I'm H O M E :)

It feels so good to be home that words are bereft of me.
The last few weeks in Brisbane passed like a hurricane, leaving me reeling in its wake.
And now that I've been swiftly plucked out of my alternate life and swept back into the old familiar yet significantly different place I call home, I can't seem to aptly describe how I'm feeling, because I feel like parts of me are left scattered in various places.
Everything's left a funny taste in my mouth and all that unspoken frustration and euphoria has lodged itself in dead-end traffic at the tip of my tongue; so now I feel like crying because all that pent-up emotion needs a tangible outlet.

Or maybe I'm just a true blue emo scheamo.

But whatever it is, I'll blog about the past week soon; when the words come easily and I've adjusted again.

For the moment, HELLO FRIENDS I'VE MISSED YOU TERRIBLY!!!!!!

Went for the faith seminar over the weekend and I'm really glad I went :)
During the seminar, I was sitting at the back and when I opened my eyes after praying, I saw people, young and old alike, all praying over each other, praying out loud in faith and at that point in time, I felt tears spring into my eyes because it hit me just then that there really is no greater love than this.
No greater love than God's love when He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins; and because of this great love, people who accept Him are changed and His love manifests itself within them and overflows like a waterfall, blessing and loving others!

Today I met someone who told me about how she came to know Jesus and how He changed her life.
Quite a random conversation but yet it really encouraged me and planted a warm glow in my heart hearing how she got to know Christ in the last few months :)

My night in P I C T U R E S
with Chi, May, Angie S, Angie T

It was a great night of good food, good conversation and fabbity fab company :)
Gorging on a late but delish dinner, displaying my worse than horrible pool skills which have improved from lobbing the white ball in an awkward flop to actually making contact (thanks May!), and sharing power paperos and fruit pashes!

I've been running on an extremely tight schedule which, truth be told, has me feeling mildly exhausted.
But everything's been running along great and there's always the comfort in knowing that He is there.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

Every single grueling paper for this semester has been written off with a flourish and the much anticipated (albeit slightly anti-climax) holidays is here!!


Other than the slight problem of me making up answers and frantically trying to make intelligent guesses to about 80marks worth of questions, the holidays have wedged themselves into my lifestyle in tepid triteness.
But nonetheless, it has offered that well-deserved respite of having absolutely nothing to do with the (discerning, of course!) liberty to stuff that vapid empty space in our organisers with a breathless stream of activities!
Yay.

So what I've managed to stuff in the first one and a half days of my holidays is
1. a hearty felicitous dinner (ack, watch me burst the seams of my clothes)
2. tidbit shopping in Coles (banana chips and milk wafers!)
3. a looooong undulating walk to David's house based on (Chris's) gut instinct and sense of direction with memory-deserving conversations and unglamorous trudges
4. more tidbits, chick magazines and Romeo & Juliet at David's crib
5. a greasy assuaging Maccers brekkie (yum!)
6. (controlled) retail therapy!
7. the mission trip meeting
8. rocking up to Ruth and Wp's place to bid my goodbyes to Wp and yak
9. and of course, happily holing it up in my room, painting my nails a vivid tipsy shade of red, reading Gossip Girl and munching on milk wafers!

It's funny how whenever a toilsome phase of exams have passed, my first and strongest desire is to eat something really good, then hole it up doing mindless nothings (in this case painting my nails) and read a trashy fluff and stuff book.

:)

I feel like eating a cheese&mushroom&salami pizza, a McChicken, chicken nuggets, katong laksa, bakchormee, a spaghetti aglio olio, sashimi, bibimbap (or however you spell it) with kimchi soup, medium-rare steak with mushroom sauce, lobster mornay, hainanese chicken rice with liver and the must-have chicken rice chilli, fish soup noodles, mushroom swiss burger, salmon&advacado sushi, fresh oysters, chwee kueh, hokkien noodles, my mother's chicken stew, amoy street's fish porridge, nydc baked pasta, macadamia nut ice cream... OH! and a banana chocolate cake and a bag of potato chips.

I don't feel like studying about databases, information systems, basic processing strategies, the CPU, DSS, TPS, RAM, AIU and whatever U and I and S and D and increasingly senseless and ubiquitous acronym my information systems textbook has churned out.
I am IT-illiterate/dyslexic/retarded and I can't retain, or even absorb for that matter, anything I've read.
:(

But since I have an exam tomorrow (my last one, yay!) and only one miserable frozen chicken cheese schitznel in the freezer (which I dumped in the oven ten minutes ago.. oh yay the oven pinged!), I have to settle for studying what I don't feel like studying and not eating what I want to eat.
I will ignore the fact that I am expanding in epic proportions, suffering from disjointed pain in various parts of my body (don't ask) and studying the most boring subject, ever.

