is it contradictory to hold on and let go at the same time?
lately, i've been feeling liberated but attached all at once.
and i've also been feeling _ _ _ _ _ _ for some reason.

stagnation has to be one of the most awful things ever because it's hanging in limbo.
it's never bad enough for you to claw your way out of it but neither is it good enough for you to feel happy about life.

the irony of the frantic mugging is that i seem to have more time to think and muse to myself.
or maybe, my brain juices flow faster.
or maybe my life is reduced to boring nothingness so i've more time to delve into randomness.

i was thinking of all the things i wanted to do/accomplish after A levels.
and i had these huge visions of painting scrap pieces in my room and developing my erm.. more creative side.
then it led me to wonder what it'd be like if i was a designer.
but then, i never did art.
and i'm not brilliant at it, but i don't think i suck too bad..?

this reminds me of the time last year right before promos when i wouldn't stop making friendship bands and sewing.
oh yes, and bashing the piano keys.
i think my piano has improved the most last year during the exam period when i wouldn't stop playing jaychou songs.

and the strangest thing is, when i had plenty to blog about in my study-free months, the words were bereft of me.
but then now, when there is evidently nothing happening in my dreary life, i seem to be able to type endlessly.

ok. time to stop.

hot days DO NOT EQUAL productive days.
wanted to go to heaven (my favourite secret studying spot in school) to study today, BUT THEN, the school now disallows it!
so i had to stick it out on earth and the sun was shining on my back and it was soooo hoooot.

ok, there's nothing much to blog about nowadays because every single day is a boring day that revolves around studying and is stuffed full with work.
oh yes, i think the realisation that my lit standard is completely peanuts was blown up right in front of me today when i read sharlene's A+ ESSAY!
i was blown away; she's so good; i don't see how it's even distinctly possible for me to hit an A.
but then, i am an optimist.

and this sounds quite stupid but having covered Book1 of Return of the Native, i keep thinking that Eustacia Vye is like Angelina Jolie; Damon Wildeve, Brad Pitt; and Thomasin Yeobright, Jennifer Aniston.
and everytime i read about them, visions of Angelina Brad and Jennifer keep popping up in my head.

oh yes and in my utter boredom, i did an animal trivia quiz! so i'll share some of the cool facts i learnt today.

Did you know...

that a meerkat can dig through a quantity of sand equal to its own weight in a matter of seconds? (eric, if you're reading this, this is for you heh heh)

koala means "no water" in Aborigine? but then koalas DO drink water.

that there is such a bird called the Blue Footed Booby?

that the original name of a butterfly was called a flutterby?

no two zebras have stripes that are alike?

that a cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime?

that a crocodile cannot stick its tongue out?

ok, that's enough cool animal facts for today.
more tomorrow.. if you want.

jin: whats an OFS?!

hy: in troubled times of exam turmoil, WE ARE NOT ALONE! hurhur, loveya grumps.

hrrrmm..
pms seems to be affecting a different part of my mind/body these past few days so every day i feel like a different person!

in the midst of my mini identity crisis today, i lost my captain's badge.
for a whole period, i felt as though my identity had been stripped.
i bought an AC badge to wear and felt better.
but then, i still feel a lack of individuality.
guess i now have to join the lost-captain's-badge-club
in the midst of exam and identity turmoil, it's nice to know you're not alone.

good thing i had enough narcissitic sense to take photos of my squash badge a couple of months ago.

so now, at least i have a decent memory of what i used to have

there's so much to do and so little time..
WHY WASN'T I MORE ORGANIZED?! :(

stella: you owe me mail! update me please :)

jin: that's cos your tag was so high up i couldn't be bothered. just fyi, there are many different kinds of shoeboxes in my room! i don't allocate special shoeboxes to special things. the shoebox becomes special cos of special things. hurhur, how to be your SF when you already have one!

in the past few days i have

- eaten the best chocolate cake in the world omgomg!
- studied at study camp area aka sue's house
- gone out for the LAST time
- gone crazy over the enormous amount of math formulas (which i still cannot remember)
- kickboxed
- grown fat(ter)
- grown uglier (eyebags, pimples, you name it)
- been damn tired

other than that, this was what i was feeling in the past few days.

