so today was a lonely day.
i came to school with only al and weikong to accompany me and half the time weikong wasn't even in class and after a couple of periods al migrated to the back.
so there i was ALL BY MYSELF in one row.
but something i rather liked because i could spread out all my books and notes all over and do my work in peace.
NO DISTRACTIONS!

i brought my jaychou cd with me to school today and i think i work best with jaychou belting out lyrics in my ears.
i believe i would do a lot better in exams if i could bring my jaychou cd in :)

the girls all came back before econs and LO AND BEHOLD laoshi was waiting outside class for us because we ponned.
and i reckon he's a REALLY nice guy.
even though he made us stand in a row and questioned why weren't we present.

nerves have been rather frazzled of late.
and my imagination won't stop working overtime.
been feeling so.. UGH.

so anyway was reading a little something and yes, i have a new resolution.
my new resolution is, that i will learn to be more flexible and find redeeming qualities in people because i'm not so perfect myself.
which is a bit hard because recently, i've been zooming in on all the bad points of people and it's basically fried my nerves because it. irritates. me. SOOOOOOOOO much.
especially those close to me.
somehow their's seem so much glaringly obvious.
and eeeeeeeeeeurrgh.
so RIGHT.
my new resolution :)

had a good chat with liz for over an hour after school and i MISS LIZ SO VERY MUCH :(
and spent the rest of the time eating and unsuccessfully trying to master soozie's michael jackson moves.
which i simply CANNOT do.
and had a great time mrting home with mich.
i've missed her from the days that she hasn't come to school and we haven't had tuition together.
because michelle is a brilliant conversationalist.
she can carry the conversation to the right direction and build up on it, especially on those exciting self-and-people-analysis conversations unlike eric who only knows how to go "erm, i dunno.." even after i've asked veryVERYvery specific questions.
hurhur, michellegohxiangyi, i LIIKE :)

and again i've forgotten all the funny bits of today.
but, i look forward to the future i.e. tomorrow.
because there is PE!!!!!!!!!
softball.. i like VERY much :)

today my inner auntie was brought out to full fruition.
al mus and mich were arguing over the presence of vitamins in pink dolphin and orange juice and, i deciding to be diplomatic but yet defend the yumminess of such drinks (vitamins or not) exclaimed, "AIYAHHH! the best juice.. is GRAPEFRUIT JUICE lah!"
except i didn't really mean for those words to come out because at that point in time i wasn't sure where my argument was stemming from.
but anyway THE POINT IS, miss jamie tan gave a half smirk half smile and went, "gosh shumin, you sounded like an auntie!"
to think i said all those words so naturally and unconsciously, my inner auntie must have REALLY been taking over.

strangely, i don't really mind being an inner auntie.
and nor do i think jame or mich minds being an inner ahlian.
but i think rage minds being an inner AHPEK.
hur hur, "at least all of you are inner females right! i'm a.. MALE!"
and when rage is in dismay, the genuinity of it is enough to crack me up :)

the entire day was spent mostly in the library with the intention of studying although ironically the bulk of my studying today WASN'T spent at the library.
had an interesting conversation with jame about fate and God's will and horoscopes and such and cliched as it may sound, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
you can go round looking for opportunities and creating them for yourself, but if it won't come, it won't.
and even if you don't do anything about things, if it's meant to be, it'll find you somehow.
SO hurr, conclusion is, NO FATE JAMIE!
ZEEEEEEERRRRRRO. hur hur should have listened to you, jame!
and of course dismantling alexchua's calculator and playing with his tuning fork.
very very fascinating :)

and i think all the geog people have gone a little floozy from the massive amount of geog inputs because while we were all indulging in a little dream infested conversation, the ones who were fervently proclaiming and describing their dreams were the geog people.
or mainly al.
and i don't mean those i-want-to-be-a-doctor-when-i-grow-up sort of dreams but those that we wish to fulfil at least once in our lifetime like backpacking in europe or something.
and al, is seriously DAMN FUNNY.
and the funniest part is, he doesn't MEAN to be funny! ha ha

al: (wistfully) i think next time i want to go backpacking in europe man. i wanna go amsterdam.
us: but why al?
al: (looking pensive like he had a really good reason then looking at us) becuase, dude, it's AMSTERDAM MAN!
us: ... hahahahahahah!

