I've been getting lazy with my camera. I think I ought to whip out my ancient brick of a digital camera more often because looking at pictures makes me happy :)
Or maybe I should start using the bigger but better one that my dad gave me because the quality is so much sharper and clearer, and for a brief moment, I might even feel somewhat like a pro! Although truthfully, that is stretching it a little because I am a terrible photographer; shaky hands and no sense of aiming.

So yesterday, Jasmine and I went SHOPPING!!!
Ouch, I know I'm not meant to be spending money but I scored a cute cheap little dress (75% off!) and one of those cheap faux leather bags that make you feel psuedo-chic. And for more practical purposes, something I can carry and throw around without fear of ruining it.
And Jasmine.... weeell, she spent a lot of money! (Coughlaybycough) Haha.

But it was a very pleasant afternoon; relatively good weather, not too warm or too cold, with a slight breeze ruffling our hairs with equally good conversation and time well-spent.
It's funny because I think I've known Jasmine since the good old squash days but we've never exchanged more than brief salutations and awkward waves in the whole six (??) years we've known each other; but when we're both thrown in the same foreign place, not even forced together, we made deliberate effort to meet up and, excuse the cheesiness, found friendship!

And then after YF at night, it was CC'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!
The theme was Hollywood and nobody could guess my character except for Jaqui :(
I like costume parties; abit of a chore for preparation, but it puts me in such a chipper mood seeing everyone clad in alternate visions.
And there's something about being in costume that makes you feel different even for that brief moment.








Anyway, I want to watch Deathnote 2. I watched Deathnote 1 in the afternoon and now the suspense is killing me.
But I think I ought to do my tute question.
To watch or not to watch?

Hmm, is it just me or have girls suddenly gotten a lot hotter and prettier? Everywhere I go nowadays, Singapore or Brisbane, on the streets or err... facebook, I see at least one attractive girl.
And all of them are dressed impeccably; well-cut with soft straight lines, slouchy chic, carelessly casual, and some ruddy to the point where their prettiness glows!
Such aesthetics make me oddly happy because I bleed for beauty but it's also rather alarming that while girls are growing prettier and skinnier, I am heading in the opposite direction.

Anyway, I have found another love! Which will have to wait two months or maybe never (haha!)
I tried on a pair of Nudies today, just for fun. But everyone knows trying on a pair of jeans is never a trifling affair just for fun, because jeans are either It or Not, and there's no middle ground.
So yea, the moment I hauled those Nudies up and over my hips, I knew it was It. And I was half berating myself after for even letting myself try them on because now I want them!

Ohwell :(

First day of class today and I was overwhelmed by the deluge of very academic and administrative information poured over me.
And I paid almost $50 for two learning guides, NOT including textbooks. Ack!
But other than that, things at uni today were just fine :)
I even survived the arduously stretched out four hour break! With plenty of meandering chitchat, origami and my... sandwich, which I will be eating again tomorrow because I need to stop spending and start saving.

I'm really hungry. I want green curry and steamed egg.

I haven't done very much since I came back other than to meet people, buy myself the Harry Potter book and a pair of boots (on sale!).
I haven't had time alone to simply potter about in my room, read, chill and listen to music, or whatever little things people tend to do when they're alone, and all this jetlag and topsyturvy sleeping patterns are taking its toll on me because I am feeling kinda tired. Kinda.

It was one of my more eventful flights back this time simply because I decided this time I won't be like the little loser I usually am, sitting at the gate clutching my boarding pass waiting and boring myself to death, but I would prowl through the shops and buy something.
I knew I was deliberately stretching time out, trying to feel like a person who had something to do with her time, and while I was standing at the counter, very pleased that I'd decided to buy myself something (slate eye pencil), they began the final call for my flight!
Ugh, so anyway, once the cashier had finished waiting for my receipt to click its way out of the machine, I literally ran all the way to Gate 34.
I wasn't the last, thankfully, but I was almost the last.
And second little eventful thing was that I sat next to Debbie on my flight! I've never sat next to anyone I know, or even someone below the age of 25 for that matter, on a flight before.

Anyway, I got to meet up with May, Lise, Angie, GY and some of the other YFers which is more people than I expected to meet over the weekend.
I even had an awesome taste of homecooked food at May's; and speaking of cooking, I've had no desire to start doing my magic (or lack thereof haha) over a pan because I've been feeling too tired, too lazy, and too undomesticated.
I haven't even vacuumed my room, unpacked properly, or thrown my clothes into the washing machine yet.

