blogger is screwed up!!
so many buttons are missing.

since I can't make use of the wonderful technology blogger was once blessed with before this glitch, I will have to blog very.. not typically.


on MONDAY,
I had a very unsuccessful shopping trip with fiona!
think of tired feet and boredom after two hours (we used to do FIVE++!) and only one item purchased each.
then it was coffee time with sooz and mich and great conversation.
and dinner with sooz and a cabride home with cel.



on TUESDAY,
I was already getting terribly sick of orchard.
lunch with the family and shopping.
I wanted to go home very badly.
then at night I went for Ministry of (I forgot what its called) at church with my sis and esther's sister.
I was a tad bit disappointed cause I ended up being the slightest bit bored :/

on WEDNESDAY,
a very boring and slow moving Hannibal at my place with three sleeping girls ie mich sooz and I
plus a cheese cake and two ENORMOUS cookies.
each one the size of my face.
then mich and I took Smokey out for a walk and met up with eric and gab.
dinner with mich eric gab and marc at the chinese restaurant as marc calls it.

mich and I (Smokey was on the floor)


anyway after dinner, when I was walking home from the bustop and suddenly felt this urge for some alone time.
so I went to the park and sat on the swing by myself.
I remembered how during the exams, there was one section in the book Experiencing God about spending half an hour with Him just talking to him.
and I didn't fulfil that during the exams.
so I took this time to talk to God and poured out my woes, thoughts and happiness.
and very softly, I sang to Him over and over.

in the flurry of things, somehow this little half an hour made me realise how He's the only one.
and perhaps I'd been putting my hopes in material things.
I'm glad I had that little half an hour tonight.

let it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear

ok, time for an update and blog diarrhoea because I am currently feeling bored and pmsey.

Friday

- a haircut which made me not so happy because I hate thin hair (he thinned it alot and I still have alot of hair but I prefer more hair) and now my hair is waving and looking.. frizzy.
- then Shennanigans! good job AAboys ;)
and I'm aching. I think on thursday, I exercised all these muscles I never even knew I had. it was probably the first time I've exercised since, well, a long time.
then supper with my sister and her old friends who kept on going oh my, 18 is very young! she's so young!
just because they're, like, 25!

anyway photos below!

marc owen and me in all our KAWAIIINEEESS!


the girls Y


and look at our attempts to take a 'class' photo. nigel al jame and i

take#1: al isn't looking at the camera and some guy decides to pay for his drink, hence the hand and cash.
take#2: nigel has his eyes closed
take#3: a somewhat decent photo except we're all in strange positions looking abit queer.


Saturday

- Sisters' Day Out :)
went with my sister to purchase a guitar!
to squelch my boredom I even restrung my guitar so at least I'll have something to do at home.
- supposed to go to jae's party (SORRY JOYCELYN HO!!!!) but cos my dad had tix to the Swiss Dream Circus, I went for that instead.
we had VIP front row seats and sat right in front of the guest-of-honour!
plus, all the food was free and they even gave us goodie bags.
so it was pure and total junk fest with free candyfloss, popcorn, hot dogs, fries, nuggets, ice cream, green tea, pepsi and loads of evian.
and our goodie bags had chocolate and beer nuts and a tshirt!
I quite like freebies, actually. especially if it's food.

sisters Y


Swiss Dream Circus

look! that's the really hot steeaaamy canadian with a good looking face to boot!
he was dressed up in white shorts and suspenders and angel wings and it was an OH SHOOT ME NOW, CUPID! moment.
all the pictures are really blurry because no flash is allowed.

so after talking to 3 people about melancholy subjects yesterday my emo-ness and pms-induced emotions surfaced.
about friends and broken bridges and strained relations.
I think I've reached a point in time where I'm able to take things in my stride but sometimes don't you wonder stubbornly why must it be this way?
then you exhaust yourself with the multitude of unanswered questions and slowly start to wind down like a mechanical toy.
another form of a teenage identity crisis, I presume.
but a different one from those in the stages of 13, 14 and 15.

