mondays are extremely long and extremely slack.
if i actually extracted all the time spent on useless periods today, i'd have
1. time for an afternoon nap (daily essential)
2. more work done
3. less time feeling sweaty and tired and smelly.

so today marked the first day of my save money plan.
basically, i was left with no choice but to embark on this plan because i have no allowance this week!
so this morning i packed a ham sandwich for recess and cereal for lunch.
and err, okay it was all gone before lunch arrived.
so i had budget meesiam for lunch ($1!!) and a pack of hello panda extracted from my emergency fund of $3 which i'd cleverly brought.
heh heh.
and by 4 in the afternoon i was starving again so i gave up another dollar to instant noodles.
and lately my appetite has been ravenous.
and partly because my brain desperately needed to make up for the lack of food during the day, in the evening i had a plate of fried noodles at my gma's and i had a bowl of fish noodles for dinner.
and i'm still feeling quite hungry.

today was also a very empty day.
i like it though.
there's an unhurried sweetness about it.
especially since now i can actually feel the breeze brushing my cheeks instead of the hot stifling air pressing against them.
it's one of those days where homework and datelines don't seem of great importance and all you want to do is sit at the void deck drinking tehping and listening to jay and discussing whatever it is girls like to discuss.
and i officially declare turts as part of the AAgurls.
he's doing a mighty good job fitting in!

anyway the only pressing details of today was fretting over being the emcee for Arts Night (i feel very negatively about this because i think i'm going to screw it up)
and planning the schedule for squash camp, simply because i can't seem to get immediate responses from coaches and judging by last year's disastrous time management, i had to make ALOT of allowances.
which i don't mind.
but, URGH i just hate planning timetables.

anyway founders day tomorrow.
my very FIRST combined founders day at the national stadium!
i'm actually quite excited.
except the prospect of trudging through lessons in the morning before the grand affair is extremely unappealing.
and it makes me want to...
hurhur :)

my parents have been extremely funny of late.

in the car on the way home and it starts pouring
mother: yes yes! it's raining
father: the rains have decided it needs to cry
mother: i'm so glad it's raining!
father: me too!
radio: rain rain, go away. come again another day...
father: WHAT KIND OF STUPID SONG IS THIS?!
mother: YAH! NO, RAIN. COME BACK!
radio: rain rain...
mother: please come back. (to the tune of rain rain go away)
radio: come again...
mother: and again again.
me: ?! hahahahahahha!

and i was just reading the newspaper today and the Gen Y section on teenage slang was really hilarious.
(speech bubble of a girl): look at that CCG! but what's he doing with that ugly girl? she's damn CMI!
like what on earth is CCG and CMI?!
i've never even heard it in my life!
i think the only phrases i readily recognised in their list of teenage slang was AA, steady bom pi pi, fugly, dotdotdot and TMD.
and i had no idea what half-ball, or fly aeroplane or eye power, or CCG, CMI, or whatever meant.
hurhur, it was quite amusing to read nonetheless.

it was a brilliant day spent with my absolutely brilliant one and only shopping buddy fiona.
it was a very productive day, even though for a change, we spent quite a long while feeling lost.
ohwell, cheers for friends like fiona :)

i'd like to think i am a respectful, polite girl. you know, nice to people's parents, nice to old ladies and men on the street, nice to the cleaner auntie or uncle, anyway you get my drift.

but yesterday, i found it nearly impossible to be polite to the lady at lido's ticketing booth whom i can only call as AUNTIE because she looks it.

she refused to sell out tickets to Ray just because mich didn't have any id on her. despite the rest of us having id proving that we were definitely over 16 and protests that we were wearing the same JC school uniform thus we're all definitely 16 and above.
okay, refusing to sell it to us, i understand.
she's going by the book.
BUT MUST SHE BE SO CONDESCENDING?!
and.. smug.