another great recess with the girls and all i can say is oh yeahieeyeahieyeah :D

and today was the first time i saw a guy shopping for toiletries.
went to holland v after school with lennard so he could get his toiletries and it was quite fascinating watching guys shop.
the way they know exactly what they want.
ohwell but i still think lennard is secretly a girl at heart because i just realised his love for shopping today :)

okay i just realised there are many blog worthy moments today and lots of things i want to say.
but the irony about words are that the more you want to express the significance of things, the less significant it becomes.
this is a classic example.
i am trying to squash as many blog worthy moments in a single post, that all these moments simply lose their significance.
buuuut, for my memory's sake.. HEH :)

hmm i don't think it was so much of choosing one over the other but more like i was fervently trying to hang on to BOTH.
which obviously i can't so.. :(
okay US it is. the prospect of shopping is cheering me up immensely.
as for jaychou, i'm going to think of other possibilities.
that all depends on how crazy i am.
for now i have to settle for the pictures that EVERYONE will take for me :)

hasn't been a good week or weekend or whatever.
too many strange and foreign moments, unwanted surprises and glaring truths.
of course nothing very earth-shaking that would topple me off my seat, but more like annoying little niggles that are very unsettling indeed.
time to let go of little wishes made of air and i mean that for everything and basically anything.

the weekend: to sum it up very succintly, was BORING and UNSETTLING.

today was a slight cheer.
EARRRRLY DAY! and i even managed to get the open house booth proposal out of the way. much thanks to the squash team, we're an efficient bunch :)

and the somewhat horrific but highly amusing 'SHIT' moment.
when i was talking to huijuan and i kept smelling some draaat awful smell so i kept going I SMELL SOMETHING! I SMELL SOMETHING!
and suddenly her friend went, "YUCK! I THINK I STEPPED ON SHIT!"
and there was this pile of black poo on the black marble!
how it got there i would never know but EEEEE on black marble too!! how noticeable is that?
so she hobbled towards the ladies to wash her shoes and thus spread little spots of DAMN STINKY POO all over the corridor between the hall and the LTs!!!!
ARGGGGGGGGGGH!
but i seriously thought it was quite funny but yarrrgh! the awful stench was ALL OVER.

okay and following that when i found out that my dear friends had somehow left me all by myself outside the LT and me thinking they were waiting inside the LT happily went in to NOBODY. well my classmates that is.
and for a moment it occured to me that they were gonna pon and didn't tell me!
so i hurriedly called mich and jame who all didn't pick up!
so i waited all by myself until i FINALLY saw them approaching. phew.
i ranted and raved for a good minute til jame laughed and went "YARH! mich was saying, 'you know jame, i think we lost SHUMIN!'"
and it was highly funny hearing sue reiterate all the 'shit' stories mus and weikong were telling HA HA HA :)

ok and other memory worthy moments.
miss jamie tan (e4 teacher, lit teacher mind you): nobody is allowed to zhao e1
me: what??
miss jamie tan: no one is allowed to ZHAO e1
me: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

mich: so the badge is not the badge but the wound?
mus: yes
mich: so you mean he likes his wound?? -pause- oh wait i just realised how stupid that sounds hahahhaha!

me: a part of me wishes that promos won't end cause i don't wanna go for CCAB!
jess: ohmygosh you and mabel are kindred spirits! she doesnt want promos to end cause she doesn't wanna go for CCAB too!
mabel: yar! i don't want promos to end! now when i look at my notes i'm like OOH I LOVE STUDYING I LOVE STUDYING I LOVE STUDYING!

that seriously cracked me up cause i'm not too close to mabel and i've never spoken to her much and that seemed so unlike her judging by first impressions and HA HA!

okay, so those were my cheery bits of the day :)
everything else can just.. ROT.

I AM SO HORRIBLY UPSET.
so upset i think i actually went a bit mad and sat on the kitchen floor and cried.
knowing that what you've been anticipating is practically crumbling in your hand because your stupid fingers are too fat.
i meant that metaphorically.
what i actually mean is that because of my STUPID GOLDFISH MEMORY and my careless tongue, i'd advocated something that's irrevocable.

what am i talking about?