ALSDH;103974901823RKJS&^$*&!#^()$*ydfkjHDKSAJHshiiiiiiit0Q287(*&#()*lkjglkskdjAKJDFJKDJLSKDstudystudystressaASLKD)*723988YUE09R8hds)*&*%^&@#hdsfsjkHFJKSLHD(*y#*(rrrrrrrsdhl#w(*ryJSAHF;ASDHF(&^*&)^@&#^%)(*LA;SDJFDKA;SDLKJFLDKJLF(@#*pms

on a very good note,

i was productive yesterday AND today :)

today went through random phases of badgoodbadgoodbadgood.
felt feverish with a nagging headache in the morn which was quite annoying because i didn't feel sick enough to rest and feel dead but neither did i feel well enough to do anything throughout the day!
but thanks to twisties, strawberry SOURPOWER (the best!) and extra beef in my beef hor fun, the school day wasn't too bad :)

sometimes don't you wonder why you feel such inexplicable sensations.
sensations where.. ok i'm in no mood to describe it actually.
let's just say it's very irritating, errodes part of my self-worth and i wonder am i that depreciate-able.
:(

on another note, i had a really good night! 4B2reunion/michelleloh's birthday surprise!

alina and i; childhood friends!


FIONA AND BECKY! i miss you two like sheeeeat.

ta and rage, the two pro musicians


michelleloh! birthday girl :)



and guess who i bumped into? OWEN CHONG HAAOWEN!


good food (erm, maybe) and good company :)

i was listening to my Jack Johnson albums today and there was this song i downloaded sometime ago called Better Together and it makes me all happy but yet whimsical at the same time.
and in a very very cheesy way, i know at some point of time i've thought all those things and did those things.
a little bit of nostalgia.

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together (mmm)

I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together

-Jack Johnson, Better Together

sometimes i think it's just the company.
it's nice knowing that while you're in shit, there's someone to be there with you in shit.
while you're in good times, there's someone to be there with you through the good times.
somehow, it makes it seem all better.
better two than one.
and this is really random, but i keep shoeboxes full of things.

important ones in my drawer, not so important ones on the floor.

sick, i am getting.
timing, it's no good :(

anyway today Al was super funny.
we were in class during math and Al bought a pack of biscuits (those with the coloured sugared frosting on top).
Al: hey man, i've come up with a new version of the pocky game. (the pocky game is when you try and scrape all the cream off the stick without breaking it with your mouth)
Soozie&I: oh, what is it?
Al: you see, you lick the sugar off the biscuit and see who can dissolve it the fastest. (starts demonstrating and concentrating on licking off the sugar.)
Soozie&I: hahahaha! YUCKS AL, i hope you know it looks damn sick.
Al: no! what so sick about it? i mean the pocky game also what!
Soozie&I: no al!
Al: yaah, i mean look at it! (starts demonstrating by moving the 'pocky stick' in and out of his mouth) It's like the female version man!
Soozie&I: (pause) OMG! AL! hahahahaha!
Al: i bet you guys were thinking that right!
Soozie&I: NO!
that was seriously damn funny, i couldn't stop laughing!

we found a new (secret/ornotsosecret?) spot to study today.
it has brilliant study fengshui!
i managed to complete quite abit.
i hope it lasts.

ok, i seriously hate getting sick :(

ok, so last night's post was bordering on melodramatic but i was feeling E to the MO.
and after a good/notsogood(?) bawling session over the phone last night i am feeling much much better.

had the runs this morning and since i figured i'd be late for school, i decided to head straight back to sleep.
nowadays, all i seem to do is sleep, sleep, sleep.
the moment my head touches the pillow, i sleep; irregardless whether or not i'm sleepy.

mm, there's still alot to think about, but right now i rather not think.
had too much to think last night and all i want to do right now is some mindless shopping.

and i really WANT to study, but i cannot!
it's so so so frustrating (x10!) because one by one the weeks to prelims get ticked off and now it's hovering at 3half weeks!
not alot of time at all!
and i have more than a year's math to cover!
i've more than half of econs notes (not including all the econs mcq i have to review) to cover!
i've Othello to refresh (and memorise quotes..)!
i've Anthony and Cleopatra to refresh (more quotes to memorise..)!
i've Return of the Native to complete (and memorise..)!
i've E8 and E4 skills i badly need to brush up!

ohdear, i am feeling very very lost now :(

somebody saaaaaave me..

my day today abided Murphy's Law; weeell, to a certain extent.
and it was enough to turn me into a certified grump for the rest of the day.