all this melancholia resulted in a sleepless sleep (!!) and me pottering around the house after church trying to find a quick fix.
and you know, quick fixes remind me of those little test-tubes of Happiness which I gave eric and it makes me wish I could wield magic.
concoct my own little happiness vapour and inhale a little whenever I need a little warmth and fuzziness (okay, its starting to sound like drugs but I really don't mean it in that way)
then at the same time I can give these vapours to all my friends and spread a little happiness to everyone, which makes me really happy all at the same time.
it's at times like these that I wished my test-tubes of Happiness really worked.
maybe it's one of those Christmas psychological magic things, where if you really believe it will happen.

and I suppose all I need right now is a little holiday magic.

just a little to cheer up melancholia and salve wounded hearts and lives for everyone.

cheers for the end of the backbreaking two year race!

on a very un-euphoric note,
the teachers always said that compare and contrast came out only once and probably wouldn't come out so we don't need to worry.
but when I opened my question paper, it was COMPARE AND CONTRAST!
I was thinking to myself die die die.
but it's okay, I'll plough through.
the first poem was manageable.
the second... I didn't really understand it at all.
I had no idea what the flag was, why was there Arabian and Hebrew, and what the royal animal was.

on a much much happier note, post A's was spent chilling at soozie's house chomping on pizzas and watching The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and Clueless.
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle is really like Othello in movie form because PEYTON IS SUCH A BLOOODY IAGO!!!!
we were shouting IAGO! IAGO! everytime Peyton does something so damn frustrating and evil and Iago-ish!
then boredom called and I sat around while soozie curled my hair.

then Christmas Carol later in barker and it was very, very, very good!
much better than I'd expected!
thumbs up for Acsian theatre!

so the mark the end of e4, I've got something to post.
something I came across while revising e4 yesterday which suits my mood of the past few days perfectly.
"That's what stories are for. Stories are for joining the past to the future. Stories are for those late hours in the night when you can't remmeber how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing to remember except the story."

The Things They Carried, Tim O'brien

when the conditions are extreme, you tend to get extreme results.
like if the fire is too hot, you get burnt charred meat.
I guess it goes the same for people and friends.
the closer you are, the more intense are your feelings both negative or positive.
because if you never were that close in the first place, drifting wouldn't hurt that much or cause uneasiness.

which is probably what has happened a couple of times; something I concluded after reading a little something.
and what I've done is forcibly evicted myself out of extreme zones to dilute the extreme feelings.
which in other words, is running away or plain refusal to just deal with it.

I've told myself many times that once exams are over, I will mend these broken bridges.
and now that the end of Alevels is less than 24 hours away, my courage to deal with it seems to have petered out.
perhaps I simply don't want to because it means breaking away from the comfort zone, but it certainly doesn't mean I don't care.
and no matter how many times I've said I don't care, I think I do.
enough for it to materialize in my subconsciousness.

anyway, I have zero energy for studying or doing anything else for that matter.
yesterday and part of today, all I've done is Regeneration.
which means 8 more books to go (!!!)
I'm abit ashamed at my lack of tenacity :(
because all I really wanna do right now is watch more telly.
and I've done that for two hours today already.

on a sidenote, for such a clever (hurhur in my opinion!) dog, Smokey does some really dumb things sometimes.
like biting a hole in a curtain and getting his head stuck inside!
that was what happened to him yesterday.
and today, his leg got stuck in the whole twice!
grr, and I had to rescue him all three times!

sometimes I think I want to exist in a bubble.

the nice kind of bubble, not the alienated kind.

ha ha I got something in the mail today which is a sliiiight load off my chest.
just gotta wait for another one.

and I ought to read my literature books.

something I think I'll do now after lying on my sorry ass going google-eyed from staring at the telly for too long.