I CAN'T GO FOR THE JAY CHOU CONCERT ANYMORE!! :(

just because i told my mother i'm free on the 21st of November to 1st of December.
so she booked air tickets for us to go to US.
me and my stupid mouth.

this is in memory of the jay chou concert that i can't go for.

because that's how i imagine it would be like.

my computer is not it's usual self :(
after some dumb technician reformatted my comp and changed the resolution and did funny things to it, it's not looking or feeling the same.
even after i tried changing the resolution back - TO NO AVAIL because it kept saying signal over range - and then resorting to calling my sister's boyfriend and he tried to help us long distance, it still feels like a stranger.
now the resolution is somewhat back to normal, but the fonts are looking mighty queer and slightly blurry.
I MISS MY COMPUTER VERY MUCH :(

the week has been one void of communication.
and I QUITE LIKED IT :)
no handphone for a while because it was with derek, the absence of the computer, and with everyone hiding at home to study, it was quite a communication-less week.
made the little extra bits of interaction a lot more meaningful.
like
- TUITION! with mich and the tutor who likes to collect handphones and comics. and the mini piano lessons after.
- PE! PE! PE! one more week and i won't see PE no more.

weeell, it's a week to promos and studying isn't the only thing on my mind.
after having sat through meetings and discussions, i was looking at the list of things i have to do once promos are over and right through the holidays and i felt a tad bit overwhelmed.

the list of things that i have to do besides study..
1. gotta start doing the proposal for squash open house booth during the MIDST of exam preparations! GRR.
2. CCAAB camp RIGHT after promos :( i would love to dwell on the unending misery of that 4 day camp, but i fear seeing it in print would only make me more miserable. I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO THAT CAMP ARMED WITH COURAGE.
3. preparation for open house. just a reminder to sec4s, ACJC OPEN HOUSE 23RD DECEMBER.
4. prepare for pw, ao chinese and SATs
5. holiiiiiiiiday with the rents :)
6. church camp
7. ogl camp IF i get promoted and IF my interview gets through.

i am perfectly all right with 5, 6 and 7, but before they can come, 1 2 3 and 4, all inclusive of studying, must be implemented and survived.

the only eventful thing that has happened all week was mgs outreach.
watching the video they played on ACJC made me want to go to ACJC all over again :)
anyway i sure hope all my lovely lil juniors and the sc squashies will come to AC because we want and love them VERY VERY MUCH.
and i got to eat MGS fooooood.
shenmian and their special sweet sauce sausage and mayo chicken for only $2.30!
but admittedly, ACJC food is better.

anway, i must be blog deprived.
this post is getting too long.
i must get going..

for the first time today, i LOST MY PHONE!!!
well, almost.
it completely slipped my mind that i'd left it at the void deck and when i was reaching home i suddenly thought WHERE IS MY WALLET?!
so i spent a good half an hour digging frantically for my class list, called weikong called christine called mus and NOBODY picked up until i called mich and she very kindly picked up and gave me derek's number.
and so now it's with derek for safekeeping.

so that was my bit of exciting news for the day :)
the rest of the day passed in a sort of frenzy because everywhere i turned there were people rushing pw and I WAS ONE OF THEM.
i skipped recess to finish up pw and when i stepped into the library it was just swarming with people!
it took me quite a while to locate an available computer and the library didn't really seem like the library anymore as it was teeming with people and there was that low buzz of murmuring.
so was 15 minutes late for lit because those darned computers in school are so slow!

and xiuf has the coolest camera ever!
it's all silvery and sleek with a large screen and the best was when she took half-faced photos of me and jame!
i never knew me and jame looked so much alike!
ok that was abit weird i just realised my last three sentences were all punctuated with exclamation marks.

it's been a good weekend and i foresee a good week ahead :)
- i finished demand and supply over the weekend
- tuitions with mich never fail to make me laugh
- had a very good frenzied conversation about jaychou concert and singing along and waving lightsticks in the air. I. CANNOT. WAIT.
- i had barbeque
- eric called and we had a very good chat

this week's going to be a good week because..
- i am going to finish two more topics for econs this week
- there's PE!
- NO MORE PW!
- a whole new week of stairway to heaven and aqua heroes and samuraiX :)
- eric's coming back this saturday

even though my lucky stars didn't shine today, i had a good day.
this sounds VERY cheesy but CHEERS for discipline, friends and tuition :)
mich is absolutely right, we make each other very happy.
it's so comforting to have a friend who's so in tune with you even when it comes to jaychou and lightsticks :)
mich, i couldn't tag your board so here's an I LOVE YOU TOOOO!
and i miss all my old pals :(

BAH.
this post is full of.. expressions.

so yesterday, me and mich were talking about people with secret lives.
not the real spy types who lead a double life that no one knows about, but generally people who have something extra in their life they keep tucked away and don't talk about and contradicts what we perceive of them.
school shades people.
and we came to the conclusion that we both lead very unsecretive lives.