- forgot to bring my wallet AND phone to school :( i felt crippled and lost.
- was late for school
- forgot to bring my forex notes for econs
- ABANDONMENT by my favseatbuddy soozie..
- i lost my freeagggggggin water bottle. it wasn't even 3 months old.

so anyway, based on the series of unfortunate events in the morning, i was bracing myself all day to get picked on either in prince's class or tancc's class.
because it's the only natural way for a bad day to go!
but then.. i didn't :)
hurhurhur.

it must be the weather or something, because i cannot stop eating.
even when i'm not hungry, i feel compelled to pour something warm down my throat because i'm freezing.
and throughout the course of the day, i cannot stop snacking.
it doesn't help that my kitchen is currently very well-stocked and the canteen has started selling kitkats these past few weeks.
there's nothing a kitkat can't cheer up!

there seems to be a loss of direction lately.
i'm usually pretty sure of where i want to go and why is it i do the things i do, but lately, i've been feeling just a little aimless.
and empty.

and i wonder if my life is more than this.
sometimes i think i've forgotten what it's like to smile a real smile and laugh a real laugh and live a real life.
i'm just breathing, walking and talking everyday, but i don't feel as though i'm living.
it's almost as if i'm biding my time, waiting and waiting.
for what?
good question, i'm not too sure myself; maybe for life to turn around.
clinging on to shreds of hope and the subconscious optimism that there are better things out there.

as we grow older, we become just that little bit more cynical.
and the irony of growing older is that as we step out into the big world, our lives shrink and close up.
when we were young, life was full of possibilities.
but the older we get, it seems as though time is slowly maxing out the possibilities of our lives.

lately, there seems to be no outlet for release.
and i always did.
i always had a medium of some sort, a friend to pour an insignificantly significant woe to, something or someone to make me feel like it'd be all right.
but now, i feel choked.
there's so much i don't end up saying, there's so much i'm ignoring, there's so much i choose not to think, but it's in there, rotting and festering and choking me up.

you know how when you don't think about things, they remain a crumpled jumbled mess, so there's nothing glaring at you?
well, that's exactly what i'm doing.

and it's gotten too murky for me to find my way through.

i couldn't blog yesterday for some reason so i couldn't wish my mother A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (it was yesterday)

celebrating her birthday on saturday was a really good idea because there were NDP rehearsals at the padang so while we were having dinner at a rooftop barbeque restaurant, the sky was suddenly awashed with fireworks!
what a way to spend a birthday :)
and it was truly a fab night; good food, good company, good atmosphere.

except halfway during the night, i suddenly felt really melancholy.
because while i was silently eating, they started playing Heaven Knows followed by Dreaming of You and all the other sad ass songs.

and after that we went KTVING!
but they only let me sing TWO jaychou songs; which is okay because i had heaps of fun belting out BeeGees and Beatles and the Mamas and the Papas..
and my mother is one awesome ktver.
she's like another matt.

our rooftop barbeque!


gorgeous fireworks


family :) checkout my pretty sister!


cousins in height order


KTVING!


my favourite aunt and i


and i think my cousin is soo cute! i think he'll grow up to be QUITE goodlooking.


school today was allright.
the weather was chilly and somewhat blustery and for a long mo i thought i'd be down with a fever.
kickboxing is getting TOO TIRING for my old aching bones and wrinkled lungs, i was extremely tired after the session.
and for the first time in a long while, we ponned class because we were too tired to brave the rain from the main building to the NLs.

this is really random, but i really like sitting next to soozie :)

oh yes, and there was this girl singing for us during chapel and she's from australia and she is SO PRETTY.
after chapel, when she was sitting outside the canteen, i just stood by the table and stared and stared and stared because she was so so pretty!

ok, i hate how i start blogging with a relatively clear idea of what i want to say, but because i end up talking to people and listening to music, i completely lose my train of thought.
ARGH.

i was reading some of my entries last year and i am mildly shocked at my deterioration in writing skills.
i seemed somewhat more capable at expressing myself last year.

i think i've reached a point in time where i'm devoid of any extreme emotion.
perhaps not devoid, but i can't seem to grab the emotion by its horns and consolidate them into real words.
lately, it seems better to numb my insides and obliterate all thoughts because everything becomes so much easier to bear.
it's almost like taking a whole burden and packaging it into a small traveller's size box, then tucking it away in the corners of your brain.

ohwell, today was SAINT IRRITATION to the maximum.
sometimes, pettiness is unbelievable and i feel an inkling of a need to rectify it, but yet i have even more of a need to leave it be.
pissed, i am.

and oodles of laughter during recess as usual with the girls.
candice, as usual, never fails to crack me up hurhur.
we came up with a new way of swearing with our elbows.