late nights have a way of fiddling with the emotional heart strings.
maybe it is the silence and solitude.
maybe its the winding down and running away of the mind.
late nights have a way of activating these trawlers that plough through the little corners of your brain; unearthing nostalgia, wistfulness, regret and hopefulness.

today was spent spending money and spending time with the dearest AAgirls; something I've missed very much (the AAgirls, not spending money).
watched harrypots and had a good time yakking at coffeebean, then yoshinoya, then marche.

anyway I was reviewing my songlist again today and I found more songs I need to add to the significant list!
like
Creed's Six Feet Under, Beach Boys Don't Worry Baby Cake's Never There, Grow Old with You, Dreaming of You, Mariah Carey, Freeway and Lonestar.

speaking of songs, mich and I were talking about how we wanted our relationships to be.
and choosing it very idealistically, I'd want it to be like


You and Me song!
Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Til everything's forgotten
I know you hate that

ba ba da da ba ba ba ba (2x)

Always when we fight
I kiss you once or twice
And everything's forgotten
I know you hate that

I love you Sunday song
The week's not yet begun
And everything is quiet
And it's always...

You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always
You and me always..

You tell me I'm a real man
and try to look impressed
Not very convincing
But you know I love it

Now we watch TV
Til we fall asleep
Not very exciting
But it's you and...Me

and we'll always be together
You and me always, and forever

and

Better Together!
There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together (mmm)

I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together

and

At My Most Beautiful!
i've found a way to make you
i've found a way
a way to make you smile

i read bad poetry into your machine
i save your messages just to hear your voice
you always listen carefully to awkwards rhymes
you always say your name like i woulden't know it's you
at your most beautiful

i've found a way to make you
i've found a way
a way to make you smile

at my most beautiful
i count your eyelashes secretly
with every one whisper i love you
i let you sleep
i know you're closed eye watching me
listening
i thought i saw a smile

i've found a way to make you
i've found a way
a way to make you smile

and

Grow Old with You!
I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do,
Is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine,
When your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
It would be so nice,
Growin' old with you

I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you.
I'll even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man,
Who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.

and

(jiandanai translation!)
Couldn’t really say why
I became very initiative-taking (or “active” as opposed to “passive”) --> from jay-chou.net!
If you fall in love with someone, anything is worth doing

I want to announce loudly
That I can’t bear to be apart from you
Even my next door neighbors can guess my feelings right now

The breeze by the river, is blowing your hair, swaying
Holding your hand, a sense of unknowingly being touched
I want to take you to my grandma’s home
Watching the sunset together until we fall asleep

I want to just hold your hand like this and not let go
Can love be forever innocent without sadness
I want to take you bike-riding
I want to watch baseball with you
Want to be like this with no worries, singing as we walk along

I want to just hold your hand like this and not let go
Can love be simple without pain
You leaning on my shoulder
You sleeping on my chest
Like this kind of life, I love you, you love me

ok, I know, technically, only one song should be chosen but I'm greedy and since I'm allowed to choose I'll choose 5.
this also reminds me about the songs I chose for my husband to serenade me in the future.
and how I once said I would never tell any of my boyfriends what they were, because they should know.
hurhur, talk about me being a gay emo shit.

this is what late nights does to me..
I honestly don't think anyone read any of that.

ha ha, ohwell :)

Saturday

saturday was meant to be dedicated to some solo shopping since fiona abandoned me but then I dedicated it to sleeping instead.
I must say no regrets.

yesterday was probably the most fun I had in weeks.
had dinner with the rents before heading to church with my sis and owen.
then after church, while walking around aimlessly, my sister and I decided to ktv.

so two very bored girls with a whole stream of jaychou songs, oldies, old school music, chicken wings, wedges and drinks equated to a night of tears and laughter.
too bad we didn't bring our cams out because last night was a picture worthy night!

especially when we were dancing and singly madly to the grasshoppers ai bu pa and I knocked over my glass and broke it (!!!)
I'd wanted to fess up and pay for it but my sister hid it behind the menu.
anyway after about an hour more of endless singing, the waiter came in to ask if we wanted more drinks and my sister very casually (and forgetfully!) lifted the menu and took her own sweet time choosing her own drink while I stared boggle-eyed at the very exposed broken glass.

and I didn't know it initially, but the drink spilt all over my flipflops and food :/
because when I wanted to sink my teeth into the last chicken drumlet it tasted oddly of alcohol and when I walked out of the place my flipflops made squishy noises.