auntie: no i can't sell you the tickets because she doesn't have id
all of us: but we're all above 16! we're wearing JC uniform! obviously she must be same age as us!
auntie: i don't care about your uniform! i can't sell you the tickets
all of us: but why not?! we all have id! and wearing the same uniform!
auntie: i told you, i don't care about your uniform! go talk to the manager, and see if he'll let you.

us to the manager: err excuse me, the ticketing lady wouldn't sell us tickets to Ray because my friend doesn't have id on her.
manager: nono what she did is right! that's because after that the ticket man will have to check your id again right? you see.. (launches into a whole lecture about why carrying id is important)
us: so err can we buy the ticket?
manager: yes, if you declare and swear that you are 16.
mich: err i declare and swear that i am 16.
manager: .. (says something that i couldn't really remember)
jame: err okay thanks!
manager: (continues his lecture)
jame: okay thank you thank you!
manager: haiyoh young people don't be ya-ya okay?
all of us: okay okay okay! thank you!

jame: excuse me, we came for our tickets
auntie: -smugfaced. for which movie?
jame: (pointedly) Ray.
auntie: spoke to the manager yet?
jame: yes.
auntie: (condescendingly, smugly, pompously..) really. i'll go speak to the manager then.
jame: YES. DO THAT PLEASE.

grr.
all that trouble just for one ticket.
but like jame says it's all a matter of standing up for your principles.
i refused to go to cine to watch instead because I AM SIXTEEN AND WHY CAN'T I WATCH THE MOVIE JUST CAUSE THE WOMAN WONT LET ME.

sue: this is the first time i got err..
jame: bounced?
sue: YES! (mournfully) this is the first time i got bounced for an NC16 movie.

ha ha it was quite funny seeing how sue perpetually looks like everyone's mother cause she's so tall and is always looming over us shorties.

i almost didn't want to come to school today.
i don't know if i'm glad i did because i had a gazillion freeps.
usual coffeeclub lunch except mich and jame decided to embark on their 'expanding their horizon' lunch project and headed down to komala's for food instead.
i think i had a tad bit too much.

and i can't remember alot of things i wanted to say.

after econs yesterday had a very pleasant brekkie and breko (hurhur, i just had to say it) with the AA1girls. too bad mich couldn't come because geog was beckoning.
the usual brilliant conversation that always comes with my brilliant AAgirls except breakfast wasn't all that brilliant due to financial constraints.
so i settled for a ham toastie (it was terribly small, but very good) and shared potato wedges with the girls.

and i wasted my whole late morning/afternoon/night away doing absolutely nothing.
all i recall doing was napping.
and eating.
and yakking.
despite my grand plans to sew, i realised i forgot where i put the needlework box so my grand plans would have to wait.

so all that idleness yesterday led to a GREAT BIG ANNOYING SCREAMY SCOLDING this morning.
and i'm still feeling its after effects.

anyway math tomorrow.
i can feel doom's gloom.

i love and hate the exam period.
for many reasons.
so i'm feeling oddly relaxed and suitably worried.
HAHA, i don't make much sense, do i?

anyway that was the whole point.
i shall study econs now.

i think everyone should write about how much they love studying/know/do not know in their blogs, then i'd feel inspired to study.
and i don't mean merely glossing over how much they've studied.

if everyone wrote about the copious amount of information they've absorbed and spilled it all over their blog, i'm sure lots and LOTS of people would be very inspired to study and stuff their brains with useful information.
because i'm positive there's this inherent longing for information in every single person.
thus, curiousity kills the cat.
but in this case, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

because after blog-hopping for a good hour and soaking up how much so and so has bought, the numerous photographs, the food, the fun, interest rates and inflation rates and CPIs have fled my mind.
and all i wanna do now is go shopping.
take photographs.
eat.
be surrounded by colour.
for the last hour i've been surrounded by my books and notes which are all black and white.
not very inspiring or joy-inducing at all.

and most of all, i want mr kawaii keainanhai who rides a stiff skunk to come back :(
you are dearly missed.
by me.
:(
:(
:(

my inner auntie-ness again was brought out in full bloom yesterday but let's just say i am proud to be an inner-auntie.
usual weekly coffeclub/nydc lunch with the AAgirls was very good although after that when i was going to meet my mom something very strange happened.