and lunch with lesley rage schan and michloh after was pretty good.

i miss eating non-school food on school days.

weird dream last night.
dreamt we were in the ACJC building and it was an international school.
we were at the void deck and there was sudden news of terrorists planting a bomb in the school.
everyone was in a flurry and i was running around with mich sue rage and jame and my sister(?).
then the bomb exploded in one of the drains and apparantly there was this girl stuck inside (she happened to be some girl i was arguing with during math class or smth like that. she doesn't exist in real life)
everyone was so worried about her so all her angmo friends dashed to the drain to see if she was still alive and she was only mildly injured.
then the carried her out and started chanting in one long row out of school WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!
ok told you it was a weird dream.

anyway was just thinking, everyone wants to be just that little bit prettier, slimmer, sexier, hotter.. you get my drift.
because by the world's standards, if we're just that little bit better looking, opportunities come in abundance.
you could pursue a career in modeling or acting, people are imperceptibly more drawn to you and that makes things a whole lot easier.
even my dad says so.
he said, in the world out there, it's more important for a girl to be pretty than smart.
because you might not be cleverer than the pigarseface who sits next to you, but then with a prettier face, there's a tendency for you to get the deals.

which is probably why so many people seek to have that perfect face or perfect body.
and now modern technology gives them the solution: plastic surgery.

and i used to think plastic surgery was okay and i wouldn't mind going for it if i had the dough.
but then after watching I Want a Famous Face yesterday, i think i'd NEVER EVER go for plastic surgery.
and it's not for any ethical, moral reasons whatsoever, but simply because i don't think i could stand the pain and the idea of my body being manhandled so ruthlessly is inconceivable.
watching the show was seriously O.M.G.
the way the doctor sluiced the skin using the long knife, slicing it IN OUT IN OUT.. all i did was cringe and close my eyes.

and when they wheeled the girl out of the operating theatre, she was in so much pain her tears never ceased to flow and she murmured This is so not worth it..
however, later on, when she was examining her much bigger and fuller boobs and slimmer liposuctioned thighs, she kept gushing This is SO worth it. I'd never have to stuff my bra again or feel inferior when i enter bikini competitions..

and it just made me wonder is that really the only way we seem to be measured?
how we look?
that our lives can turn around just by changing our bra size?!
i find many imperfections in the way i look and if i could painlessly rectify it, i'd fix this and that and this and that.
just like those photoshop things, a swipe of a mouse and the freckle is gone.
but it seems so superficial to measure things that way.
and even all the more superficial and low to measure ourselves that way.
we only think we look worse because we always compare with the person next to us.

and i guess sure, being pretty helps a whole lot.
but then i don't think being just that little bit prettier will turn things around.
maybe it'll drive our lives down a different direction, but we might not be happy.

and right now, i don't want to be just that little bit prettier, slimmer, sexier, hotter, etc.
i just want to be just that little bit sweeter and better inside.

i tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter

i am getting increasingly lazy to blog and my goldfish memory is rapidly coming back.
productivity is at an all time low.
and today i was dead sleepy and i've no idea why.

today jame came up with a new analogy/theory.
it's called.. (OKAY, it seriously deserves a long pause because when she told me i paused for a really long time).. Love Inelasticity of Demand/Supply.
it was one of those things where upon hearing, the first reaction is to cringe but then you realise it does make quite alot of sense.

attempts to study after school weren't very good.
i ended up sitting at the bleachers with zach and rens and falling asleep on my bag.
and just a really random thought, but i think the world looks lovely sideways.
i was lying with my head on my bag and the green field peppered with soccer players in coloured shirts against the backdrop of the blue sky just looked really pretty sideways.
the wind was blowing and everything looked elongated and i felt really peaceful.

and now i'm just wondering if i should listen to nigel's FREEEFREEFREEEFREEFREEEE advice and stay home tomorrow.

tonight feels like a really nice night, somehow.

exactly 5 weeks to go.
i think i'll start studying in school after school from now on.
today i stayed back in school to study with turts and it was relatively productive; considering how if i'd gone home i'd have headed straight for the bed.

today was quite a good day even though there were 3 pmsey girls and 1 highly chipper girl around me.