Sunday

church today after having been MIA for quite a while.
was good :)

but as a result of my nonexistant shopping trip the day before, today I reserved two tops on impulse because I was cashless.
which made me feel very guilty, indeed.
after having not spent money in a while, somehow parting with those dollars seem a little foreign and the probability of them triggering immense waves of guilt is very high!
nevermind, I'll comfort myself by knowing that I didn't find anything else nicer or cheaper after that.

so tomorrow is harrypots!!
I cannot waiiiit !!

-

and this is very random, but after ktv yesterday, I decided to make a list of songs and their significance to me.
because while ktving, every song that went by which had any inkling of significance, I'd tell myself THAT IS THE SONG YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN _________ HAPPENED!
so okay, here goes.

1. mmmbop by hanson, old school p4 days!
2. the moffatts, p5 cheerleading days inclusive of the 5.5, 5.4, 5.3 class war. hurhur, those were the days.
3. jaaaaaychou - my best friend during exams, exams and more exams. plus a reminder of ktv sessions!
4. runaway train - this is the most significant song for THAT period of time in 2001.
5. liusha by david tao - definitely samurai X! because while I was reading the samurai X comics, liusha repeated itself over and over and over and over.. again.
6. born to love you by queen - definitely Mars!
7. my friends over you - zzz sometime during 2001 as well.
8. blink 182 - for better days in 2001
9. hollaback girl - the AA girls
10. celine dion - soozie times!
11. frank sinatra - meeeech times!
12. michael buble - rage times, definitely.
13. guiji - for that time in 2005.
14. have I told you - for that time in 2005 too.
15. keainuren - that time too!
16. I wanna hold your hand - that too.
16. jack johnson - for nostalgic times
17. at my most beautiful by REM - nostalgic times too.
18. where is the love - nationals 2003, til I was sick of the song.
19. I believe - for emo times and my sassy girl times.
20. the atomic kitten song (forgot which one), come baby come and the jamiroquai one - for orientation 2004!!!!
21. blame it on the boogie and superstar - orientation 2005!!!!!!!
22. music from the OC - for prelims in 2005
23. goodbye by airsupply - for childish BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT! ha ha my sister would know.
24. get it on the floor - for.. err random void deck days.
25. baby got back by lil romeo - for jameeeschee and my singing.
26. plus all the other random songs that we always sing but I cannot remember anymore.

ok, I must be reeeaally bored.

it is an UNEARTHLY hour.
I know that.
I think the pre/mid-exams (I know I relate everything to pre/post/mid exams but I cannot help it!) of sleeping before 12 has resulted in a surge in the freedom that I can sleep late!
which has produced certain symptoms of boredom ie. blogging at this unearthly time.
I fear hideous eyebags tomorrow.

now that my frustration at the stooooopid apps have diffused, I can blog properly about today.
the second last paper of the Alevels!
and I feel.. a tad bit bored.
this is because I haven't gotten down to doing the things I actually want to do to eat away my time.

1. get the vcd from my aunt. when I finally get my hands on those numerous round discs, I can sit down and burn my eyes away in front of the telly.

2. buy the books I want to read and loll around in bed all day ruining my eyes.