man: you're from acjc right?
me: err yah
man: is there a lecturer called miss tan?
me: huh which miss tan?
man: oh haha i'm just joking. okay if you look over there, you'll see a camera and if you look over there, you'll see another camera. haha you're on Gotcha!
me: huh what?!
man: oh i'm just joking again. so sorry actually i wanted to tell you about a fundraising project for those who've been in jail before and are struggling to stand on their own two feet. (takes out paper, leaflets whatever)
me: ohh.. i'd really love to donate but i dont have enough money (one of those things cost 10bucks)
man: oh thats okay. (peering at my badge) hey squash captain! hello squash captain i used to be rugby captain!
me: err..
man: haha okay bye squash captain!

it was the strangest exchange i've had with a stranger and i honestly wanted to donate but i only had 25cents in my pocket.
lately, i've been having strong urges to do my bit for society and feeling like a caring, sharing individual.
because recently, i've been feeling so ashamed for always putting myself above others, not sparing a thought for the less-fortunate, not loving enough, and not moving out of my comfort zone to do good for God.
the last one is really hard for me.
you know how thoughts which are never put into action merely stay as insubstantial fantasies?
well my desire to WANT to move out of my comfort zone is hanging like an insubstantial fantasy.
i don't even have a desire to move out of my comfort zone.
it's a desire to WANT to move out of my comfort zone.
how pathetic is that really?
:(

anyway there's quite abit of animosity and hypocrisy i've been oblivious to and now i feel as though my eyes have been opened a little bit more.
i'd still like to keep by the old stance of giving people the benefit of the doubt, becuase most of the time i think people are misunderstood except for the unfortunate few who are very clearly understood to be mean people.
but then again that's an unfair judgement because everyone possesses a mean streak in them, just some in greater portions.
just makes me abit wary of some people and the consequences of what i may potentially say.

but nevertheless a little hypocrisy and animosity makes the world go round.
if we extract the good bits from there.
like learning how to discern sincerity and insincerity.
knowing who the true friends are.
building ourselves up from criticism (by this i don't mean numbing to criticism but actually taking the truth from the meaness and moulding it to make us a better person. at the same time, i don't encourage over-sensitivity)
but despite scrabbling desperately to find the silver lining in the clouds of animosity and hypocrisy, i still say LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.

love for the family
love for friends
love for partners
love for enemies
love for brothers and sisters in Christ.
love for non-believers.
and most of all love for God.

now that i'm in a much clearer state of mind and not living in the clouds, i think i can blog properly about vday and TODAY! like jame said, love is still very much in the air, much thanks to rage's raging flow of gossip.

14th feb
- al's huge helium balloons, bolster, photo frame and chocolate bouquet from jo. contrast with al's cute little cigeratte-sized love letter sealed with a waxed heart al shaped himself. heh :) MFEO!
- THE five roses.
- the sweet AA3 boys, namely turts and shaun who gave us chocolate and cake/heart-shaped wire respectively!! shame on AA1boys.
- our sunshine dedication to mus, the sunshine of our lives hurhur.
- cass's/shum's lovely biscuits. very yummy.
- turt's GREEN BALLOOOON for me! and his fluctuating sex change from emasculation to honorary girl/boy to plain boy and back again. haha.
- laura and tiff's sweeeeeeeet notes. i love the AAgirls.
- joshua li's fake ferrero rocher stick.
- fiona's chocs! kisses from her to me :D
- lots of love in the void deck, music, balloons, flowers. very festive :)
- AAgirls photo!!
- rose from shaunOG and cereal from shuying!
- alex's one and only lone white rose amongst the red ones.
- grilling of jut and alex
and i saved the best for last..
- the surprise sunflower from the sunshine of my life (no, not mus) and lovely erm.. card/fax.
- the green heart-shaped mogu and bouquet of roses lying on my bed
:)