Everything at church today impacted me so powerfully.
I've been struggling quite a little ever since I'd been back to Singapore, fighting to be set apart from this world, grappling with my own sin and finding it difficult to listen to God's voice and pray properly.
And everything today from the songs we sang, the prayers prayed, the sermon preached, spoke to my heart so powerfully; it brought my guilt and shame to light and had it washed away by His blood, rebuked my too easily satisfied human desire and encouraged me that Jesus is the sweetest, best, most beautiful and holy treasure we have.

I remember I woke up this morning, tired and drained from busyness and even the little nagging guilt at not spending enough time with God at the back of my head, and as I waited for GY to pick me up, I prayed a short little prayer, something like God, help me! I need you. I need you to convict me and help me change! My little bleak cry for help.
I felt led once again to Romans 8 about life by the Spirit, by whom I am controlled and guided, and because of death on the cross by Jesus, we are transformed and obligated to live holy lives according to Spirit of God!

Sometimes I think I lack that reverent fear of God's word and do not treasure Him enough.
It's something I pray for all the time, that I may know Him so intimately and so well, that God in all His indescribable glory and the fullness of Him will be shown to me daily, all the time and I may live in reverent fear and love towards him as He continues to change me to be more like Him.

I managed to cinch the earlier flight back to Brisbane so by Thursday night I'd be off in the skies before landing in Brisbane at a very bleary hour of 6am (Brisbane time).
I'm excited to go back but I can't help but feel this little twinge because despite all my griping, I've come to realise that sometimes it simply takes a little more time, a little more effort before things slip into place and any inkling of normalcy or familiarity returns.
I'd come back in an expectant hurry, swept up a cloud of dormant dust, and now I'm leaving just as the bits are starting to settle.

In between all that flying and changing of flights, Laura packed and returned to New Zealand on Saturday :(
But not before we had a ChompChomp chowfest at Michelle's complete with a gaggly group of girls and their endless stream of school girl stories and Grease.
I love that movie and in my own lame, simplistic way, I wish my life was a neverending stream of Grease soundtracks!

I HEART GIRLS!

Marc booked out on Saturday so it was a TOT lunch in Holland V and army stories from the man who is now tanned a very healthy shade of brown with only a downy fuzz sprouting over his head!
I managed to spend a good hour or so at Laura's watching her pack and kissing her goodbye before she left for the airport!

LOVE YOU!

And I know I said no more shopping but I felt this sudden rush of liberation and urgency that I only had two days left in Singapore so I should (...can?) spend money!
The Slimbean and I scoured through the shops and I was super annoyed because all the shoes I wanted to buy all didn't come in my size and I ended up buying things that I didn't need but I'm starting to think I like very much!
And I finally caught TRANSFORMERS!!! Now I know what everyone was raving on about because I spent a good two hours and a half on the edge of my seat with my fingers clamped around Eggtart's arm because the excitement was simply too much to bear!

I think I spent my last official day of going out in Singapore rather fruitfully.
Fiona and I met up for a couple of hours doing what we do best, eating and (window) shopping, before Ponytail came and again we did what we do best, eating and cracking lame jokes and (window) shopping.
Met almost everyone at night except Mich who couldn't get out of camp (SAD!) for my last taste of authentic Singaporean food!

It's gonna be packing and more packing (today); and I'm gonna face the ritual struggle of whether or not I need this and that and whether my bag will be overweight. I must say, the worst thing I hate about travelling other than the twinge of homesickness is that awful process of tucking bits and pieces of your life into a suitcase and hauling them out, fitting them into the crevices of a different life.
Or very, very simply, I hate deciding what I need and do not need.

My hair is freshly washed and I feel clean, but it feels like there's an awkward little bubble of air lodged uncomfortably in my air passages; I want to belch out loud in the most unbecoming, un-ladylike way but I can't and it's annoying.

My dad's been trying to get me the earlier flight back to Brisbane because uni starts on the 23rd and I am going back at a very overdue date of 25th, but everything's held in limbo: waiting lists, checkbacks and whatnot, and it's making me broil with impatience! Simply because I can't make any concrete plans and I want to make sure I've time to buy myself some lovely shoes and spend time with lovely people.

I've never really liked uncertainty, and lately everything seems caked with this vague, ambiguous word that lends no meaning but yet says everything I cannot possibly carve out in coherence. Yikeees.
I think all this pent up anxiety is stemmed from the very trifle fact that I do not know when I'm flying back and err well.. other things I suppose, the usual humdrum: dismal grades, foggy future, the ephemeral transience ... .. .. ...................... ..

