide awake, completely exhausted and had done absolutely nothing for the last four hours.

so seven hours of sleep later, my eyes still feel bleary and tired, but my mind is restlessly awake.

and I came across something during those four restless hours.
it was something I wrote quite some time ago in an email.

ohwell yeah, it seems so weird to grow up and i just can't imagine myself grown up.
i'm not talking bout ten, twenty years but much closer like say five.
being in my early twenties.
i can't even imagine that.
and it's really not that faraway.
and i start to wonder will all my friends still be my closest buddies or will i feel as though i'm drifting somewhere between?

somehow i can't help but feel that as we enter the new phase of our lives we're gonna drift.
and as we enter yet another new phase, where we work and stuff, you and i will really drift.
because now, it's so easy to still communicate and feel in touch with each other cause our lives still centre around school and sport and friends.
but in the future, our centre focus will change, plus distances apart, work schedules, EVERYTHING is a liability.

when I wrote that at that point of time, it was me merely voicing out fears that had no grounds.
but now when I look back at what I wrote, I find that it is scarily true.
and what scares me even more is that when I wrote that, I had the new phase of working life in mind; and right now, we are quite some years away from that, but it is happening already.

sometimes I feel as though I need to do all I can to strengthen all the bonds with my family and friends because even as I make new friends, I don't want to lose my oldest, bestest friends who have known me for all my peculiar complexities and seen me change and grow up.

when I'm old and greying with half a leg in the grave, I want to know that during all those years of my life, I have spent it with my closest friends sharing their ups and downs and watching them change and mature and grow up some more, together.

cause that's what friends are for

bludgy days like today make me wanna kick myself in the face especially since I still have a mountain of readings to do.
on another note, I'm not that much of a tree-hugger, but while printing out my law articles, my heart went out to the amount of paper that I consumed and I made a mental note to myself to re-use those sheets of paper when I need to print other notes.
maybe I am a little bit of a tree-hugger : /

so despite all that bludginess, here are the top points for the day!

first and foremost, the top, uppity, first, number 1 spot definitely and I mean DEFINITELY, goes to: JAMIE CHEE HOI YEN














cheers to airmail and sweet presents because this fab lil sweetie gave me something I absolutely adore: musical boxes!














and it's not just a musical box, because it plays one of my old time favourite tunes: Moon River.
the weepy old nostalgic song which makes senseless tears spring to my eyes on emo scheamo days.
Eric gave me one of these things some time back and I absolutely adooored it. except the one he gave me played La Vien Rose.
aww, I could tinker with it all day.

so thank you so so so much Jamie for absolutely making my day














and

#2: I got full marks for my econ1010 test !!

I don't remember getting full marks in a long long time and I needed something like this to pull my grade since I stuffed the first test.

anyway, tagged by stalkerfromdownunder
I've done this test before, but doesn't hurt doing it again.

4 jobs you've had in your life:
- err, I'm still very ashamed by this but I still have had no jobs. except maybe a minor tutoring stint which I don't even count as a job

4 movies you could watch over and over:
1) Never Been Kissed
2) My Sassy Girl
3) The Little Mermaid
4) any chickflick or disney movie

4 TV shows you love(d) to watch:
1) the OC
2) anything on disney or nickelodeon
3) my korean drama serials
4) two of a kind (ha ha, that was old school)

4 places you've lived:
1) Yio Chu Kang, Singapore
2) St Lucia, Brisbane
3) I don't think I've
4) lived anywhere else

4 places you've been on vacation to:
1) the States
2) China
3) Bangkok
4) Korea

4 places you would rather be:
1) Home
2) Soozie's house
3) my favourite drama serial
4) errr....

4 of your favourite foods:
1) this is a very stupid question
2) because I could go on forever
3) and ever...
4) and ever...

4 websites you visit daily:
1) my blog
2) other people's blogs/spaces
3) hotmail/gmail
4) the UQ website

-

last night as I was doing my quiet time, it dawned upon me that I want to be like those people who put God first and let Him take care of every inch of their lives.
and they smile always because the joy of the Lord is their strength.

and that's what I wanna be.

one thing which I simply cannot understand is why lawyers/legal scholars/legal writers feel the need to express themselves in such complicated bombastic ways which forces ignorant, uncomprehending, noob first year law students like me to read and re-read and re-read a sentence again before we finally get the gist of what they're saying.

with the impending due date of my assignment, 20 plus background articles have been heaped upon me to read, ingest and analyse.
and they all look something like this

Mechanical jurisprudence was regarded as an antiquarian methodology geared to perpetuating the myth that legal reasoning was autonomous from the economy and political ideology.

firstly, what the heck is antiquarian?!
and I'm not quite sure what mechanical jurisprudence means but I'm assuming that is traditional legalism.

actually, the sentence on its own is semi-decent.
but when you have 200-odd pages worth of articles which all look similar to this, and the words all squished together in extremely long sentences, after a while everything sorta swims and switches around and suddenly all the words look replaceable for each other and all you want to do is go gaah!!! al;kdjfal;kdsj!!!!!!!! &*(6W7836!!!!!!! and maybe rip the papers apart with satisfaction.

during a background introduction lecture to the common law system, my lecturer said that the intention of a common law was so that people had a simple framework of rules and laws to abide by and to which they could settle disputes.
but he said that the irony of this is that with the aim to have a 'simple' framework of laws, it inevitably became complicated.

now, hoooow annoying is that?

I just hope that in the years to come, I don't get embroiled in the whole mishmash of pompous complicated pishposh and start speaking in long bombastic incomprehensible sentences.
and yknow what, I've noticed that the sentences I type are getting increasingly longer.

which is... omg.

and I found a new blog to read which is seriously side-splittingly hilarious.
it's one of those awful mean blogs, but written with so much wit and flair and humour, you can't quite help but be stuck on it.

I had a really nice conversation with Ian and Samuel yesterday.
very edifying and very, very clear.

and I wish I was taking some awesome, neat, fantastic, creative writing class and I can write whatever I want instead of.. legal writing.
boo hoo.
nevermind, I realised I like law more than I thought I would.
and one thing that keeps me going is the thought of all those law students who once felt like how I did but are now graduates waving that pretty scroll of a degree and working as practising lawyers!!

I'll be that one day.

I hope..?