yesterday was another Feel Good Friday.
i didn't get much work done which was BAD but there were quite a few good moments.
like when my lucky stars were shining and jame gave me a little smirk. hurhur :)
ohh and the giant paper plane fight!
i was happily admiring soozie's art when i turned around and there were these huge colourful giant paper planes made out of the acjc newsletter sailing through the air and smaller white ones zooming back and forth.
and it was quite funny really.
especially when mus fired his giant plane, and out sprang this SHINY, SILVER UMBRELLA to shield weikong and boey. ha ha ha !
it amazes me how mr tan can be so oblivious to everything during math.
he's either really very blind, or simply chooses to ignore us.
i figure it's the latter.

just a little random entertainment bit of tidbit.
i was reading an article and apparantly, Tiger Woods' mother loves Kwon Sang Woo so much that she pleaded for Tiger Woods to act alongside Kwon Sang Woo.
so now, there's gonna be a new korean show coming out with Kwon Sang Woo, Song Seung Hoon (or whatever his name is), Kim Hee San, and TIGER WOODS!!!!
hahahahaha, i thought it was hilarious.
ohwell :)

and because laura doesn't have a tagboard, i shall reply her SWWWWEET comment here.
LAURA I LOVE YOU TOOOO MY LIFE CHANGER!
laura makes me happy too.
because i can share my cheap thrill encounters with her and not feel stupid.
hur hur.
cheers to more cheap thrill encounters and changed lives :)

i love and hate rainy days.
and today, i didn't know what i was doing.
some self-reflection is necessary.

i found out today that a guy watches Stairway to Heaven and was it SHOCKING.
the boy: i slept very late last night
titus: why?
the boy: i was watching VCDs. the last one.
titus: what vcd
the boy: stairway to heaven
me: WHAT?!? REALLY?!
must have come as a bit of a shock because we were playing text twist and the conversation he and titus were having wasn't a very engaging one.
but i am strangely happy anyhow :)
must be because most of the people around me think i'm an absolute nut to watch these korean shows; so to find a fellow fan is like strengthening my fan base.
actually that sounded quite wrong, but nevermind.
i have fellow allies :)

spent most of yesterday teaching mich how to play the piano intro to anjing. without the chords though.
but i must say mich is a rather promising beginner :)
even though she kept forgetting which note came next.
forced her to watch Stairway to Heaven with me.
i think she SECRETLY liked it.
hur hur hur :)

and i think the song on Stairway to Heaven is very nice to whistle.

there are currently two absurdities that are prevalent in my life.
1. i like school
2. i do absurd things when exams are round the corner.

it's rather inconceivable that i would like school after hating it for ages and when the exams are around the corner.
i attribute it to the fact that it is precisely because exams are around the corner, that i like school now.
the threat of being retained or having to take probationals have tweaked the wirings in my head.
i'd much rather be in school actually feeling as though i'm learning something, rather than while the time away at home doing things i love, but are evidently useless.

and i've suddenly taken an immense interest in sewing and friendship bands.
the hours spent at home during the hols must have gotten to my head, because i slept at 3am for four nights consecutively sewing random things with ragged pieces of cloth and making friendship bands with whatever thread i found lying around.
i even sat by the sewing machine, fiddling with it for over an hour, figuring out how to thread the machine (i forgot you see).
but that was unsuccessful.
i put the blame for my sudden interest in such idle things on exams.
the bleak unattractiveness of studying and exams have suddenly made random things VERY attractive.
plus sewing and making friendship bands is very therapeutic.

so my conclusion is: exams are absurd.
i have nothing against exams though.
it's just the way exams skews us off tangent that makes me very amused.
amused at my absurdity.

so currently, i am trying to blog about school today, but i have inconveniently forgotten whatever happened.
except for laoshi almost missing chinese and mus being funny during econs and rage's sudden hyperactiveness, OH and my exciting morning spoiled by rage, i can't remember anything else.
not even exciting, funny conversations that never fail to make my day.

and to end this very random blog entry, do you know there's an ADJECTIVE in the dictionary called MICKEY MOUSE?
it means

1. Unimportant; trivial: “It's a Mickey Mouse operation compared to what goes on in Lyons or Paris” (Jack Higgins).
2. Irritatingly petty: the school's Mickey Mouse requirements for graduation.
3. Intellectually unchallenging; simple: His Mickey Mouse assignments soon bored the students.
4. Melodramatic or sentimental. Used especially of popular music.