3. SEW!

4. shopping and ktv. just typing those words out, I can feel my pockets singing. (not singing as in lalala but singing as in burning)

I reckon all exam invigilators should be like the one we had today.
his humour is a little too quirky for me, but it does inject a little laughter into the examination hall.

anyway this is how it went.

before the exam

invigilator: students, it is now 230. To write or not to write, that is the question.
everyone: huh?
(then another teacher noticed that we totally didn't get it so she grabbed the microphone)
another teacher: (sheepishly) err you may begin!

when time was up

invigilator: (reading from a piece of paper)
students, the time now is half past five
please put down your pen
if you need to write down your name
please raise up your hand
there are students taking the paper still
so please remain silent to maintain goodwill!

and I really couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing.

anyways, dinner with jin and gab expanded to dinner with jin gab laura owen yapper and darius.
not that I minded the extra company :)
but I was feeling rather stoned for some queer reason.

and I really think I should save those eye bags now by heading to sleep..

I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW PISSED AND UPSET AND WORRIED I AM.
I SENT IN MY UNI APPS FOUR WEEKS AGO AND HAVE BEEN WAITING IN EARNEST FOR THE REPLIES TO COME BACK.
AND MY MOM CHECKED HER VISA BILL TODAY AND REALISED NEWSOUTHWALES DIDN'T DEDUCT THE $100 UNI APPLICATION FEE, WHICH MEANS THEY DIDN'T GET MY APPLICATION.
WHICH MEANS IT MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN LOST IN THE MAIL.
WHICH MEANS I PRACTICALLY DIDN'T APPLY TO ANY DAMN UNIVERSITY.
WHICH MEANS I PROBABLY HAVE NO UNIVERSITY TO GO TO.
WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO REAPPLY ASAP ON MONDAY AFTER I CALL THE COUNSELOR.

I AM SO UPSET. I AM SO UPSET. I AM SO UPSET. I AM SO UPSET. I AM SO UPSET.

so post major exams have a way of making me feel disconcerted and oddly idle.
like I should be doing something instead of sitting there and twiddling my thumbs.
it must be the copious amounts of studying for manymany months (count: preprelims excluding postprelims break then preAlevels).

to celebrate my semi-freedom, yapper came to my house and we watched korean movies!
and after that I wondered what I should do.
so I decided to talk on the phone.
and after I hung up, I wondered what I should do.
so I decided to go online.
and I talked and window shopped.
the result of all this was awakening the next morning (aka this morning) at SEVENO'CLOCK(!!!) thinking omg do I have a paper?!
like, hoookay.

so today, I felt more like a normal person again.
because I entered civilisation!
and I spent money!
and I watched heaps of tv!
and window shopped online again.

anyway, couple of days ago, I was rummaging through my little drawer which contained all my squash notes.
I've lost some of them (ARGH!) but I've kept most.
and every time I'm needing abit of lovin', I think about those days.

it was a ritual or a tradition, or whatever you want to call it, for us to make presents and notes for every single member of the team the day before the first game.
before we'd head for the bus to kallang, we'd all gather at the squash court and everyone will shower their gifts and encouragement around.
the resulting effect is the very real warmth and camaraderie of the team I'm so proud to call mg squash.

the notes from the sweet mg girls!


and this has to be my favourite of them all! a note from lydia made into the shape and colour of my squash racket! the very same one I'm using now :)


and even pq gave me an encouragement note. it's abit bittersweet looking at this because pq was genuinely one of greatest friends I've had; but we've drifted alot.


and this was their farewell gift to me in sec4 along with a recording which made me tear


the best team I've ever had :)



and along with it came ACsquash that built me up in inexpressible ways.
it could be possibly be the worst period of my life, but also the one that made me the strongest.
I still remember feeling alienated, feeling like the worst captain alive, feeling like all the passion and energy had drained out of me and I was training for the sake of duty.
and before nationals rolled around, the coach quit and we were the underUNDERdogs.
then when nationals came, I felt like I was holding onto sanity and composure with my fingertips.
expecting to perform to our very best when I thought I was rotting up inside from stress and heartache, failing to perform (I still remember that day when we played with hwachong. winning the first set and losing the other three because I had no more energy and breath to fight on) and feeling like I'd let myself and the team down.

it happened so many months ago and it feels good to be leading a squashless life.
then during Alevels, sihua and michleong passed me notes.
and sihua's letter touched me in ways I cannot express, because it was the most sincere letter I'd ever read.

this is from my sweet juniors during my Alevels


this was what they gave me for my farewell present. it has very ugly, unglam and HUGE photos of me in it, but it's okay.