And... excuse (me please, ha ha!) my immense whinging :(

I feel d i s c o n n e c t e d . . .

Reading old blogs, new blogs, friends' blogs, acquaintances blogs, strangers' blogs, talking to old friends, new friends, my family (ohhh, how I miss you so) has that effect on me.
Especially when home is (almost - what an annoying word) a stone throw away coupled with the inordinate amount of people/things to meet/do in the short, enjoyable but ironically arduous two weeks.
I am back in suspension stage, floating around like a lost molecule, and all I really want to do right now is delve back to my roots and curl up snugly in the familiar confines of my family and friends.
I want to slip into anonymity and hide from the (irritating) world; away from presumptions, empty talk, onerous obligations and... everyotherannoyinglittlethingpffft.

Anyway...

In the Library




And dinner with Eun! Be safe in Melby!

Talked to my family on the phone for ages yesterday and conjured up a whole maelstrom of whiney, emo feelings and the like.
Had a nice chat with my father about sensible things, had the longest talk with my mum about everything and had the longest chortling bitch with my sister about evvvverryyyyyyything, and had a brief stint with a silly sleepy Smokey.

And on a brief, and almost immediate update, I just felt that sinister, evil, almost-rendered-unfamiliar jolt of ________!!!!!!!!!!!
Away with you, irritating annoying feelings of every possible kind!

I am feeling awfully snappy, choleric and... bitchy today.

-

jon: hey is this jon cheong? which jon are you? and ha ha okay you're welcome :)

On some days, you don't feel like laughing, you don't feel like bitching, you don't feel like complaining, you don't feel like discussing, you simply don't feel like talking.
You're not emo, you're not sad, you're not pmsing, you're not anything; it's probably just the grind of things - exams, effusive conversation, small talk and pleasantries - taking its toll of you and your insides clicking to a stop.
And all you want is sedate company and a soft breeze lulling you into a comfortable silence; not thinking, not doing anything in particular, but just resting in the stillness of God.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Lately, people, especially those with too much energy, wear me out.

The third of the stream of four grueling exams is over!
Albeit with a traumatising and overwrought night of frenetic study and mumbled prayers; I was quite close to tears last night.
But praise God! Because His hand has steadily and surely lifted me through this seemingly insurmountable hurdle :)

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him."
1 John 5:14-15

A comforting shaft of light in my tremulous and skittish state of (irresponsible) ignorance!
And heard me He has :)

On more frivolous notes, I am now sporting a throbbing, angry, red pimple at the most unglamorous and hapless of places: the tip of my nose.
And that all cavalier indifference I had towards youtube have crumbled; I am now happily munching on my words as I run video after video on that tiny little screen which holds much television euphoria :)

YAY FOR YOUTUBE!

I don't have anything in particular I want to blog about but I just merely feel like talking (to the computer, ha ha, okay okay I know) or unleashing some incoherent babble about absolutely nothing and everything; makes me a happy camper :)

And sooo... no more law subjects for the rest of the year! Hooray!
I'll spare everyone and myself the lurid details of how the exam went other than it was simply okay; a lukewarm non-commital answer for a lukewarm non-commital exam.
But now that the major bulk of my exams are over (goodbye law for the rest of the year!), in some masochistic perverse way, I'm missing the frenetic intensity of it all (ha ha, talk about things taking on a rose-coloured hue in retrospect).
Or more accurately, I rather study for something interesting and mind-chugging rather than... whatever half-baked rubbish I have to study for now.
I can actually feel myself curdling at the... sian-ness of it all.

You know it just occurred to me today that no word in english or mandarin can fully describe the word sian.
I never really used to say it but I've been saying it a bit more often lately and the more I use it, the happier I feel at how it seems to encompass how damn sian I am feeling because nothing in english and my (very lousy) mandarin seems to be able to describe that... sian feeling.

Yeh... so sian.
And reading Michelle's blog makes me miss ACJC with an emo vengeance.



Aww :)

I just had the most frightful dream.

I was all alone in a funny, unrecognisable place which I called home in my dream and Smokey (who was back in puppy stage) was barking at the strangest looking bug I've seen in my life: bright yellow with six sprouting legs, the first two armoured by fuzzy black hairs and slightly smaller than my palm.
It was big and freakish looking enough to paralyse me momentarily while I edgily beckoned Smokey to quit barking and come to my side.