though it's slang, it still amuses me very much :)

before i blog, there are a million and one things i remind myself to blog about. but everytime i open blogger, i forget.

so this is basically whatever i managed to scrape from my poor goldfish memory: that i think everyone needs good friends and strangers in their lives.

good friends are there for you to spill your woes and understand you without you saying too much.
the esoteric secrets and chemistry, it's all in the comfort.
and strangers are there for you to tell the bold and contradictory aspects about yourself.

it's all in the balance.
there are some things we inexplicably confess to strangers with such ease, but yet with good friends, the words automatically lodge themselves in our throats.
there's too much emotional baggage, tears, fears and impressions constructed from the course of friendship; it hinders the flow of new and contradicting information.
because strangers don't know how it used to be.
strangers don't have that background information, thus they can't judge.
and honestly, who likes to be judged?

aside from all that, on a much lighter note, strangers are so much more exciting because there's so much to discover.
the hope of finding a new good friend lies within a stranger.

that was very random.
on a more up to date note, it was a rather placid day at school; the day passing quickly with unruffled ease.
actually i can think of many many rip-roaring moments where mich fell down the stairs and i laughed; but eventually i fell down the stairs (much worse than she did) and she laughed.
and many other things which my goldfish memory has failed to conjure.
but it was a day which sailed by and nothing much perturbed me.

and i had a great many quotes that i wanted to blog about because i found it funny.
although it wouldn't be funny anymore.
and.. i can't remember them anymore.

ohwell i am very proud of the way i managed to eat very little today.
much thanks to my caring friends and health advisors MUS, DEREK, RENS and SHUCHUA.

was flipping through my sister's old photographs and surfing through her friends' friendster accounts (i was very very bored you see..) and the little tunnel of age seemed to make a whole lot of difference.
it was rather scary and unnerving.

all of them are in their early twenties, graduated (or gradauTING), struggling to find jobs, debating the thought of marriage, and to put it succinctly, have entered the concrete jungle we're all made to prepare for.
and to think that just a couple of years ago, they were like us; wearing school uniforms, bemoaning over homework and centred around our very sheltered lives that revolve around ourselves and invariably school.

and such a change in their appearance too!
i was recalling the sleepovers and projects my sister's friends used to have at my house, all wearing their shorts and t-shirts and the weird 90s fashion, or mugging together - just like we are now.
but currently, they are all dressed to the nines, all grown up in their neat office wear and living lives entirely different from those in secondary school and jc.

so i was trying to envision myself and my friends all grown up, in office wear, graduated/graduating, struggling to find a job, and i failed miserably.
and wondering how i'd look back on my secondary school and jc days when i'm 22, squealing over the awful clothes i used to wear and whatever screwed up hairstyles i'd adopted.

somehow, i'd always feel like a child inside.
at 7, 12 seemed so old.
at 12 it didn't seem so anymore.
at 12, 16 seemed so old.
at 16 it didn't seem so anymore.
at 16, 18 seems so old.
and when i'm 18, it probably wouldn't seem so anymore.

well, so while flipping through the transition of memories and blurry recollections to the current (and OCULAR EVIDENCE! FRIENDSTER!), i've noticed one - but very important - constant.
that despite new and foreign environments, new friends, new circumstances, the friends that are closest to them are those they've made in their teens.
my sister and her friends have been close buddies since secondary school, and even now, when they're separated by oceans and seas and time/work schedules, they're still friends.
friends that will probably last a long, long time.

and that's one thing i take comfort in.
that even as environments and circumstances change, my friends will still be my friends :)

weeeell that was stretching abit too far in the future.
first things first - PROMOS.

fiona: you know something shumin.. i think if i were a guy, i would marry a girl like you.

i am highly aware that what i'm going to say next makes me sound like a complete idiot, but that was really a reassurance against my mother's constant i-think-you-are-going-to-be-left-on-the-shelf-if-you-don't-change curses.
although fiona's reasons for wanting to marry me would probably differ from any heterosexual male but it's nice knowing that someone wants to marry me.
HUR HUR HUR :)

words are so weak.
it's rather uncanny how real life seems to have translated into things we learn in school. or rather how things in school have translated into real life.

it didn't seem probable because school and the dead textbook has always remained a different realm from whatever the living and breathing life is.
it's unnerving how there isn't a clear distinction anymore.