TEAM AC!


okay, I realised, I must have alot of time.
to post such a long and draggy post.
forgive me, nostalgia called and I answered.

couple of hours away from my econs paper 1 and 2 and couple more hours away to technical freedom!
and I'm feeling a queasy mushiness in my stomach.
I really hope wages doesn't come out.
or anything on national income accounting.
because I'm really really bad at it.
I've read the notes, and I'm still not absorbing anything to provide substantial answers on the topics.
plusss, my mcq sucks :(

and while reading my notes today, I realised I really did answer one of my essay questions wrongly.
it's just that yesterday I was too high strung to notice.
so I know I'm going to fail that one.
I'm just praying it won't be a single digit failure.

all that aside, I'm going to need all I can today to push up my grade.
and the thing is, I don't even feel like studying anymore.

anyway, what's that chinese phrase?
ri you suo shi, ye you sui meng
something about whatever you think about in the day will emerge in your subconsciousness at night.
but for three consecutive nights, I've had dreams that had nothing to do with what I was thinking about in the day.
and they're quite disturbing dreams.
I hope they go away soon.

physical examination turmoil is enough without emotional baggage.

ok I was feeling quite happy after the paper.

but then 4 hours and a nap later, I'm not so sure it went okay.
because I suddenly recalled heaps of errors and should-have-saids.

ohwell, nevermind, on to the next.

EEEK!-KONS.

guess what?
in the midst of Alevel stress, it is QUIZ TIME :)

I put this one first because I think this is the MOST accurate!

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

my favourite colour GREEN!
plus, quite accurate I'd reckon.

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

ERM.. okay. no idea how to respond to this one.

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Water Liberator Your Superpower is Distant Attack Your Weakness is Spiders Your Weapon is Your Thunder Blaster Your Mode of Transportation is Zip-line

What's your Superhero Name?

ok, i dont even like the water!

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

nothing to say bout this too.

ok, end of quiz taking!

GP essay question for today

"There is no such thing as luck. People determine their own lives." Do you agree

No, I do not agree.
in every examination, a certain level of luck is needed.
for example, if you studied everything and something you know moderately or less than moderately well comes out versus someone who decided to try his luck and studied only one topic (which is the topic which came out), the lazy bastard is going to get his A.

why?

because he is lucky.

unfortunately, I'm not him.

1 :) that math is over
but a gazillion :( that I toooootally messed it up.

:( because I left so many blank for paper1 like thirty plus teetering close to FORTTTTY!
:( because more and more people discuss answers for paper1 and I find that even those I did fill up answers for I got wrong. zZz. make that a double :(
:( because my favourite topics came out with shitty stuff that I couldn't do ie. complex numbers, vectors, curve sketching!!!!!!
:( for a panicky brain because I forgot how to do simple integration. GAAH!
:( because I left out thirty plus marks blank for paper2 too!
:( I realised how to do an 11mark question five minutes before time was up. aack. make that a double :( too.
:( I am faced with the very real realisation that I might get a D.

and multiply all those :( by a few gazillion.

only divine intervention can help me now.

anyway math has ended sooo...

-----------------------------THE END (of complaining abt math)--------------------------

as requested by SAMMIO (I put it in pink because you're the pinkqueen!)

"Post 5 weird and random facts about yourself, then at the end, list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this."

1. when I get really stressed, I do things like sewing, wordsearch and colouring.

2. when I was younger, I used to turn my mini table over, tape a cane with a piece of cloth hanging on it and pretend I was shipwrecked. then I'd hoard biscuits and ribena on my 'boat' and just sit and eat and wait to be saved.