Then this hideous bug skipped over to the kitchen (in a flash!) and began chasing a lizard.
Smokey in all his puppy excitedness ran over and began barking again, this time at the lizard who was scampering down the wall.
And all of a sudden, I saw before my very own (freaked) eyes, that awful monster of a bug extended a long furry leg (which could grow and stretch longer than what it appeared to be) and deftly picked Smokey up, did something to him and hurled him across the room while Smokey lay still and lifeless on the floor.

At this point, I stuck my head out of the window and screamed for my dear life.
I think it went something along the lines of Mummy, Mummy, come home now! Come home now! or... other.
And when I whipped my head around I saw that bug doing the same thing to my pudgy little kitten! (don't ask me why I had a kitten, I just did)
So I lay there with both my pets in my arms, sobbing and sobbing at their cruel and unwarranted deaths, my heart breaking at the loss.

Then my sister came through the door and I was running to her, pouring out the story teary and haphazardly when suddenly Smokey shook himself and got on all fours.
I began to scream excitedly, relieved that he was not dead when he growled at me and bit me in the arm!
I was so... shocked and perplexed.
Anyway, the same happened to my cat and both my sister and I were becoming scared and wary of these animals that no long held any semblence to the loving creatures we once owned.

Okay, so while we were trying to avoid our growling, ill-tempered animals, suddenly the freakish bug metamorphosized into a grinning (evilly) man who looks like Phua Chu Kang and Moses Lim (taller version) all rolled in one who plopped himself comfortably in our armchair.
And then, he extended his legs and they began to freakishly grow towards my sister and I, and forced us to give him a foot massage!
In our hapless and helpless situation, we began doing as we were told and then his foot began to grow and grow and grow... ...

And then I woke up.

What a horrifying dream.

Ugh.

Disaster has struck!
Albeit in the most puerile of ways, BUT truth of the matter is... I AM S I C K (in the midst of exams)

But on the upside, I took advantage of all that bed-ridden sickness to finish up on Goong.
And ohhhhhhhhh, why oh why did Chaegyung have to end up with Shin!
I am bemoaning the sad miserable fact that she rejected poor, sweet Yul who was just soooo good, considerate, gentle and so... so... dreamy.

Who in her right mind would reject THIS!


So despite a very cheery happy ending, I am sad :(
Because poor Yul not only lost his right to be crown prince, he also lost the girl he loves (big reason why I'm sad here) annnnnd he took the bloody blame for his mother!
What a poor (and vulnerably good looking) sweet boy... pfft lousy ending :(

Ohwell but now that the tractor running through my head and feverish chill has dissipated, and I'm only nursing the post-fever light-headedness, and my few hours of television euphoria has ended, I guess it's time to head back to the books .. ... . ..... . . .. . . . .

In a couple of hours, it will be the ZERO HOUR.

Reminds me of the day before A'Levels where we went round saying in ominous voices Tomorrow's zero hour.. The battle begins before breaking into laughter. But truth be told, it really did feel like I was going to battle the next day with the squeamish stomach and frazzled nerves.
So now, I feel the same as I did a year ago, with the same squeamish stomach, frazzled nerves and almost jaded resignation, battling against the pristinely evil exam and speed of time with my shield of analysis, bow of accuracy and sword of knowledge (my trusty pilot pen)!
Harharharr.... Okay whatever.

It's raining outside, the sky is overcast and there's a slight shiverish chill lingering in the air.
I like it, but... why is it always raining when I have a Contracts exam?
It rained on Contracts A final and now it's raining on Contracts B final.

Actually, all I want to do is sink into bed, curl up in a ball and s l e e p . . .

Okay, bye everyone and good luck for the exams!

I am feeling frightfully E M O .
Over the past two (maybe?) months I've been churlishly moody, whimsically nostalgic, blithely chipper, fleetingly blue... but never this overwhelming, insecure, absolutely repulsive emo-ness that seems to cave in over my head and crumble my insides.
What's even more frightful is how this emo-ness seems to have taken on a gangrenous and unfamiliar quality, a feeling I must admit I'm terribly unaccustomed to!
I feel like I've been kicked off my chair and I'm now on my knees scrabbling on the gravelled road trying awkwardly to find out what was it I'd lost before I slumped into a semi-conscious snooze.