and how the more educated we are, the weaker we feel.
words don't seem to flow and words have no meaning anymore.
that's just what it is.
A BUNCH OF WORDS.

the golden silence has tarnished to grey
rusted into peeling words that fall away.

don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you've got til it's gone

that song's been playing in my head over and over.
and my sister left this morning :(
strange how i never really used to miss her, but now the house seems eerily empty.
there used to be the little background chatter between my mother and my sis, or even if they never said anything, the silence would be periodically interrupted by my sister yelling "shumin!" or "mummy!" over one thing or another.
the silence is one thing.
the presence is another.
i even miss seeing my sister sprawled across her bed sleeping like she always does in the afternoon.
or her daily dose of internet shopping where she'd show me all the things she'd want to buy.

all that aside, i watched Stairway to Heaven again to fill up the empty morning.
stupid lovely show reduced me to a blubbering fool yet again.
GAAAAH everyone should go watch it.
and beat up the step-mother.
i used to make random rubbish comments whenever i watched it with my sis.
now.. i'll have to keep my comments to myself.

it is a very sad wednesday.
and i didn't even get to say goodbye this morning because DUMB ME COULDN'T GET UP!
i think my mother is verrrrryvery sad.
she's very attached to my sis.

and i am not talking properly.

the ultimate pop-till-you-can't-stop snack is kerepok.
especially the fish ones, either in their large distorted shapes or fishball shapes or fish-sticks shapes.
i was lying on my bed this afternoon re-reading Regeneration (this is a real mouthful) and was happily crunching on kerepok and before i knew it THE WHOLE PACKET WAS GONE!

so today was a good day and a bad day if you look at it in different angles.
considering the awesome sleeping weather and the four hour nap i'd snagged, today was a good day.
but considering the sleeping weather and the four hour nap i'd snagged, today was a bad day.

right, was reading mich's blog and what so random about DINOSAUR questions!
i think questions like these are very healthy for the brain.
it is called thinking out of the box.
so after reading her little bit on random questions, i suddenly remembered the tiny heated debate we had in primary5 (no not michelle and i BUT my class and i) over which invention was more useful - the water closet or the toothbrush.
and i remember very clearly i stood staunchly on the side of the toothbrush while almost the ENTIRE class supported the water closet.
reason being, i'm sure i could still live relatively healthily peeing and pooing into soils or those boards with holes where all the disgusting toxins were released into the cesspool below and someone would clear it at the end of the day.
and without the toothbrush, we'd all be toothless.
and honestly, i can't think of any other instrument to clean our teeth with.

so now, thinking back on that little debate, i'm still on the side of the toothbrush, although i certainly can't imagine life without the water closet too.
let's just say, thank goodness for inventions.

oh and esther left today.
i didn't send her off cause i'm not too close to esther but i just want to say that..
esther, though we've never really been very close but there's always been that connection cause of our sisters and fellow friends.
and just wanna wish you ALL THE BEST in UK okaaaay!
and i'll miss you :(

anyway pics from my SEPTEMBER WEEKEND are up!

teachers' day yesterday was a fair mix of good and the not-so-good but rather enjoyed myself.
BHAAANGRA.
damn it.
i wish i could dance sometimes.
dancing for me is confined to the narrow perimeter of my bathroom.

had my favourite sandwiches yesterday!
there something very small and satisfying about them.
i mean that literally.
everyone should go try them.
SUN MOULIN cafe's hot panini sandwiches.

and there's something very comforting about catching up with old friends that you haven't seen in a while. i.e becky.
where you do the usual things you do without any awkward interruptions, and you can say the things you wouldn't normally say.
but yet everything just seems more special than usual because you haven't seen the person in a very long time.
so.. because becky and i didnt spend lunch together, our food intake for the day was cut considerably.
all i remember about days with becky is food, food, food.
so we indulged in abit of chocolate doughnuts, and becky had her sliced fish soup which i refrained from buying (i'm very proud of myself for this! i actually walked up to the queue but decided at the last minute not to) and even managed to squeeze in a bit of shopping.

which is probably due to the fact that i suddenly remembered i had my new flimsy pink topshop card so i felt compelled to buy something from there.
which i did.

and backtracking a little. i had a good time at partywithus.
(we were all playing with toy where you asked it a yes/no question and put your two fingers on the pad and it would answer you) so..
jame: do you think i'm hot?
toy: YES..
mich: do you think i'm hot?
toy: YES..
me: do you think i'm hot?
toy: NO..
FWAH! bad toy. BADBADTOY.