- first session of body combat! very very tiring doing kickboxing and muaythai and the pushup combo. i only liked the taichi part.
oh yes and the gay instructor liked Al alot, he kept standing in front of Al and talking to him.
- ostranaut, hurhur i seriously think this is damn funny :)
- me doing my good deed cause i cheered up the pmsey girls by singing bao bei dui bu qi, bu shi bu ai ni..
- jame and my duet Oh Romeo give me a chance, Nuhuh Tiegen i don't need a girlfriend! that song makes me veryvery happy for some reason.
- today i wrote on turts file "HI! STUDY HARD!" and i wrote the date and time. and guess what? the time was 7:11pm and the date was 11/7! i was so terribly fascinated!

lately, i'd like to obliterate everything else and think about exams. ONLY.
and free myself from the chains that hold me back.

it always takes two hands to clap and i think i've done my part.
it's good to never stop trying, which is what i tend to always do because i hate giving up.
but then sometimes, you just have to know when to stop trying.
and i think now is the time.
it's time to try something new.

STUDYSTUDYSTUDYSTUDY.

5weeks my friends :)

yesterday was the most exercise i've gotten in more than a month.
arts games was quite fun and i finally got to meet my juniors who are all quite nice actually.
although i can't remember any of their names.
and i didn't get to stay long enough to play twister and we were last year's Arts Games AND AC games twister champs!

lesley's birthday at treetops after was good.
because it was fun hanging with the mg girls again.
and seeing JOAAAAAN after ages was simply absolutely brill :)

and my sister is back!
today was the first day where i actually got to spend time with her.
and for the first time in our lives, she's finally heavier than me! she put on THREE KG!

it's so much nicer having my sister around.
i've missed her so much.
her room doesn't resemble a morgue anymore and there's always someone to talk to and be a retard with.

and today, my sister called me her boyfriend's name.
sister: (shouting from her room) isn't this cute, Jim?!
me: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!
sister: err i mean shumin!
she must have been very used to calling his name 24/7 while she was in the states.

in all randomness, i seriously need to up my productivity.

everyone, please pray for the victims in london.
and pray for peace in this world.

corporate prayer tonight at 10pm!

let God shower his peace on all of us and may He put his healing hand on those in london.

the prayers of two are better than the prayers of one.

6 weeks to prelims and i can't safely say i'd be prepared by then.
but then there is something oddly comforting about exams.
somehow everything else seems to fade and reduce in importance.

and i'm really glad that God has picked me up again.
on monday, i picked a fight with God.
i was so angry with Him, i yelled in my heart and even told Him i hated Him.
i cried and cried til i thought my heart would burst.

but then sometimes, there's no use fighting with Him.
because after crying and hurting and feeling like a fool, i gave up trying to fight with God because there was NO WAY i was gonna win.
and i was still feeling a little pissed so i told God OKAY! you got me into this, you get me out. i wash my hands off it, i leave it to you. I TRUST YOU OKAY!

and the whole of tuesday, i was still feeling mad.
and repressed.
you know how it gets when you numb your feelings so you can try and obliterate all your feelings so you simply won't care?

anyway today, it washed itself all over me again.
but it wasn't anger anymore.
and i'm so grateful for all those that God has put into my life.
especially rens who has always been there with a prayer for me.
and even the unlikeliest people.
today rens val krys and i sat down and prayed together.
and seriously, i never thought i'd sit down with val and krys and pray together.

and just knowing that He is working in my life, makes me feel so much better.
there were those couple of days when i felt that God wasn't doing anything with my life.
He was there, listening, but doing nothing.
so i got really mad.
but then He was doing something.
i just couldn't see it.

and today val brought up a really important question.
are we really convicted by Christ?
am I really convicted?

and you know, i really am.
there may be times when i'm angry with God, but never for a second have i doubted that He is real and Jesus is my saviour.
when i let myself slow down and seek Him, i can hear Him speaking to me.
when i was at my lowest, His word really jumped out at me.
and at that moment, i was seriously abit.. freaked.
and when i see Him working in the lives of others and i feel Him working in my life, i know He's real.

and it may seem very stupid at times when i say God spoke to me because sometimes I'm not even sure if it's just my conscious or i'm just telling myself God is saying that to me.
but then the night i got really pissed with God, it was because i asked Him a question and He said no!
at first i was thinking God, is it really you, or is it just me?!
but then it was said in that tone of voice, you know, that firm NO. your mom gives you when you keep asking and asking and asking and she says no in many different tones and voices, basically cos she wants you to shut up.
and feeling that conflict, i seriously knew that wasn't me and it was God, because you know when you're fighting with yourself and when you're fighting with God.

anyway, it doesn't seem like a very good example, but then it was really Him you know?
and i must say it was the first time i've argued with God in my life.
and even though at that point of time i was so mad and after that i was half worrying that God was really angry with me, when i finally just let God take control, i must say it was quite satisfying because.. i knew He was there.

and He's always been there :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

MUFFIN! THE CUTEST DOG IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

even though she loves to pee.