3. I always say weird things. I cant think of anything at the moment. but I know I do.

4. I imagine faces on fingernails. (when I told people this, everyone seriously thought I was psycho mua ha ha!)

5. I like to tuck my feet under something and I can only fall asleep if I do that.

ok, I want.. (must minus all the people who have been asked to do this! I'm lacking now)..
jin stella rens slow hwh to do this.

shall go read magazines in prep for GP!

math today was downright crap.
firstly, all the topics I hated came out.
secondly, all the topics I was good at asked shitty obscure questions.
and to begin with, my math was never very good.
:(

and then, when I came home, I got a shock.

smokey transformed from
this shaggy cute lil fella

to






please scroll down.





THIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS!


where's my snuggly smelly cute lil shaggy QTpiee!
he looks like he has aged TEN YEARS!
omeegad, I hate the groomer.
doesn't he know I love scruffy boys like smokey.
NOT this prim and proper groomed OLD looking dog.

sniff, I hope smokey's fur grows asap.
this dog doesn't look anything like my dog..

I have run out of steeeeaaam.
pfft.

and I ate something this afternoon (not lunch) that's making my stomach all squishy.

let's just hope I'll refuel by tomorrow when the battle begins..

I have lost all drive to study.
all I've done all day is go for tuition, watch tv, play with the stinky dog, go online, eat pizza and chocolate cake.
and all I want to do now is stay online, watch more tv, go shopping, fix up my guitar with the busted strings and sew.

today I wore my old cross country shirt!
the shirt I bought for just one run during the nationals because the MG crosscountry team borrowed runners from the squash team.
it was a reminder of my old fit driven self and I feel a tad bit disappointed and amused at the difference between then and now.

before, I ran ten rounds once or twice a week and I told myself during every run that I must try and be the first to finish.
before, I went for every single training even if I was sick.
before, I went for training before training and remained after training.

now (or a little before since I've stopped playing squash for a while), I try to avoid running six rounds or more and if I do, I aim to merely finish. doesn't matter if I'm last!
now, I go for training thinking uggggh
now, I try to put off training til the last possible minute and think when is it going to end even before it ends.

and to think I used to be in cross country!! (even though I was quite lousy and it was a one off thing, just for nationals)
and now, when I run on the treadmill I only run at level7 and for 15 minutes.
any more than that, I think my lungs are going to explode.

and maybe I should try hitting the gym after michelle agreed that my arms are getting a little.. I refuse to say the word.
maybe going for those gym sessions under francis wasn't such a bad idea, cause I learnt many weight regimes!
even though I always cheated during his sessions.
fongchi and I were cheating buddies.
we'd do 4 sets of squats instead of 5 and use the lightest weight instead of the required one.

so the point of all that is, I realised I willingly ran all those rounds and put in everything I could, because it was something I was so terribly proud of (MG squash) and it meant so much to me.
I called the squash courts my second home, because it was the place I felt the most secure in after home.
a bad day at school would seem less significant because training was always better.

but in JC, it was a complete different story.

sometimes I think I want to relive those old mg squash days, just to remember what it was like to be a driven, responsible fighter.

and on another note, I had another blockbuster dream last night (meaning, everyone was in my dream in some way or another)

way too fragmented to recall it, but it made me realise I miss all my friends.

old, new, lost, drifted.

I think once Alevels are over, I've alot of cleaning up to do.

ok, smokey isn't any QTpiee anymore.

LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO MY NEW COUPLE OF DAYS OLD (ugly) GLASSES!


I came down the stairs to see this monster in disguise chomping happily on the remains of my poor glasses.

GRRRRRR.

I brought the battered (toothmarks even!) lenses to the shop in hope that they might somehow be able to salvage it and they said they've never seen anything like it.



so the downside is that this lil bugger wasted my money, chewed it all away.
but the upside is I've got new lovely (green!) pair of glasses.
titanium too!

but the point is ARGGG stupid smokey.
I'm not gonna talk to him the whole day.