ohwell it feels strange blogging about yesterday when today is a brand new day to be discovered.
it almost feels as though there's a time lag between my mind and my body.
ohwell.
maybe i'll blog a second time tonight to get rid of the stupid time lag.

as promos approach, school days seem to take on this exhausting relaxation.
an oxymoron indeed, but that is the effect.
they pile on the work, shove sheets at you and are constantly badgering you to hand this up, hand that up and buzzing on and on in your ear that promos are coming in four weeks. but yet at the same time, they don't seem to do anything.
maybe this is attributed by the fact that there was chem spa today.
so since half the school was empty, more than half the math lect was empty, it didn't seem as though there was any school.

hmm, there is so much to look forward to in the future.
yet there is so much fear and trepidation.
the glaring realities of failed test papers (i got 6/37 for my econs essay! grawr!) and the daunting enormity of alevels; although many years down the road, in retrospect, alevels were probably just an insignificant speck of a milestone in our lives.
it half makes me want to dive back into the past and hibernate there, re-emerging as a Rip Van Wrinkle (or is it Winkle?) with more control and awareness.

but back to the future.
the future's just like those colourful square brainteaser boxes.
so pretty and simple at a glance, but so damn hard to manoeuvre.
and in the end it never turns out the way we want it to be.
but like i said, there's so much to look forward to.
if we just forget about those power-suits and totebags and fat paychecks alongside happy tottering kids and lovely husbands, there's certainly alot more to live for and experience.
so short-term it is.
like i certainly hope it's acjc holding the champion trophy for squash next year.
and i certainly wish and hope and YEARN to get promoted without having to take supplementary papers.
and a good old warm friendships and camaraderie.
but then again, even with short-term in mind, it may or may not exist.

i am feeling extremely silly of late.
disjointed thoughts coupled with awful grades does not produce a very soothing effect.

on a much lighter note, a certain someone has been rather amusing of late with her constant mispronunciations.
personally, i reckon she's really nice.
and abit more entertaining rather than irksome.
i think students don't necessarily not like her.
just like we learnt in e8.
humour is evoked in subverted expectations of archetypes.
so her mispronouncing words couple with her very unique sense of dressing evokes much humour, thus laughter in us, because of the subverted expectations.
i do feel rather bad sometimes because i really do think she's a nice woman.
really.

for a change, when i logged into blogger, i took some time off to read those words/bulletins/messages whatever they're called on the dashboard.
so this is what i read.

"Five years ago today, Blogger was launched. W00t! To celebrate, we went out for lunch."
-Biz

who's Biz? i'm assuming its the blogger maker.
must be one pretty smart guy/girl.

the thought of creating something called a weblog for everyone would have NEVER occured to me.
i don't possess enough imagination or drive.
plus the very teensy fact that my little dabbles with html are confined only to using Microsoft Frontpage.

pretending something isn't there when it obviously is, isn't going to make it go away.
for instance, my lit discursive essay.
i've pretended for a good three weeks that it isn't there.
but it's there.
and due tomorrow.
and i don't know how to do it.

pms days are very subtle.
i used to blame every little inkling and tantrum on pms.
now i know better.
and what i've identified today, yesterday and the day before, is pure pms.
i feel like my sanity is hanging on a line.
that sounded a wee bit like a depressive suicidal maniac.
but no, when i say that, i mean i actually do think i'm teetering towards a psycho.
if my nerves were frazzled yesterday, today they are positively fried.

mothers, sisters, veryverygoodfriends, annoyingpeople, nittygrittyinfo and pms do not go.
the close connection of blood and souls seem to serve as a highway for annoyance to zip through.
and as for annoying people, they are just plain annoying.
and the grits of nittygrittyinfo will soon get under my skin.

on a more pleasant note, i had a nice time eating.
and a nice time watching tv.
and a nice time talking to my sister (as long as it doesn't involve any nagging or mothers or her boyfriend) about this and that and such and so and so.

erghh! the school in russia has been taken hostage by the chechan rebels!
i think it is extremely evil and heartless to use children as bait.
already using adults is cruel enough.
using children is plain evil.
pray for them pleeaase.
poor kids :(
WHERE IS THE LOVE?!

grr.
i shall attempt to get my essay done before i sleep tonight.
PE TOMORROW!
something to look forward to :)