ANYWAY, the best part is, even though I worry a little, I know I don't have to worry at all.
I remember during YM camp last year, Stella was talking about how if we believe the Bible to be the true word of God, and if it says "Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life..." (Matthew 5:25 -), then it means we really have nothing to worry about at all! And it's as simple as that.
When I was younger, I used to translate that as immediate material blessings: lots and lots of good friends, good grades, lots of pocket money, etc.
And maybe even now, I subconsciously do, and without all that physical, tangible things present before my eyes, I start to worry.

I was reading Daniel 3 the other day, the bit where King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold and commanded that all had to bow to this idol, and if anyone didn't, he'd be thrown into the fiery furnace.
What struck my heart the most was when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego said to the king, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
I was simply blown away by those very words, because what great faith and trust they had in our Lord!
That no matter what, they knew God in all his awesome sovereignty was in control and had nothing to fear because they were right before the Lord.

I think one thing I grappled so much with this holiday that I'm back was the certainty of things, or uncertainty of things, more like.
The rearranged parameters, the struggle to die to myself, the fight to cling on to familiarity.
But like it says in Philippians 3: 7-9, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everythign a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of konwing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ, and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

I felt this verse being reaffirmed, and spelt out so eloquently in Desiring God (John Piper) when he'd quoted the works of C.S Lewis:
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

By that great faith that we have in Jesus Christ, I pray that my heart will be changed continually as I learn to lay down my life for Him with joy and gladness!

I've finally managed to squeeze a little time to wedge my behind in a chair and blog properly - with a whole slew of photos!
After getting back from Hong Kong, it's been a whirlwind of food, family and friends and I am very grateful to God for that warm camaraderie and activity.
It's been a little unsettling trying to adjust back to life in Singapore, but through the little insecurities, God's been reminding me to persevere and trust because He's the God of everything and my only joy and peace can be found in Him! :)

Anyway, on to HONG KONG; the bustling Asian tiger which never sleeps!
It was my third time in Hong Kong, although it felt very much like my first because any semblance of Hong Kong I have has slipped through the cracks of my memory.
It was a very good trip, but I can quite safely say I don't think Hong Kong is my kind of place because they walk and talk far too fast and the atmosphere though fascinatingly electric, is much too frenetic for my liking.
But the food was fabulous.

Our first night in Hong Kong, we ate at a lovely restaurant which served the best taohuay I've ever eaten in my life. I'm not a huge taohuay fan but this was simply lovely! We spent the night trawling through the streets of I-don't-know-where, walking til our legs wanted to give way. Truthfully, that's what we did everyday. Eat, walk, shop.

THE GNs :)

The fabulous taohuay

Full out shopping on the second day! Although I've no idea where we went; everything was under my Aunt's recommendation. We had dimsum at Zen which served the best e-fu noodles I've ever had, and again I'm not a very dimsum person but it was honestly very good and I literally poured everything down my throat.

On our way to dinner (at the best roast goose place I've EVER eaten, and I'm not a very roast goose person), we saw Hong Kong celebrities! Although I had no idea who they were. But my parents recognised them, which makes me think that they're sufficiently famous :P

Gn Sisters :)

We were too busy tearing at the meat that I didn't have time to take a proper picture.


Day number THREE! I don't think we've ever walked so much before. And eaten so much before. I remember being so hungry that I didn't even bother to take any pictures of food, or any pictures for that matter. I think Day 3 was possibly one of the best days, with all of us going home our bags heavier and pockets lighter and our tummies fuller.

We were even seen squatting (very unglamorously) at the roadside, digging into the hugest dish of mango pudding I've ever seen and shovelling it into our mouths at record speed. We also had a very delish Shanghainese dinner which served a very delicate dish of cold tofu with century egg spread very liberally over the top. It was my favourite :) But, err yes, again no pictures because I ate it far too quickly.

And I've no pictures whatsoever of Day 4. All I remember of the last day was my sister and I dashing through Central trying to find H&M and spending a glorious two hours inside. I was a little disappointed at the stuff but it was still fairly decent.

I think my favourite parts of Hong Kong were the french toast, bolawpao and beef brisket noodles which I ate almost everyday for breakfast. I never want to eat any other kind of french toast ever again, except the ones made Hong Kong style.

F for Family

And then it is life back in SINGAPORE!
So far, it's been lunches and dinners, Harry Potter, idling my time away at Laura's and gorging on pizza slices and cupcakes, ice cream at Holland V where for some reason, we saw everyone.