:(

a very hilarious exchange between my father and smokey that I must note down lest I forget.

because our dear beloved Mr QTpiee peed on the house floor today after having been obediently toilet trained for the last two weeks!

father: WHYYY YOU PEEE HERE?! WHY YOU PEE HEREE! ANSWER ME!!!!
mother: (from upstairs) of course he can't answer you!
father: WHY YOU PEEE HERE?! BARK! BARK!
(smokey looks at my father very blankly)
father: smokey, if you pee here again, next time I'll cut off your... your.. your penis! if not I'll tie it up with a rubberband! you know what that means? it means everything will come out from your mouth!
(smokey starts looking bored and turns his head away)
father: SMOKEY!!! NEXT TIME WHEN I TALK TO YOU, YOU BETTER PAY ATTENTION! PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!

all the time I was trying to stifle my laughter because my father says when he's disciplining smokey I cannot laugh, lest smokey thinks it's a funny thing.

teehee, Mr QTpiee and my papa.

my pooch is getting smellier by the days (like he stinks two days after we give him a bath; must be all that grovelling in the grass)
I want to rename him chouchou.
one chou for his smelliness
the second chou because I love jaychou!
<3

anyway I was taking a brisk look at my organizer for 2005 and I saw a very sweet message that SOOZIE wrote for me!
she said I am writing down my schedule for you so you'll always know where I am if you need me (or something along those lines)
and it gave me a very warm and fuzzy feeling :)

and I read two SweetValley senior books that day when I couldn't sleep and I must say the new portrayal of Elizabeth is veree annoying.
Elizabeth used to be quite sensible (albeit abit boring but at least I thought she had some respectability) and nice and unpretentious but in SweetValley senior she suddenly becomes this in-between wacko who says very stupid/patronizing/cringe-worthy things.
and Conner sounds like such a brooding hottie too.
it makes me quite sad because I used to quite like Elizabeth.
but Jessica on the other hand has become much much better!
it still strikes me as a little unfair though because Elizabeth turns from boring to wannabe/andidontknowhowelsetoputit while Jessica retains that sugar and spice PLUS now everything nice!
and I actually felt quite sorry for Elizabeth.
ok new books to add to my after A's booklist: read the rest of sweetvalley senior high.

(all that fluff and stuff aside..)

it's getting closer and closer to the A's and I am breathing (gasping, more like) for the day it comes and ends.
the sooner it comes, the sooner it'll end and I'll breathe easy.

anyway I think I'll take a nap now.

I've got a crick in my neck I need to get rid off.

I just realised yesterday that I'll need to revise my whole econs TYS because my mcq sucks shit.
and I have until friday to see tancc.
which she can't, because friday she has a meeting and she didn't reply me about seeing her tomorrow!
SO ARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she returned me two of my essays today.
one, I did okay, except she put a pointer that I'm not very organized ie. not splitting impacts into consumer/producer/economies/longrun/shortrun.
the other one, I FAILED
a bloody week from Alevels and I'm still failing.
and it was an essay on my best topic too.
and on the back of my essay, she included an outline plus many repetitions of shumin.. and telling me that I am not diligent and that I didn't study which I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and today, rage messaged me asking me about something in A&C which I couldn't really answer.
then she added that the study package was very useful.
and it suddenly dawned on me that i don't know where my study package is.
so I spent the whole afternoon hunting for it and I can't find it.
and the e1 paper would be my second real academic paper after math.

and during math tuition today, I had no idea how to do the induction questions.

I feel like I'm on the brink of tears.

alksjdf;klajsdlkghhg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that is how I feel right now.

nope, I'm not feeling emotional or angry or pissed.
it's a manifestation of pre-Alevels stress!

I spilt tea on my 2001 math paper.
not like it's of any significance but because of all the tea, I tried redoing the paper.
and I still got stuck at the bits that I originally got stuck at.

I AM SO SICK OF STUDYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!