I LOVE MUFFIN

<3

did you know..
that soozie's dogs have got hot pink diamante collars and gucci caps?!
i was speechless.
but they are sooo cute.

sunday was a day well spent with friends and more.
had lunch with gab, hwh, jin and philip before rushing home for tuition.
then it was AAgirls stayover at soozie's!

like i said before, if i lived in soozie's house, i'd be a very very fat girl.
from last night til about 5 today, i don't think we've stopped eating.
and the food at sooz's house is VERY good.

watched Romy and Michele's High School Reunion which in my opinion is a very dumb but funny stayover show.
watching it made me wonder if ten years down the road, my best pals would still be my best pals.
if there's one thing i realised, it's that no matter how far your good friends have drifted, in your heart they'd always remain your best friends because of the wonderful friendship and memories you've had.

anyway i was dead tired today.
because i slept so badly.
we dumped many huge cushions on the floor to form our 'bed' and the region where i slept there were so many holes!
and my pillow just so happened to be resting on two uneven cushions so whenever i lay on it, my head would roll along the slope and hit the floor.
also, because huiying and i were sharing a blanket (which was actually a bedsheet that we used as blanket), she had this great idea of 'trapping' ourselves inside the elastic so we'd be safe and snuggled up.
but the brilliant thing about this plan is that I COULDN'T STRETCH MY LEGS!

so i spent the whole night trying not to snatch too much of the blanket and waking up periodically with my face on the floor and aching back and butt because of the holes and cramped legs.

today was meant to be a study day and everyone was very productive but me.
especially in the morning because i was sooo tired.
but then i think after lunch my engine was working much better because i managed to finish one tutorial and Market Structures today.

ok, this is a very no brainer, dry and rambly post.
i am feeling very much like the above.

yesterday i finally caught Initial D and it was so so good.
in my opinion at least.
because it's the kind of movie where i know it's not worth it to pay to watch another time but i'll still do it.
so that makes it a good movie already :)
especially all the car racing scenes and pedalings and JAAAYCHOU.
and shawn yue.

i would mention edison except there were these china girls sitting behind me and EVERY TIME edison's face came up they'd go hao shuai ah! hao shuai ah!.
like, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
and edison's face came up alot alot of times.

after that we popped back to school for passionAC which was pretty good.
i think i went mentally prepared because i knew there was alot i needed to unburden and let go in my heart.
there was alot of uncertainty and questioning, doubt and dejection that i'd been holding inside.
and i wanted to let it all go so much because i couldn't hold it in any longer, and i didn't want to.
but then, the heart is a preeetty tricky organ.

and this morning my father woke me up at 7am (!!!) so we could go and take photos.
and since my dad is the hobbyist of a photographer with the cool camera and interchangeable lenses and tripod stand etc etc, and i was the one with the less pro camera that my father gave me with no experience whatsoever, so these are my better noob attempts!
hurhur :)









my dad the hobbyist photographer!



hurhur checkitout, i happen to think i look mighty tall here :)

ok my eyebags are now currently the size of two mount everests.
i think i'm going back to bed.
byebye.

I bought a suitcase and embarked on a journey. I didn't know where I'd go or where I'd end up. But on my journey, I met interesting people and experienced wonderful moments. With every step of the way, I'd stash a little souvenior or some beautiful clothing or jewelry into my suitcase. After many years, I'd built up a large collection, every single one a precious treasure.

One fine day, when I was atop the mountain listening to the songs of sweetness and breathing the breath of beauty, I tripped and fell into the crashing waves below. I struggled in the foamy water, the weight of my full suitcase weighing me down. I couldn't swim properly.

I called for help. I prayed for help. I prayed for a miracle.

Suddenly, the Wind whisked me out of the water and sailed me across the sky.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"On another journey," the Wind said. "It's time for you to move on elsewhere."

The Wind tried to float me across on it's rippling breezes but the weight of the suitcase was pulling me downwards.

"Let go of your suitcase!" the Wind called. "Or you'll never get across!"

"I can't!" I yelled back. "If I do, I'll never know when I'll find the opportunity to wear the beautiful clothes and jewelry or touch the precious souveniors ever again."