Being away from home makes you feel so many varying extremes at multiple levels that I can't pinpoint what's the pinnacle of which and everything good and bad seems to have melded together and metamorphasised into a disgustingly indecisive double-edged sword.
I actually feel like I'm living in a parallel universe and suspended somewhere in between while simultaneously browsing through a sheet of pros and cons that doesn't make me feel substantially better and serves no purpose.

I look to the right and it washes over with familiarity but yet I can't quite reach out into it, I look to the left and it seems so familiar yet so vague at the same time and... and... yknow I just feel as though life on both sides of my life have progressed and moved at different speeds, different levels, different directions and I don't know where to go, what to follow, what to do because either way I'm going to lose some essential bit of what has made me, me.
And right now, me, is made up of two lives, multiple directions, venn diagrams, insecurity (ugh!) and... plain old paranoia. I HOPE it's just that.
I feel abit like a distant fading dream, evanescent and ephemeral, LOST IN TRANSIENCE!!!!

I don't want to be apathetic and adopt the (really) annoying that'slife/chillax/takeachillpill mentality and watch things pass me by, because essentially, nothing that's been a part of me is disposable.
But yet within our own finite control, there's only so much I can do, so I know at this crucial (but perhaps, also needlessly emo) point, all I can do is thrust this little matter into His almighty hand because my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's NOTHING my God cannot do!
And it would be wise to empty my head of all this ruminating rubbish and concentrate on the concrete and tangible, which also happens to be (ugh) the exams.

And it's also just hit me with startling (and peevish) clarity that my... whateveryouwanttocallit semblance of an epiphany has just turned around and bit me in the butt.
Talk about... uncanny.

Pfft!!

HAPPY (belated) 20th BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!














(her birthday was on the 31st, I didn't forget JUST DIDNT BLOG!)
You were one of the first few people I met here and you have truly made an impression on me (with your helpful, big sisterly ways) ha ha.
But whatever it is, I'm really thankful that I've met you, with your calm and comfortable presence and very patient and objective listening ear.
And even though we might not hang out all that often, those little lunches and occasional heart to hearts have been good :)
So happy birthday Michelle and I hope you had a good one!

-

I was pretty much an insomniac the whole night but this time, I stood at the railings of my balcony in the twilight hour in atypical insomniac fashion.
Because... ohwell I don't know.
I didn't get to see some amazing breath-taking sunrise awashed in hues of orange and transcient pinks (I'm surrounded by trees and buildings) but I did get to see the mural sky come alive and shift from dark to light.
From picture-slide stillness, the dim sky began to emanate a tungsten blue in such a subtle manner it unnerved me.
It was so imperceptible that if you looked away for a mere two seconds (I did) you would have missed those evanescent changes.

The dim morning colours and morning smells (did you know a morning has a smell? A cold, dewy smell, I rather like it) reminded me of early mornings where I'd sleepily get dressed in my drawn room, chew half-heartedly on a slice of bread, make my torpid way from house to car and promptly close my eyes and fall asleep on the drive to school; never noticing the way the sky turned to light and touched the lids of sleepy eyes open.
Made me realise how much we take for granted; education, food, money, little luxuries in life, God's blessings.
That sometimes we're so caught up in the groove of life and the daily mechanics, we become heedless of things we assume will always be there and sometimes they fade away imperceptibly without us knowing; then with a sudden revelation we realise how these things have actually gone away, just like how night turns to light without the barest knowledge.

Nothing specific in mind, but just the toll of exams and insomnia lulling my insides to a brief stop at that twilight instant.
It was good, a little reminder at how ephemeral things are, how God's been good to me and I shouldn't take it for granted, how maybe sometimes we should take that extra little step to tell our parents we love them, to send that little good luck message or I miss you to our friends, or to pay someone a little extra compliment to make their day brighter and better.
It's so cheesy and cliche, I know, but I've been operating on autopilot for quite a while now, that I've forgotten how a kind and loving word goes a long way.

Taken by my LOUSY LOUSY camera but you get the idea



















-

Anyway, I wrote that at the prime meridian hour where my sensory perceptions were still fairly alert.
But now, I am tired, moody and unbelievably cranky.
There's a stupid unidentified bird crowing it's tiny but expansive lungs out and I'm thinking of ways to get back to a former skinnier state.
BOOHOOOOO, get me back to the days surrounded by family and friends where the fun never ends...

And I just realised I rendered the above... whateveryouwanttocallit obsolete but then, that's me in all my exam-induced capricious and volatile nature (I'm not normally like that) and I. don't. care.