and my response?
a pathetic e-card with a giggling love-guy who has a bag which contains roses, chocs and a huge kiss.
:/
and my dad: so.. are you going to be a florist or a gardener?
and my mom: eric is a very clever boy.. -gigglegiggle

and back to the REAL world..
15th feb
- discussing ways to skip xcountry!! unfortunately for me.. i am running. GRR.
- the strumpet and the strumpet's fool :)
- laura's 'secret admirer'! so successful!
- rage's overflowing gossip. love is STILL in the air. especially gazing upon the glow so-and-so emanates.
- alphabet biscuits. yum. i shall buy them next time.
- productive library session
- trendygeek, coolgeek, chiogeek, HIPHOP NERD!! or hipnerd.

tomorrow would actually be a pretty good/productive day.
if not for the not so tiny little niggle smack right at 3.30 in the hot blazing afternoon.
GRRRR!

what can i say?
it's been a great valentine's day :)

and yes, you have told me lately.. just wanna say me too. <3

i hate feeling stupid and stupid is what i've been feeling ALOT lately.
hmm.
in fact i feel stupider as the years go by.
is there even such a word?????!!
see, i doubt myself now.
a year older, a year wiser.
WRONG, i say.

i miss the days when i used to go to the top class (primary school!) and feel highly intelligent.
zZzz.

anyway my attempts at being hardworking have been clamped down by my inability to express myself.
picked out the question i wanted to do for gp (RJC question. i over-estimate myself), thought long and hard about it, got excited about it, picked up my pen and err.. stopped.

so i decided i'd been hardworking enough by deliberating the gp question in my head and I EVEN JOTTED DOWN POINTS!!!!

good grief, what a useless post.
zZzzz.

i think not talking to the people i usually talk to for a day or two pulls me back and i'm seeing things in a different perspective.
it's quite unfamiliar and alienating.
i can't decide which i prefer.
familiarity and ignorance or my new found revelation.

anyway i retract whatever i've said about knowing who people really are.
it's quite impossible really.
i think the selfish and calculating streak in everyone grows inevitably and we grow up on polite lies and little half-truth masks.
but then again, i'm not sure i want to see real faces.

a much better and efficient way to sum and conclude these two paragraphs is that: MY IMAGINATION IS WORKING OVERTIME.

on much brighter note, i'm having quite a happy and lonely chinese new year.
i find rest in solitude.
and cheers to the ever constant in my life, God, and the other non-family constant He's blessed me with :)
it makes everything else a lot less important and there's hope to cope.

and what's it with cynicism.
personally, i loathe it.
especially one-sided cynicism.

it's been a really strange two days being more restless than usual and feeling like a guilt-pack.
right now, everything's imbalanced and i'm not giving everything equal weightage.
just a little something i feel i need to sort out in my head and in my life.
too much unhappiness and bad karma going around.
quite bittersweet really, considering how happy i've been, AM, actually.
just been toppled off my high seat and coming back down to earth.

reunion dinner yesterday was quite good save for the rubbery fish.
which REALLY annoyed me cause i love fish.
and the dessert was almond cream with birds nest and hashmr and i hate almond.
not the nut (i love the nut!) but the white almond, whatever it is.
is it the same as the nut?
i have no clue really.

but i had a great time tossing the yusheng because it was served in this HUMONGOUS GARGANTUAN dish that i've never seen before!
like seriously, it was more than half the size of the lazy susan (or is it susie?).
and everyone had these long thick chopsticks to toss the yusheng.
and they added salmon and tuna so i had a really good time eating it.
i love raw fish.

and as strange as this sounds, i think the most fun i had all night was when i was talking to my grandmother and grandaunt.
they have this way of talking to me, and i have this way of talking to them, which suddenly appears to be like girly chatter between three generations.
but just for your information, conversation topics are nothing like girly chatter and i'm not very close to them.

but woke up with bouts of diarrhoea and period cramps so decided to take a well-deserved (??) break heh heh.

anyway photos from since my birthday til now are up!
for my birthday click HERE!
for orientation '05 click HERE!
for random things in january click HERE!

sue's party was a blast!
food was super good and the fondue was simply heavenly.
and everyone was so excited that taufik came so i got caught in the whole whirlwind of exhilaration and screamed when he walked into the ballroom but actually i wasn't very excited at all.
because i. don't. like. taufik.
its sylvestor i like.
i was actually secretly happy when sue asked us in class whether we preferred sylvestor or olinda cause taufik couldn't make it!
but sadly, her dad bluffed her to surprise her so taufik it was :(

and i think i've had enough embarrassing moments this week to last me a.. well a long time really.
i shall not go into it.

heehee and on jame's really scandalous top!
(in school while we were sitting down)
jame: should i wear my bhangra top?
rage&i: what's it look like?
jame: well, it's got strings here and you tie it there.. and it's backless.. with a..
rage: you mean a napkin.
jame: NO! it's got a few strings and you tie it here
rage: a napkin lah!
jame: NONO.. it's a bhangra top and there are a few strings for you to..
rage: aiyah it's a napkin lah!
jame:.. FINE FINE! it's a napkin!

(at sue's party and jame is dancing madly on the dancefloor)
shuchua: OMG! is jamie on drugs or what?!
me: (assuringly) oh no.. jamie just likes to dance.
shuchua: no. i mean WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING!
me: hahahahahahha!

weights today was surprisingly enjoyable.
i managed to lift the same number of weights withotu difficulty and lift even heavier ones today!
very proud of myself :)

anyway it's really unsettling having a perception of myself proved wrong.
i'm always thinking it's the other party who's blind (which IS sometimes true) but now i'm wondering whether i'm simply being insensitive.
nobody likes being in the bad books but lately it seems my name has been jotted down several times.
and i've narrowed my scope to the visible and present that i failed to notice those that i cannot see anymore.
it hurts to think i've become someone i never wanted to become.
i guess i have to try a lot harder.

i never knew NE could be so fun until wednesday when we had the Total Defence quiz and i participated very actively and embarrassingly.
there was some question the emcee posed to the participants on stage and the lousy contestants got it wrong and i KNEW the answer!
so i was super happy i got the answer right.
anyway my happiness overflowed and when the questions were posed to the floor, with the support and PRESSURE of my friends, i ran up to the mic to answer.
question: what do the five stars on the flag represent?
i know the answers are all in the pledge, so i started reciting the pledge to myself and very stupidly forgot the second half of it.
anyway thanks to the lovely arts fac j1s who provided me with the correct answers, i earned the arts faculty a POINT! :)

vday video came out yesterday and it was just OUT. OF. POINT. because no one knew what the hell rachel yap and i were doing because of the canoeists in the background yelling "ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO" or whatever it is they were yelling.

and the class has been highly amusing lately.
click HERE! for a peek into hilarious class conversations.

madam was going through gp answers in her usual bellow and sue was happily tearing out letters from her foolscap and arranging them on the OHP so when madam looked up it said "I HEART (it was a heart) HO!" (ho is our form teacher/gp teacher).
then she took it off and arranged "HO HEART EH EH 1!"
where upon my teacher gave a really evil smile and blew it all off the OHP!!!!!!!!
she doesn't love us, evidently.
but thanks to her loud proclaimation of "YOU MISCELLANEOUS SHITHEADS!" yesterday in class, we came up with a new swear word: miscshits.

and poor mus, it's his birthday tomorrow and the guys wanted to pao him but somebody sat on his knee and his old injury cranked up again.
and he even had a bleeding cut on his head.
i felt so sorry for him.

ohwell, i'm really glad i know who all my true friends are.
i'm glad i know the people around me, the people i value won't backstab me, won't hurt me intentionally.
and like jamie said, "the whole world can be against me. but as long as my best friend is on my side, i know i'll be okay."
which is so true.

and it's sue's birthday bash soooooooooon!
:)